I’ve had sole custody of my ex son for almost 16 months out of his 2 & a half years. I’ve been his stepmom since he was a month old. Long story short, my ex & I split over a year ago due to his drug use. I am not my son’s biological mother. She is an addict, as well. Both my ex and my son’s bio mom feel they can pop in & out of his life whenever they feel like it. In August, my son’s sisters came to live with us as well. The girls & my son share a Mom but different fathers. Their mom has no idea the girls are even here. She thinks they’re living with their Dad. He couldn’t financially take care of them. I am trying my best to keep them all in a happy, safe home. Fo, I keep allowing their biological parents to keep popping in & out when it pleases them or do I set boundaries. The girls are teenagers & are in counseling for a good reason. All their mom does is hurt them when she does call. All my ex does is play games trying to use my son to get to me. None of their biological parents offer any kind of financial support either. My husband and I are raising six kids. Any & all advice or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. Thank y’all.
I would set boundaries them popping in and out can really mess the kids up no matter how old they are
I would look over your custody agreement and contact a lawyer to get some advice on what you can do. Kudos to you though, sounds like you’re a pretty great mom!
I don’t have advice at all but I think you are an amazing human and I’m going to pray that this gets easier for you. But yes, I feel boundaries are absolutely necessary. My ex is an on going recovering addict and there are boundaries as he doesn’t have custody either. Good luck
You are their legal guardian you set your rules. Hats off for taking care of them and giving them a safe stable place to live
See if you could adopt them .if you think that would be best❤ you are an amazing person and Bless you for what you are doing for the kids…sometimes the best thing is to completely cut off toxic people even if they are " parents "
First off, you’re amazing! Thank you for giving them a loving home.
Secondly- set boundaries. I wouldn’t allow them to keep coming in and out of their lives
You’re an amazing human being. You set the boundaries so that the children aren’t confused
Thank you for taking care of these kids and being a positive influence in their life…Set boundaries for a visit like a custody agreement.
have an order put in place of set times and things to follow such as drug addiction classes and what else is needed. They should have right to see thier children. To one day hope they can change thier life and get thier son.
First off you are an amazing person for doing this!! Those babies will love you forever. Ugh you deserve the world. As for them popping in and out… I’d find a way to stop it. Those kids don’t need that type of thing going on
the world needs more people like you!
Tell the your oldest daughter’s they do not have to speak to their mother if they do not want to . As for your son set up a day a week they can visit with them all so God bless you , your husband and family
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I would set boundaries but that’s me. The kids need a drama free life. weather not it’s right or wrong they need those people out of their life’s for a while to regroup and Focus. Time does wonders.
You’re an amazing person, but you do need to set boundaries it’s unhealthy for the kids that their bio parents are popping in and out and on drugs set up a supervised visitation schedule. Sounds like you’re the best thing that happened to the babies
I do not allow my boys bio dad to come and go as he pleases. He can stay sober and consistent or stay away completely. Ny kids hearts will not be broken over and over because its convenient for him.
I would set boundaries, I would let the teens have some input on those boundaries
I hope you treat them as if they were your babies. So many stories of playing favorites, or having a favorite. God bless you if these are your true kids and you love them. Set boundaries and get it in the court system.
You deserve a medal.
To give the children stability and a sense of security, if you haven’t already then make everything legally binding. Full guardianship etc. Involve child services if needed. And get a contact order in place and stick to it. Keep a contact diary, write everything in it, from when where and who, to how child is afterwards, everything that’s said or done etc. You’re doing amazing and those kids are so lucky to have you in their lives, good luck.x
God bless you and your household. I’d set boundaries.
Takes a very strong woman to do what you are doing . Not a lot would . Koodos to you
You’re a saint! Wishing you the best!
You Re a good woman and hubby z good man
God bless you, take them to court for money
I have 2 baby daddies, both of who are drug addicts. It’s so hard on the kids to not see them, but it’s better in the long run. If I were you, I would set something like you can call the kids Tuesdays at 7. If they don’t call then, they don’t get to talk to the kids. Done. End of story. You pick the time that works for you and your kids, not what the other parents want.
