i need some advice for an autistic 3 year old. we are unsure yet level of autism as we had just found out then the hurricane hit so we were pushed back on getting the results. we’ve hit an all time low where tantrums are so much worse. we are trying to find a new normal so any advice little or big is appreciated.
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Be curious and non judgemental. My kid is also non verbal and tantrums usually not what just happened to finally let that big feeling out. It was probably building up over the day or days. Think back to your or ant interactions leading up to that moment. Like were you saying no alot or maybe projecting?
Find a way to acknowledge the feeling and how you attributed to it as simply as possible. Like I see you frustrated, mad, etc. because I said no without offering alternatives. Dont assume what it is. Then reconnect with something you know the kid like. My kid loves to help in the kitchen. So for us it could be as simple as asking the kid to help put a tea bag in some hot water Im making to help them feel less isolated.
Be sincere but firm with boundaries. 🩷
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They’re probably meltdowns, not tantrums.
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The key is to find out what is causing the behaviors. Keep a notebook & keep track of what is happening before. With my autistic son it has been when he is denied access to something he wants, when he’s trying to escape something he doesn’t want to do, or when he’s overstimulated (noises trigger him). If you have to deny him something he wants, instead of just saying “no” try offering an alternative. Like “lucky charms aren’t available right now, how about a banana?” Or something like that. First/then works great with a lot of neurodivergent kids: “First wash your hands; then you can have a snack”. Picture schedules are a tremendous help, because a lot of ND kids need to know what to expect. 3 is a hard age for all kids, but even harder for ND kids. They often have a more difficult time learning to express their feelings. There’s a great book series called “little spot of emotions”; they have different spots for each emotion & help kids learn to recognize them. Hope this is helpful
First rule of Autism Club. Don’t think of things in levels. Kids with Autism get speech delay, kids without autism get speech delay, Autistic kids can be super intelligent, have severe learning difficulties or just be academically average as can any other kid. There are no set rules. Sometimes Sensory Processing Disorder is a super power, other times it’s a curse for example. You will learn what your kid finds difficult and how you can avoid meltdowns or shutdowns.
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Autism Inclusivity and Ask Autistic Adults - Resource for Parents of Autistics. It’s a spectrum and “levels” really aren’t helpful anyway. But changing your viewpoint can really help.
Meltdowns, not tantrums.
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I don’t usually comment but I am old and have seen many children produced by my family. None of them have been autistic. All of them have developed in their own way and time. And all of them found three to be a time of HUGE feelings that needed to come out. Sounds like you are coping as we all do. Let him work it out, offer distraction like you are, maybe collect faces with different emotions so he can pick what he feels, and just keep giving the safe place you are got him. Good luck and keep going minute to minute!
First of all, it’s a meltdown, not a tantrum. There’s a huge difference between the two. A tantrum happens when the child doesn’t get their way. A meltdown happens when the child is overwhelmed and/or overstimulated. What calms the child down is different for everyone. Usually the best thing to do for mine was take her to a quiet, calm, darker (not dark per se but not as bright as where she was) room. Sometimes she wanted to climb on my lap and sometimes she didn’t. I let her decide each time. Again, not every child is the same, but I noticed my daughter would stim (rock, flap, pace back and forth, walk in a circle, make weird noises, etc) a lot more than usual before a meltdown and I was able to get her to a place she felt safer in. I hope that helps.