Okay, mamas. I have an almost eight year old son. He’s got some behavioral issues. I’m currently caught in the “monkey see monkey do” issue. I am a yeller. And it seems that that has rubbed off on my son. He’s getting angry tones of voices when frustrated, yelling at other students, and just being rude. I’m not above spanking some butt, but that worries me that he will eventually have an issue with keeping his hands to himself. I’m just kinda lost at how to handle this. I’m doing my best to keep stern voices but not raising my voice. I know it takes some time to reverse this, but I’m looking for some discipline that will stick.
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Time outs, loosing favourite toys/games, plan something big for the weekend then take it away when he is naughty, he can earn it back by being good
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So… act how you want him to act?
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Take away everything but a mattress, pillow, blanket, & school books 
Ultimately, if they dont follow rules, they end up in jail, so put him in jail~ at home. Grounding works! Do it! From a phone, video game, friends over, nights out. Do it & make it stick. No need to yell, behave or lose your “freedoms”. Just that easy. Start small, & work your way up. Then he earns things back. By doing chores, helping out, changing his behavior. & set a time limit, a week, or 2 weeks if its "bad’. & offer “early release” for good behaviors.
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We favor time outs and taking tablets/games. However we also show our appreciation when our kids do something positive. A simple thanks for listening or thanks for following the rules, thanks for cleaning up the mess, etc.
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Cut screen time down… take items away… make a deal n make sure they know the rules
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- Stop yelling at a child with behavior issues
- Try some form of therapy
- You be the example he needs in his life
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He would lose all privileges. He knows better and thinks that he can do it anyway. This happens a lot with children around this age. The thought that, at school, they can do whatever because the teacher wont do anything. Tell the teacher(s) that he has silent lunch and no recess. At home, take it all away. Once he feels those consequences, he will stop.
Learn a way to speak to him that’s not yelling. It doesn’t seem to be effective.
No more yelling. Buy two packs of tic tacs. You give him one and keep the other for yourself. When you have a disagreement you both reach for your tic tacs. Let 1-3 depending on the degree of the argument, dissolve on your tongue before speaking. Give yourself and him to have space and grace for your emotions. We yell when we 1. Feel out of control 2. Feel we are not being heard. In a moment of peace, tell him “ mommy hates when she yells and screams at you, because I feel that you aren’t listening and I’m afraid that the choices you’re making could get you hurt. I love you and I want you to be safe. So, the next time I feel like this we are going to take a tic tac break, so we both can be heard. I have done this with bosses, employees and even my own children and it works. When my assistant sees me pop a tic tac she knows that we all need to calm down. I call it space and grace time.
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Stand in corner, take privileges away, and if all else fails then resort to spanking
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Sit in a chair, in the middle of the room. Have him copy the dictionary or Readers Digest. Do not spank. I would put away all electronics. Give him extra attention.
Spank his butt, an explain why your doing it. Also explain that regardless if you raise your voice at him for miss behavior or yell at him it’s because he needs to know what he is doing wrong but when you spank him also explain the whoopin an yelling YOU do does not mean he can because your the adult an he is the child, yelling an hollering at adults will get your but whoopd
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Discipline bad behaviour, but also make sure you are reinforcing good behaviour. Praise him when he is respectful and uses a calm voice.
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The whole punishment/rewards system doesn’t work very well, especially with behavioural issues, and spanking is just going to make his aggression so much worse. I’d recommend anger management or therapy for you, so you can work on the deep-seeded reason for why you are a yeller, and to find your own coping strategies for when you are feeling frustrated so you can set a better example for your child.
Also, Gentle Parents Unite is an amazing group with so many references and tips on positive and gentle discipline.
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If you have a good size yard or can follow him around the block I was made to run laps if I was disobeying my parents. Or any physical labor. Also vinegar for back talk or disrespect
Time outs, corners, taking toys,adding a chore to his chore list when misbehaving, in extreme situations like when my godson hit another student took all of his things from his room and he had to sit in there and stare at a wall the whole day or read a book the only options I gave him
Google positive parenting solutions. It will cut out the yelling from both of you.
I’m in the same boat with my 8 year old son. Nothing works. Talking to him, yelling, grounding, rewards, taking everything away except his bed, smacking his butt, it dosent work so we have made a counseling appointment. Hopefully this will help
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When he yells , just look the other way, tell him he’s yelling, I’m not talking to a teller.
*Lose things he loves. Taking things never has an impact on my 7 year old unless he loves it. Legos, nerd guns, soccer.
