I had my 1st daughter before I met my fiancé. It is not the typical I got pregnant by some guy, and we just broke up or whatever. The biological father cannot and has never been present. So anyway, I had raised my daughter with the help of my parents and met my fiancé when she was almost three. Right away, we met each other’s families, and even my daughter met everyone. Fast forward to now, we had a daughter together. And everyone on both sides of the family was super happy. This was the 3rd grandbaby in my family and first in theirs. So I can understand the excitement when it came to his family. Well, ever since I’ve had my second daughter, His mom was getting upset about certain things like how we weren’t letting her go stay for days at a time even though she was like two months old. I was nervous about it and felt like she was too little to be staying with anyone, but she saw it as me keeping her to myself. Anyways now things haven’t exactly changed I have let her go stay as a matter of fact she’s never stayed anywhere but with his mom. But when it comes to my first daughter, she barely tries with her. She’s asked to stay a few times, but his mom just kind of laughed like aw how silly, but right away, I’d say no that’s okay baby maybe next time because I felt like she wouldn’t stay and also that she didn’t want her to stay. Well, now my oldest thinks that only my youngest is allowed to stay or be watched by her. If we have a date night, she’ll say oh okay, mom, sister can go stay with her grandma, and I can stay with grandma. Anyways it hurts me that she already notices that there’s a difference between them. And there have been discussions in the past where I did ask her if she was willing to accept my child and she said of course she would but that she didn’t know how to be a grandmother and that was why she wasn’t there for her or wouldn’t try with her. Well, now the other day, I found out that she said she could never love my oldest like she does my youngest. And it hurt me a lot to think about how she thinks she’ll never love her the same. And I know it’s hard for some people to accept, but I just don’t know what to do now how do I just accept that? And I’ve known it’s been different since my youngest was born because there was never any toys or anything kid related at her house until my youngest was born and she literally had just as many toys as I did at my house for her. And every time we’d go there was new toys or clothes that apparently she had bought even before she was born, and my oldest would tell me, mom, why does sister have toys there and not me and I would just say well we take your toys because you like to take certain dolls. I don’t know what to do about it. I see my daughter getting hurt now and in the future, and sometimes I feel like my oldest will start to resent her little sister because she is treated differently with that side of the family, and with mine, she knows that they get treated the same. I feel hurt for my daughter and want to cut her out of her life, but then I know it’s not fair to my youngest. My fiancé feels like we should force my daughter onto them, and they’ll just have to accept it, but I’m afraid they’ll be frustrated with her and only include her in stuff because they have to. I Don’t know what to do, but I feel like it’s tearing my family apart. I don’t want to see my daughters hurt. And my oldest only knows my fiancé as her dad, and I’m afraid if this gets any further or worse she’ll soon start asking questions as to why it’s different and why is it not the same between her and her sister and one thing will lead to another and then to the fact that he isn’t her real father. Please give me some advice.
Fuck your in law it’s about your child be a Mom. you owe nobody an explanation
Don’t let your baby go anywhere without you
I’d cut her off until she treats both children the same ! That is unacceptable. Treat them the same or don’t bother with them. It’s not fair
First off you need to be honest with your child about who her father is and make it clear that they were not around her as a baby and the sister is their first grandchild. There is a difference because one child is their blood family and the other is not. The sooner you make that clear the easier it will be. I would make it clear tho that they are siblings and if one is coming the other is too, but if you have already allowed them to only take one that will be hard to enforce.
If they can not accept your older daughter as well they exit your life. If they talk with you and figure things out, bye! That is y’all child not theirs. Do what is best for your little family.
Sit down with grandma tell her your youngest is not
Going unless you take both of them stand up for your child
I would tell your mother in law it’s both or none! And she needs to start treating the oldest just the same as the younger one because she is noticing and it’s not fair to her.
In my opinion, if she cant accept all your children, she doesnt get to spend time with any of them. It’s not ok for your daughters to be treated that way.
Grandma would be ousted
In this situation, I would explain that until they can be accepted and loved equally, NOBODY is going to stay with her. My husbands family was the same way. Some of them only came to my youngest sons birthday but refused to come to my oldest sons (from my previous marriage). I slammed my foot down real quick and let them all know that if they can’t be treated and loved the same then they won’t have a relationship with any of my children. It took a while of me holding my ground but they eventually saw I was serious and that my husband backed me 100% and they changed.
