I wonder if everyone commenting about “not loving kids that aren’t blood related” thinks that adopted kids shouldn’t be loved 
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That is so wrong on so many levels. My ex husband and I have been divorced 3 years. He raised my son and is still dad to this day. His mother takes him and my daughter who is his biological kid all the time. She never does for one without the other. She even takes my son for special alone time. Their whole side of the family treats him just like my daughter, like he is blood. They would never consider him anything other than that. That is how it should be with blended families. I am very blessed to have my son have such a great relationship with all of them.
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I’m so sorry you have to deal with this 
no advice unfortunately… I’m just glad my in law’s where able to accept the 3children I had before my husband and I got together and now we have a bio baby and they don’t treat any of them different at all!! Unfortunately sweetie people suck!!! And they just wont even try… my heart hurts for you and your family
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I stopped reading half way threw. It’s a package deal. When my husband and I got together and married we both had a child from previous relationships. We now have 2 together on both sides mine and his all kids (ALL CHILDREN) are treated as if they came from all the same parents. If you ask my mil or my mother they have Grandchildren not step grandchildren. And I would serious explain this to my partner and his family. And if they don’t like it not your problem. It’s not fair for a young child already to feel that way. It’s toxic.
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If it were me, I would tell his mother that it is not fair to your oldest as she only knows your fiancé as her dad. She should be treated the same as your youngest. And if she cannot provide the same treatment, then she does not need to see either of them until then. I’m sure your fiancé would be on board as well.
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I have no advice for u, but I can tell u this happened with my mom, my brother had 2 kids and when he remarried she also had 2 kids the same age and my mom treats the kids the same but she cant and doesnt deny that she feels differently about her biological grandkids and I understand but I make sure to stay on her about not treating the others differently. Mainly because I have 2 kids with 2 different dads also. My oldest, my daughter was 5 when her brother was born, luckily my fiancee’s mom and grandma really see her as a bonus granddaughter, I was once upset about all his cousins and uncles but then I realized they dont give a shit about either of the kids so I dont pay any mind to that.
My advice if I had to give u some, sit and talk with his mom, alone, maybe go for coffee or something, somewhere in public so no one blows up, and just tell her, I understand u feel a natural biological attachment to baby B, but baby A considers ur son her father. And therefore u, her grandmother. You can love baby B more if that’s what comes naturally to you but u can not ignore or treat baby A differently. If you plan to have a close relationship with B, A, needs to be included, because they are sisters and I will not allow ur love for B to break A.
Well if.your telling her she can’t stay before they tell her no then you started it. Of course they may not love her like her own and that is ok but they have to suck it up and be better with her feelings. Maybe be a little more respectful to her and I would explain that to them.They need to know that it does hurt her hurt but honestly she isn’t there grandchild no matter how much you want her to be. So they don’t have to have anything to do with her. She also needs to know the truth that he isn’t her father later.
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I grew up in a situation like this. It sucks. I have no idea how to fix it but I was never pushed onto her because I could feel she didn’t want me around and only cares about my cousins. It was better for me to stay away
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id stop visits to that grandma for a bit and sit and have a heart to heart about how she is making your oldest feel. I wouldn’t allow any more items to be bought for the baby. I wouldn’t go over anymore until she understands. If she wants to see the baby she can come to your home. My Mother in law played favorites with my kids and in the end they were kept away for a full year.
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My two oldest daughter’s father was killed in a car accident when they were 4 and 6. I later remarried and had a son and daughter in the that marriage. At Christmas and birthdays and other special occasions gifts and hugs were given by my deceased husband’s sister and brother- in-law right down to my younger two addressing them as aunt and uncle (his parents were deceased). What wonderful people they were. I asked them why and they said they are little children those are their sisters they should be treated equally or they may feel badly and not understand. What a wonderful gift they were to us. Please help your new husband’s family understand this. No adult who has any type of heart at all would want to hurt a child in this way. If their treatment of you older daughter doesn’t change then they are heartless. These two are sisters and when the younger gets older she may not approve of the way they treat her big sister.
