My oldest son (6) has autism. He was finally officially diagnosed about a year ago. Lately, my house feels like I’m not the one in charge. I have had to lock up my refrigerator, game controllers, tv remotes, and DVD disks. He knows what he wants and how to control most of the electronic devices. He was earning game time for doing homework/school work, but now he thinks he can play whenever. He has a difficult time sleeping. He ends up staying up late and waking up early and waking everyone with him, mostly his little brother and sister. I don’t know how to discipline him and help him see that there are consequences for his actions. I have already locked up electronics and set up a system where he can earn time by doing “chores,” but it doesn’t seem to be working. His tantrums and messes seem to get worse every day. I even took a guidance class and am trying to do the positive redirection, but he ends up blowing up, and it frustrates me more. I’m at my wit’s end. What can I do?
When he plays games without time bring him back and remind him he has to do XYZ to get game time. Visuals help!
Sleep: Talk to your doctor!! We go through rollercoaster of ups and downs with sleep.
Are you getting help from any services? Things like psychology and occupational therapy helped my son out a lot they also helped me find a way to work with him in a
More productive way
Good luck mumma there kids are a challenge but the rewards are awesome 
Can you get him out and run him a football field for an hour everyday. After dinner. Hugs. Maybe his body needs the physical release. My kids go like that with wifi. And since this lockdown mine have become more agitated easily. Hugs.
Hi!
I’m so sorry your going through a rough time.
My advice is reach out to a center for help!
I used to work at CARD. (Center for autism and related disorders). And they were fantastic to work with.
Get help so you can be a family again:) good luck and your not alone!
Look into services that he is eligible for! You can access supports and services to help you navigate this. I don’t have a child with autism, but as a social worker I encourage you to look into this! When programs are done correctly (by both provider and family) they can be extremely beneficial to the parents/caregivers and the child. I’m sorry this has been tough on you. But I promise you are not alone and there are people out there who can support you!
Yes, check into any and all services available, not just for your son but for you as well. Hang in there!
Is he in therapy at all? With autism diagnosis he is eligible for services. Applied behavior analysis could help a bunch. The therapist should be able to give you pointers to use with him so there is a continuum of care. Hang in there mama you are strong and you have got this!
Maybe different meds for him
There’s an amazing family who vlog on YouTube. Their daughter has autism (she’s older then your son) but they’ve been doing it for years and have some amazing tips and tricks. Their name is ‘Fathering Autism’ they also share their videos on Facebook.
Behavioral therapy may be a good place to start. I would also take everything away from him that he likes. He is melting down and doesnt know how to express himself. Remove him from everyone and everything else. Dont try to talk to him. Not engage. Just remove. Once he calms down, he can speak about what is happening.
I have 0 experience with autism so i cannot offer advice in that aspect, depending on your internet carrier, i know specifically with xfinity you can restrict wifi connectivity to his devices as well at set time limits. You can also pause all his devices or the entire network right through the app. I use that feature a lot with my kid as well as my nephew.
Besides hurting another kid, I let my son do whatever he wanted. He is now 21 and the best kid I’ve ever seen.
My 11 year with Autism was put on clonidin for sleep issues. It has also helped his outburst. My kiddo is also on concerta for ADHD
I dont know where you live but definitely reach out to a regional center. I worked in a residential care facility for children with varying degrees of autism for 6 years. Your struggle is so real mama. If you can still safely move him on your own that’s your best bet for tantrums. Let him have them but only in his safe space, like his bed. Then when he’s all done he can resume normal stuff. Holding your ground and consistency is your best friend. It is tough in the beginning I know, but pays off in the long run, sets him up for success. Locking things down and up is how it has to start. Sucks I know but it wont always be this way. He WILL learn that his outbursts dont get him what he wants. Timers are also best friends. Strict schedules. Find an outlet for him. Stemming toys/tools. I know things are crazy right now but like everyone has said, reach out! There’s so many services available to you.
Court Ney DiAnna Jordan
Keep redirecting! He will see your not giving up your control sooner or later… it’s a process, don’t give up! (Also, find a therapist to help support you!!)