It’s time for you and you soon to be husband to set them down at the table with the kids at your mom’s and have a talk lay down some rules like if you get for one you must get for both or neither of them will get anything from his side of the family don’t tell or scream talk in normal voices so they don’t feel they are getting attack have your soon to be hubby put his foot down if they don’t treat both the same they don’t see either of them
Don’t let your younger child go to your in laws any more… explain that your family is now going to do bonding with BOTH kids
Eventually you will have to tell her the truth about her father, first thing YOU can’t and shouldn’t force ANYONE to love your child. Reality is that’s not her grandchild and no matter how much she cares for your child the Love she feels for your 2 kids will never be the same. You need to love your first kid and build her up SO high that she won’t need or care for others affection.
That’s a really hard situation to be in. Your fiancé needs to say something to his mother. Her behavior is completely childish. Children cannot help where they come from and should never be left out or treated differently. If she can’t change her behavior then personally I would not allow her around either one of my children. At all. You are 100% correct, your oldest daughter will begin to question why she is treated differently. And that isn’t ok to do to her or your family.
No normal human being would do this. Tell them u come as a package. They don’t treat her as one they’ll have to be cut out full stop. Of they can hurt n say things about your daughter u can make it clear that its unacceptable. X
Personally I don’t think she has to love your daughter that isn’t blood related as much as she loves her sister who is.
It’s like being a step mum also yes you love your partners kids but the love is nothing like your own kids.
Talk to your future mother-in-law about it. Explain that your oldest daughter is noticing the differences in how they are treated and that it hurts her, because she she sees her as her grandma.
Save yourself future heartaches don’t let the little one stay without her sister, if she’s not gonna treat them all the same. Also you can’t force people to feel a certain way! This is a tough one. If someone is being like that I wouldn’t let any of my children stay. Keep your distance but your fiancé is not wrong though if you “feel” like they “have” to include her that’s fine too as long as they don’t start treating her bad or start complaining about her being there, maybe it’ll be a good thing because they’ll get attached to her and grow to love her! I know it sucks because they know exactly they are doing so start with what your fiancé said, I would. It’s Ridiculous the way they’re acting.
Considering your MIL has raised children, she knows exactly how to be a grandmother. You could also point out that if she doesn’t know how to be a grandma, why is she willing to have the other? It is just wrong how she is treating your oldest, and she knows it.
How heartbreaking for you…l would be devastated if this was me. I think.you need to get your husband to have a good talk to both his parents firmly, and tell them how disappointing and hurtful they are being. If they cant accept both children then they dont deserve either. Plus l agree she may not love either as equally but she can still love and she doesnt have to show it or say it!! What a terrible situation. Get your partner/husband to deal with it now. ASAP
I say sit down to the mother in-law and have a talk with her tell her everything you have told us. Also suggest maybe she just spends some one on one time with the oldest so she can get to know her. And if nothing changes stop letting the youngest one go over there by herself until things changes. But you will never know how it will go until you sit down with the grandmother
If your partners mum can’t accept the fact that you have two daughters then she is no longer allowed to take the youngest. Both girls are to be treated the same. If that still doesn’t change then cut her off. Your girls are getting upset about it. The last thing you want is for your daughters to not speak/like each other because your partners mum likes to play favourites.
A lot of crap! Would you love the same your brothers kids and brothers girl kid? Ofcourse not. You cant force that you know. You need to tell your older about who is wich father and granny and explain her. Your oldest can babysit your mother or someone from your family if you want to get out. For exmpl you cant force your mother to babysit and love same your kids and your fiance previous relationship kids.
This always has mystified me. If you and your fiancé had adopted a baby, would she not be able to love that child because it wasn’t biologically his? As if there is a scarcity of love available and they can’t risk more love? I understand both you and your fiancés position. And my concern would be that your oldest daughter might feel she isn’t worthy of love and importance. I would sit down with her (grandma)and have a heart to heart. See if she can see it from your perspective. If she cannot, respect her decision but also let her know that it’s your job to make sure both your kids feel special and loved and set some boundaries that minimize the consequences to your oldest. (Hugs and good luck)
If she is so shallow she cannot love them equally, there isn’t much you can do. But it must be made clear that she must not treat them any different regardless of her feelings…
He needs to explain to them that your family is a package deal. If he sees her as his daughter, then they have to as well.
