I don’t know how to help myself. I’ve been a SAHM since March due to Covid. I gave birth to my second child about six months ago, and I also have a three-year-old. I am so touched out. And the crying is almost never-ending. Baby #2 won’t sleep unless it’s in bed with my husband and me. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in so long, and every day I cant get even 5 minutes to myself. My husband doesn’t really give me any help when he’s home. We are struggling financially and are having to live a roommate style with family. I feel like I’m doing most of the housework even though there are two other people with no jobs or kids. My husband and I aren’t doing great either. I feel so alone. Idk if I’m just ranting, but I just needed to ask someone that maybe has a better handle on their own sanity right now if they have any advice for me.
Make a chore chart that everyone has to partake in. Also, you need to talk to your husband about you getting some alone time when he gets home from work. You also need date night. And put that baby in its crib and let them self soothe.
Communicate with ur husband and the others that are NOT working. Those who dont work should have ZERO reason to not help around the house. Its NEVER up to one person do to keep the house up. See if there are jobs you can do working from home. Even set up a “chore chart”…that even has decided time to self on there for each person.
Tell who ever is there, excuse me, can you watch my babies for a few minutes n go straight to bed…n take an hour nap
Get an Ergo, it’s a carrier, it’ll help calm baby down and give you free hands to use for your toddler. You need to get some fresh air and let your standards lower. The constant being home is putting everyone on edge.
3 year old and baby? Sounds like a normal day in the life.
Put your foot down an tell the ones who don’t work to get their fingers out an start helping! Also the having the baby in the same bed as you an your husband isn’t good. Time to let the baby cry you have to be cruel to be kind an give he or she something with your scent on it like a top or a cuddly toy / snuggy… an just preserver with it, im totally against babys an kids sleeping in the same bed as adults anything could happen when yous are asleep! Speak to your husband an get him to help with HIS kids also its a 2 parent job
Ummm excuse me, 2 UNEMPLOYED ADULTS in the house and You are doing all the cooking and cleaning? HELL NAW ,the first chat I would be having is with Dad, there’s a helluva lot more to being a Father than making them, Parenting was designed to be a 2 person job, Next chat would be with EVERYONE else, You aren’t THIER WIFE or Mommy time to start pitching in or make other living arrangements!
Get out of that toxic situation. It won’t get better.
Get a job, sleep train your baby, make a budget every week.
Look for a job, and into daycares facilities.
Start sleep training your baby, a 6 month old baby should be perfectly capable of sleeping through the night in their own. And nap at least twice a day, for at least 3 hours total.
Make a budget every week. Talk to your husband. And once you guys are a little more stable financially you can get your own place.
Go on walks in the meantime, run with your kids. It’s really dangerous to be stuck at the house feeling like this.
Most of us have been there. I just motored thru somehow let the kids cry long enough to have a bubblebath if you can things do get better might not seem like it now trust me they will power of prayer helps vent to. Him he will carry you good luck stay safe enjoy your family
its called routine first get baby to sleep in its own cot lights out music on then get your self in a routine if its not your home you just do your room clean the bathroom and toilet your own personal washing your husband should be helping if its only taking the kids to the park while you have a rest get into that routine and work together as a team good luck and god bless
First of all, you are a damn super hero mom! You keep that in mind everyday. Your those kids hero and their everything. It seems as though you are the only real parent and adult there. You clean what you need for you and your kids, bathroom, your dishes their clothes. Make your room your safe haven for the three of you. As far as your husband, he made those kids too. Don’t ask, tell him he needs to help bc taking care of two kids is a full time job. Do you have any family around. I know with covid that’s hard but reach out to them if possible. Routine will help and try swaddlers for baby in their own crib, basinet etc. Have the same issue with my almost 4 months old and sleeping by himself. Make a routine for the older babe as well. Then take some time for yourself, a nice bath/shower (lock that bathroom door) make tea/coffee read a book whatever you enjoy. Best of luck and lots of prayers for you. Stay strong. You got this.
My baby would only sleep when being held which allowed me no time to rest. My husband didnt help either and we were on the brink of separation.
First, I’d go to counseling. First for you then as a couple. It helped me a lot and yes I got some medication too but whatever it takes.