Schedule and routine. When school is out we all tend to get off schedule but some kids need rigid structure. Get up at the same time each day. Follow the same routine and put some gametime in. Also, melatonin for sleep
This is my life!! My day consists of avoiding tantrums and managing behaviors.
Have you taken him to a dr that specializes in autism.I have 2 great nephews who have it.one is non verbal the other does very well.both have to be medicated to calm them down.not enough to make them zombi3s though.it just helps them to focus and calms down their tamptrums.best thing ever.Also I have a granddaughter I have adopted who has adhd and she takes meds to help her focus and helps her with her mood.its a miracle.she functions very wel with it.
Ok I have nephews with autism and we do the same he has to earn everything and only 30min a day video game and tablet and we do quite time where he has to do something like color or read then he get 2hr of t.v.
Beat his ass one good time then he will learn
My don is very similar… feel free to pm me and ill give u tricks or resources. Might help .
Behavioral therapist. Best thing you can do for the kid and yourself. Put some extra money into it. Go to the library get books on autism educate yourself read experiences of other get onto a mommies of autistic chdren groups.
He will greatly benefit from ABA therapy! It will help him & you learn how to work things through, follow through, push through skills he will need to better himself. It will not “fix” him, it help him be his best self & understand things change, removed, etc & its ok. He will learn how he feels, help work on himself. Plus! You will get help keeping track on how to handle things.
It honestly sounds like he doesn’t know how to process his feelings & work past the moment. ABA is great for that.
My son is in it, had some of similar behaviors. The first 6 months were hard & now he’s using his skills. He’s also a lot younger than yours. It might a positive thing for you too.
Hugs to you mom! Look for the service available around you. There are programs run by state/ school districts and insurance. They are very helpful.
Also, Look into groups like #nemecheckprotocol it worked well with many kids on spectrum.
Maybe there’s a support group for autistic parents might be a place to gather ideas and just a place where you can vent with other parents who are in the same boat
I have a 4 year old who is ASD add some of the support groups. That maybe a better place for advice.
I have 2 children with asd. I dont use electronics as a reward. Set a time everyday when he can use them. Like after dinner, before bath
Also a lot of special need children dont produce enough melatonin for a full night sleep. I would tell a dr he isnt sleeping.
Everyone on the spectrum is different my little brother and my son are medium functioning, my daughter, my dad and I are high functioning. This is what I know works with most people on the spectrum. Schedule and routine are your best friend, completely taking away his favorite things will increase his behaviors. As hard as it is make a schedule for everyday of the week so he knows this day at this time I do this, while getting him on the schedule is going to be a little difficult it is your best long-term solution it will help with behaviors and sleep. Change is going to be your enemy you’ll learn his needed times for telling him about changes coming and to adjust. Traditional punishments don’t usually work very well but whatever you pick be completely consistent.
Maybe a star chart might help my son always loved earning stars he would be so proud of himself might take few weeks to adjust to a new routine when its started but he will get there if ur persist
Look up “sounds like you should as an autistic but okay” it’s a Facebook group
“Autistic typing” is another great Facebook group to join
“Surprise you’re autistic” is a good one too
Create a visual schedule for him! At 7am, we can leave our rooms with a pic of a bed. At 7:30am we eat breakfast, with a pic of cereal bowl. Etc etc. He has to be able to see what he’s going to do and when he will do it. A visual schedule helps so much
I’m the bad parent who allows my son to have his phone in the morning. He wakes up around 4am. If he has his phone the rest of us can sleep until 6-7am. He just climbs in bed with me with it. His phone also helps him when sensory overload happens.
We put a projector on the ceiling instead of a TV. He can’t reach it lol We don’t have game systems or anything.
EVERYTHING of value has to be bolted down, locked up or on us. We have a large tool box with a lock to keep small things in. He likes to watch things go down the drain or toilet.
As for disipline i sit with him & try to calm him. When it’s a really bad meltdown I’ll sit in his room with him so he can’t hurt anyone.
It’s not perfect or easy. I don’t know if there is an easy way.