My partners mother is like this but she favors my oldest child. They’re both her grandchildren. So I limit my kids involvement with her. It’s a tough thing but don’t let her do this to your baby girl.
Yea if it’s not equal then nope no babys are staying with grandma dearest ! That’s how I would look at it. Children are innocent and dont deserve favoritism with in a family dynamic. My unpopular opinion would be tell the fiancee that he needs to have a very clear discussion with his mom and dad you both need to be on the same page if she cant be a grandma to both then that’s ok visits are fine as a family but over nights will never happen and be civil no need to be cranky its ultimately her choice on how she spends time with her sons family and kids.
My kids real grandparents don’t even accept them. Never have really. But, when kids get older, you can no longer shield the truth as they see it with their own eyes and feel it with their own hearts!! My kids are extremely happy and take the love that is given to them by others. They’re now 16 and 13. They still go to their dad’s on a regular but when it comes to their grandparents they could care less. However, adults cant say anything once that child’s mind is set. I don’t force anyone to love the kids. Either they love them or don’t.
My own mother showed favoritism to one of my daughters, when my husband & I got married he told her she couldn’t take one without the other. Things have changed it’s taken years. She’s wrong for that i don’t understand people these days.
Neither kid would be going back over there. Fuck his momma. You don’t do that to little kids. They don’t understand.
Your boyfriend’s mother is an asshole. Plain and simple. I had to put my foot down with some family members with my middle kiddo. Everyone treated the oldest better, the middle (youngest wasn’t born yet) noticed it (like always asking if the oldest could come over and then him coming home with cash - like $100, getting stuff - like computers! delivered to our house for the oldest, etc…) and I said if it can’t be done for both, then it won’t be done for either - same with money and going over to their house. It’s a lot better now.
I wonder what’s going to happen once another baby is born into the family. Will she start treating your youngest bad too?
I have grandchildren who are “technically” my “step grandchildren” (I woukd NEVER use that word though) and I love them exactly like my “blood related” grandchildren so i dont understand this at all
Silly woman though to cut herself from grandbaby love because that’s the best love in the world that there is
I have two beutiful granddaughters .one is biological one is not but they are treated equally no.matter what .i love them both the same .
Treated like that as a child not by the grandparents but by older children that were basically adults when I came around when I was 5. Don’t let it be okay for them to do. One of the many things that made me feel even more unwelcome in my already abandoned life.
That is heartbreaking, it’s your fiancée place to talk to his mother and tell her that the older one is noticing the difference, toys, sleepovers ect, he needs to tell her that he accepts your older one as his own and if she won’t treat them both the same then neither girl will be around her. Also next time your daughter says something to you tell her ask your grandma( fiancé mom) why she is treated differently
There’s really no easy way. They either accept your oldest or they don’t get to see any of them. Period. Trust me I went through this and my middle son would cry himself to sleep when my in-laws would come visit over summer breaks or Christmas breaks because HE saw how differently he was treated compared to their blood grandson. My oldest boys MADE my husband a dad before his own blood did. We struggled for YEARS because of this. It’s much better now but don’t let something like that slide. Not now, not ever. They are one in the same.
I never had this,. But my heart breaks for use… my mother in-law doesnt make or has ever made i difference she has always beem there.for.my son took him on bike rides just him and her,. He loved spending time with her,. Maybe am just one of the lucky ones too have a mother in-law like that,… hope u get it sorted love,… Phyllis Patterson thank you for not being one off them mother in-laws
I’d have you fiancee lay down the law. She either treats the girls equally, or she doesn’t see either of them.
I have been thru this same exact situation. I have always said “You do for one, you do for both”. There are no exceptions. If you can’t treat my kids the same then you won’t be around them period
She either accepts and loves them all the same or she gets no contact with either: there is no favoritism point blank period!
