Needing advice about my stepson

I have a son who has adhd he got diagnosed monday but my oldest daughter got diagnosed 2 years ago as well she 9 so now i have a 9 and 6 year old with adhd but this isnt about them today.today i need some advice for my step son and seeing if we should get him tested he cant ever stay still when watching a movie or talking he has to be moving side to side and he asks about a million questions about a movie so one day i though hmu let me put on this movie and right down all his questiones that he asks dad well he asked about 80 questions with in that 1 hr movie.Also he bites his nails alot he talks super fast he also rights some letters back words and as well he does his numbers he says its just easier that way but dad has told him nicely that it may be easier but its not the correct way his teavher said she sees him staying still.i asked his teacher about his homework hes been lying to not just me but every one about him not having to do it and he doesnt like doing his read and respond either he is very smart im not going to lie but they did say he has droped on his reading. Hes been caught getting money from other students he will also tell me his friend just randomly gave him $20 dollars hes been switching gaming cards at school and thats by me and the teacher after dad has told him to stop or he will get his favorite things taken away.my mother inlaw basically raised him yet ive been in his lif since he was 5 months. Every time i tell her about all this she just laughs and says that his dad was the same way and to leave him alone yet he lives in my home he has ran all over my husband telling him when and what days he will stay with grandma some times he doesnt even come back from school because she says he needs to stay there i told her he needs to get tested for adhd and my husband told her for dyslexia as well. My question is are we wrong for this. Am i passing a boundary

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Needing advice about my stepson

I wonder if it ever occurs to people that kids are just being kids. I don’t know any child who doesn’t talk alot or sits still for long periods of time. Wtf

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Was he like this before covid, I find some times it’s built up.energy for not being able to getvoit burn off built up energy try and get him in to sports and see if it changes and a tutor he could be just lazy tests things out rule out everything first

Put your foot down. That child is playing you adults. Make him stay home till she gets on board with you

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Honestly, sounds more like dyslexia than ADHD. We have a friend whose son has auditory dyslexia. He doesn’t translate what he hears the way other people do because the words don’t make sense to him. His parents noticed it when he was about to start school and paying attention became so important. He could watch someone do something and copy it perfectly, but if they just tried to tell him how to do something, he would get frustrated. Until we met him, I had no idea that dyslexia could even have an auditory component.

No your not especially if the dad is wanting it as well that boy isn’t the grandma’s kid it’s your husband and yours. Is there like a custody arrangement in place that you guys can’t take time without her permission?

This having to diagnose children over normal childhood behavior is absurd to me. The referral if needed would come from school. If your child sits still in school and only acts up at home, take a look at that. Children will be children. My God, please let them be kids.

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You ain’t stepping in no boundaries you are just a concerned parent and only you know I didn’t notice much with my son but you would know just always do second opinions now a days they just put the poor kids in narcotics .

Who has custody? Definitely has issues going on.

Yes get him tested while he is young and you can get a extra help for him… what you describe sounds familiar ADHD and ADBD…

Grandma is raising him its grandmas choice as in what needs to happen . Maybe he just wants attention at your house , what kid never sits down and shuts up now days . Maybe teach some manners , meds will not correct behavioral things , that a parent lacks teaching .

I think he needs to know things but the questions could be to get attention. Also with the homework. He’s getting more attention. But he should still get tested.

Sounds like a healthy, normal kid.

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Wow! Your step-son needs tested for ADHD and dyslexia. He could also use some counseling. He needs to be telling someone why he finds it necessary to lie and to take money that isn’t his. The dyslexia could be why he doesn’t want to do his reading assignments. I would make sure that he gets tested. He also needs to have firm boundaries set. He should be asking permission stay here or there, not telling you he’s going to. You didn’t say how old he is. I’m guessing he’s old enough that this has been going on for awhile. Habits are hard to break. For him and his grandmother. But you need to know where he is and why in case of an emergency. That shouldn’t be up for debate. You’ve got some fine tuning to do and I think therapy would be helpful.

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Smh…why are parents these days so intent on getting their kid diagnosed w/ SOMETHING?! This is ridiculous! I hope HIS mother does keep him home, away from ya’ll! Sound like some Munchausen syndrome…oh, my kids have THIS & THAT, look at me! Feel sorry for me🤢

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does dad have rights? Or were they taken away? If dad has no rights, he can only suggest. If he has rights, he can go get this child tested himself, and intervene.

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First of all your husband needs to set his mother straight. Who is raising the child him or his mom? They obviously have two different opinions on what is acceptable and everyone needs to be on the same page. Unless she has custody she has no say in what his rules are at your house. Then you need to sit down with your husband and get on the same page too. Honestly most of what you’re describing sounds like normal kid behavior but if he’s getting away with things because he doesn’t have stability (with different rules depending on who he’s with and someone is excusing his bad behavior) he’s going to keep up the behaviors.