You can talk to the counselor(s) to see what they’d suggest for the older children. Depending on age, they may want to set their own boundaries with the help of their counselor and then look to you to assist in enforcing them. The littles; set up a visitation schedule through the court, if needed and get them into counseling when age appropriate. Also, file for support, if that’s an option. (I’d assume it is if you haven’t adopted the children and relieved bio parents of responsibility.) Even if set at a minimum amount, they are responsible to help. It may take years, but if you have an order, you will get your money some day.
Stop the visits! Every step forward they take bio egg donor and sperm donor set them back a dozen. They should know why they are not with them and learn to heal. You are a special person. Is it not amazing how you are not blood but love and want nothing but what’s best for them? Egg and sperm will never get it!
Set boundaries. And great job keeping those kids together. You are an amazing person
Did you adopt or are you considering we are kind of in the same situation with seven siblings but however we adopted and the bio parents until proven to be clean or whatever they claim are not allowed here we’ve been too much to keep them all together plus it brings so much disruptive chaos to their life
I definitely wouldn’t let them keep popping in and out of their lives. You need to set boundaries for them.
I think you need to seek legal custody for these babies. This way they can’t use them as pawns and they have a stable upbringing. Dont even tell the bio parents for it will cause drama. Seek legal advice and help first because at this point ,druggies or unfit they can just come and take their kids back anytime they want. Best of luck to you mama bear.
You could try to go to court and get sole custody of all kids and then they won’t be able to control you with the kids
God bless you both! You’re a blessing to those children!
You must do what you feel is best . I raised my nephew and niece as my own , they always knew that they had birth parents but even tho I had a open door to come visit the birth mom stopped when the kids were toddlers the dad was in prison 27 years . Fast forward kids grown I am mom even tho they reunited with birth mom it didnt work , I was careful to always speak positive abt both birth parents so kids could judge for themselves. Birth dad was just released and hope to have a relationship I pray they can . Meanwhile I am still mom and they call me when they need advice or such . All you can do is be the best you can be and do for them what you would want someone to do for your kids if need be .
God bless you. I would go to court to legally get all the children so you can keep them safe from these people. The court would grant visitation for them under specific terms to protect the children.
I honestly think that this is 1. Incredible. 2. You need to get a good lawyer, if you dont already have one. 3. File papers in court for restricting visitation for your ex and son, along with papers to adopt the other siblings (if you do want that, which it sounds like you do). Also all the incidences with drug and showing up as they please should be documented. With all that being said. Are yall prepared to provide for all these children? Obviously you can make it work right now, but if you think about it, drug users are going to pay for their habits and not provide so there will be no financial help except from the state and talking to a judge.
First of all, Bless you for taking these children in and loving them like you do when you don’t have to!
First off, HATS OFF TO YOU MAMA! take the legal route for all of the kids & stop calls n visits.
If you have sole custody you do not have to allow visits. Sounds like it would be in the best interest if they didn’t visit. God bless you and your husband for trying to do right by these children.
Your a godsend to those kids I’d set healthy boundaries
If you have sole legal and physical custody bolt the damned doors shut and keep them out until and unless they get clean and proove themselves worthy. Don’t let anyone damage those babies. YOU are their Mama. …and God Bless you for taking this on. It can’t be easy. OP can PM me for support anytime. HUGS Mama Bear!!
Thats awesome I would talk with the kids and see what they want to do and if they don’t want to see them cut them off but make sure its their choice voice your concerns with them and why you are wanting to stop the visits and just see what they say and if thats what they want then cut them out
Good bless you for being there for those children!
No advice but bless your heart I pray it all works out
I just gotta say… You and your husband are amazing people. Wow…
But I don’t think its good for the kids that their bio parents are in an out of their lives.
I wouldn’t let them keep doing that to the kids. They need to learn that their actions hurt other people
Talk to an attorney! Set boundaries, at least the kids are witnessing someone literally always being there for them…most kids dont have that. I would check with a lawyer, then get restraining orders against all parental units but your husband.
I would go to court to set-up some sort of foster situation and fight for custody because letting them pop in and out as they please only hurts the children.
How do you have custody of your exes son?? Shouldn’t he go to next of kin?
Great job keeping these kids together in a stable environment. I would talk to the kids as to what they want. If they don’t want contact with bio parents then it’s your call
Get legal custody/guardianship. Get all the proof you can of how long y’all have been taking care of them. Receipts, school paperwork, everything.