Treat them all the same or fuck right off I say
I’m not sure how to deal with this situation but keep on saying how you love ur eldest nevertheless. Because we can’t force people to love and adore you… I do feel your daughter, as I found similar to your daughter. Keep on your faith, keep on each other…
That is YOUR child. You are not fucking selfish for KEEPING YOUR TWO MONTH OLD AT HOME. And if his family can’t remain treating them EQUAL, fuck them.
She sounds like a right old Bat no offence
Sounds like you and your husband need to have a sit down. If he’s not in agreement on the situation, then the ball is in your court.
She should treat them equally no matter how she feels
Stand your ground mama. Kiddos will see that you allow that treatment and it will become normal for them. Only allow them to be around people that they are ALL ACCEPTED as well as yourself. I’ve had EX in laws like that. And a couple CURRENT ONES And well its because they weren’t accepting of ME in the family. I wasnt considered family either, so they didnt included MY EXTENTIONS. My children. even tho my fiancee has always had a different attitude and he has backed me to his family favoritism is still prevalent in the inclusion of ALL THE KIDS. I wont stand for it.
Limit her ability to negatively impact your family, your children and marriage are what count. I would strictly do daytime visits nothing overnight where kids are separated. They are siblings before any other relationship. If u go on a date leave them both together with the person willing to watch the two. When asked just say you no longer plan to separate your kids for the sake of anyone else, even if it means hiring a sitter. And I would talk to the oldest about dad situation the truth should come from you and not someone else out of spite one day.
Nope… When you marry someone with children you are a family. All of the family should accept everyone as family.
I would talk to her and tell her how you feel. If she isnt going to accept your oldest child as her grandchild that would be the end of it for me. She can come visit at the house but no more over nights and stuff like that.
I think this is childish b.s. Mixed (blended, step, whatever its called) families are normal. Everybody just needs to love everybody. Especially the kids.
Can’t have one grandbaby without the other. I would tell her either start paying attention to the oldest or the youngest ain’t going. And tell her if she wants to get the young one clothes and toys then she needs to get the older one things as well or just not buy them things.
Your fiancé needs to shove his foot so far up his mothers *** she can’t breathe! If it were my husband we wouldn’t be seeing his mother again for awhile. She’s a shit grandmother. I wouldn’t let her see either of them. They are sisters and shouldn’t be treated differently at all period!
If she wants one to stay over than she needs to have both. That should be your ground rules. Maybe talk to her about the feelings your having.
Favoritism towards one child over the others suck trust me I know first hand and the kids definitely notice the difference and will resent the person showing the favoritism if she can’t treat them equally then she doesn’t need to be around either of them period I have cut people out of our lives due to favoritism and I’ll tell anyone if I notice them giving one special treatment over the other they won’t be around them anymore either it ain’t worth your child’s self esteem to allow this kind of negativity in their lives if they can’t love them all equally then they can just stay away from all of them family or no family it doesn’t matter
Your hubby needs to have a very pointed discussion with his parents.
All I can say is your Daughter was still a baby when she became part of this Family and Deserves the Love from "her family " because this is her Family too now… and who dosen’t love babies… You got some real issues with yourself if you can’t Love a child… all children are gifts from God and people that love children have Jesus hearts… This Grandma should have been bonding with your oldest baby the whole time… If she still hasn’t and still doesn’t then obviously she’s not going to… That’s a mean Spirit. At this point I would never leave her with that woman. I wouldn’t allow my children to feel cast away and the Grandma show favoritism towards one and nothing towards the other. They are still young , still babies and she shouldn’t be feeling rejection at such a young age and have to endure thst the rest of her life… That’s so infair. I can’t phantom a grown woman acting this way… she is shunning your Daughter. I wouldn’t allow it nor would I want my Daughter to ever be left with her. Yall are a Family unit now and if you can’t tell them that then you can show them that. Sometimes you just have to Show them to get the message through…
We have a similar situation, my oldest isn’t biologically my youngest dad, but she knows no different and His parents have always accepted my oldest as their own! Infact, I think shes their favorite they always take her to do special things. If it was me, I would sit down and have a serious conversation with them and let them know that the oldest is seeing and feeling the difference and if they wont treat them exactly the same then they don’t get either. They are sisters and will forever be together and if you cant accept that then they don’t need to be around you either.
