I need some help to get my stepson to sleep in his own bed again. He’s three, and he was doing so good sleeping in his own bed in his own room, but at his mom’s he sleeps in her bed with her and her fiance, and now whenever we get him back, he won’t ever sleep in his own bed. My husband is just kind of letting it slide because he thinks it cute my stepson wants to sleep in bed with him. If we try to make him sleep in his own bed, he stays up until 3 or 4 in the morning until my husband gives in and lets him in our bed, and we can’t do that anymore because I work the third shift and my husband has to be up at 4 to get ready for work.
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I think you and your husband need to be on the same page concerning this, and HE needs to address it, with you as supportive back up.
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Get him on a routine at your guy’s house. My daughter was the same at that age. When it came to bedtime with her I would stay in her room with her until she fell asleep. Sometimes I would get in bed with her until she went to sleep. Once asleep I would go back to my room. If she woke up at night I would go back into her room with her and do it again. It seems like a lot at first but it worked. At my house she knows she sleeps in her room but at her dads house she sleeps with him.
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This sounds like one of those times when the 4 adults involved need to be on the same page and work out a healthy (non-guilt) remedy.
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My husband was doing this with his son when he was coming over. He was all of a sudden afraid to sleep in his own room and being a weekend dad he caved. After a few times of that happening when his son would come into the bed, I would leave the bed and sleep elsewhere (we had 8 beds and 6 people in the house). After about two months of me doing going elsewhere to sleep my husband got the hint and the problem with was rectified very quickly after. My stepson was older though like 8 or 9 at the time. There was no need for it. He was old enough to understand what he was doing.
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Look kid is 3 and going back and forth between houses. My 4 year old sleeps in bed with us since we moved, after she had been in her own bed. Sometimea you gotta suck it up in the name of getting sleep.
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Well it’s her AND HIS son 
Your going to always have this battle once he goes back to his mom’s. Just let the kid sleep where he’s comfortable.
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Tbh. Depending how often you have him, it’s going to be near on impossible to get him into a routine at your house while mum is letting him sleep with her. Have you tried getting him to fall asleep with his dad in his own bed then dad sneaking out? Part of me understands, but he is 3. And I’m sure his mum will start addressing it soon too.
I had this problem with my now 11 yr old. We moved her bed into our room and slowly started moving it back to her room. Moving it lil by lil everynight till she was eventually back in her room. Not saying it will work but it did for me
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Get a bigger bed for the kiddo and hubby can sleep in his room 
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Put a toddler bed in your room next to your bed. Move his bed away from yours very slowly. The aim is to get his bed out the door and into his own room. Let him help pick out sheets and a new blanket. Good luck.
He may want to sleep with you guys because he does at his moms. But you can teach him to sleep in his own bed regardless of what they do at her house. Set up a bedtime schedule and routine. Stay strict with the routine and schedule and he will catch on. Try the 4bs: bath, book, brush teeth then bed. You may want to sit with him in his room and rub, pat or Rock him to sleep for awhile. If you don’t do that you can sit outside his room and lay him back in bed everytime he gets up. Reminding him that its bedtime an he he has to sleep in his room in his bed
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Try cuddling him to sleep in his own bed for awhile, see how that goes help him be comfortable maybe even put hubbies pillow in his bed for his smell throughout the night when he is there.
The way we see it is we get someone to cuddle us to sleep why can’t they have someone to cuddle them to sleep.
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Melatonin can be given at 3. We put a baby gate in front if my step sons door to keep him in his room. Sorry but my room snd my bed are my personal space
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I’m sorry but you work third shift, so why does it bother you that he sleeps in the bed with his dad? You’re at work most of that time.
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Both his parents are ok with this behavior. This is your problem not the child’s. Stop being controling & selfish. Let your husband & his ex raise THEIR CHILD.
Since you work 3rd shift this isn’t even affecting you. Let your husband enjoy his son while he’s little. If you can’t handle it you, as the adult, can leave.
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Go watch supernanny with jo frost and she has tips on the sleeping thing especially the co sleepers and you also got to remember this little boy only knows cosleeping so it may or may not be an easy transition for him.
Kids learn pretty fast that each house has their own set of rules. But you gonna have to work it out with your husband. I cosleep with my kids but we each have our own bed in the room. I can handle about 15 min cuddle then I’ll roll them back to their beds. There are things you can do to get your beauty sleep if uour husband inside on cosleeping. Your husband can cosleep with his son in his son’s bedroom. Add a matress on the floor and make it comfortable for him. Or you can sleep elsewhere if there isn’t enough space on the master bed.