Then sit down with the other people living in the home, including your husband, and tell them that they all need to pull their weight. If it helps, make a chore list
Been there, take a breath you’re not alone I had to sit my boyfriend down and say I can’t do this by myself that’s why there are things not getting done. I know it’s really hard when all you want to do is scream and yell, but (based on my convo) it doesn’t help at all and will just shut them down. Definitely talk to them about it and keep your goal in your mind . You’re trying to ask for help , so will your next sentence help get you there or will it insult them and start a fight?
Hope it works out
Only advice I can give is to legit sit every adult in ur house down and let them know how u feel and u need them to pitch in. But other than that I’m sending u a virtual hug mama. Try and take a nice bubble bath tonight if u can even for 3 min!! I’ve been there I kno how hard it is hun
Chores and housework will never end. But your sanity will. Esp with a newborn/infant. Kids will always need a healthy mother before they need a spotless house. Its overwhelming and crushing at times. The others can chip in to help or deal with how things are left but you should never sacrifice your sanity bc it can lead to many more problems, including the safety of your children.
Ask for help from a relative if you can. Don’t sweat the little stuff( house chores)… Rest when you can.
I started sleep training and it has been a life saver!!! Baby is happier, I’m happier, I get me time it’s alll greaaattt. Hard at first but worth it
Do not be afraid to ask for help from anyone it’s okay take a deep breath and keep going you’re a great mom
Don’t be afraid to speak up. It’s your sanity and everyone else’s that is affected if you just let it fester
My best advice try to approach him in a loving manner. If your giving off a anger vive he may become defensive. Choose your setting, like go for a walk, get out in the fresh air. Talk with him not at him. You can’t fight when your holding hands, touch or even sit face to face. Try not using the word 'I" as much. Reassure your husband that you love him and its ok to feel different emotions. I was the type of mom who did everything for my kid and rarely asked for help. I was exhausted. I had to learn to share the responsibilities. The more time he spends independently with child the more comfortable he will become. I actually had to get a partime job to give my husband parent time. It was hard at first but it will straighten your marriage.
Grab those car keys and say you’re going to the store. It’s his turn to parent. He’s got help right there. You don’t have to buy anything. Just wander alone.
Maybe mom needs a break…
Yes get read of even one just you and kids will do fine you will get more help trying it it mite work
Hang in there. You are coping and it will get better.
Put your faith in God and pray about it.
I have time to love on those little ones…
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I just tell my other half that I’m going to take a bath and go. I leave the kids with him and lock the door.
My daughter was having the same trouble what they came up with was a couple nights a week was her break nights he took care of the baby and the kids while she took a break to sit and watch a movie have a glass of wine go for a walk actually sit in the bathtub without being disturbed. And if something came up that he just couldn’t handle at least she was there to pitch in if necessary
I think it would be helpful to seek counseling for u alone and also for u and ur husband together. We all need a break sometimes n if there is anyway that u can help him help u that would be ideal. It’s amazing what a good night’s sleep, time alone n good food will do.
But the 2 of u need to communicate, compromise and remember ur a team. Thru good times n bad.
Is there anyone else u can reach out to to help watch the kids so the 2 of u can get some alone time?
Here’s an idea to hopefully help you get a bit more sleep. I had it above my bed and was able to get more rest
Ask family maybe grandparents for some support possibly . If not when the pandemic clears up try & get a part time job just to get out of the house . Speak to your spouse about having @ least a couple hrs a wk to your self . Even if it’s going to a store to just get alone time . Try & build new friendships too . & maybe you & your husband could try to plan a date nite every couple wks
Honestly, sounds like you and hubby need to have a heart to heart talk. I’m working from home with a 2 year old. It’s hard and I only have 1. I would tell hubby you need some you time, even if it’s for a nap. As far as the chores, can you talk to family to see if it can be split more evenly? Your hormones are probably still leveling out too. Sounds like a mix of stuff. Hang in there mama. You’re not alone.
It’s very hard right now my son is 8 and having very hard time doing on line he can’t sit still he hits walls yells he’s very bored at home he hates wants to go to school really he misses his friend he really drives me and my mom crazy we went to hospital for so much stress it’s very very stress full and doing zoom with a 3 year old he just turn 3 with some special needs that the same school can’t take him because covid and all does is bit me and hit me and have very bad tatum’s it is so hard to do zoom with a 3 year old tell me about it’s a nightmare for parents I actually wish I had my kids at a young age so I won’t be dealing with this crazy life
I’m feeling this! Very similar to my own life. Living roommates style for 4 yrs though my kids have their own rooms my youngest still co sleeps. I am an essential employee trying to help educate my children remotely. And having marital issues resulting in divorce. Its still new and fresh…but my advice would be ASK for help. Express your feelings. Especially to your husband. Let him know you need help. Ask a roommate for a few moments of childcare so you can shiwer…have a nap. Take care of yourself! You’re working hard momma. GREAT JOB. Best foot forward is all you can do. Praying for your family
Is there any way you could get some time to yourself? Even if it were just for 15 minutes? When my youngest was born, I was super stressed out and used to get out and walk little laps back and forth to the mailbox until the endorphins kicked in.