Both try sitting down together with his parents and saying what you have just written on here, or maybe try writing a letter. I can understand the excitement of the first baby but it’s not fair. She may not realise how different she is being and may have got caught up in the excitement or she may not have actually sat and thought about how it may affect the children and their relationship! Surly if you explain to her how she is making your little girl feel she will feel terrible! Sometimes it doesn’t come naturally, people sometimes need a little push in the right direction!
DO NOT ALLOW THEM TO SHOW PARTIALITY!!! You see that your daughter already picks up on it… it hurts… tell them either they treat them the same or they dont see either!!! period… and dont let anyone pressure you into things youre not comfortable with when you have a child thats involved. you and your kids are a package deal either they love and respect you all or not at all… especially with family. ive been here and had it done to me as a child aswell… it hurts and that matters… this will only get more toxic if you dont stop this now.
You don’t have to love them equally to treat them equally. Dont allow anyone to mistreat your kids.
wouldnt cut them out but also wouldnt force a bond either. I would stay the sleep overs (bar at your parents as clearly theyd take both) and only allow visits when both are there. Is the MIL asks why then state your reasons as to how its affecting your eldest and so to make it fair they go everywhere as a pair treated fairly xx
It will continue to tear you apart until the issue is sovled…I wouldn’t know how to go about it if I was in this situation without making a giant mess out of it so I wish you luck. Both your babies deserve the same amount of love.
I wouldn’t let the youngest be around them until they treated both kids the same.
Shes a nut. #1 you don’t have to let a baby stay with anyone until YOU are ready. 2 id make it clear she won’t get her EVER if she continues to make a difference in them. Has your hubby adopted oldest?
Sorry you are going through this but I’ll be as honest and frank as possible. You cannot control how this grandmother feels towards your oldest daughter. You should never force a relationship between anyone and I don’t think the grandmother means to be rude but she is showing you exactly where your daughter stands.
Now, what you can control are Cutting out all sleepovers. Even if down the road grandma wants both to sleep over, I’d politely decline. I wouldn’t say it’s not fair for your youngest, if anything you are inadvertently solidifying their relationship as a pair. Your husband is great to step up for your first daughter so please don’t let him pay for his mother’s actions. I would have him tell her any gifts to given to only one should be kept at her house as to be fair to both. She may not be able to help herself or her feelings but she is a grown woman that should know better by now.
No way would I let younger go if older isnt welcome. My child my rules
Main thing I read that stuck out to me is that you honestly think you can lie to that child in that kind of situation and her not ever ever find out he isn’t her real dad you better start being honest with your first child. You think you dislike your mom in law now , you have no idea. Just wait till she’s the reason your daughter finds the truth.
A talk with her needed to happen a long time ago! I would have never started letting my youngest stay the nights &if she didn’t want to watch both she got neither. I understand not always being able to handle more than one but come on obviously that isn’t the issue here! When I met my husband my son was about 18months… his family have always been involved with him… we have four children bow &none of my children get treated differently. Stand up for your daughter and you husband needs to stand up for her also!
I’d be telling her straight they are accepted equally and loved equally and treated equally or you won’t be a part of their lives.
My other half had a similar talk with his mother when they got back in touch. He made it clear we are a family of 4 and the kids are treated equally. My daughter still has contact with her bio dad but me and my SO have been together since she was 18MO so she says she has two daddy’s. Her and her little bro are super close though they come as a pair.
I met my husband and I had two kids. His dad never acted like they weren’t blood. His mom on the other hand it was a nightmare. My two were older and could see the difference of treatment, after we had our daughter. Which obviously was blood. It wasn’t until my fil passed that she reared her ugly head. The straw that broke the camels back was she told my oldest she wouldn’t amount to anything cause she was raised by a single mom. After that my husband stood up to his mom and she still couldn’t leave well enough alone. We haven’t talked to her in 6 years. It’s not healthy for the kids and for you to have to stress over it.