Give him some Valiums or zanax. Shit I bet you’re wore out. 9 o’clock disconnect the TV n all.
The discipline has to be consistent it may take a long time to sink in but it will eventually.
ABA therapy. It helps with meltdowns, communication, waiting (patience), social skills and more. Every child is different and i suggest getting any and ALL help ppssible. Therapy is vital.
First off I want to say good job!!! You obviously care and are committed . Second, are you strict about his diet? Because if not, it’s totally worth checking into. And for 3, six years old is a hard time to be a boy, especially when your parent is doing everything right 
. A lot of it is age. At six, his “currency” for good behavior may change day by day, sometimes in only hours lol. So trying to stay on top of it and having “choices” to earn is your best bet at home right now. I used to have a box of random dollar store toys I kept hidden to pull out as commodity on our really hard days. Remember, your mental health and emotional well being is important too!! And just knowing that a lot of this gets easier with age and that his atypical behaviors are actually VERY typical should help some. In 10 years I hope he’s as sweet as mine is now… but there were days I tell ya , there were days!!! Talk to his pediatrician about diet and medication (in our situation diet was CRUCIAL). And hang in there 
Have you tried talking to his doctor or getting him therapy
Get him to connect with nature more often maybe get him a pet I’m thinking if getting my 3yr old a puppy
Mine has finally made it to 20! He has ultra rapid bipolar to boot and wasn’t expected to make it to high school with the two diagnosis. It gets better but can waver back and forth. I found that the best thing for mine is consistency, preparation for changes or coming events weeks ahead of time and I socialized him despite how horrible it started out I never gave up on him, I refused to treat him differently from “typical” children and teens and didn’t give him a drug cocktail to make it easier on any of us. He was very violent but I refocused it through sports. He was asked 3 times to join the Junior Olympics and got 87 D1 Wrestling Scholarship offers (which is extremely hard to even get 1) he also got several for Soccer and Football! He excelled at everything except relationships and it’s still always a struggle but he really doesn’t get it still but is in a 6 month relationship now. Ppl except him as he is and tolerate his uniqueness but no not to cross him and him understand what happened and just take it as he’s a smart ass that’s extremely rough with a weird sense of humor and a hell of an athlete.
Compression helps calm and relax them and calm surroundings are a must. My son loves heavy weighted blankets, and being wrapped tight.
Schoolwork and homework always a challenge bc he can do amazing things without all the steps that the teachers require and he doesn’t want to bc he thinks they think he’s stupid by having him do it in a more simplistic way.
I let mine eat whenever he feels like it. He grazes all the time esp late night early morning.
I had to get a calm down routine with mine and melatonin for him to sleep. Now he’s early to bed and early to rise!
Had the police talk to my son about his violence to himself and others. It took about two times or the right officer knowing how to talk to him to get it to stick. No more violence leaves it in his sports setting. The best thing is to make sure you protect yourself and others while protecting him all while you hold him tight with heavy pressure until his body just releases and you’ll feel it and he will relax and chill. It doesn’t hurt him and if the police or anyone comes up to you for it tell them what’s going on and ask them to give you a break.
Find what he’s fascinated with and if it’s not dangerous give him more of it to keep his mind busy and him out of trouble.
It does get better and they will eventually even show some love and affection and a funny sense of humor! Hang in there it will be worth it. …and when you get these from an autistic child it’s the best thing ever.
OT with Aspberger’s kid…get the book Transforming the Difficult Child. Works wonders! Also start talking about good choices and bad choices rather than good behavior vs bad behavior. Good choices get good consequences and vice versatility. PUT ALL KIDS ON BEHAVIOR PLAN SO YOU DON’T HAVE THE OTHER KIDS RESENTING THEIR SIBLING. You need to be consistent. It will get worse before it gets better but if you stick to the plan and everyone is doing the same thing it will even out and get better.
I’m raising an autistic, non verbal little boy who is seven. He is very self efficient as well. But seems to want to do what he isn’t allowed to all the time or vise- versa. I think it’s an attention thing. I’ve had to get safety combination locks on our doors . As the plastic child safety ones he just breaks when he wants out, coz he is very strong too. I just pray and try to take it day by day. But it does help to talk to other parents dealing with autistic children. Probably not much help but at least you know your not alone.