And set boundaries after you get legal rights. No more popping in and out, no more drug addicts. Tell them to get clean if they wanna speak to the kids.
Go for legal custody
I have no words of wisdom, just want to tell you that you and your husband are amazing human beings…
See if you can adopt them, you are already loving them better than their biological parents are, why not try to make it official?
It sounds like you need to go to talk to a lawyer unless I’m missing something because I don’t know how you have custody of a child that isn’t yours and their parent thinks they’re somewhere and they aren’t, I think you could get in trouble for that. Idk the court system is screwed up but I wouldn’t want you to end up facing any charges or anything else if the parents ended up turning it around and taking you to court but again, this isn’t the entire story and I know I’m not a lawyer but I’d def suggest getting professional advice.
No You are amazing. Just be there for them and it sounds like you already create a reliable safe environment for them.
Girl you and your husband are heroes for keeping all these kids in a safe home
Set boundaries. Having their so called parents in and out of their lives will only confuse them. And they will wonder what they did wrong. Why dont my parents want me? Please don’t let that happen.
Similar thing happened to me. For the safety and well being of the Children, I reached out to Children social services for help. I let them know right away that I wanted to help and keep the Children safe in my home but their parents had essentially abandoned them with no communication. CSS allowed me to keep the children while bringing the children into the ‘system’. Within a few weeks, CSS set up a Court date for the children. After they were medically assessed and I was assigned as there ‘foster’ parent. The judge ruled for the children to start receiving medical insurance through the county and assigned them lawyers. I was also given a
Monthly allowance to help with the children. CSS then requested to see the children’s parents to set them up for ‘family reunification’. In my circumstance, the parents never came back and I ended up adopting the girl. If the parents want the child back, they then Need to go through the CSS office for all visitations, while also going to any mandated classes (AA, Drug, Anger counseling’s). Which the county pays for. The parent doesn’t have to pay to the classes, they simply have to show up. (They need to work to get their kids back) But ultimately, the county will strive to save the family, if that doesn’t happen, then the court will set the child’s Life Plan for adoption. Now, there is allot of different scenarios but this is the most direct.
You are an amazing woman
What a blessing you are Mama:heartbeat: They are all so so lucky to have you in their lives and that’s an understatement:two_hearts: They will forever be so great full for you and how you’ve stepped in and took care of them when they needed someone to love them. I would try to set boundaries with them and maybe if your able to set everything in stone and get guardianship so they can’t come back on you and try to do something sketchy…
Go to court for guardianship over the kids
You guys really are great people. Thats awesome and keep it up. Best!
Y’all are awesome to take on these children… you should definitely keep everything documented and seek legal custody of these children… talk to a lawyer
All depends on what legal agreements are in place…if u have nothing in ur favor for the sister u could get in trouble for kidnapping…
Best to avoid that mess and just contact a lawyer
Absolutely set boundaries
I would definitely set boundaries, if the girls get hurt every time they talk with their mom, and if they are teenagers, maybe have a private meeting with their counselor and let the counselor know what their mom does, she may need to have her contact to them shut off!! Also, I would consider getting a no contact order against your son’s father also, if he only try’s to hurt you through his son! The kids do not need any of that! God Bless you and your husband for caring for these children as your own! Maybe you both should consider making them your own permanently and cutting all ties with the parents, not sure I would even call them parents! Just my opinion! Goodluck mommy, you are doing GREAT!!
You are a really good person… not many selfless people like you in the world. . Only thing I can think of is contacting a family lawyer and listening to what he/she has to say about your situation. All the best to you and your family…
Bless your heart stay strong
I would sit boundaries,You are a great woman and Mother keep your head held high
You are an amazing person! Can u legally adopt them?
I would say until they can prove sobriety I wouldn’t let them call or be around the kids at all. Since you have sole custody you have sole say in who comes around and calls. It can do more harm than good having the bio in and out of the kids life.
You are a wonderful person and you are doing something amazing! Boundaries need set I would talk to a lawyer and honestly I would go for adoption.
You are such a selfless person. The very definition of amazing. It’s difficult because you don’t have custody of the girls. I would try to get sole custody and then set up some type of supervised visitation. Good luck
Honestly, you are amazing for taking in kids that aren’t yours just to make sure they have a safe home. I think doing that is wonderful. I also think if you’re going to keep them safe, I would limit any interaction from any biological parent that is an addict, at least until they are clean and can prove they want to be part of their children’s lives.