My son got with a girl that had a 2 yr old daughter I fell in love with the baby immediately well 4 yrs later they’ve been broken up for abt 2 and a half years and the baby is now 6 I’m a mawmaw to 4 beautiful grandkids her included. So if they can’t accept your oldest daughter they shouldn’t be allowed around your other daughter. I think your fiance should handle it because when you get with someone that has kids you accept the kids also. No its not mandatory that the in laws accept but they wouldn’t be able to have my other child either. Your kids are sisters and should be treated the same blood or not
First, I don’t see why ur first child doesn’t know ur fiance isn’t her biological dad?? I understand that’s a hard conversation but it doesn’t mean he isn’t her daddy! Secondly, if u can’t take both kids or treat them the same u can’t have either🤷♀️ they’re kids, they shouldn’t be treated unfairly for ANY reason!! Third, you are their mother, the one person who is supposed to protect them. Even if it means protecting them from family members, the heart of that child is ur responsibility. There’s tooooooo much negativity and bad things in this world that u won’t be able to protect them from so why hesitate when it’s something you can prevent!
Now, I know u love ur babies and I promise im not bashing you but those babies look to u and ur fiance for guidance on everything including how they should be treated. Grandparents often mean well but sometimes they just didn’t get it and it’s up to the adults to sort it out before it causes real damage. Good luck and much luv!
Figure out a schedule for both girls to spend time with your mother in law. Also allow your mother in law to have that one on one time with her biological granddaughter. The last thing you want is for your mother in law to feel like she can’t spend one on one time with her granddaughter. Tell your fiance to tell his mother that you guys are going to leave toys there for your older daughter. If that doesn’t work than no separate visits with her granddaughter
My grandson is not biologically mine. I couldn’t love him more if I tried. Blood or not he’s my boy. My family welcomed him with open hearts . He is one of us.
I’m not shaming you or judging because everyone does what they feel is right. But keeping the secret from her that your husband is not her father may come with repercussions later down the road. My bf found out at 29 that the man who raised him was not his father. It completely ruined him! Like messed his whole life up! He’s 42 now and it’s still there. He resents his entire family. He love/hates his mother. His real father is dead, he refuses to get to know the other siblings who reached out. I have no idea what nationality my 8 yo son is. My bf has no idea what he is.I know cancer runs on the real father’s side, but I have no medical history. She robbed us of this information. I’m not saying this will happen with your daughter, but just letting you know it can happen.
Tell them they are ALL in or you are out. No way is that ok!! Shame on the grandparents! How selfish and narrow minded.
Firstly, she should be aware that your fiance e is NOY her father but is like a father. Then , accept the fact that they are not her grandparents. You cannot force someone to be a part of your kids life and you are responsible for her happiness even if it means you have to keep your baby home and only let her stay with them when you need to.
I honestly hate your MIL
Maybe first have a conversation with your oldest and tell her that he isn’t her biological father. And then go from there.
This needs to be resolved now. You and fiance need to sit parents down and give them the rundown. They either treat them equally or they will be forced to treat them equally. They will spend the same amount of time, money, and affection on both or neither. Period.
Fiance might actually need to have this talk without you present. He needs to make him mom understand that he sees your eldest as his daughter too and he wont allow his mom to hurt his daughter by treating her less than.
I’d stop letting baby stay there until grandma can start showing that she accepts and loves older sibling just as much as younger sibling and instead only let them visit with one of they allow both either there or at your house. If they have a problem too bad not their kid and one child is just as important as the other.
Kids.don’t have to stay with grand parents especially if its toxic to her or your family and you dont have to feel guilty just slowly start putting the seperation there untill shes gone .
Tell her,if you can’t show them both the same love,attention,and buy for both,then baby isn’t coming over.Tell her oldest notices she’s treated different.Tell her you’re a package deal.
Wow. She sounds like a really lovely lady.
Lets be grownups. We don’t love other peoples kids the way we love our own. God made us like that. Not that she won’t love and enjoy your daughter but she’s not there’s AND the first grandchild is like God putting a gift in your arms from his hands. They are golden. You’ve gotta put your feelings aside. You’ll end up taking away the little ones wonderful childhood with her grandma because you didn’t form a relationship with the older one and her grandma.
