Needing custody advice

So a little back story me and my ex-boyfriend split up two years ago. He kicked me out, and I had nowhere to live. I went to a family member who wasn’t a healthy environment for my children. We have two kids, 6 and 3! I allowed him to keep them the nights while I went to see them until I got my own place. So when I was looking for my own place, he ran to the courts asking for full sole custody. Now I have my own place, a nice three-bedroom condo, and he’s still living with his mom. I have paid a lawyer 11 grand in 7 months for the court to be constantly held over, and nothing is done. I need opinions. Should I allow for him to keep weeks and me Friday to Monday, which I still think is unfair, but I can’t afford any more thousands out of my pocket for nothing to be done in court? I feel like I have been ripped off! Or should I continue to fight? My oldest currently goes to school where he resides 45 mins away, so my drop-off Mondays start at 6:45 am, making it really hard on the kids. I just want to know because he is asking for one weekend out of the month, making my timeless with the kids. He was asking for child support and full custody. TIA to anyone who replies

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Never stop fighting. I’m about the same in debt with my lawyer but our kids are worth any amount.

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Never give up! Never those r ur babies and if u don’t fight for them who will. Unless there is more to the “back story” & they r better off at their fathers. U can consult another lawyer & good lawyer or not these things r never done in 7months still have some ways to go.

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Did he get custody? If not take your kids your not married

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Are the kids happy? Is he degrading you to them? I ask this cause I wouldn’t move my kids schools in order to have them more. I understand why he would want 1 weekend a month. He doesn’t want all his time to be nothing but work and school. Why did you move 45 mins away? If you were in the same school district y’all could do 50/50 but that’s not in the cards now due to distance.

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Don’t give up. Move closer to him if possible, makes it easy for school/daycare. Then ask for 50/50.

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If they’ve been with him for 100 and something days then that will be their permanent address.

NO you have rights to 50/50. You can file an emergency court order to have a visitation schedule done.

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Never stop fighting!!! I’m going through sooo much bs right now and I wish i had a lawyers help

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I would NEVER stop fighting for my kids! NEVER!

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I’d get a different lawyer…

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Unfortunately since he is living with his mom they consider that “more stable” than a parent who has their own home. I know it sounds stupid cause it is but it happened to my husband. The BM lives with her parents she got granted full custody…

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Fight, Fight, Fight!! Joint custody if he wont give up!! Do not settle for less than what your babies deserve and what is in their best interest. If he did not get custody, take the kids and keep them and go file child support and custody yourself!!

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Keep fighting for 50/50 if he’s a stable dad.

Do that schedule during school months and he gets weekends when they are out you keep them week days

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Keep fighting for your babies i know its hard.Keep your chin up.

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If he’s willing to let you have half the time right now just take it and when y’all finally get to court it’ll just show that you’re doing what’s best for them and everything he cried about has been resolved. Lots of people have a 3-4-4-3 schedule. Which is 3 days on 4 days off 4 days on 3 days off if the kids aren’t going to benefit better by being away for an entire week at a time. You’re doing a wonderful job. I also recommend putting this is writing and having it signed then notarized by both of you

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So much missing information. He’d have to prove you unfit to take full custody. Is he able to do that?

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Custody battles take time and money. I know you said you had a lawyer, but you might see if there is income-based legal assistance available in your state, that may be a helpful option for you. Courts prefer for parents to share custody of the kids, so if your ex is really pursuing full custody, expect your case to go all the way to a trial and this process may even take a few years. In the meantime please do everything in your power to keep the kids’ routine as stable as possible. This is as stressful for them as it is you. Good luck to you

I would just keep the kids and establish residency. Its not kidnapping since there is no order in place. If he doesn’t like it let him pay for a lawyer.

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Why would you give up?

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Not saying this is morally right but if he hasn’t filed for custody yet then there’s no order in place so you can keep your kids. Just lock the doors or don’t be home the next time he tried to take them back and immediately file for child custody and do not let him take them until there is a court date. He can’t do a thing about it either! Best of luck!

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There is no court order in place I would get them one weekend and not give them back. If you are in a stable environment and have nothing to hide all he can do is call the cops. Let him spend thousands of dollars trying to get them back. It is very rare a judge will award a father custody over a mother unless she is proven unfit.

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If you two are not married you would be the primary person unless he can prove unfit I’d be getting my kids he can pay a lawyer

Talk to another Attorney IMMEDIATELY!

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I was told years ago in state Indiana if there’s no court order or DNA done he has no rights and you can get them anytime there’s nothing he can do but that’s Indiana and each county is different
But if kids old enough to now what’s going on let them know you would like to keep them and not send them back to the dad’s
Don’t keep kids in the
dark no matter what kids pick up on things more then adults think
Look around for another lawyer one that’s not scared and has brass balls

I feel like there’s alot missing. Cause it takes ALOT for the courts to give full custody to the father over the mother

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I would look into a Family Law lawyer. They know more about family custody and how it all works. After you get the lawyer ask if you can do payment arrangements. But I would fight tooth and nail for those kids. DON’T GIVE UP!!

Have you tried mediation? It’s much cheaper than attorney fees, and also helps to open the lines of communication for parents to successfully co-parent in the future.

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Keep fighting for them never give up they deserved the best

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Fight. Don’t concede to anything you don’t want.