Check into aba therapy. I think ALL insurance must cover it. Special therapists and aids trained to work with autistic people as young as 3, and they can make a world of difference! They work with the parents as well, train you to be able to manage your child’s needs. Your pediatrician should be able to refer you. Good luck and God bless.
Being consistent is the key. Do look for the good instead of the bad and then speak on those things. Too much attention is going towards what he is not doing. Change in routine should be gradual, because that may cause him to become anxious. I hope I gave you some new ideas.
My oldest has high functioning autism and was diagnosed at 5, so I understand. Mostly, it seems like he’s pushing boundaries. You are doing the right thing. Please remember it can be far worse before it gets better- especially with autistic kids- the change thing is brutal. Definitely give time outs or alone time when throwing tantrums and talk with him after about how they are not ok. The sleep thing- a colored clock works amazing- have him stay in bed with quiet toys or books and reward him when everyday.
I would 100% utilize any and all specialists in your area, the sooner the better. I am a former early childhood special education teacher as well as have a special needs daughter (asd as well as low functioning). I would ask my pediatrician/family doc to point me in the right direction, there are resources out there, you just need to ask. Good luck!
Check into local Autism groups. They are great and offer a lot of advice of what may or may not work.
Be Consistent. Redirect when the tantrums start. I have 2 Grands that are 12 years apart and both were diagnosed with Aspergers. Both are very different with food, sensory, etc.
Be consistent. My ASD daughter loves routine. I would also not use the word No and Not because she didn’t understand it. Example: Do not play that game at the table. She literally understood, play the game at the table. She has language processing problems. If, then statements worked, but I would make her tell me what I wanted her to do to make sure she heard/understood what I was expecting. Not sure if your kiddo has those issues, but it helped with me. ((Hugs))
My son also fixated on fish anything to do with fish. We had a huge 200 page book about fish we took everywhere with us,when we can see he was going into a meltdown we were just open up the book and put it in his lap and he would come down while he was at the pictures, where to have a therapy cat for a while which was pretty neat.
You should be working with many therapists. From what you are saying you should have a behavioral therapist, Occupational Therapist (they can help with sensory needs,) more than likely a speech therapist. It’s so difficult when you first start out but definitely ask your dr about these people that can help. If your insurance doesnt cover it look into what your state provided insurance offers… a lot of states have insurance that help cover costs for kids with differing needs. Join fb groups and find groups in your area so you have parents to lean on that understand what you are going through. Hang in there, you’ve got this!
I am going to give some advice but it isn’t going to be popular. I am a grandmother and have raised many children. Forget about the house being clean, it’s never going to be clean. Neat and in semi order yes. Kids need to run out their energy in order to be tired to sleep. That means going to a park, riding scooters outside, playing in the hose or swimming. With covid you have to be creative… make an obstacle course around the living room, through the bedroom… play hot lava floor. I know… who has time for that? But a worn out child from playing will sleep better. Remember, they are not going to remember how clean your house was. I know, my kids are adults and when we share all the good memories I promise you not one of them was about the house. Stop worrying about what other people think. Who cares! Worry what is best for your child. If it is the 4th trip to the park this week, and the laundry is stacking up… so be it.
I am thinking a nice morning and late afternoon dose of CBD. Don’t poo poo it, it is legal in all 50 states and you can usually tell a difference in them in a VERY short time. Give them an opportunity to be ALL they can be. Wishing you the best!!
I removed electronics for a very long time. Everything but TV because of obsessions! Our life was so much better! Now my son and daughter are 9 and 11 but we still do not have iPads back but they have the switch though not on line! They have non violent games on there and I set timers and only allow a certain amount of time.
So my son is now 9 we did years of hell. The biggest thing is structure and making sure everyone is United. They have a lot of pent up energy because they dont know how to redirect anger and frustration. The best thing you can have him do is run and physical activity even if it is swimming every day. Our biggest help was one milligram of respiridone. My son went from very low functioning and not talking at age 3 to talking and high functioning by 7. Structure daily even through the weekend. He gets angry let him go run it off or find something that will exhaust him some.
