My step son is 11 years old and recently (like all this week) he has been having “bad thoughts”. I don’t think he means suicidal but he does talk about death a lot and he is so worried about his dad dying. He’s become a bit clingy to his dad recently too (not a bad thing just part of this change). He says he gets these thoughts and they last for a couple of hours and it makes him sad and then he is all of a sudden fine again until the next day. He can’t really pinpoint much more than that. He can’t really say why he’s sad. But it will make him emotional enough to cry.
Background: he is adhd but no changes in meds recently
We have had joint custody for almost 3 years now
We are Fixen to have a baby boy in the next 6ish weeks.
He is involved in 4-H, baseball, football, all the things.
He’s mentioned a bully at school a time or two but all of his stories about said bully are generally after he himself has made an a**holeish remark to the “bully” first so I’m wondering who the real bully is.
Also the bully and sad thoughts is all relatively new and started about the same time.
Thank you for any and all advice!
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Question for my tween boy mommas - Mamas Uncut
Maybe the kid is intuitive and picks up bad vibes.
You need to clarify what he means. Maybe get him some counseling. Lots of changes coming with a new baby.
Are you sure he’s not on the autism spectrum rather then adhd? These sound like very similar traits to autism children and the symptoms are very alike.
That’s Def not autism i have a 4 year old autistic son he’s not clingy unless he’s in the mood.
Sounds like bi polar honesty I have bi polar
I remember having a dream 4 weeks before my grandpa passed and didn’t leave the house for 2 weeks after that dream.
Or he’s having some issue with sharing his dad maybe talk with him more see what he all says then yall go from their on seeking help
When my kids would have scary thoughts and they didn’t know why I started read up on it and I took them to counseling. Usually the bad thoughts are not the true problem. They are brought on by stress and anxiety. He may be having anxiety because his life is about to change in a big way with a new baby. He may feel like he will lose his dad because dad will love the baby more. Then on top of that he is probably stressed out about the bullying too.
Take him to get some counselling before it gets worse, they can help him figure out why he’s feeling the way he is and what can be done to make it better
Have his father take him to Counseling
Maybe needs a mood stabilizer , this same thing happens to me ( I’m bi poler) deff get him an evaluation with a psychiatrist psychologist
Sounds like anxiety and new baby plus stress of what’s happening at school…I wouldn’t say bi polar yet. My step son started acting like he had health issues and just wanted that extra attention when we had his first sister. So might be a few things wrapped up all in one. Therapy would be the best bet even it’s only a few times
I have ADHD and with that get bad anxiety and overthink similar things about my daughter and other family members I’m very close to. Got worse when I became pregnant with baby #2.
I think it’s all anxiety related. I don’t want to see anybody because I know they couldn’t help me and I don’t want medication so I just live with it and try to redirect my thoughts.
Counseling. It’ll be easier for him to explain it to someone neutral and you’re not qualified. That’s not to be mean it’s just that you want someone who is experienced in these things to properly assess it all. Good luck.
Your child just might be very gifted and will need help dealing with that . Sending positivity your way good luck
Nervous about new baby coming, clinging to his Dad, pretty clear sign,try to involve him with shopping for baby and letting him know how important he is going to be as a big brother, and of course how important he is to you and his Dad. Asking for help with dinner (setting up the table, help w cooking etc) the more you include him in family traditions, the more confident he will be, also DO check this bullying situation out more carefully, if anything it will show him you are there for him, Good luck, I hope he relaxes and doesn’t feel less important bcz of the new baby coming 
See a therapist ASAP
Sounds like anxiety. My son is 12, also ADHD and has anxiety. Mine attends behavioral therapy and it helps with his anxiety. Talk to his pediatrician about getting him into therapy.
ADHD & anxiety often go hand in hand. Over thinking and focusing on random thoughts (which we all have at times) unfortunately seems to be part of it. While mainstream people can usually let these thoughts flutter in and out of our minds and think “oh what a strange, random thought, I wonder where that came from” and then not think of it again, children with ADHD & anxiety become fixated on these thoughts and obsess not only on the thoughts but why they’re having these thoughts. They can begin to wonder if there is something wrong with them etc. Which makes them think of the thoughts more & becomes a viscous cycle. We use the strategy “oh that’s a silly thought. Oh well, move on” and a lot of reassurance that everyone has random thoughts. A psychologist may definitely help you.
