Hey, mamas, so I decided to try something new with my 3yr old. He has been getting in trouble at daycare a lot. He hasn’t been listening, and he’s hitting and punching other kids. He gets very frustrated very easily, and he doesn’t listen at home. He will just act like he doesn’t hear us, or if we ask him to do something, he tells us to do it instead. He back talks non stop and screams at us. Now before I get judged, I believe In spankings and timeouts. Timeouts do not work, and spankings do not work as well sometimes. So I decided to start a behavior board with stars to where when he does what we ask without fuss or listens to us and keeps his hands to himself he gets star for each, and if he has 5 stars by the end of the week he gets a small prize and if he has 10 by the end of the week he gets something more like going out for ice cream . Does anybody else have any suggestions? Before anybody wants to mention a therapist, I do believe he has gotten my anxiety problems, but I believe he needs more interactions and more ways to calm himself down.
Take something away he likes until he learns to behave .Try some soap in his mouth
I have a 3 year old and he Is very similar. Minus the hitting. I’ve started putting him in his room and shutting the door for time out. He threw a fit and threw a couple of toys. I took them and out them in the trash. He still gets time out but he doesnt throw his stuff anymore. Spanking does nothing for my child. Time out in his room works the best for me so far. And if hes bad at daycare I dont let him turn the tv on. If it’s really bad I take something he loves away from him as a consequence.
Don’t give him the option of yes or no… Say “would you like to do it before or after dinner”…Also… Remind him we don’t says no, it’s no thank you 
We do time outs but we call them breaks when my children are having melt downs or not listening we will ask them if they need to take a break at first they didnt want to and we’d say something like I think you should go take a break for a few mins and calm yourself down and think and now when we ask them if they need to take a break they will say yes or no or if they’re being bad like hitting or mouthy or bad words I tell them they need to go take a break which is a time out and think about what they were doing why they were doing it and if that behavior is appropriate or how they responded to something negative when their time is up I ask them why they were taking a break and they tell me and I ask them if it’s appropriate behavior do we act that way what should they of done or why they were upset or what caused the behavior or melt down etc we use the time they sit as how old they are like a 3 yr old sits 3 min 13 yr old 13 mins etc but time doesnt start until they are sitting and quiet and if they get up or are talking time starts over I use a timer and set it so they can see the time count down so they know how long they have and when it beeps or rings they know to get up and bring me the timer and if theres more then one child taking a break I use multiple timers one for each child
1.) The staff should be paying attention to key signs for kids having outbursts like this.(they should be using redirection)
2.) Small children don’t know how to control their feelings.
3.) DIY calming bottle.
Water bottle, super glue, water and glitter…
4.) Instead of a time out make a small area that he can reflect on his feelings.
5.) Don’t ask you tell, and when doing so you give him 2 choices (with them both being in your favor).
6.) No time outs…send/bring him to his room.
7.) Constancy is key.
8.) I know it’s rough BUT when he gets in trouble at daycare and then at home for misbehaving at daycare (unless you have to go get him)… it’s too long of a time period. At that age. It doesn’t connect.
9.) You and whomever the main caregivers for him need to all be on the same page.
10.) Once you notice what sets him off or signs of bad behavior on it’s way, remove him from the situation and or use redirection.
I would take things away. Also, put his treats where he can see it. I would also put the same thing at school in his class. That way, he can see what he is working for. It can be something small, like hot wheels, etc…
Talk to your doctor they can help.
I always did charts like that with my kids when they were young out worked amazing.Except I had a treasure box where they could pick a toy or they could go to dollar tree and get a few things but you can have the reward be going somewhere. But with that being said at 3 also if their melt downs were crazy id have them sit in their bed till they calmed down and could talk normally. When they were done I’d explain why what they did was wrong and hug them tell them i loved them and start over. Every child has issued at 3 they ate growing and learning and will test their limits.Doesn’t mean you need to hit them. Hitting only teaches them hitting is how to solve things.
Agreed. Talk to the doctor. Mine had a lot of symptoms like this and turns out she has ASD causing her outburst because her senses are too overloaded and overwhelmed. It’s also frustrating for the child when they may not understand what’s going on and can’t give and feedback to parent.
I have 5 kids. My 4th is like this. I tried every technique listed here, with no success. I only had this issue with him.
I believe his behaviour came from (our) lack of understanding - he was the slowest to become articulate of all the kids.
The only technique that worked with him, was an egg-timer technique that his teacher adopted at school. She used a teepee (in the class - he is 5 and this is his first year at school) left open, where he could chill while the rest of the class did what they were supposed to. Once the egg-timer went off, they would sit and discuss. It saved frustrations. He needed the calm down time. And eventually learnt to be calm by the end of the timer.
It’s not a technique I had ever heard of, nor would I proactively use - however. It has worked for him.
The biggest issue, I think, was we weren’t spending enough time to make sure to understand what he was trying to say, and that we often assumed the rest of any answer as, that’s what was easiest for us.
