I feel like I am drowning in motherhood and idk how to help myself…I am with my twins on my own most of the time because of my husbands demaning work schedule…he helps when he can but it isnt often…I need ideas on how to unwind when they FINALLY go to bed but normally I am dog tired and cant stay awake when they go to bed…I just feel lost and stuck…help
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I have a 4 and 11 year old and my oldest is being a straight up brat at school just got suspended I feel ya on this comment! I was grounded him and asked my bff if she could take my oldest his been there 24 hours needed the space so I wasn’t moody with him. Just want him to behave himself at all times - It’s hard wait till you find out the hardest part of being a parent is our kids having to learn on their own. 
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Try watching some asmr on YouTube or TikTok. I love scrapbooking… so relaxing.
my 5 yr old was such a massive jerk to me tonight when putting her to bed… shes now sleeping and im currently having a glass of wine and electrocuting myself. its wonderful. ( its a back massage thing that uses electric pulsing like the dr.ho thingy from the late night infomercials back in the day)
Even if you’re very tired and don’t feel like doing something for yourself, do something small. Get a pretty incense burner or candle and light one at the coffee table and sit with it while you watch a movie, read a book, or even browse social media. The action of lighting that will be cathartic and encourage you to do something else you enjoy and lift your mood/relax you.
I find a book to read, adult coloring book, a movie to watch
I do diamond painting when my kids are in bed very relaxing.
I sit in silence… no tv, nothing. Even if it’s just for a few minutes until bed. I let my thoughts roll around and just breathe… the “quiet”. 
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I play video games and hang out with my bird
Hot shower, use some peppermint lotion or eucalyptus lotion, A sip of warm tea or wine, with YouTube showing a fireplace and cracking wood sound or rain sounds. Find some sexy lingerie and be spontaneous with your husband!
Light a candle, wash your face, put on a mask. And sit. Afterwards read a book or listen to some calming music.
Take a shower to “wake you up some” and then do whatever you want…
Ultimately, it depends on what you enjoyed doing. Do you like to listen to soft music? Take a long leisurely bath with candles, sm glass of wine, wine cooler, or warm milk, if you are not a drinker. Soft music while in the tub is soothing in that atmosphere. My son, daughter and I had a sm aquarium and a lion head gold fish we used to like to watch. I knit, crochet and sew. If I had a easy project I was working on, I would do that. TaiChi, yoga, with their smooth movements can be mathodical almost like meditation, to me anyway. Exercise releases endorphins. The two I mentioned do not stimulate me like aerobics do. I can fall asleep easily after both. Find something or a few things you love to do. When you do you can recharge yourself so that you don’t feel like you are being drained all of the time. You are not a bad parent because you need you time. Friends? Chat via video or in person at your home. Good friend, good conversation. I used to feel guilty when I was away from my children. I was separated when my youngest was 3 mo old. I had 1 weekend a month. From Fri 8 p.m. to Sun 6 p.m. I was a SGT with the Air Natalie Guard for 10 yrs and Army National Guard for 10 yrs. I also worked 2-4 weeks ea year with the military. I did go back to work full time when youngest was 3 mo old, too. I hope this helps you find your calm place. Best wishes.
Having twins is hard especially the first six months. When they went to bed, I went to bed. I left the dishes and laundry and whatever else for the next day when everyone is awake. The sleep deprivation takes a toll so leave it all and go to bed. That restful sleep will translate into a better next day and so on and so forth.
If the house is a constant mess for a little while, who cares. Hire a housekeeper if needed.
I’ve always read before bed. No electronics as it stimulates the brain too much. Do the best you can. Twins are hard. It’s gets better at 3 and far better at 5. Teach them early how to get dressed and brush their hair and teeth. Make good habits early.
I promise you that if you have a good nights sleep, tomorrow will always be better.
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figure out what you like to do! I made a list and realized it was a ton of the same stuff I liked before (and some i didn’t) but I just needed it to be in a low-ambiance type atmosphere.
Light incense sticks, shower and put on perfume, low light/candle or one reading light, low music. Things that won’t overstimulate me while also giving me a relaxing moment.
Wine - or nonalcohol wine - to set a romantic setting, etc.
This is what I did last night, and pulled out a book (crochet/coloring/sewing/your hobby)
Enjoy the things you can’t do while they are awake. A nice bubble bath… glass of wine…turn everything off and enjoy the silence…go to bed and read a book or watch something on TV…whatever you do. Enjoy the moment…
Try a nice relaxing bubble bath with the lights off and candles all around with a nice pretty scent in the water. The hot water will relax your body and you could even snooze for a few minutes. I miss my bath tub sometimes…
I feel you. I do a lot of reading and I just started doing a cricut. I’ve crocheted, colored, just sat in the dark in the quiet and peace. You might have to try different things and see what works for you. Maybe try meditation. Or yoga.
Bubble bath by candle light, glass of wine and your favorite music
Headspace interactive on Netflix
I drink a cup of tea or coffee, watch something I want to watch(even if it’s rewatching something I’ve seen), text a friend, read a book. I do the things I can’t do when kiddos awake. I do some self care, I eat the hidden snacks. Do something that makes you feel like you. Not just a mama, because you aren’t JUST a mama. You’re a person, a woman, and a mama.
Do not underestimate the power of masturbation. Huge stress reliever.