My partners ex wife let’s their 2 year old sleep in her bed, at night when we put him to bed used to cry. And he sometimes will still walk to the door with his blanket waiting to be taken to a different room, but we’ve persevered and he knows he has to sleep in his bed. I get they are only little but it’s not my child and I didn’t feel comfortable sleeping with someone else’s children in my bed especially since I sleep naked, my own children weren’t allowed to sleep in my bed after turning 1 and our baby is only allowed in it during feeds. You need to put your foot down. Take him back to his bed every time he gets out and walk away. It’ll be a long night but he’ll get used to it, if you keep giving in he’ll never learn
If you aren’t even in the bed, why is this even an issue? You are at work, and his kids sleeps in his father’s bed. I really see no problem here, other than a step mom trying to over step.
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Buy him a huge oversized stuffed dog…have him give it a name then at bedtime say " Charlie or whatever he named it " is tired …rub Charlie’s back cause he is tired and wants hugs…before you know it he will be asleep cause feeling the big dog in bed with him feels like a person sleeping with him…
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My word some of you are so damn rude! You can make a comment without being a rude ass bitch. It is possible. Show a little compassion! It’s hard blending families and it’s all about balance and compromise for EVERYONE. Kids come first always but there can always be a way to figure every situation out with patience and understanding. I hope this mom and her blended family figure it out 
Well I think its not your kid. Sorry but like I have a 3 year old son if he wants to sleep with us hes sleeping with us. Let the kid and his dad enjoy their cuddles stop being such a killjoy
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Enjoy it while you can. He won’t be little forever and someday you will miss it. He obviously finds comfort in your bed the fact he wants cuddle time with you and daddy is a great thing
My son just went in his room and he’s just turned 5… good luck
He’s three… if a little one wants comfort from their parent they should get it… they are little for a small amount of time… my kids sleep in my bed anytime they ask to… they know mommy welcomes them with open arms and from that they know mommy is there to save the day… at anytime… however I have gotten a spray bottle and put glitter water in it to magically take the monsters out of their room. And have gotten them on a strict schedule when it comes to settling down for bedtime. We read in our Bible a chapter every night then they get to choose a book each, then its prayers and kisses… it seems to work better so I can have my bed to myself for a bit longer however they end up in my bed in the early hours of the morning… but its just fine for me. Its winter, they are warm ill take the cuddles! But if you are only step mom, let the parents co parent whats best for THEIR child(ern)… he just may need extra dad time!
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How hard is it to move the child to his own bed once you get home ? Does he have a lamp or night light. If not get one… My daughter is 5 will be 6 in Feb she always has to fall asleep in my bed but when I’m ready for bed I move her into her own room.
His father needs to set the boundaries and discuss it with his son’s mother so everyone is on the same page. Start with a small reward system available at both homes, if he goes to bed in his own room and stays there, he gets a small toy( Dollar tree) or a sweet treat he likes. If he is able to consistently sleep in his own bed for 30 days ( unless he is sick- you know how they need that special attention during that time) he gets a bigger reward ( a movie, a special outing etc)
But the only way its going to work is if both parents are on the same page. Good luck 
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If it’s being done in one house and not the other, that is very conflicting to the child, unfortunately if he isn’t being made to at one place then he’s not going to want to at the other. But I would put a bed in my room and see if he will do it that way until you can get him set that way at both houses. Until then my prayers are with you to hope you can get some sort of an arrangement.
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Well coming from a stepmom of one and a biological mom of another, it’s no different between children, don’t feel like any less of a mother because you are a step mom, the feelings don’t change between children. I have dealt with this issue with both my step daughter (who we had 50% of the time, not just a few nights like people assume) as well as my 2.5 year old biological son. Both of my children sleep in their own beds because my personal preference, that I have every right to as a mother, is that we do no co-sleep. Everyone has a bed and that’s where we sleep. Should my children feel unsafe or scared for any reason they know they are welcome to come and sleep in our room on the floor or a cot but not in our bed. And to shut down all the Karen’s out there, Who will claim I am a horrible mother for making my kids sleep on the floor. I have slept on the floor in my children’s rooms many times next to their bed’s when they were sick or needed me, so go fly a kite. You do you!
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Put a mini mattress in the room on the floor and see if that helps. Do you have kids? Or just a step child? Either way this is your kid now when you got with his dad 
so if it doesn’t work then guess your kid will be in Y’all’s bed for a couple of years 
welcome to the parent world. 