Explain they come as a package deal. If she wants to come to your house to visit her biological grandchild for an hour or so that’s fine. But the siblings are a package and if her son accepts it his family has to also or else they have to take a slight back seat on how involved they are.
I’m sorry but I wont let my baby stay anywhere with out me period.
If you wanna play favorites you can take it somewhere else:woman_shrugging:t2:
You have to accept that you can’t force a person to love a child that’s not biologically their bloodline.
If it’s not there, then it’s not there.
Be honest with her age appropriate, she’s not your biological grandma, not your bio dad etc.
If you are truthful from the start when she’s young, it will be easier for you.
As you said she’s already noticed!
Either they would treat BOTH of my kids equally or they would see neither of them. That is incredibly hurtful to your oldest and she doesn’t understand why she’s being treated differently. I don’t understand having favorites and I don’t like it. You WILL have to tell her one day though that he’s not her biological father sooooo. Maybe better to start thinking of how now.
Well I have a granddaughter that wasn’t my sons and yet I would die for her just like my other 12 grandchildren. So if she hasn’t got enough love in her for your daughter then she doesn’t love you enough. You can tru talking to her but if things don’t change. Do what is best for both girls.
Cut her out, if she can’t love them equally then bye. You wouldn’t tolerate that behaviour from a man so why tolerate it from a grandmother?
When I was younger my grandpa wouldn’t buy me things for my birthday or claim me . I was his bio logical granddaughter. My grandparents were divorced. My mom called grandma and said " dad refuses be to buy anything for his granddaughter he claims he only has one grandchild. He had 4 at the time." My grandma called him and said if you can’t buy something for all the kids don’t buy for any.
I guess he had a doll sent to me with dishes.
Here is my sentiment and advice! If your mother in law is more humble towards her first grand baby and your first born is seeing this and at times feels excluded, than it’s time to lay down some ground rules! Either she takes them both when it’s time for a stay over, or the kids just don’t go at all! No child should feel like they are second best! Either do for all or do for none, you feel me?
This is a hard situation. The fact of the matter is you cant force anyone to love your child as f’d up as it may be. The “love” will never be real & the child will still end up hurt. It isnt anyone’s fault except the mother & bio-father that the oldest daughter doesnt have a relationship with her fathers family. You need to love on your child & build her up so she isnt affected emotionally. Everyone is so worried about the older daughter have you thought about the fact that keeping the younger daughter away to protect the older daughter may affect her? Keeping the younger daughter away does not guarantee that the mother will adjust her behaviour.
Im currently dealing with this situation. My current partner & i have 3 children together & i have an older daughter who has a different dad & he is trash! My daughter definitely feels the difference & we speak on it all the time. She has some resentment towards her younger brother & sisters. I am currently searching for a therapist for her. She will be 13 soon so i can leave her alone a lot more but because of our current situation she has to go to the grandmother’s on a regular basis. All i do is try to encourage her & love on her until the situation gets better. Good luck
First you sit down with them and tell them look, this is my family. And you are hurting my children. You favor the youngest to the point my first child has noticed it. Until you can treat both of my children equally you are not having anymore slumber parties, any one on one time, or anything. If you wish to see them you come to my house and hang out where I can make sure no one is being excluded. If you refuse to change the way you’ve been treating my oldest, you will not have privileges at all. You need to put your first down because you making excuses for them willingly leaving your oldest out is why she doubts she is loved by the other family too. “Oh next time you can sleep over, etc” don’t excuse them for their behavior. If its unacceptable its your job as a mom to tell the grand parents no. You allow the behavior to continue by not addressing it honestly and openly. If they refuse to listen then you stand on your own two feet with your husband in agreement that everything they had been allowed to do will then stop. If shes noticing, the resentment has already started, the pain has already started, and you need to take action now.
That is awfully young to stay at grammas house! Totally your call though. That being said gramma will never love the step grandchild like the bio grandchild, but your oldest SHOULD NEVER KNOW THAT!! As an adult she should be making sure that BOTH girls feel the gramma love biological or not! I would sit down with her and say exactly what you said to us! One on one discussion! Espress yourself, lay it all out, then you can say you’ve done all that you can.
I would restrict visits until she can love and accept both children.