I have an aspergers adult now… It was he’ll trying to decipline him when he was younger… He moved to Illinois with his dad at16 and got into a program at school. They helped him find a job, paid for his assoc degree and now it a conductor with a switchyard company… It is true, it will get a whole lot worse then it will get better… As a parent you will need to be consistent with good and bad behavior rewards and punishments as well…
You really need to find support groups for parents of children with Autism. No child fits a one size fits all parenting style but it is so important that you interface with other parents that have walked where you are walking
I’ve been on this ride for 28 years. It is incredibly frustrating. What worked best for us was only allowing electronics on weekends. His bedroom was his calm zone with minimal items. Also, a weighted blanket worked wonders when meltdowns were coming. The single biggest difference was when we established a very strict schedule. And I mean strict. Everything at the same time. Talk to the doctor about the sleeping problem. We had this also. Our doctor put my son on melatonin, which helped a lot. We used books as our keep busy activity. He could read at anytime. Wake up early, read. Can’t sleep, read. Too much stimulus, read. We also invested in noise cancelling headphones. I would be happy to discuss any of this further. Just PM me.
I have heard a lot of people talking about making sure your child gets enough sensory stimulation. Climbing, sliding, swinging, and outside play to help with sleep. I know the tantrums are rough but stick with your rules. It might be tough now but it will be worth it when he is older and bigger than you.
Welcome to my world I have been taking care of my autistic grandson since he was diagnosed at 2 he is 19 now still only sleeps 4 to 5 hours a night if you are lucky has bad meltdowns fine one minute and crying and sweating the next can’t tell you what is the matter? I wish I could tell you their is some magic pill to make it go away but I can’t have faith and watch his diet that helps no cure but it helps their are a lot more options now out their then when my grandson was l diagnosed . One piece of advice I can give you is don’t let his get away with things because he has autism before you know it he is six feet tall then what are you going to do ? Jacob knows when I say no and I mean it I don’t worry about him attacking me or his therapist he was taught from little you don’t hurt any person or Animal! I know too many people let them get away with kicking and biting when small now things are out of hand it is hard I know but at least we take him out and he behave s at home he still has meltdowns but at least he is at home people just don’t know how to react to seeing meltdowns I just say he is alright just having a autistic meltdown ! So hang in their ! Their is light at the end of the tunnel! It doesn’t go away but you will learn. To cope. And when you do have a good day cherish it I know we do .
You need to also have him tested for oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) that can sometimes run hand in hand with autism.
You need to see a psychologist and have him put on medication for sleeping and medication for impulse control, believe me everyone will feel better once this is regulated for him.
Try social stories. Google it and there are many social stories out in the net for children with Autism. Make him read them daily and make him clean up the messes. Also, routines are a big help. If you have first, then pictures could help.
My oldest son was diagnosed at age 3. He is also profoundly deaf. We found a visual schedule helped ALOT!! We had visual cues for when he got up in the morning and ready for bed: pictures on cards is a sequence that he could turn over when finished( they had Velcro and stuck to the board on the wall) his tantrums, breakdowns, whatever you want to call it, were rough. We had to bear hug him on the floor. He would scratch and kick and it was brutal. We also had locks up high on doors… he would get wiggly and be destructive. Usually I would tell him he needed to run Around the back yard… the first few times he didn’t want to do it so I chased him around the back yard. After he came in he felt better and acted better… from then on when he acted this way I could just remind him and he would do a few laps. He loves to build and fix things… we used that. He turns 26 in September.
