Need help with my 10year old

I would start with charting. See if one week is worse than the other due to PMS. If you find a routine in her chart …sad one week, mad the next, bad behavior the next then talk to her about trying to control the small things first. Let her know her feelings are valid BC she may not understand and things like communication goes a long way. Let her know its okay to say hey you guys ive had a bad day can i have 30 minutes alone to just unwind. Hopefully that helps. If not …i would defiantly seek a therapist as some kids hold many things in because of fear of disappointment or no one understanding what they are going through. Good luck!!

Welcome to parent ho9d

Welcome to Hormone Hell!

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I have the same situation with my 9yo, he constantly is in a bad mood especially with his sister she’s 4, anyway yesterday I was talking to him about his behavior like I have many times, they change for about a week then the drama starts again, I have thought about a doctor too

Puberty. Such a blessing :persevere::joy:

Probably to start with, ask her if anything is troubling her at school. Is someone bullying her that could be making her this angry? Check in with her teacher, too. Get her an appointment with her regular doctor. Try to get a referral to a behavioral pediatrician. Keep asking questions with each doctor until you get to the bottom of what is going on. Is it related to hormones? Is it related to any vitamin or mineral deficiency? Get labs done which she will hate but you need to uncover all possibilities. If it is more psychological then get her into seeing a therapist and/or a psychiatrist.

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Surprise! Your kid isn’t an obedience robot, she’s her own person. If you try treating her like she’s a unique person with her own thoughts and feelings, that will be a start.

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To be honest all I can think about around that age my body was going through hormonal changes as I got my period at 11. This could be a factor. Also, just try to do things with just HER even if it is once a week so she doesn’t feel so left out. I have a little one who’s just over 2.5 and it’s a busy wild stage, so she’s probably jealous. In addition I’m not sure where you got your information about the drug part but if that’s something you are concerned about definitely seek professional advise rather than what you see on the internet.

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Start with therapy. At least give her a safe place to talk and both of you can listen with better years

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Maybe she’s feeling left out with having 2 smaller siblings who require more attention. Maybe some 1 on 1 time everyday would help.

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My anxiety presents as aggression. I do the random yelling when I’m anxious too :joy: maybe check on her mental health

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She has onset hormone poisoning. Welcome to the teenage years. Find a solution… QUICK. something that will work specifically for her. Yes, unfortunately, she is too old for spankings… but don’t tell her that !!!

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Spend some time with her by yourself and talk about her feelings and be a good listener and tell her about hormones and the changes that are going on in her body maybe some one on one attention will help she might not understand her temperament herself

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I think every child goes through something like this. Every kid Is different. Some might respond to spankings, time outs or getting things taking away and some may not. I’d try talking to her and try to find that one thing you could do that will make her respond better. You might have to take everything out of her room and make her earn it back. I know some people may not like what I’m saying but I hope this is helpful.

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Oh god… this sounds like my daughter right now, almost to a T… she’s 10 too. I wish I had some advice for you… but I don’t :confused:

Hormmmoooonnnneeeesss :sob:

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I think she feels replaced. Spend some mommy and daughter time. She is calling out for your attention. Going thru the same with my boy. It seems to help when we spend time and give him affection, I also have a little girl so I noticed how my boy started acting up when she was born and all the attention was for my little one. Also try looking for counseling it has helped us.

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Start with the school guidance counselor.

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Medicine isn’t the answer for a bratty kid heck all my kids are ass holes BUT the older they get the more they as a person are changing they are learning different emotions etc kids are kids let her grow but hold her hand along the way.

Hormone changes… happens to every kid. They are also trying to assert more independence and probably want more space from the little ones. Do you make special time just for them? Like each night when the other kids are in bed come in and talk about their day, the good and the bad… or make a special day 1x a week-2 weeks either you or dad takes them to do a solo activity. Even just going to the park or getting ice cream. It’s easy for the big kids to feel displaced when there are little ones around that demand more attention.

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A nine year old brain :brain: goes through a huge shift. A neurosurgeon told us this. Hang on she will come around. Maybe you can look it up.

