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QUESTION:
"my daughters father enjoys playing video games. i don’t mind it, but when it comes to taking care of our daughter, she should come first. anyway, he recently made me feel bad about asking him a favor. we stayed over his place and while i’m finishing our night time routine, he is playing the video game. i notice i forgot to bring a pacifier for the baby and i ordered a last minute door dash delivery to pick one up. the delivery arrives and i call him from upstairs to grab it at the door and sterilize it and bring it up. he tells me “after this game.” meanwhile, baby is crying for her pacifier. im not waiting 30mins with a crying baby while he waits for his team to all die…. so i grab the baby and walk downstairs and get it myself. i told him how i felt about what just happened and he says “well you’re not doing anything but relaxing, and this new map just came out, the circle is closing (in the game) and we already spent 40mins on this game. i can’t just die now” this bothered me… i told him he isn’t making money off of this game and that if the baby needs something, i would think he would help out. he’s never really hands on and feels the baby doesn’t favor him. but i remind him over and over that he needs to be more present. he made me feel wrong about expressing how i felt. what are your thoughts on this situation"
RELATED: The Only Thing My Kids Want to Do Is Watch TV and Play Video Games: How Can I Change This Behavior?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"I think you just haven’t realised yet that you’re a single parent…"
"This guy is a child and should have never been made a dad leave his ass and find a real man who wants kids"
"There’s nothing wrong with playing games. However when it comes to family responsibilities no game is more important. It can be restarted. If he isn’t willing to change don’t expect it from him. So sorry"
"My ex husband gamed all the time with two small babies when we were together. It was part of what ended our marriage . It can be an addiction. Video games are geared toward rewarding the player which reinforces and motivated them to continue. It’s called positive reinforcement. The more they play, the more they win things/games/ special powers etc, the more they want to play. It’s a vicious cycle and hard to get out of once sucked into it. It’s a learned behavior over time .I’m sorry I don’t know how to help you fix it, but wanted to explain how it can become an addiction. My son who is 14 sometimes says “after this game” and I put my foot down and say nope now. (Like for dinner, going out, he has chores etc), to make him realize that it’s not the end of the world if he doesn’t finish game, but I always try and give him a heads up with the expectation or time frame of how long he has to game. Unfortunately a grown man doesn’t have to follow these rules but I’m hoping to reshape my sons behavior so he doesn’t become like that too… I’m sorry, this is such a hard thing to deal with. I hope someone has some suggestions for you"
"You can’t force someone to be hands on or help you, unfortunately. But my husband has always played and when our first came along we discussed no gaming until the baby was down for the night. He needs to adjust priorities or I wouldn’t be inconvenienced and stay at his house."
"Awwww, you have 2 babies."
"I mean sure you could do it yourself, but like if he’s doing shit like this all the time that means he’s immature. He should be perfectly capable of putting down the controller for fatherly duties at any time. I could understand if he was a super involved dad wanting a 40 minute him time out. That doesn’t seem to be the case though so"
"This has nothing to do with gaming. He needs to be more helpful, period."
"My 15 year old every time I try to get him to do anything. At least he has the courtesy to haul ass across the house if I tell him it can’t wait. Like 2.2 seconds and he’s back to his chair. Again, 15 years old…"
"Was he playing fortnite? I play that with my son. Yeah I do understand that when you are playing with other people you can’t just stop if your in the middle of a game. I mean you can but these people might get very annoyed and not understand or want to play with him anymore. I think if he’s playing a lot and not doing things with you guys that’s an issue. If he’s playing online in a match you can’t just pause that. Maybe since those are they types of games he plays tell him to play at specific times and at those times let him play unless an emergency comes up."
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