Default parents: how do you act as the default parent and not develop resentment toward your spouse? The struggle is real and I’m at a loss.
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His constant reminders that I am doing a wonderful job even if me, the kids, and the house is a mess, his reminders that if it wasn’t for me him and the kids would be lost, and my own constant reminder that I have the privilege to be my families lifeline.
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It’s honestly hard not to but having open communication is most important. Y’all need to sit down, or do it through couples therapy if you can’t do it civilly. You need to realize what he does physically & financially for the household and your family, and he needs to realize what YOU do for your household & family. You both bring things to the table. I’m the default parent but when dad is home, he does equal to what I do, as he should. But it took a lot of talking for it to become that way. You also need to sit down and prioritize breaks for you where HE does your job for the day & takes the kids alone. Whether it’s a couple hours once a week, or a night out once a month. You don’t get the “silent car rides home from work” or the lunch breaks alone, or the socialization with adults (if you’re a stay at home mom I should add, which I’m presuming). And make sure y’all have dates together with and without kids. Don’t lose the love and relationship you two have, during the hard years of parenting.
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I’m default and bread winner:woman_shrugging:t2:someone has to do it. I have one very mature almost 11 year old and a 2 year old with developmental delays .exhausted half the time but we place no blame. Try not to think of it being the cause of resent.The kids and their activities just for better into your schedule I’m assuming. Just breathe and remember to enjoy the small stuff that he’s missing out on 
being the default parent actually makes you very lucky .
If your together, talk to your partner and speak about your overwhelm and get them to take over some of the things you do or share the work load more down the middle.
Communication is important.
Rarely is a relationship 50/50. Today I’m having a good day so I’ll give 80% and he may give 20%
Tomorrow it may be the other way around.
If I’m overwhelmed he does something . If I’m overwhelmed he does dinner or puts kids to bed.
There shouldn’t be a default parent. It should be a partnership with open communication and two people helping each other to get everything done
Easily…. I refuse to let unworthy people occupy space in my mind and emotions. The other parent only has residency in your thoughts if you allow it. A lesson I learned the long and hard way. No one can occupy my space without my permission
Remember that tho you are the default parent, they are also the default on other things. Maybe they’re the default provider, repair man, car maintence, lawn or outside chores, etc. Focus on everything they do, not everything they don’t. It’s not a competition, it’s a collaboration. Each person has roles (that may change sometimes) but no role is greater than or worse than another. I also remember that tho it can be overwhelming, I’d be sad if I wasn’t the default lol. Communicate when you need a break or if there’s something you would like them to do that would make something easier for you. 
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