maybe u need to vent to him about the situation and he needs to be there to help u when he gets home.tell him how u feel.
First off, I would start out with a chore list for all of u without jobs and a schedule. U also need to lay ur child in the bed of their own, give a warm sippy cup or bottle before bed with both kids., u need to also communicate with ur husband. Let him know how u feel. When ur husband comes home, tell him u are going to take a ling bath and need some time to urself. Put u and ur kids on a schedule. Also make sure they get there naps in the day at the same time. When they nap, u nap. Also keep a journal, write out ur frustrations. It helps. Rant all u want in there. Let ur husband see it so he can see how u feel and see how ut days are going. Sometimes reading is better than talking. It will help with ur sanity.
I can’t tell you how much your situation matches mine. Im with my husband and were rooming with my mom and her bf. We have a almost 2 month old with colic. There are nights she screams so much i cant soothe her and she doesn’t sleep at all. Shell wake up after 30 mins past 5am and never sleep till well into the afternoon its extremely nervewrecking at times but i found walking and bouncing her close help to soothe her. You definitely need to find a relief system someone trusting to take your kid for a day or two so you can speak freely to your hubby. It could be he doesnt help because hes just as stressed and feels there is no end in sight it may be a relief to talk and come up with a plan together.
You need to speak up. My son is 8 months now born in March and I have a 6 year old It’s hard!! You think you seem weak if you say something or ask for help but it’s your husbands responsibility to. Cut back on the cleaning not your whole responsibility and speak to your husband then have some me time. I learnt this a couple of months back i put to much pressure on myself and I felt like rubbish.
Speak up and leave the kids with him. The longer you stay quiet…the worse it will get…what you allow is what will happen. Fuck that. I can’t imagine even dating a man that won’t help me😳
You are on my prayer list
Make a schedule time your day. My son is 4 and he still sleeps with us he has his own room. My 11 year old was the same it stops eventually… What I do with my 4 year old is keep him active all day. If he napd its early before 3pm for 30 min. By 7pm run around play tickle anything that is very active to get is energy drained. For little babies its usually visual stimulation. By 730 or 8 I make sure he eats something good that will fill them up. Then I do lavender baths and let him play in water for a bit. I use lanverder oil in a defuser alot it relaxes him. I set that up before shower. After shower lotion, pjs and a glass of warm milk and a nice and boring tv show in bed my son is out 9pm. Try this on both kids same time same schedule it will take about a week to get them use to it but you will have time for at least a long warm bath and about 5 hours sleep. ON one of YOUR HUSBANDS DAY OFF should be your me time this you have to talk to him about it. For me I do my hair mani and pedi myself don’t spend money I take care of me. Long showers shave and so on. I go for a walk alone with music get out of your routine that day but make sure hubby keeps kids schedule. Hope for the best stay positive. YOU CAN DO THIS.
Choir list if u live here u help here adults no work no food
Omg get the slack ass to help you, infact he should want to help you! and I’m guessing you both agreed on having two kids? He needs to pull his finger out , or you need to make some changes.
I’d suggest letting the other adults know to get off their ass and pitch in
If your struggling that bad either your husband needs another job or you need to start bringing income in as well
Throw everybody out and you and the babies stay home. If nobody can help get rid of them.
Dont have any more kids
If you keep doing your share plus theirs too, they’re just gonna keep letting you. Why would they do something you’re doing for them? You’re being taken advantage of my dear. Sit down and have a talk as uncomfortable as that is. “we all live here so we should all pitch in, not just me. Let’s delegate who is responsible for what” If they don’t do their part, leave it. LET IT SIT THERE until the person responsible does it. You have your own children, you can’t be a mother to them to. Only take on YOUR responsibilities.