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Most kids that are physically/sexually abused start acting out or shutting down

Been there and still am… So no advice just saying that you’re not alone

Could be hormones I’ve heard girls are getting their menstrual earlier. I have a 8 yr old that does similar things

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Did you ever think she didn’t want two siblings so much younger than her? Give her space. Tell the two little ones to leave her stuff alone.

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Sounds like my 12 year old. We are constantly getting after her for bullying our little 6 & 5 year old girls. She is very jealous and mean Ugh.

I believe therapy will help.

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Give her space. She shouldn’t have to deal with a 3 year old taking her things away.

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First- I’m so sorry…. My kids so rude and sassy and when I tell her says, “well I just done hear it and I’m not trying to be.” Well you are! Praying for you, it’s rough and some days are great and others I suck as a parent and lose my cool.

You might as well have written “I don’t give my 10 year old the time she needs because I’m busy with work and my other kids and can’t handle her reacting the only way a 10 year old knows how too so I take away her belongings and wonder why she’s mad”

She isn’t the problem. She’s the outcome of feeling neglected, unseen, and unheard. Try family counseling.

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Kids do not turn to drugs with ADHD.

I think she’s crying out for attention because for 6 years it was just her and now she might be feeling like she don’t get enough of that one on one. Spend time together: Constant arguments may be a sign that your child is feeling disconnected from you. When kids feel connected to their parents, there is less desire to engage in a battle. Rather than continuing to push each other away, determine a way to come together. I would seek out counseling to see what’s causing the behavior change.

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Sounds like she may ODD. Does she happen to have ADHD? They both go hand in hand. Therapy is a good way to go. My oldest was diagnosed with ADHD and ODD at age eight.

I think she feels neglected. It’s a big age difference in siblings. The younger ones need to respect her things. I’ll bet she doesn’t want to come home from school

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My 11 year gets happy if we send her siblings away to their bio mom. She asks to stay just so she can have time to herself. Send everyone away and let it be just you and her for the weekend

Look up PANDAS and see if any of the symptoms match her behavior.

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This kid needs an attitude adjustment. I suppose your a parent who won’t spank or slap her mouth. She needs a rude awakening. Have her medically checked out before you do anything. If all is ok you need to step up your game. If all your doing is threatening to take away something & don’t do it----she knows they are idol threats. You only threaten once then you have to follow thru or it will become a game. ALL kids have a currency. If she has a special tv show take it away & tell her why, “you were being mean, rude, mouthy to your younger bro/sis”. When she sees your doing what you said you were going to she will take notice. A few slaps on the bottom never hurt any kid & in some cases it is needed. You don’t need to be her friend she has or will get plenty of them you are her Mother & she needs to learn to respect you & your words. If she has a favorite toy or stuffed animal take it away & tell her why & tell her " you can have it back when------" & if she has hurt anybody by her words, weather in public or at home you tell her "we do not talk this way in our home " Or when were out & make her apologize. You control your kid you NEVER let the kid control you.

The meds they give kids today really do have a valuable impact. You need to trust your doctor & if you don’t, you need to find one that you will trust. In some cases it’s just letting that kid know you are in charge not her/him.

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Send the 3 and 1 year old to bed early so the 10 year old has quality time with mom and dad.

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Spend some one on one time with her on a regular basis if you can.

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Honestly sounds like you may want her to be evaluated for autism. It can look completely different in boys than girls and based on what you’re describing, the timing sounds like it’s corresponding with kids and 3rd grade. Which is a HUGE social growth year where things like social deficits really show up big. Not being able to accept boundaries and having little regard for social appropriateness (yelling at toddlers, calling you mean, being indifferent to punishment) are all signs of autism in girls.

Girls are often mis diagnosed with things ranging from ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc when it is actually autism. The spectrum is grossly skewed to identifying boys and many practitioners don’t even know what to look for in girls. :heart::heart:

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LOVE her … she is pre-pubescent - a very hard time when hormones are changing … <3

This comment thread makes me so sad how parents are so quick with doctors and meds because a kid is being a kid. God forbid they have bad days or don’t do everything that’s asked of them they might need meds or a diagnosis.