Overcontrolling mother in law

I have a mother In law question .
My fiancé and I have been together for 2 years so far and will be together for 3 when we get married in October. A little backstory here, before my fiancé and I got together, I didn’t know our mothers knew each other. And they don’t like each other. My mother and I are not close and we don’t talk very much anymore. So I was nervous when I found that out bc I was afraid she would not like me. Well fast forward and she likes me fine, I think at least. Until one occurrence happens when my fiancé brother got in my 5 years old face and told us to “Shut that child up before I do” because I was trying to put her to asleep and she was throwing a fit bc she did not want to go to bed and woke my fiancé brothers child up. Then my mother in law got involved and told me and my fiancé it was our fault. When I literally cannot make a child stop crying or throwing a fit when she’s upset and screaming bc she does not want to go to sleep at 9pm. Kids throw tantrums. I’m sorry. I tried to quiet her down but before I could his brother walked in and told us that. Which mad me mad so I left at 9pm at night with my two children. Fast forward I did not speak to her for months when my fiance works over the road. I thought we were fine, until all this wedding planning takes place. She tries to over rule me, on my wedding! I don’t want to come off to be a “bridezilla” and I feel bad if I don’t include her in wedding things as my fiance is also upset when I don’t include her. But she tries to control everything. And she over mother him as well. She calls every morning to wake him up for work still, still asks if he needs laundry done, or food cooked. And I find it offensive when I’m there to do this stuff for him. Like that’s kind of my job as a soon to be wife ?? But when it comes to this wedding. I don’t even want to have a wedding anymore because she’s always rushing me to stuff. To book venues, find dresses only at places she recommends in her price range (when she’s not paying for anything wedding related except rehearsal dinner which my fiance just wants to do pizza) I’m just over her trying to control everything about this wedding, and really about everything else. I don’t know what to do. She dosent listen when I tell her no I don’t like that. But I also dont even want to have this wedding anymore just so I don’t have to hurt her feelings or her input on it. Sorry this is long. My mother and me also are not close and never really have been so I would like to have a relationship with her but I also think this is a little extreme. Edit to add** last night she saw my sons dad drop my son off at my home when I was present, so she literally came over with my father in law, all 3 of her kids, and made the brother in law come over with his daughter. She’s starting to plant seeds in my fiancé head about me cheating with my previous child father and making me fiancé insecure. In which I would never do that to my fiancé. Guys i just need help. She has my fiancé bank information, therfore I don’t want a joint account with him, she has access to his phone bill. I’m over the top with how much she control she has and ny fiancé thinks it’s normal. I just don’t know how to talk to her about this without us all getting a fight like the last time we brought this topic up. Help please and advice would be so helpful