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Your job is to protect you child from everything including feeling left out by other family members .if grandma can’t treat them as equal and get the older one gifts and take her for overnights too than grandma shouldn’t see the younger one either .there is enough emotional pain in this works without your oldest having to go through this from family
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Shut it down and cut her off. As a mother it is your job to raise your children equally with the same amount of love from their outside family. So do what will save you and your daughter piece of mind before the baby get any older. Grandma will be a visit only or dismissed.
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I may sound like an asshole for saying this but you need to talk to that old hag and let her know she needs to treat all your children to same or she can get out of the picture. Your daughter will notice and it will hurt her, unfortunately I’ve had to cut people out of my kids life but only because as a child I wished my mother would cut out toxic people for me but she never did she just let them hang around and do whatever they wanted
I say love both your daughters and help them love each other… that way they know what love is…the world is a messy place…
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Don’t let either of your children go to her house or be around her until she understands that she is hurting both of them. You and your fiancé need to sit down with her and tell her, bluntly, that the behavior needs to stop or the visits with her will stop.
Also, don’t give in to her just because she demands something. Figure out what your boundaries are an enforce them.
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I’m sorry people suck…idk how people can be that way… I wouldnt be letting her stay with the other grandma. The same way she doesnt care I wouldnt care.
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Support bump! Sorry your going through this
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Either both go or neither . If you have a date night both go to your mom. Put this troll in her place
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I can’t believe all the comments saying its okay and they dont have to love her as their own. WTF. If she can’t treat them both equally the same then she shouldn’t get the youngest as she does. You guys are a family and that includes all of you not just her biological grand daughter. She should be a grown up and act like one instead of picking and choosing . I’d cut her off real quick and address this or limit the time .
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She is an adult and if you can’t love both of my children, you will not mistreat one in front of the other EVER. There is no excuse. To purposely hurt a child, even after talking to her about it, is sick. I wouldn’t want either of my children with someone like that! Ever. Regardless of who it is.
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What do you do when your in the hospital the only one you have by your side is your mother after these many years I had rough edge they had to do surgery on me and they found I two big squish hernia inside me and scratch disc in my spine so they cut me open first they had put me sleep I said I accept the surgery now the problem is I can’t go back home I lost the ability two walk for my first time I have never felt so much pain and guilt but lucky I have a supporter that my mother I may have no kids or anything did was gonna have but I lost cuz I did surgery they said to me if you do the operation of your spine you might loose that important bby in your life I said to myself what is there to loose when all I got my mom by my side my brother if I can’t make a kid again that okay adoption is always helpful to me now I got no baby to worry bout because the baby was from a very bad guy thanks God I’m safe Soo I am trying to learn how to walk again I’m only 21 people if your young you got older parents listen to me I was pushed off a boat I got hurt completely but I learned my listen now I’m beginning to walk again it feels like I’m a baby just learning my first step again but in a painful way cuz everywhere I go may have no manners to laugh at you but they will learn cuz karma always there please read this if you have someone in your family that had something like this before will I’m not a miracle I’m human but I can tell you If you live in Kendall or Miami don’t call ambulance tell them your family members take you to baptize west Kendell drive hospital free visiting hours limited very nice nurses and doctors I’m telling youy story cuz I’m only 21 don’t do anything bad cuz you can get hurt
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You need to.stop this . It’s only going to separate the love between sisters
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What’s good for one is good for both, no she wouldn’t see one without the other
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I wouldn’t take my daughter around them, at all!
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. Hugs
Either toys and time and sentiment is equal for all or nothing at all!
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Never let anyone diss your child. Grandma is way too demanding and selfish. Don’t be unkind and try not to hurt anyone but do not sacrifice that sweet babies feelings. The younger daughter is her sister and they should not be seperated because grandma doesn’t have a big enough heart to love equally. You must set grandma straight. If she is offended oh well. She can’t be allowed to continue separating your daughters.
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I agree with your fiance. She needs to understand that they are both his kids even though not biologically. Talk to his mom about it and tell her that you can’t split the children up anymore and if she wants to be grandma to one then she needs to be grandma to both because they are still siblings and even if the oldest isn’t her grandchild by blood she will be by marriage real soon. Also I would see about having your fiance legally adopt your oldest since bio dad is not in the picture at all.