Your husband should be helping with his child, job or not. That’s another conversation I would be having. He may not know you’re feeling this way if you’re not communicating it with him. “I’ve began to get stressed and overwhelmed, I could use a little bit of help with the baby when you get home. (Again, delegate tasks. “Every night you’re responsible for getting jammies on or bath time or whatever so I can go take a shower alone and have a min to myself”)I’d also like to have some time for us set aside every couple weeks for a date night”
Baby will never get used to sleeping in it’s bed if you don’t put him/her there. Start with nap times and work your way up. Put a T-shirt or something that smells like you in the crib to comfort him/her. I don’t necessarily agree with cry it out but to each their own. The older baby gets the harder it’s gonna be.
Stand up for yourself and your needs! Good luck mama.
No im in the same boat but. I. Own the housebut they moved in and now i have no say so. But im changing that. They are staying but things will be differant they will do the house work
You’re not alone. Covid is hard. Be real and ask for help from the hubby. Say it nicely. Nobody knows if you dont speak up and nothing will be ok if youre not. I said something yesterday and started with “you cant do anything about this” he came home in a very supportive fashion. Something that doesn’t happen everyday. As moms and wives we often put ourselves last forgetting that somebody needs to care for us as well
My advice is to speak your mind mama, ain’t no way I’d sit quiet and struggle with household duties while there are other able bodied people sitting doing nothing. Closed mouth will get you nowhere, talk about it, start out being nice and let them know you have expectations on chores and if it doesn’t work, lose your shit on everyone so they know your not playin. Just do it!
Four walls can enclose on you especially with the Covid and just coming out of that. You know what my friend we have all struggled at sometime in our lives where you feel so consumed by the little things. Have some time for yourself. I use to get cabin fever I call it. Get out of your house early in the morning and go for a walk for maybe 30 minutes. 15 minutes out and turn around on the 15th minute take in the view and the fresh air of what you are walking through. Helps to clear your head walking in the morning before the hot sun gets up. Listen to some music as you are walking or just take in the view as you are walking. No one can ring you and keep off face book. You will be surprised by just walking in the morning can do. Tell someone they are looking after the kids as you go for a walk or take your baby with you. I had to live with family until we got settled and that can be stressful. Get the one’s not working to help out around the house. You are not the maid and cook, cleaner period. Go to the local library in the aircon with your kids or jump on the bus. You are doing a great job as a mum and you just need support. Make sure you have a sleep get some rest.
Try talking walks with the kids fresh air and sunshine will be good for all of you. Try to have a lighthearted “family” meeting make snacks etc and suggest a chore list to split things up a bit let every know that you’re getting overwhelmed and could really use their help and cooperation. I know you’re probably cleaning everyones mess but if you take it away from them in their mind and then give it back to them as some random chore they will think they’re helping not just cleaning their own mess. Don’t assign someone with the chore that they are guilty of pick something else. Its sort of reverse psychology. Works well on kids and teenagers its worth a shot…good luck
Make an evening routine . Eat dinner, bath, PJ’s story time, in bed…Swaddle your baby in a t-shirt that has your smell onor your husband shirt works well. and put her in own bed. My 3 daughters still read before they go to sleep and they are in their thirties
Hang in there Mumma, but the 1st thing to do is get baby sleeping on his/her own you may have 2 or 3 nights with very little sleep but get family support with your older child, get out and walk them daily maybe to a park, the fresh air and exercise will help with sleeping,
Have a family meeting to sort out sharing the housework and make sure there is a routine for all,
Talk to you husband about sharing the parenting and housework too, discuss with the family how you share the bills too, and then discuss having some time together/ date night,
And remember you are not super woman if you need a break take one,hopefully you can get the family on board, make it clear that things as they are are a detriment to your relationship, you need that help now!
You’re only 1 person. This is a crazy time with no rule book or solid guidance. What I can say is I had similar trouble with baby wanting to be in bed in the past. Moving baby to the crib and dealing with 1-2 weeks of rough nights (maybe even less) is worth getting crappy and broken sleep for the next few months or longer. Short term hell is worth continuing bad sleep for the foreseeable future. Right? The longer you build the habit, harder to break (or so I think from experience). And mama- you need sleep!! Give yourself a reasonable task list each day and don’t try to do it all. Use nap times to do something for yourself. Ask those other adults to step up. Being a SAHM is not easy. Ultimately, you have to figure out how to refill yourself… advocate for yourself and don’t feel bad or guilty for doing so- because trying to pour from an empty cup will run you into the ground.