*We do time out if he needs to call himself down. He doesn’t get out until he’s calm
*He will do wall squats or push ups if necessary.
Lol all the don’t you spank comments…Mind your own business
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Whisper…whisper everything. Then do all the chores together.
Sooo… it’s okay for it to take time for you to learn to try to behave differently but you want something that will fix him quickly and stick?
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My child also had behavioral problems at that age, we found that yelling/spanking/taking toys/any type of punishment at all dug her heels in, we had to reverse psychology it and set reward goals. My husband an I talk calmly to her because now that shes 13 she has the teen thing going on too.
We had to make sure the reward goals weren’t too lofty or she would feel it was impossible and shed give up, so we would do a once a week dollar store run on saturday if she had a “free” week (a chart free of bad marks) and we also gave her the opportunity to remove bad marks with extra good behavior so she wouldnt give up if she had a breakdown on monday, cause then the whole week would be shot. Be patient and forgiving, and allow him to learn and grow instead of beating him down.
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Well since you know that you have a problem with yelling… perhaps you should work on your own problems first. You need to teach your son that yelling is bad communication and if he feels like he’s going to yell or he gets angry he needs to go find a positive outlet. Ie. punching a pillow. You need to make it clear to him that it’s okay to be upset or angry by someone else’s actions/ words but he needs to express himself differently with other children by first releasing the stress of his aggression and re-approaching in a more constructive way. And perhaps you as a mom should take this advice as well. And should you slip up. You need to show him that he needs to apologize for his bad behavior by showing him that you make mistakes too. But it’s okay because you know that you make that mistake by apologizing to him when you catch yourself yelling or being aggressive with him. It’s okay to be frustrated with your children. But take a step back and revisit the issue when you’re not so irritated about it.
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Make him run laps. Write sentences. Wall squats
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I am also a yeller. Just recently watching my 5 yr old playing with my 2 yr old. All she does is yell, the while time. No matter she’s playing the mom, the teacher, the kid. She yells. I was suprised how it upset me that thats how she sees me. So…im really trying to cut down on my telling. I stop her while playing and said “why are you telling? Just talk, you don’t have to yell.” I told her I yell alot too but I’m going to try and not yell so much and we are going to learn not to yell together . We really are trying.
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That’s a hard one, I am in the same boat, I know some parents that are horrible yet their children are angels. Mine hear or see me do one “bad” thing and that’s the thing they copy, out of all the “good” things I show a majority of the time. Kids are sponges and it is our duty to lead by example. I don’t really like these posts about punishing… everyone wants to punish, and while discipline is necessary, punishing isn’t exactly what that means, imo.
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Take his favorite things I take my son’s tablet and make him read I ground him from the Xbox or Playstation
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No one man replied… Wow…
Befor his 7 yso birthday
We do chore charts with a monthly goal to the kids favorite place and dollar store prizes during the week and it helped turn my step kids around… now they ask for help and instead of fighting or yelling they ask for a mediator lol … sometimes giving goals helps
Talk to your son ask him why he is yelling at adults and other children. Ask him if he likes being yelled for nothing. Then ask him how you where going to correct this behavior since it is disrespectful. Tell him you also need to correct your behavior . This let’s him know that you also know that your behavior isn’t exceptable. Explain that if he will help you stop this behavior you will help him with his. Then say if we can make it one week we will go to the movies or for a ice cream something fun for you both to do together. If you point out your at fault to and need to work on this as well he will understand it better. If this apporach doesn’t work ask him to come up with the punishment for the behavior. Give him three oppitions to choose from. Good luck and God bless.
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my son has autism which brought behavior issues with it… and yes monkey see monkey do is rough but just as you want him to calm and think before he reacts so must you… it takes time but ok heres what we did for mine… 1st set up a list of calming aids (breathing slow and deep, counting, reciting something, relaxing the hands and face and consider what if you were that person what would you have done) and practise these… give him a behavior chart with a daily and weekly goal. (this way if he messes up first thing in the morning the whole day isnt seen as well i already got in trouble so wont help now if im good. then so many points need to be earned for a good day so many need earned for a good week… and reward every goal met… for days not met he dont get what ever… if he has more than one bad day then he dont get high value prize for the week. and for very bad weeks take a high value object from him
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If he imitates you so much then change your behavior to 
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I’m not hearing a lot of accountability and there is more to it. He has behavior issues, why? Nature or nurture?
Does he act chaotic because the main grown up in his life acts chaotic?
Check spanking off your list. You need a redo. He deserves a more tender parent.
He didn’t ask to be here. Stop yelling at them. Worry about why he is acting this way first, punishment can come later.