Within the first week of school, I could see my boy was going to be a class bully. By the end of the year he has changed to the exact opposite and instead of hitting you, will give you a hug, or tell you he thinks you’re amazing. Oh, and he talks about his teacher like she is an absolute god. He loves her!
Worth a try, Good Luck 
The star chart is exactly how I helped my child, punishments didn’t work at all, and backfired. I would have had to literally beat her to the point of abuse and I was not willing to do that. Rewards took some time but it worked. Say no once to the bad behavior but dont give it any attention (even negative attention is attention) and abundantly praise and make a big deal out of good behavior.
Sounds like he gets every thing he wants. If he doesn’t he has a fit.
Because he is three my need to reward daily first and extend the length from there. A week is a long time for a 3 year old. Daily he will grasp the concept better. Could be rewards like read a book play a game go to the park.
I have tried a lot of things and found out at age 6 she has behavior issues w adhd. Drs can help get u the the help u need. Have testing done w aspergers, add, adhd, . u can test early for a lot of things. Good luck. B patient
Ignore what you can.
But get down on his eye level and talk in a serious tone of voice when getting on to him for his behavior.
When going places explain what you want out of him.
Most important FOLLOW THROUGH!
If he throws a fit drop what your doing walk out of the store explain why and give him a minute to think about it.
If the said behavior fails happens again, it’s time to go home.
I throw fits wasnt allow to be upset my heart will one day i bite my mom leg she slap me winded my aunt peggy sceamed belle what have you done my dad said she taught her never to bite her leg agina
I swear by physical activity. When my asperger’s and anxiety disordered daughter’s tantrums and attitude became too much it was almost always when I hadn’t let her run a little wild in a while. That and taking away regular sugary snacks. Used those specifically for bribes for good behavior lol
I have the same problem with my 4yr old in Pre-k (well with the not listening and screaming when not getting her way) When we tell her to do something, sometimes she’ll do it, other times she’ll completely ignore me and my husband. My, well soon-to-be, husband has been in her life since she turned 1, and yea we had our ups and downs but he loves her as his own. her bio dad is in and out of her life, but is trying now at least, he moved out of town. he just got another job so hopefully child support starts up again.
anyways, there are times we have to tell her no. She then starts ignoring us and continues to do what she wants. I spank her and she screams, I take something away, she screams, so we put her in her room until she calms down. we try rewarding good behavior and punish bad. I can tell she has my ADHD, but I also fear that she has her father anger problems. I try to remain calm and talk to her too. She also has a sister two years younger, my oldest is born in Dec 2014, my younger born in Jan 2017. I show equal love to both.
At 3 your expectations are way too high. There’s still a lot of brain development that needs to happen so you can’t punish them hours later for something they did at daycare, because they can’t link the two together. He’s punching other kids because you taught him that aggression is how you deal with things by spanking him, so if you want the hitting to stop, then you have to stop too.
Try time in activities where you talk about how he can use his words to express his feelings and coping strategies when those feelings become out of control, instead of isolating him and exacerbating his anxiety by doing time outs.
The whole punishment/rewards system doesn’t sit well with me personally. You’re motivating the child to bend to your will by making them fearful or hopeful of gaining a material thing. If everything has motivation behind it, they’ll never learn to behave or do things because they genuinely want to for their own self-satisfaction.
Wait, so you spank your kid and your kid is showing physically agressive behavior? Strange!
I love the board idea… I had something like this with my son but we broke it down into smaller intervals so he could earn more points during the day thay way if we start with a bad morning the whole day isnt shot… Try doing a daily goal aswell… Maybe just somethinf tiny but still seen as a treat… To calm down we would together take 10 long deep breaths say our abcs slowly. move out of the situation if needed…and look for triggers have the teacher aswell once you can nail down some triggers you can begin to either eliminate them or work on how to cope in those situations… I have many more things we did and my son was in behavioral classes due to his break downs and we got it under managable control and he was placed back in normal classes middle of 3rd grade (had been in since kindergarten and hes now in highschool and still uses the calming tricks he learned back then… I know it can seem like a losing battle at times but stick with it momma youre on the right track.
I told my daughter to come and cuddle. I don’t cuddle back immediately but I am the safe place to calm down. My husband and other children and family members all do the same it’s just that bit of comfort contact. Once she calmed then I cuddle as well as she also needs to learn to self control. We won’t be there all the time but we can be a safety net as they’re emotions can be overwhelming at this young age. We’ve been using this team work about 2 years she’s now 7 and knows we’re there when she can’t cope.
Get him an I door swing…it could be as simple as anxiety…my daughter was the same way…she would become elated when she would swing…
My daughter is doing this board with her boys and they are responding while with this new structure.
Why here? Let me talk about all my personal issues on a My Favorite Holiday site! Y’all need to find a site to listen to your own bullshit! Just stop please!!
Sound like ODD. Obsessive Defiant Disorder. It is a real chemical disorder. Medication can stop it, and sometimes after years, it goes away. Get medical advice.
Take him out of date care and stay at home with him.