ABA therapy!! I can’t recommend it enough. Huge help in our house. Also know when the behaviors require “discipline” and when they require “redirecting.” Some things don’t register to them like most kids. Also talk to his case manager about the sleeping. No 2 autistic kids are alike either so it’s hard to give advice. Stand firm, redirect, praise him. Try waking uo before him and getting him started on things to keep him from waking up the younger one. Lots of prayer. Its not easy especially during this pandemic
I watch this vlog of Facebook called fathering autism. They have good info and great support in their daily vlogs
His sleep disruption could be triggering tantrums because he doesn’t recognize his body is tired. If your ped agrees, maybe try melatonin gummies at night. Perhaps some OT objects, weighted blanket, noise canceling headphones, etc. Also I’ve heard slowly eliminating gluten has worked wonders for some,as has CBD oil
think about when he appears happiest , most calm establish those cues for yourself scheduling his day. this is always always a challenge, entire family revolves around his moods; lots of prayer blessings for i you ou. mom is essential to him always
What about a sensory room? I know that if you can have an area with decreased stimulation during meltdowns it helps calm them down quicker.
Put him on a gluten free diet. It works wonders with kids who have autism.
If you haven’t tried yet, using a chart may help, does he like stickers? We had to get ours started on meds, it took a few years to find the correct combos and dosages, I don’t know if we’re there yet, but we have seen major progress.
My son was the same, he is now 24, we had to limit games and TV for work ( home and chores). For us what worked best at 6 was to set a short time for immediate play. Sweep the floor, 5 mins, make bed 5 mins, ECT… He could store time for longer or play immediately. The cause and effect worked well but it means someone has to pay attention ( sigh) I had to lock the TV and game systems up at night. If he was awake he could read or exercise quietly. Takes a lot of patience but it will pay off.
Get your doctor to write a prescription for ABA therapy. It will make a huge difference for you and your son. Have you talked to the doctor about using melatonin to help him sleep at night? I feel your pain and sending hugs
Ask your doctor about melatonin and weighted blankets.
My son is 25 years old with Autism I think I can help message me
Oh the sleeping thing they have us giving my grandson melatonin we started on 1mg
I have a child on the spectrum. He also has ADHD. Be the grown up and tell them to stop.
I am in the same boat you are in but with my 5 year old daughter.
Mines 16. Doesn’t stop cept now he’s bigger than me
I know you guys have probably heard this before, but it takes A LOT of patience. I literally had to stop what I thought was right and calm myself down. Take a deep breath count to 10, 15, etc and really had to stick to my choices. Really implant them. And if you do it once, that’s the way it has to be. Because the moment you give in, it will last twice as long the second time, then the third time. Once you stick to your plan, it will get easier as you go along, and don’t think they won’t test you, cuz they will. If you need to change any plans, prepare. With my daughter (now 21) we had to tell her as soon as we knew so we could avoid the meltdowns better. It helped, cuz the we had time to talk about feelings, and how to handle the situation better. I hope this helps someone. I knew from my daughter’s early age, 2 yrs old that she likely had autism. I didn’t get an official diagnosis until she was 13. She had serious issues and multiple daily meltdowns. Now she can mentally prepare herself, for the most part, when something comes up.
I have an daughter (she is now 14!). We are on a similar page: doors, fridge, electronics ALL locked up!
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Medicine! It’s not a “cure all”, but it will help in regulating sleeping patterns as well as assisting him in taking control of his behavior.
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As much physical (QUIET) activity as possible: painting, swimming, walking, biking, coloring, even swinging.
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Change the subject/topic (redirection) whenever the meltdown first starts. For instance get in the car and just take him for a short drive or ask what he wants to eat the next day.
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Don’t play into the tantrum and know that it’s okay that you don’t feel good at the time of all hell breaking loose! When my daughter cuts up the first thing I do is change the subject or break out my phone to get her interested in what I want her interested in: paintings or “How To” videos…
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This is 100% normal. Yes, you are an amazing Momma. And yeah, it’s gonna get better with determination and faith! We, literally we, ALL go through the same thing. Trust me. My daughter is doing amazing, but we still work on a lot of new issues every day.
I wish you and your family the very best. God Bless!
ABA therapy is a game changer! All of my nephews (4) have autism
Man bless you mommas with children with special needs.