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Talk to him person to person, not mom to child. Explain what you just posted about yelling and spanking and maybe decide together a better way to get the anger out. Let him know you don’t like it in yourself either and want to find a better way. Brainstorm, hold each other to it, and apologize when you forget. Have a signal so you can alert him and he can alert you if you’re beginning to yell. He’ll get strength from your struggles, and he’ll know it’s important and real. Kids hate “do as I say not as I do” parenting. Good for you mama!
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Sometimes that doesnt work my grandson had issues, they put him in a privent school hes doing great now, he even comes home happy.
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I applaud you for understanding and admitting your behavior issues and the fact that you realize this has had an impact on your son’s behavior. That is a good start! However you are still trying to punish for behavior that you admit you taught him. That’s not fair to him. You need to work on your behavior and reactions and how to deal calmly right? So help him learn all those things too. Go through the process together. Explain your wrongs and that you understand why he does these things and why he thinks that is how you treat people. But that it’s not right and you love him and want to learn to treat him with respect and teach him how to do the same. Tell him that people he does this too feel the same way he does when you do it to him. Then you yourself think about how or why it upsets you that he does this to other people… their feelings and then tell yourself that’s how he feels when you do it to him. It will change if you try. If you give him respect and patience he will learn to do the same with others. You cannot control your children! They need to be treated just as you expect to be treated and expect them to treat others. Try looking at it as a learning by example in a positive manner just like you acknowledge that he is learning by example in this negative manner.
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It’s very normal…mine was same I wud print out paper and hand it to him where it wud be ritten he has his new admission in a boarding School and due to the fear of be sent away he startd behaving
Well and the trick woked
Try speak to him more sometimes tht also helps
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You catch more flies with honey. Focus on the positive instead of the negative. If he misbehaves, ask him (CALMLY) what the better choice/right thing to do is. When he answers correctly, praise him & encourage him to do that. Praise him for making the right choice & doing the right thing.
Set up chore charts with stars for both of you. Every day you have tasks: he does homework, takes a bath, eats dinner without complaining, gets dressed without a fuss, wakes up after the 2nd alarm/snooze button, etc. If he gets a majority of stars in a week, he gets a reward(ice cream, stay up 1/2 hour later, choose what’s for dinner, earns back a privilege/toy, whatever).
You get stars for not raising your voice, not getting mad, remaining calm, etc. Or you can put a dollar in a jar every time you get mad, raise your voice, yell. After you’ve accumulated a fair amount, your son gets to pick what you do with the money.
Try looking him in the eye, holding his hand and talking to him about why you want him to behave a certain way & the benefits to both of you. Do so when you’re calm & let him ask questions.
Take some anger management classes (together if possible), go for walks, take karate classes (really good for positive focus & mindfulness too), do jumping jacks or jump rope when you’re angry (or when you’re not). Vigorous exercise helps calm you down and gives an outlet for your anger, plus it’s healthy & makes you stronger. Meditate together.
Take some parenting classes, read books and/or watch videos about parenting and ways to keep your sanity when kids misbehave. It’s hard & you’re going to fail once in a while, but if your son sees you’re trying to improve your behavior too, it will make him more hopeful & willing to improve his. Good luck to both of you!
So because you yell, he’s imitating your behavior but you want to punish him for imitating you when you arent changing your behavior?
I have 6 so i know about frustration and mimicking. I had this issue with my oldest.
Now they know that i will NOT tolerate them yelling at their teacher or any adult what so ever! Idc why. He was grounded for a week. I’m more calm(grounding, corner etc) where as my husband and their father wants to spank. So a happy medium is corner, grounding, no tv and no playing at all. Gotta stick with it… that’s my problem. Be stern and absolutely let him know, yelling at any adult will NOT be tolerated.
My second son has ADHD, epilepsy and dyslexia. He gets frustrated at school bc he doesn’t understand as fast as others sometimes. Talking to him usually helps more. Spanking doesn’t phase him so i came up with a punishment for ALL 6. No playing, no tv and grounded. They don’t like That. And watch how loud you get, I’m doing the same…
And i applaud you for owning up to it, sometimes we don’t want to. Especially when we have “perfect parents” on here making smart remarks knowing good and well they make mistakes to. And plenty of them… 
🤷
I think you should focus more on how you’re acting around him. Like you said, monkey see monkey do. You’re teaching him to behave that way
Well I was a yeller when my kids were young but they didn’t do it back, but do you go down to there height and quietly scold.I did that and it worked much better I must admit the eye to eye contact made them realise I meant business.