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He definitely needs to be tested for both things. It shouldn’t even be a question. Don’t wait & get it done ASAP.

I wish people would stop diagnosing & drugging so many young children. They don’t stand a chance in life

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Granny needs to remember her place as granny

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I think you should mind your business let his dad deal with it

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No your not wrong get him tested that will help out alot.

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No
Because if they can help
Him
My daughter struggle till she was in high school.
To find out she had dyslexia
And other things
She couldn’t sit still
But knew the answer but could watch TV that good or gaming

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I am older struggled through school because this wasn’t a thing back then but it sounds like me when I was younger. My son now 29 was diagnosed ADHD for the first year of school he failed the next year we moved him to a different school that was better trained to deal with ADHD and he was on the honor roll. Now I am very smart/intelligent which ever but I did struggle and I hated myself because I thought something was wrong with me. If you can help this child help him, don’t let him feel that way and for all of these people complaining about medication there are other alternatives to look into.

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Definitely dyslexia. My little guy is similar in every way

Whatever his “diagnosis” is, try feeding him clean diet- nothing with chemicals, especially red dyes, no soda, juice or energy drinks, plenty of play time outside.

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Wow Y’all got your hands full with this one

Getting him tested would be great. Good job momma for
Know to pay attention to these little clues and being able to pick up on it. Everyone thinks that means medication and it doesn’t. I had to fight to have my son tested at school. He was dyslexic and adhd. A lot of people don’t realize it’s more than being hyper. There are things you can do to help him learn. I was lucky to homeschool my son once he was diagnosed in 4th grade. He wasn’t able to read and only identified 2 letters correctly. I found a homeschool that offered a curriculum that was made for dyslexic and adhd kids. Within 6 months I had him reading. By 8th grade he returned to school at his grade level. It’s hard for others to understand because they assume it’s just being hyper. This coming from a 48 yr old with adhd. I wish I would’ve had help while I was in school.

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There is nothing wrong with wanting the best for a child. Definitely should be tested.

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Check for dyslexia and dysgraphia… We had a very similar experience and that ended up being the diagnosis. There is A LOT to dyslexia… So I would do some research

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Im dyslexique and so is my brother, he does his letters and numbers the “wrong” way … so what as long as an L looks lile an L or a 6 looks like a 6 what does it bother how he did it… my daughter is 3 and a half talks non stop and hardly sits still to save her life chance she is ahdh just like her dad is but we arent rushing to get her tested. We do a lot of play with her and we work with her to write and read and learn even if its on the move

Your not wrong do what you and your husband can to help your step son. Best of luck :pray::pray:

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You are a mother figure to him and trying to help him. Keep seeking whatever help you can give him. The earlier interventions occur, the better he will be able to function.

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Someone has to step up and be the parent . Kids will play people against each other to get the results they want. Either you’re raising him or the mil is

Have your husband get him tested anyway and dont tell gma, denial is typical because nobody wants to believe something is going on with their child. Start with talking with the school and doctor and they will take it from there :heart:

Who has custody? If your husband agrees I don’t see a problem. Get him tested, you don’t have to justify it to anyone unless you guys don’t have custody of him.

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Don’t wait any longer. Get him tested so he can be helped in the right way.

Get yourself checked also. That was quite a rant with little punctuation.

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Sounds like dyslexia and dysgraphia. We had similar symptoms with my son and thought ADD or ADHD as well, but the diagnosis was dyslexia & dysgraphia. There is a lot that goes under the diagnosis, not just reading/writing backwards. Any behavioral issue revolving around school and/or school work would probably lessen with the appropriate diagnosis and learning assistance.

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Whatever your step son may or may not have or other, routine and structure. Set days at yours and set days, times at grandmas (especially if it’s overnight or all day without you or hubby present). You know even if he is diagnosed and gets suitable treatment followed through at your place, grandma won’t be doing the same at hers (you can be almost certain) and I don’t know how you could enforce otherwise? Dyslexia, sometimes it’s hand eye coordination which has nothing to do with IQ at all. I know when I was ‘forced’ to change from being left handed to right handed I wrote backwards etc for some time as it caused considerable brain confusion. When I was little, if i found a movie too confronting, too scary or weird I would be prone to ask too many questions but mostly i was fine unless it had a dark or horror scenario.

Get him tested if Dad has custody. I don’t think it’s legal otherwise. But ,he definitely needs tested for dyslexia and and ADHD. They usually go hand in hand. Grandma and child are going thru separation anxiety. It’s normal. He feels she is his Mom. She raised him for years. She too believes she is his Mom. This is not going to be easy. Y’all need family therapy including GM. I’ve been there and done that. You need to stop the lying Now before it gets out of hand. You also need to go to Church. Pray about it. It helps. God will guide you in all this. God bless.