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Three is tough because they really don’t understand. I had success with putting a toddler bed in my room. I let my daughter sleep in the toddler bed, but not in my bed. It started right next to my bed, then I moved it across the room, then I moved it into her room. It was gradual, but she transitioned really well.
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Me not being able to see the issue. my son is gonna be able to sleep next to me as long as he feels safe and secure. I would never want him to feel unsafe.
His mother probably does too.
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I don’t understand the real issue here. I get wanting your bed back, but you chose to be a mom and I’m assuming he is used to sleeping with people and has been for a long time. I would recommend putting him on mattress on the floor next to your bed and slowly introduce him into his own room. What happens at his mothers house is her business and it’s not your place to judge that decision or try or change it there.
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I spent many nights laying with my kids in their room until they fell asleep. It was the only way we could get them to stay in their beds when we transitioned them from their cribs even though they never slept with us before.
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Unfortunately his dad needs to set boundaries with his bio mom because when u co parent everyone needs to be on the same page.
Does this lady do this on purpose? Or are the 2 of u good?
Make him a pallet in ur floor… I make a pallet for my daughter every night be4 I go to bed n she ends up in the pallet by like 2am every night.
Try a light projector in his room. He will get sleepy watching the shapes on the ceiling.
Routine routine routine. Mine was 3 at the time. Ours is bath, book, bed by 830. No television after dinner. It wasn’t easy for the first couple months I laid in there until she was asleep and many many wake ups during the middle of the night but I always walked her back to her bed. Then as the weeks went on I would start to leave the room sooner and sooner after the book and I just let her know I’d be right outside the door until she dozed off. Now she’s able to fall asleep on her own and she’s usually asleep by the time I finish the book. Some things I use to create a calm and relaxing energy before bed we’ll do epsom salt in the bath sometimes, diffuser in her room & she likes to pick out the oils( my go to is lavender, bergamot, rosemary, lemon) & a lavender lotion. Good luck it’s not easy but you got this 
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What i done is have a bed for him to sleep in next to yours nd once he fast flat out carry him into his bed it works on my 4 yr old she down till about 7-8 am on weekends sometimes later.
Or lye next to him in his own bed nd once his down nd in a deep sleep then sneek out nd then in moring reward him for staying there all night like a clever he is.
Good luck
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I let my son sleep with me every night he is 3 but I do wonder if he will ever get into his own bed he can’t be 15 still sleeping in my bed lol I have also been a step mom and I think there are some harsh comments making it seem like she just an evil step mom step parents can love their step kids it’s not the same as your own child but it is a hard situation because the mom is letting him sleep in her bed 3 year olds need consistency so it’s going to be hard until mom is ready to put him in his own bed too and I do agree that is moms decision I would be upset if someone told me where to have my son sleep but maybe if dad lays down boundaries he will get that it’s different at your home than with his mom
My daughter kept fighting us with sleeping in her crib so we got her a big girl bed. She hated it!!! We found a cheap car bed and she couldn’t wait to sleep in her cool car bed. Good luck.
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Old enough to learn when he’s staying daddy’s house he’s a big boy and needs to sleep in his own bed. Period. Than dad needs to tell mom she needs to wean that off til jr. sleeps by himself. 
Your husband has to stop giving in to the child. He will stay up till 3 or 4 for a night or two! He will also get the message that his dad is in charge. His dads the parent
and that he has to sleep in his own bed.
You have to be more stubborn than the child is! Explain that he has his moms rules at her house and your rules at your house. It would be better if he had the same rules both places, but since that is not the case you have to improvise. It won’t take many days to get him back in his bed if your husband stops giving in.
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Tell your husband to stop giving in. Consistently works.
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Invest in a Hatch! They work WONDERS!
My 2 and 4 year old are always climbing in my bed even if I succeed and get them to sleep in there own i wake up and there asleep back in mine … parenting 
I started out sleeping next to my kids in their beds until they fell asleep for a few nights. Eventually they went from screaming and crying about not wanting to sleep alone to willingly going to their own beds
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Suck it up Step mom! Be grateful your step Son is comfortable enough to sleep with you. It also helps him bond better. It’s not like you have him all the time and it’s not going to kill you to make this sacrifice for a three year old baby boy. This won’t be forever enjoy it while you can.
