I have some unresolved trauma I’m realizing from my childhood (attempted assault-ey type stuff) but we were both kids and I believe the other party had had some things happen to them and they hadn’t processed or didn’t understand it was wrong. But they got mad I told my mom and I ended up losing my only friend at the time. And I’m realizing as time goes on that messed me up in the sense of manipulation and how I’ve been susceptible to emotional abuse and manipulation since then. So…how do I get closure? I don’t want to reach out to the person unless I know I need it. But how do I know and is there anything else I can do for myself to help get closure before I potentially open that door?
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. OK, so this may be a little strange
I’m with the feeling that one will never get closure from the other person. That person is likely never going to say what you want to hear. Therapy, specifically cognitive behavioral therapy or one of the similar therapies, can help you work through your thoughts and feelings. Sending hugs. It’s never easy regardless of what age everyone was.
You have to forgive yourself cause you’re still blaming yourself. You do need to get into therapy possibly edmr which will help you overcome it.
If I am understanding correctly y’all were both children and you think the person who did whatever to you was trying to understand what happened to them?
Or?? I’m lost.
My therapist told me I needed to forgive them even tho I know I’ll never get an apology. I wrote my bio mother my abuser and the person who let others abuse me , a letter stating my feelings about all the things she’s done and how I forgive her even tho she will never apologize for the wrongs she’s done . I sent the letter and blocked all contact… it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… I still have a lot of issues to overcome due to over a decade of physical and sexual abuse but therapy helps a lot .
“Closure” is often confused and muddied with these ideas that you NEED to bring another party into it and that is absolutely not the truth! My husband and I are both 7 years in recovery and doing quite well really and let me tell you, neither of us have EVER ONCE gotten any “closure” bringing back in the ppl that hurt us:100: You can and will heal just for you! Growth and healing are not a linear process but for both of us, it felt like it was just not doing much at all until just one day, you suddenly realize you’re not as hurt as you used to be, not quite as angry as you used to be. Idk exactly what did it tbh and bc I felt like nothing was working i started to try EVERYTHING but I do know I’ll take this peace, without any of them even around, over any bs they may spew just to end the conversation, over and over again! And most times the ppl in question act as if nothing even happened or worse the whole "i did the best I could" Now while I’m a firm believer in doing the best you can atm, I can’t agree that you can say that when you were doing and still do bare minimum at best and it caused nothing but hurt:roll_eyes: Excuses aren’t going to give you closure. Ppl talk about the forgiveness thing too but certain stuff isn’t really forgivable and I think there may be levels to being able to let go of certain stuff but idk about like full “forgiveness.” Make yourself happy! Do what you need to FOR YOU and don’t worry too much about anyone else for a while. Fr that’s THE BEST ADVICE I have!!! I wish I’d have understood that long ago when I first heard it:neutral_face: Wasted years now trying to fix stuff that won’t ever get there, at least not on any level that will be good enough for him and I which at the end of the day should be our number 1 priority… Is it what WE DESERVE??? If not then look back for what:woman_shrugging:
I would get help yourself with dealing with it rather than reaching out to the other person who you may not get what you need from anyway.
Closure I’ve learned comes with acceptance and forgiveness in the person’s part. You don’t have to interact with them again but understanding and forgiving what you can and move on. Enjoy the good things in your life let that good cloud the bad. I’ve been mentally physically and emotionally abused. I cN only understand what happened in that time learn from it, move past it and make my own joy
When you tell the details of what happened to a therapist, they will be able to share insights on resolution with you. Sometimes we just have to forgive and move on. A lot of Time has gone by and you might not feel better if looking for justice or closure. It is not the victim’s fault. Blessings.
Your making excuses for someone’s poor behavior sometimes we don’t get closure.
Babe. Forgive yourself. It was NEVER your fault but you feel you need closure because you feel guilty. You didn’t lose a friends because of what you did, that person was never your friend if they did or were going to hurt you. I hope you heal in all the places you hurt.
Therapy. You were a victim. If it was sexual then find a therapist that deals with sexual assault. Forgiveness is for you not for them. You may need to write a burn letter and then actually burn it.
Pray and find forgiveness… Its something that you have to decide to put it behind you and move on… You can’t carry the past with you… GOD IS THE ANSWER
You don’t need them to heal. Stop thinking like that. Closure comes from you. Forgiveness comes from you. It’s for and about you.
Accept that you were young. Something horrible happened… You were manipulated.
That doesn’t mean you have to keep being manipulated. Learn the signs and start dropping ppl with thise red flags. Own your choices and vow to be better and avoiding ppl like that.
The other person won’t and probably can’t, give you what you’re looking for…
You give yourself closure. You accept what happened, you forgive it. I would suggest reaching out. As you said, the friend could have been in a situation they didn’t understand, doing what was happening to them and not understanding that it was wrong. If that was in fact the case, they probably lost their closest friend also. No one says you have to keep contact, but the other person may be feeling the same way you are. At the same time, maybe they aren’t, maybe they knew what they were doing. If you don’t want to fully open that door, look them up on FB, send them a message expressing your feelings, then block them so you don’t have to see a response, but you e gotten your feelings out.