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I also have a step Granddaughter & Yes. I will always love her younger sister more. She was my first Grandchild, BUT I would never treat the sister’s differently. YOU should NEVER allow his mother or any one else to treat them differently either. He should be the one to talk to his mother& maybe to his Dad. All children should be loved & hugged. YES, tell her that he is her daddy, not her sperm donor. I was raised by a stepfather. Best Daddy ever!!!.
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This needs to end now !
No more sleep overs for the youngest !
Cut grandma off if she cant be an adult and treat both children the same she sounds like a disgusting person anyways … who does this 
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Well I would have a talk with his mom and your fiance all together and explain both kids are equal blood or not and have to be treated the same and if she doesn’t agree then No kids will be going to her house until both kids accepted equally
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Lee Mitchell sounds very similar to us
love and treat my step grandchildren same as mine always have as do their grandparents treat mine
I would maybe leave both kids with your mum and you and your partner go and talk to his mum and lay down some laws, explain that even your daughter has noticed and it’s not ok. They need to treat both kids equally
It went the opposite way for me , my husband had 3 year old twins when we got together , about a year later we had our first son together , MIL favors the older 2 and not our younger 3 , lets them stay the night and buys them stuff but doesnt do the same for our younger ones , my family has accepted the twins as my kids always have I raised them , husband and i have been together 15 years and bio mom is not in the picture so they are my boys and i made sure they were treated as such , just sucks when the kids notice it causes all kinds of feelings between the kids , the parents and grandparents , husband told them to stop doing that stuff and they havent , now my younger kiddos are older and dont even barely go over there or talk to them , this christmas it was radio silence from them (and christmas is my youngest birthday ) not even a phone call or message on facebook NOTHING, its so sad but im not going to force anyone to be in my kids lives , if they cared they would reach out
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I would NEVER allow this. I have 2 children from a past relationship and my son with my partner. I’m so lucky that his family completely accepts and loves them just as much! Especially my partners mother! I got very lucky because his family is amazing! I would never be okay with that of it was that way for me. It’s just wrong and the fact that she is noticing is so sad. I would tell that grandmother if she can not accept and treat/love them the same then that’s it. Atleast that’s how I feel
Don’t let the MIL push you around. You don’t have to let your baby stay with her just because she wants her to. And that goes with any rule you have. Once you give in the first time, it’ll be expected every time after. And I’d cut the grandma off. Children are so easily lovable, there is no excuse for her to not treat your first daughter the same way. Bye bye grandma🤷🏼♀️ She sounds like the crazy type that wants the baby to be her own child.
You need to talk to your husband or fiance make sure you’re both on the same page haven’t talked to his family but at the same time put your foot down they both get treated the same or they just don’t see either one the older ones going to notice and it’s going to make her feel awful
She needs to be told both or none. Your fiance needs to tell his mother these are both his daughters in his eyes and need to be treated as such by her. You can only sugar coat things for so long and she is going to figure things out as she gets older. Some people just make no sense. A child is a child.
I agree w ur fiance eifher they start including your oldest or they dont needa watch either kid. Your oldest is gonna grow up to hate or resent the baby because shes gonna think baby is more important.
Plus its not fair to them or u to have to find seperate places for the kids to go when u go out. Id be sending both kids to ur parents instead of his. But thats just me.
Wow. This thread makes me love and appreciate my family even more. My brother raised 3 kids that weren’t his. Had a baby with their mom. My niece is now 15 and her brothers and sister call us and text us and still get invited to family functions. We will sometimes meet up half way and have a huge family dinner somewhere. We don’t have a birthday or celebration without inviting them. They’re our family too. And it makes my niece happy to know that her siblings are loved and welcome anywhere we are. They’re mom comes too. I’m sorry for the obvious difference in treatment your daughters are receiving. I can’t imagine going through this. I’ve been with my s/o for 8 years. We met when my daughter was 1. His family, to include aunties and cousins and granny have always welcomed my little one with open arms. It’s just love. When people love you they can’t help but love any extension of you, and that is what our babies are. No I don’t expect everyone to love my kid as I do. But if you don’t, then I just don’t have anything to do with you. There are just some energies I won’t let around my daughter. If my s/o family treated my daughter any different I just wouldn’t come around them. (Side note: my mom, the grandma, loves my nieces siblings like they are my brothers seeds. Blood doesn’t make you family it just makes you related. It’s love. Love makes you family.)