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If you give up custody. You’ll have a heck of a time trying to get it back in the future. I also like the week on, week off option

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try for 50-50
No court order means him or you can hold children

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Request a guardian at lidem

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Keep fighting. Try for 50 50. Just prove you are stable and can make the school runs and any extras needed

Not knowing both sides . But if you spent thousands on legal bills . Why didnt you spend it straight away for you and your children . No way would i of left mine . But for now go 50 .50 x

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Don’t give up don’t let them go they will hold that against you one day that why didn’t you keep trying I’m one of those kids …

Fight for your kids!!!

No keep fighting never stop I would contact a different lawyer and sounds like nothing is sent in stone by the courts I would just keep them

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Ask for 50% of the week my daughter is home with me Wednesday am 10am-sunday10am I am primary residence. She is 7. It’s been like this since she was 2. Fighting for sole custody is a loosing battle these days unless the parent is complete garbage person or just doesn’t want to be involved

You can petition he court without an attorney as well

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Do not give up fight for 50 50

This is happening to me currently. 5 years and over 30,000 in court and stilll going. Keep fighting please! Don’t give up on those kids they need you. Look Into some sort of legal aid for financial support in court. It’s hard once they start school the courts look at who has them at that time and what’s in the best I interest and sometimes that doesn’t include what your thoughts and feelings are because it’s less detrimental to the child to keep them where they are. This sucks I feel you mama it’s been a nightmare. My ex was abusive to me not our daughter and a narcissist.

Don’t give in yet u ex is living with his mum my god keep good thoughts

Sorry you don’t just allow the father to have access. You don’t own those children. Why shouldn’t he have custody they are his kids as well. Sounds like he’s been more stable for those kids than you. Why don’t you see if he can do 50/50 custody with you.

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Fight for 50/50. We switch my son every other week. Don’t give up, they need their mom just as much as they need their dad. They need both of you equally.

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Seeing that I only have 1 side to base my response on… First, you “allowed”/agreed for him to have primary custody (just in the fact you let him take them - obviously there was no court order at this point) because you knew the environment you could provide at the time was not safe (that was a selfless parenting choice that I applaud you for) - You then bettered your circumstances to provide a better living environment for them (also awesome) - your post doesn’t mention the amount of time that it took to get to where you are stable now but if it is a significant amount than it may prove difficult to switch custody completely at this point because any court should not want to uproot a child’s from a stable healthy living situation (assuming that dad is providing that). The fact that he lives with his mom is frankly irrelevant although I’m sure it’s irritating for you. Personally having Friday to Monday isn’t “bad” especially if it’s every week because that technically would be “half” the week (basically 50/50) and depending on finances that could eliminate the need for child support (which is based on the amount you gross and the amount of time you physically have the kids) but IF you were to have to pay that is definitely your responsibility if he supports them the majority of the time. Anyhow only knowing what you posted it’s odd so much money has been spent and no decision made (no court order/judgment, no mediation) I mean seems there could be more to the story OR you may just have a super crappy lawyer. In any event definitely go for 50/50 I think that’s the best option in ANY situation provided both parents can provide a stable, healthy, loving, and safe environment for the kids. I will say if you do take the Monday-Friday I would not give a weekend, personally. Also, I definitely would request a faustian ad litem if one has not been appointed yet (a lawyer for just your kids) but the court normally will do this but sometimes you have to request.

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Keep fighting never even stop fighting for you’re children no matter how much of what it costs never give up hun you can and will do it xxx

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Look the children are in a place they are stable in. Now before the women come at me with "mom is where they belong " understand that she would have stuck done the SAME thing in his position. He didn’t hurt you nor did he do snythjbf wrong to you. He did what every parent would have done under the circumstances. I would work for 50/50 and since the kids are with him and I that school district you have to deal with the commute. It’s what we do to not disturb our children’s routines.

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Don’t give up on your kids they will resent you for it

Your Lawyer is an idiot!!!

A week with you and week with him every Friday they get dropped of either with you or with him does he make more money than you or is he muching off his mother ??keep fighting

Compromise I would do it if it meant that I had the kids all week.

And it works ive seen it and the kids and parents are happy , makes me so sad that parents make the kids side with the parents and bad mouth each not good for the kids at all fucks them up .

Their just all about their money their the only ones that come out on top

Go for 50/50 with a different attorney. It doesnt make since that you have an attorney and “nothing is being done” unless there is issues they are running into with you getting more time.

U can do week on and week off

If the kids are old enough see what they want, and fight for that.
Divorce and moving around is always hard on kids, no matter what age.

Attorneys charge in 15 min increments. I am currently paying one for child custody issues. Our courts have been shut down because of covid and the daye keeps getting changed for court. In the meantime, anytime he speaks to the other attorney or asks the court about the date, i have to pay. After he speaks to one of them and then informs me, i have to pay. I have paid 5000 since August. Still no court date in sight.

Depending on your state Arkansas just passed this!

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Keep fighting. Give it every last cent.

The most important part of this are the kids. First and foremost put your kids first and do what is best for them. Also, be true to yourself and make the choices you will be happy with.

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Keep fighting for your kids first off…2nd your the one showing you have your OWN stable place for your children…hes still at his parents which is ok as a temporary/SHORT TERM resolution…however at this point with the covid the case is going to continue to be postponed …also fyi…1 child is already in school so its going to be real hard for that to be changed by a judge.

Never give up, keep fighting, keep spending the money get a second or third job til then!! That’s what I would do I personally took a loan out for custody court they are worth all the money in the world to keep fighting for!!