What is the proper way to handle toddler tantrums in the store? My child is about to be 1 and already throws tantrums…she is my first and i want to make sure I am handling things correctly…young mama here who is trying to raise a good kid
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Proper way to handle toddler tantrums?
We really need to stop expecting children to be born with emotional regulation skills when most adults nowadays don’t even have them. Emotional regulation skills are taught 100%.
Withholding love or using isolation as a form of punishment is also not the answer and actually makes it worse. I would HIGHLY recommend checking out Gentle Parenting TikTok. Very helpful and informative. A few of them are well educated professionals on child development, psychology, etc.
- The child is 1. Not a toddler. This is infant. You redirect up to age 3.
I marched my kids right back to the car until they could behave. No sense in making other shoppers miserable because of my kids.
Your child isn’t even 1 yet. It’s normal infant behavior. Bring a small toy, snack, or drink to help distract/entertain them. Don’t set high expectations for an infant
Before you go in. Tell her what you expect from her. Even though she 1. She smart enough to know what you’re saying. Don’t tell her things that you don’t follow through with. And any tantrum…home you go. With no surprise.
I read a book a long time ago
I think it was called children the challenge
In it they said take time to train…an example is take your child to store when u do not need anything…they act up you say I see you do not feel like shopping today. Then you go home. Child will learn if I act up I will have to go home.
It may take a few times but it worked for me.
She is testing you. They waant to see how far they can push. Walk away but make sure to be able to keep an eye out. When she realizes she isn’t getting the attention she wants, she’ll stop
Oof, this is tough. Because you’re talking about a baby who is not even one yet, so please try to remember her “throwing a tantrum” is actually the only way she knows how to communicate right now. Babies this age (and up to 3 years old) have a hard time communicating what they need or what they want and that is extremely frustrating to them. So although overwhelming and stressful to us as parents, especially in a public area, take a deep breath, hold your baby, and step outside. Even if you are in the middle of shopping. Or out to dinner with your family.
If there is one thing I’m learning myself as a mom of two boys is that my life has been slowed down tremendously. Other tasks feel incredibly sped up (like taking a shower )
It might take me longer to do the dishes, but if my babies need me, they need me. It might take me longer to grocery shop, but if my babies need me, they need me.
I won’t call myself perfect in any way. None of us are, there’s days I catch myself so frustrated with both of my kids I have to just walk away for a few minutes to recollect myself (making sure they are safe of course).
Always set limits and boundaries. One thing I have noticed with my oldest is that when he is frustrated with something, or if he is throwing a tantrum for any reason I find a bit ridiculous, I will make sure he knows I am there for him because his big feelings do not scare me. And when he is ready to calm down and communicate I am right there to do so.
with my youngest (he is 1.5 years old), I do the same thing. I just sit there and wait until they are done, but I will make sure they know I’m there for them always.
There has been times I’ve had to walk away from the screaming & crying because of how overstimulating it gets for me. But I just try to breathe & remind myself that I am a mess as an adult because of the way I was raised and for that reason alone I will try to be a better parent to my kids.
Remember that they are still learning, your baby is only a year old, they do not have the tools bigger kids do, the fore thought, logic etc. It’s a big world with big emotions. When we expect them to just stop, be silent and do as they are told without accommodating them, letting them explore and communicate how they feel or trying to help them regulate, we are in turn simply telling our kids that how they feel isn’t important and to bury that. Thus why so many adults can’t regulate themselves either.
It’s perfectly okay to let a tantrum unfold while you work out what’s happening and how to respond. Screw the looks people give over it.
Some times you need to say no.
Some times you need to just give comfort.
Some times you need to take a break and sit down for a minute in a quiet spot.
Some times a good distraction works.
You’ll find what works for you and your kid. There’s no right way to parent lol we all just figure out our kids and self best we can.
Don’t react emotionally at all. Wait for her to realize it’s doing nothing or she gets it out. As long as she’s not harming herself or others or becoming destructive, just let it pass. Redirect her when you have the opportunity. Eventually you’ll be able to remind her it’s okay to have big feelings but sometimes we have to let them out in better ways. She’s too young to understand now.
Not a tantrum yet…be patient. Calm voice. Don’t react emotionally. Figure out why she’s upset.
A one year old is a baby and probably tired, hungry or diaper irritation. Fix all of those before going shopping. Toddlers are a different story.
It’s different with every child. My oldest I had to literally ignore him and let him fuss it out and when he did praise him for calming down and then redirect. My daughter, literally just picked her up and removed her from the situation
Just hug her and let her know she’s safe.
She is too young in my opinion, make sure that you are not taking her out when is her time to nap , when infants ( because she is not even a toddler yet ) are tired they are / act very irritable, make sure that she is not hungry, always brings a snack a little toy or even a tablet so she can watch her favorite cartoon while you are shopping.
Toddlers and older kids tantrums should be handle different because they know better
What Cheyenne said! Keep your cool, and don’t let it become a preferred means of communication. Also, take a look with what’s going on with babe without making a fuss. Overwhelmed, hungry, needs a diaper? A handful of little things that normally wouldn’t make them freak out, but then you say no about something and that tips the scale and the tantrum starts. Taking littles out and about is tough.
With her not quiet yet being one, could she possibly have some sensory issues and the nose and commotion etc is too loud for her? It can be very overstimulating for little ones in such a big place.
Talk to them. I know that’s hard at this age. Try and figure out why she’s acting that way. She cannot communicate with you and could be getting frustrated that she cannot express what she’s trying to. I just recently discovered that when my 5 year old is having a “tantrum” it’s actually a panic attack.