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Let him sleep with dad …you said you work 3rd shift …
Well his mom is his mom and if she is comfortable letting her baby sleep with her then thats all her thats her baby when you have a biological child youd understand. No offense. Some parents are different my kids sleep in their own bed and in bed by 8 everynight and sleep trained if I could sleep w them I would but its just unrealistic rn
Well it seems no body thinks you have a say but you DO , your sleep pattern is just as important as any body else’s soooooooo little tacker gets used to sleeping in bed with his bio mum ok no problemo but at dads house we don’t or IF he does dad can sleep in the spare room with his son , if there’s no spare room a little mattress on dads side and dad supervises his son throughout the night on HIS side . Small children of three are very adaptable and they DO know they esp KNOW they can wrap parents round their little fingers and before the jump up and downers reply I’m NOT saying intentionally but they DO know how to get the outcome they want. Also there’s not a thing wrong with the Step mom not wanting her stepson in the bed she hasn’t said she dislikes /doesn’t love him she just doesn’t want him to sleep in the bed.
Maybe you can let him sleep in your bed until he falls asleep and then take him to his bed. Or put his bed or mattress in your room so at least he’s in his own bed. The problem is your husband gives in. His son knows he will give in eventually so he won’t give up. Your husband has to stand his ground and not give in. Maybe give him a cute night light. It helped with my 3 year old when we moved to a new house and he had a new room. Or some soft music until he falls asleep. Another thing your husband or you can sleep with him in his room just until he falls asleep. Another idea make a routine. It has to be the same every single night he is at your house. For example- he gets a bath then has some warm milk then you read him a story or play sleep music. Same thing ever single night. Don’t give up. You have to get creative maybe make before bed time fun. I will tell you one thing for sure you and your husband have to be on the same page with that baby or you will have nothing but problems. I speak from experience with my now adult son.
Some petty bettys up in here! I’m not a step mom but my husband is and he definitely gets a say in what goes on in our home. I cant control what my oldest does at her dads but at my home she has to follow our rules
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If you can’t get him to stay in his bed, maybe get him to fall asleep in yours, then move him to his bed. Or put his bed in your room so he feels comfortable staying in his and then after he does that for a while out his bed back in his room? Hopefully you find something that works!
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I’m assuming this woman doesn’t have kids of her own. If she has a problem with where the 3year old is sleeping when the child already probably doesn’t understand moving around from house to house… she should leave.
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To all the people being rude. How dare you. A step mother is a mother too and deserves her own space. She took on the responsibility of being with a man with a child. It doesn’t mean she should get divorced or something because the biological mother doesn’t have the heart to wean her son off of her. The kid is 3. They need to sleep in their own damn bed. End of story. If they are throwing a fit or keeping people up because both houses are divided. Not cool. When my 3 year old daughter came back from family and was sleeping in our bed. I said hell no to that. She needed her own space to sleep. She moved just like her father in sleep and I was not dealing with that. Neither does this woman. Divorce does suck yes. Been there done that got the t shirt but crapping on a woman who decides to get with a man with a kid. Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family because they raised you to think that way.
I did a chart for my step son who did the same thing. He would come down for the littlest reason until his dad would give in. So it was a sticker chart. For every week (m-f) he slept in his own bed he got a prize. (We have him full time he goes to his mom on weekends)
I let my daughter pick out a toy around $10. We printed a picture and put it on a coffee can for a bank for her. She decorates it with construction paper, the pictures, stickers, crayons, etc. Every night I put 4 quarters on her dresser. When she would get out of bed she lost a quarter (unless it was to go to the bathroom obviously) she started with no quarters the next day and eventually 1 quarter then 2 and so on. Every morning whatever quarters were left she got to out in her bank. She knew she needed 40 quarters for the toy. So sometimes we would count them. The key is to make the prize a reasonable amount that they can earn in within a couple of weeks. So they don’t have to wait too long for it but they do earn it.
Both sides need to get on the same page. He is confused and sounds to me like he gets his way at home with mom. Yall need to communicate. Be stern with the kid at ur home though and continue to tell him while he is there he needs to sleep in his own bed. Ur husband needs to agree and help make this happen. He has to have a set of rules to go by, yes both homes are different but he needs to understand that while he IS in ur home, things are different and he needs to go by what u say. But ut husband needs to talk to his mother and they need to det boundaries and get on the same page. Otherwise u will continue to have issues and it will cause a lot of problems
I would go lay with him in his bed… that’s what I do with my son. Least he’s not in yours …
His daddy should tuck him in his own big boy bed and lay there with him while he falls asleep. You have a say who sleeps in your bed because if you were to roll over onto him and something happened that would be on YOU and no one else.