Activities does make a big difference
Idk if this will help but your not alone. My sons therapist said to focus on Structure & stimulation. My son is 4 and on the spectrum. We have the same daily routine when at home and it him knowing the routine made all the difference for us. Meal & snack times are around the same time and he has allotted time to watch tv. We don’t allow any iPad or games yet but we would also have specific times and time limits for that when the time comes. We try to keep up with his sensory needs. We have tents, tunnels, a small trampoline, play-dough, sand and slime for him to play with through out the day in addition to his regular toys (animals, cars, etc). I take things in and out in 30-60 min intervals to keep him interested. Does he receive services? Everything we do was recommended by his therapists and tailored to his needs. When he has bad days and stems more then usual we use a compression & weighted vest that seems to ground him when he can’t do so himself. Things have gotten so much harder since the quarantine since his school closed but we’re doing our best to keep some type of structure and learning going on at home.
I lived your life.Very dark days.10 tantrums a day…my son was very violent.We constantly had police involvement,hospitalizations etc…But listen ,it may seem like there is not light at the end of the tunnel because that’s really how it feels.You are probably more tired then you have ever been .It’s not tired,it’s emotionally exhausted.But there is a turning point.My son’s dark days were from 2-11. Puberty was a spike.Hevwas mouthier than ever and violent but by 12 he calmed down alot.Now he is 14 years old 6’2 and over 200 lbs and he is quiet as a church mouse and at most times calm as a caterpillar.He has his outbursts of yelling and cursing.But it is tolslerable and I feel we are very close to end of our dark tunnel.Theres hope momma Its a season. Stay strong.Seek help.There is alot of resources.Reseach research research.Theee is programs where they come out a few times a week,they can take your son out or they go out as a family unit.Also try Icaps or family first.6 month programs that unite family’s ,promote structure and help immensely.If you are in Ct,and you need a break.Its sounds terrible but I have used it 3 X’s a year for several years.The children’s center of Hamden.Its a two week respit.Self referral. You refer yourself.You drop your son off he stays two weeks,you rest for two weeks.Its not bad there is a I ground pool playgrounds and courts.They take the kids places.Lake Compound,bowling ,movies,ice cream.The kids help cook some notes,they play bingo…it’s fun for them.My kids don’t like to go ,but they do go 
anyways I hope some of this helps.
I raised 2 boys on the spectrum also worked as a special ed aid 1 on 1. Biggest thing dont no or you cant do that. Relearn the language and say you can do that as soon as a is done the biggest thing this has to be flexible in tantrum maybe he has to write his name address or add or subtract a small task then reward then start with make bed then a reward
There are agencies around with great info. Call the number 211
Stay clear of trigger words,rephrase
Let him earn time for good behavior and he can play his electronics…Autism is hard I have two grandsons with it…like if he doesnt wake his brother up he gets 30 minutes…chores earn times…
I am the mother of a 28 yr old son with autism. It does get easier We tried a system called 123 magic. It was a video that his therapist gave us. Also, wear him out. My son was like yours bed late up early we started lots of physical activity to burn off energy and we got him an occupational therapist. That made the biggest difference in his behavior
You and him both need to find a counselor that specializes in Autism. They can teach you techniques to use to control some of his behaviour. When my son was diagnosed at 12 that helped us out immensely!!! Made all the difference in the world
I don’t know how to really help with your son that has Autism but for your other kids sake. Try spending special time with them once a day where it is just you and them. It could be when you are cooking dinner or when they are brushing their teeth. Try getting all involved with sports.
Get support from regional services in your county. In home aba. Family schedule
Try getting him out of the house and let him run around playing so it lets him get out some of the frustration he is feeling
Look into ‘Social Stories!’ They worked really well with primary school children I worked with but the need for consistency is vital. Each story should tackle a particular concern or situation and should be re read every day whether the situation/concern has arisen or not. Depending on the age of the child, I would write simple sentences which had been agreed with the child and re-read those every day until they were embedded with the child. Older children like to write their own sentences, try to encourage short and concise stories. Younger children would only need 4-5 sentences; older children maybe a few more depending on their own choice. Give each story a clear title and let the child decorate it as they wish and then keep it in a book style and gradually build up a resource which can be added to as new situations come up. It won’t work for every child with autism but is worth a try.
ABA therapy works awesome!
so sorry for your problem