Get down onto their level, calmly speak and ask them what’s the matter. Help them to process their big emotions
There is not a right way because every kids is different you will need to try different methods to see what works for your child
I just ignore it or pick him up and give him a hug. 1 year old is still a baby, not much you can do really
Validate how they feel by acknowledging out loud. Offer a solution. I’d this doesn’t work ignore the negative reinforce positive
Try talking to them to calm them but be firm that the behavior is not acceptable and tell/show them the correct way to communicate. If that doesn’t work/they are in full meltdown mode them remove them and put in a room/car completely to themselves to work through there feelings . It will be hard but must stay calm because they don’t know how to control feeling/temper and punishing them for this will only make it worse and harder to work through this stage
What I do when I grocery shop with my baby, (started doing this around 10 months)
When I grab an item that is light (baby snack in a box) I hand it to my baby. It keeps him occupied, makes him feel involved, and makes him happy. I let him hold it and have the cashier either scan it while it’s in his hands or I tell him to put it on the “Table” and when done scanning, they give it back to him.
He’s only cried one time in the store so far (he wasn’t comfortable in the cart seat and he was tired)
I also carry baby wipes to wipe down the item I give my baby before handing it to him just to be safe
I saw a photo of a child having a tantrum in a store. Father nearly standing over her guarding her space. Grandpa standing close too. They were not embarrassed. They didn’t care what others thought. They waited her out.
Children have not learned how to control their emotions. They are bombarded constantly with ideas, new things, feeling, emotions that they haven’t learned how to deal with yet. The louder they get the quieter your voice becomes.
Don’t plead. Be calm, wait them out. Eventually take them out of their surroundings (unless at home of course) to a quiet place. Cuddles are good when they’re exhausted.
Have an age appropriate conversation with them. Don’t talk at them. Talk with them.
i just ask her questions.
First I see what’s wrong, if I can’t or its something she can’t have/do - Then I ask if “we’re flopping or are we walking?” or “are we tantruming or are we shopping” and I let her decide lol For the most part, she’d just get it together. When she couldn’t I’d just let her do it safely and then be like 'this isn’t how we express our frustration. We XYZ" (I did this from jump. I used to have women in the store giving me the ‘eye’ for talking to her so young or not immediately getting upset at her. But it always worked and now she gets it. So I’ma do the same with the new baby).
Now that she’s older - 3.5 - I ask her if she wants to talk about it, wants me to fix it, or if she just wants to pout. If she just wants to pout (usually she does) I tell her she can’t do it on the floor. She can follow me and pout or she can pout in the cart. She usually chooses to just follow me. And then I just check in with her periodically. “Want to talk? or are you still pouting?” sometimes she wants to talk and sometimes she’s still pouting and will continue to follow me around with a mad face lol
Let her have her tantrum and get it out
some things i like doing with mine is telling them what to expect before going into the store so they know what they are about to be doing with you. Bringing a little snack for them to munch on while they are sitting in the cart seat but not giving it to them until part way through, gives you a little extra time. try to engage with them and make them feel as included as possible, giving lots of hugs and kisses while you are walking around the store reassuring them how well they are doing, just keep a smile on your face if they are screaming and tell them you are almost done. and sometimes no matter how hard it can be, taking them out of the seat and holding them while pushing the cart, or if you have a baby carrier that they can still fit in maybe baby wearing with them can help them still feel super close to you, just some suggestions that helped me! but if it becomes unbearable just kindly pick them up and walk out of the store and bring them to the car and tell them eveyrthing is okay mommy loves you… best of luck!!
Don’t give attention to behaviors you don’t want. Pick your battles. Learn when appearing like your not paying attention gets them to figure it out that not even negative attention will be given.
We can still be aware but take most of the focus off of them physically like shifting our eyes to the area in our side view. A lot of kids think if your not looking directly at them then you can’t see them
The proper way is usually to leave the store. Sometimes the car will calm things
Honestly, ignore them, unless they’re becoming violent at someone/something. Don’t feed into them, cause then they’ll throw a tantrum for attention.
Do not buy her the toy just to get her to be quite or give her whatever she wants I didn’t that with my kid and it’s awful now single momma here his dad left him never met his dad so I was overcompensating and didn’t even realize that I was creating a spoiled child
leave her home with dad while shopping or ignore. i don’t entertain tantrums. it’s also not fair to other shoppers when children can’t behave .
Give them something to eat. Banana apple anything. If they’re occupied it’ll give them something to focus on. When a bit older let them pick something, go to the checkout and show them items need to be paid for. Show them the receipt Then re enter the store and do your shop.
To many parents try and reward at the end and it just ends up being a frustrating stressful experience for both you and the child. (Me included until I reversed it)
First thing: Tantrums don’t equal bad kids
Redirect until child is 2
They are 1! Read up on normal behavior and milestones for that age. There are a multitude of books written by professionals, therapists, peds neuro’s etc read them rather than listening to bad advice from those who clearly do not have kids or if they do need to have them removed. Redirecting is what you do at that age as they do not understand any type of discipline or consequences. Are they hungry? Overwhelmed ?as a store can be a sensory overload to many, are they hot, need diaper change? Baby’s cry because they have a need, they are communicating, NOT because they are spoiled. It’s impossible to spoil an infant which is what a 1year old is
It depends on the child. Some do fine with redirection, some don’t. It’ll take trying various things and I mean numerous times before you find what works.
There might be a reason for this behaviour. I had a nephew who did the same. It was the noise in the shopping centre that was making him play up