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It may be difficult unless you can get his mother to comply. It’s much easier when both houses have the same rules.
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Step mom here:raising_hand_woman:
sooo my husband has 2 boys from previous relationship, BOTH boys would try and sleep with him on the nights we had them. We would let them lay with dad until it was time to go to bed then they would have to go to their own bed. They had a king sized blow up mattress right at the end of our bed so dad was close. Try giving step son " daddy time" then move him to his bed. The boys mom was the same way and I was pregnant at the time and Couldn’t do both of them with us all night. They had moms rules then dads rules. She hated it but our house, our rules. The boys did great with this routine
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Wow! Some of y’all aren’t and have never been a step parent and it freaking shows! Being a step parent doesn’t mean you have no say in things especially something like this!
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Try a small pallet or blow up mattress beside the bed… then move it further away every few days.
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I feel like your the step mom and you dont get a say😅 sorry…not sorry.
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I don’t like my own kids sleeping in my bed so I definitely wouldn’t want someone else’s kid in my bed. It’s extremely inappropriate to me, especially since you’re the step parent. I say have a conversation with your husband, maybe let him fall asleep in your bed but move him into his own bed after.
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Only thing you can do is sleep somewhere else yourself if your husband won’t back you up.
Try putting a toddler bed beside y’alls bed
Google Diane Levy’s book, she has some great tips on this!
Well idk about all that all I do know is if all adults are not on the same page about things like this than it will never change.
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MELATONIN!!! and if he falls asleep in the bed move him to his room forget that he’s getting too big to be sleeping with adults
It’s difficult, firstly, no one should tell you that you are over stepping just because you are SM. SM have just as much say in routine, and parenting as mom. bio mom has no say what goes on in your home, just like you have no say in what goes on in hers. Ridiculous to think that being step mom makes you less than. Rules are established in each house according, you want him sleeping in his room, that’s how it should be. Dad should make the bigger effort to lay next to him and put him to sleep, but if it gets to much why don’t you guys get a tiny bed and move it in to the room, then move him once he’s asleep. There are so many ways that you can do this without hurting the kids feelings or making him feel unwanted. I say all this with the idea that you as step mom love him like your own. There are step mom’s (I’ve heard the horror stories) who hold resentment towards their step kids (they have done nothing) but believe me they WILL FEEL EVERYTHING.
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Sleeping habits were a huge deal when my husband and I first moved in together. His boys couldn’t sleep without him. My son was trained since 2½ to sleep on his own. We had to talk about sleeping arrangements and come up with a plan to be on the same page. We settled on my husband laying in their bedroon awhile then leaving once the fell asleep. At first it was hard because the 3 year old would wake up and come look for him. After about 3 weeks of doing that we switched to just reading a book and leaving the night light on. Now the kids are all adjust to sleeping in their own beds. It took us about 3 months to fully transition the kids.
I don’t see an issue here a child is a child for such a short time it’s not forever, I’m guessing he’s not with you all of the time so 
But maybe ur hubby can try getting in his bed with him when he puts him to bed and waiting for him to fall asleep xx
So I’m probably gonna be wrong but my ex-husband and I didn’t have the same rules at our houses and my kids learned real quickly that just because you could do it at dads didn’t mean it would happen at mom’s. It wasn’t easy but with loving firmness I stuck to my guns. Thankfully we are able to coparent now and Dads rules are pretty close to mine now. Kids are smart and even when they are very young will learn what manipulation will work best. I hope you and your husband can work together to show your little one you love him but rules at Daddies house are there because you love him and everyone is happier when they get their rest. 
Maybe lay in his bed with him until he falls asleep.
Get a grip. Both step mom and dad work. He probably like any child is all over the bed at night. She is only trying to get him in his own bed at night which is where he should be every night unless he is really sick. Yes he’s only three but what do you do when he turns 10 or 12. And refuses to sleep in his own bed… Unless both sets of parents are on the same page this is a real issue and telling her to leave is just rediculous. I never allowed my kids in my bed unless they. Were reallysick or had a nightmare and the. Only for awhile they needed proper rest and so did we. Good lord get a grip not all parents can sleep with their child in their bed. Set rules for your home and stick to them both parents are in this together and stepmom. And dad need to be a united front on all issues with this child. Good luck and I hope you get it figured out. I love my kids dearly by the way as all parents are suppose to but not in our bed their own.