Make them pay support. ND if theres custody agreements just follow them.so you’re not in trouble… if not I’d try and set some kind of arrangement through court. You’re super kind for taking these kids on
Go to court set visitation and set child support
Bless you & yours. You’re doing an amazing thing for those babies! I’d definitely talk to a lawyer about cutting ties seeing that it’s not healthy for those kids to be around/in contact with their bio parents.
Set your boundaries,kids need stability. Do let them use those kids stop letting them come in your home destroying your peace. Kids know that’s their safe place
You are an absolute saint.
Thank you for being an awesome person and properly loving and caring for kids that probably wouldn’t have that otherwise:heartpulse: As someone who grew up with addict parents and then unfortunately went down the same road myself for a while, cutting the parents out usually doesn’t go well. The kids end up mad at you and just wanting their biological parents even more so my honest advice is to just let them be the shitty parents they are and be there for those kids And continue to show them love And support when they are hurting, which is going to happen either way fr:woman_shrugging: It’s probably not the advice you want or to a lot of ppl doesn’t sound right even but the more you set boundaries they will just continue to break them and if you cut them out the kids will resent you (at least until their older and understand what you were trying to do) and it’s a really messed up, sticky situation no matter what you do really. But they are very lucky to have you and 1 day they will show you that. Bless you and your beautiful blended family!
You need a family attorney. Get them legally yours. It wont be hard to prove that you are the best fit for the children. Otherwise, you risk losing them at any time. I’m a family law paralegal. I’ve seen it too many times.
Your a real earth angel the children are very lucky to have you, is there anyway you could all move away, fresh start etc & keep the biological monsters away from the already delicate children .
I don’t have any advice but you are an awesome person. Keep up the good work…
You should be talking with an attorney & get visitation set up. Yes you need boundaries & most likely will need a piece of paper that clearly states those boundaries & is signed by a judge.
What a great person you are and a blessing for these children. Boundaries need to be set. Hopefully it all works out for you and the children!
Wow you are amazing. Speak to an domestic attorney in your area about the chances of getting full custody of all these kids.
Make them ur foster children u get paid to care for them atleast 1200$ a child
As long as you have legal custody you call the shots. And first let me say you are amazing for taking these children in as your own and loving and caring for them. If I were you I would set boundaries and not allow the bio parents to come in and out as they please especially if it’s hurting the children. You are amazing and such a caring person and I am sure you want the best for those children and sometimes that means making hard choices like this. Good luck and praying for your family and you!
You have a big loving heart but you have to set boundaries.
You have custody so unless there is court ordered visitation, set the rules that you feel is best. As for the teenagers, they’re already teenagers, it’s probably best you discuss with them what they would prefer and come to an agreement with them together. Letting them feel as though they have some control is important.
No advice but you’re a great woman.
You and your husband are amazing people. I would file for custody? Adoption? Question marks as I’m not sure which would need to be done. Whichever it is do it quickly and emphasize that you soley support them both financially and emotionally. Once this is established cut the bios out. I’ve worked with troubled youth in foster care, I’ve seen the damaged these little visits can cause for the children. They don’t need that kind of hurt. It’s hard enough trying to figure out life. These kids need normalcy
The world needs more mamas like you! It’s amazing that you do all of that for these children.
I would still say it’s better to talk to a lawyer. It’s easier to set boundaries and all that if you know exactly what you can and can’t do.
I would definitely consult an attorney
Go to court and file For custody and make your case based on the info you gave you have a chance of getting custody of these children and then make the parents only have supervised visits! State your concerns and how it is effecting the children and what they’re going through and what they’re doing to heal and if it’s not helping recovery then maybe they could stop visits for a while
Thank you all for the advice. We hired a great attorney when she first left him with me. We want to adopt the girls but we want it to be their choices since they’re teenagers. As far as my son goes none of his biological family wanted him
State of Louisiana gave us sole custody with visitation at my discretion. As a Mom sometimes I second guess myself drives my husband nuts. As always my kids will come first no matter what…its our job to protect them. Thanks again for the kind words & advice.
Parental alienation is never okay. Your the adult set boundaries as you must but never tell a child they can’t see or speak to their own parents