He’s your husband’s child, not your mother in law’s. He needs to put his foot down. Definitely sounds like ADHD. Getting him tested is appropriate. Could also be autistic too, my son did all of those things when he was a little guy and he has both.

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I do not think that you are crossing boundaries, he is your stepson and if you see something that is concerned about him you has to speak about it. And yes , you should ask his dad to get him an evaluation,there’s nothing wrong with that

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This was posted in an adhd group the other days.

Why isn’t he living with his father? If she has full custody there isn’t much you can do sounds like dad needs to go to court and get his son back.

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Grandma is babying him and it is not helping at all. I dealt with that with my MIL about my stepson who is special needs. Your husband needs to put his foot down to his mother.

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Ok i have a issue with you stating that you step son is staying at “YOUR HOUSE” correct yourself lady that is his dad house too and with that i can see you have the typical wicked step mother syndrome going on, just because your 2 children are ADHD and it took you a long time to get them checked you slipped there, and then you ran down the list of what you call bad behavior but yet no mention of your children lying stealing and playing up, but evil step mothers will never cast a shadow of doubt over their own children but will poke holes at their partner kids!

The problem is not the child the problem is you

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No not wrong. It will help him through school if he gets help for it now. I struggled so hard through school bc adhd in girls looks different, so I wasn’t diagnosed until age 22.

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As someone with ADHD & the mother of 2 with it he doesn’t sound ADHD to me. Every child is different. But from my expirence & what I’ve been told by drs the hyper is ADHD is mind hyperness not physical hyperness. The fact that he can focus enough on a movie to ask questions doesn’t add up to me. My kids will watch a movie, play on their phone, wrestle, eat, go get toys & play with them or forget why they got them &, more in the first 20-30 minutes of a movie. They’re constantly going through 1, thought after another never truly accomplishing a thought. Conservations are torture be side of all us go away from the subject.

No kid ever wants to do homework. If they can get away with it. They will lie. Communication with the teacher is key.

His father should get him evaluated if he had custody & feels it’s necessary. It’s not your place to get him tested. You’re not his mother, not even raising him. The problem here seems more like you want there to be a problem with him.

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Talk to his Dr and let him decide which tests need to be done.Its obvious he has problems.For the love of the child have it done asap

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The backwards writing dyslevxia if school age see if the school does that testing and go from there if can .adhd of course try and see a Dr for that same kinda Dr. For dyslexia.im going through the dyslexia testing among other things with younest.have an 11 yrold who was tested in 2nd grade for adhd on meds

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Nail biting is anxiety. It’s also a soothing thing. I did it and will when I’m stressed or over thinking.
Not everything like that is ADD.

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Does he need more physical exercise? Back in earlier days kids were extremely busy and active

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He is your husband and yours responsibility. You need to have him tested. My grandson had ADHD and eventually learned how to control it without meds. He’d be on meds Monday thru Friday and off for the weekend. He’s 16 now and does very well.

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Please don’t drug your kiddies without trying natural remedies first.

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Maybe ur the problem and that’s why he’s acting out

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Depending on his age dyslexia testing may be too early and many doctors will not address adhd until age 6 but I would consult your pediatrician.

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It’s up to the mom and. The dad. Ask the bio parents. Not up to just one parent , both parents need to consent . And that means them .

how old is this boy ? no child should EVER tell parents what to do much less not come home after school he neesd help ASAP

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Don’t push meds on child ,let his parents decide. T let them be the decision makers , bad guys. U just do what they say and and what rules they choose. Your just his wife. You dint wanna be the evil step mom… dint over step. U don’t need to be the mom that invites her self to parent teach conference etc. You stay home and wait to see if the dad and mom have a new rule or grounding to follow. Know your role. You can decide for your kids with you ex or their father as a team the same.

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Let him live with gma. Sounds like she’s got custody or else you’d of fought her Mrs overstep. Your husband turned out okay. If I were her I’d just keep him and say he dad can visit him at my home aka gma home on my terms cuz the wife

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He’s his fuckin dad. If he feels he needs to get tested, man up, make the appt and get him tested :roll_eyes::woman_facepalming:t4::face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

The amount of reading comprehension lacking on this post is embarrassing

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Talk to his dad and see if he wants to have him tested for ADHD and dyslexia

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I can’t comprehend this lol

No do it for dons sake and peace of mind

No do what is best for him

He may have an over active thyroid problem.

Why are you asking grandma for advice?
She’s not the parent. Why is he spending the night at grandmas home most every night a week? If you need to get him tested then just do it.

Usually when child has ADHD the rest seem to follow suit