Sorry I don’t believe in adhd drugs since my grand son was on them and ran down the street with everyone chasing him You need a doctor for mentally I’ll that has all the degrees and can give out meds depression is nothing to fool with
I would get him in to see a therapist so he has somebody that he can talk to
The obvious answer is have him,talk to a professional and bring it up to his primary doctor, bit also make sure to validate his feelings even when he’s having days that seem like he is pushing all your buttons. I wouldn’t say it autism though but only a professional can properly diagnose something like that. Make sure he gets fresh air and sun and plenty of affection. Clingy isn’t bad, especially if he’s having bad thoughts. Make sure he knows at all times that he’s valued and loved.
Always start out low does and work it up slowly on any pills you have to take Of course ask the doctor about this
I heard a new research study came out today stating that children with ADHD usually have a secondary diagnosis as well. Worrying about death is an anxiety trait, speaking from experience. Maybe he needs to speak with a professional regarding his thoughts.
Get him into counseling right now
Definitely sounds like anxiety!! I have a fear of death. Not how I will die, but physically being gone from this earth & my children & I have gotten back on anxiety meds to help with the daily thoughts. I’d break out in full panic mod, crying, pacing back & fourth, heart racing. Definitely take him in to get the help he needs!
Sounds like some anxiety issues maybe cropping up, lots of big changes are challenging for everyone but in particular for young ones with special needs. It would be best to talk to his doctor
has he suffered a loss recently on either side of his family or amongst his friend/ peer group? Could he be feeling anxious or displaced when it comes to his soon to be little brother? (not implying he is a bad kid or a danger: just sometimes when a new sibling enters the picture and the family dynamic changes, it can cause kids to feel some anxiety or a subconscious fear of being replaced or less loved, especially in divided homes where they may feel they do not get enough attention as it is.) Either way, he needs to talk to a therapist or a psychologist to help him sort this out. Also, if he DOES have a bully, the bully might be the one throwing around the death or dead words.
Seriously? This is a “not normal” thing? I had those thoughts when I was about that age and I thought it was normal! I’d get sad if I thought about my parents dying or something like that. They’d last a short time and then I wouldn’t think about them again for a while. I just thought it was because, well, what kid wouldn’t be sad if their parent died. Or worry about it because they’re a kid and they might worry about something they don’t fully understand. Who would have thought.
I was gonna say maybe it’s hormones
My son is same age and has had this same form of anxiety for years. Reassurance and extra attention from dad will help. 1:1 time. He’s also been in therapy and that was helpful as well. Don’t just brush jt off and tell him, he’s fine. Some people need a little extra. I was the same as a kid. Major anxiety about my family dying and I had to deal with it all alone.
Probably puberty. I remember having a lot of thoughts like that at puberty. I thought more about death and our existence. I didn’t want to loose my parents or anyone I loved. I feel like it’s pretty normal to be having these thoughts around this age. We start to realize not everything is permanent.
It sounds like he’s developed anxiety and possibly depression. Time to get him in with a therapist, check if it’s a medication side effect, be open to any changes and the effort it takes to really fight back.
Adhd & anxiety tend to run hand in hand. He definitely sounds like he has anxiety. I would take him to see a shrink. Good luck sweetie
I personally dont believe in medicating children for things like adhd. Thier brains are still developing and your essentially giving them meth. Im good on that. He sounds like hes having anxiety. He needs a place to vent those thoughts. A counselor is a great place to start
Wait why is he so worried about his dad dying?? And all of a sudden clingy? Do you think there’s something like medically wrong with the dad and your son is carrying the burden of it because you don’t know about it?
I went to a therapist myself but as a child you need to find one HE LIKES and also don’t press him to tell you what they talk about my mom used to do they all the time defeats the purpose
Sounds like you could have depression and anxiety I would definitely get him to a doctor just to see where he’s at anything you could do I help him
OCD. It causes intrusive thoughts. OCD isn’t just a quirky thing where things have to be so so. It is a living nightmare. When I was little it started as telling my parents I love them constantly. I was so afraid of them dying. It morphed into a pure hell. You can literally obsess about something for hours or days. It’s draining and exhausting.
Talk to his doctor have him get evaluated
Take him to get help now please don’t wait till he hurts himself
My daughter was same and it was bad anxiety and depression , was so bad I pulled her out of school year 11 . Seen headworx for the last year and doing so much better . Good luck honey I’d def be getting him
Checked . Could also be now new baby is coming he’s also anxious how the dynamics might change without realising it xo
Intrusive thoughts! Therapy will help with this! I also recommend the book The Untethered Soul.
Working in Behavioral Health I urge you to talk to his MD. While this may seem or even be “normal” it can be a slippery slope. Getting him the needed support and normalizing talking about his feelings with yall is important.
sounds like anxiety. anxiety can produce scenarios in your head of death of loved ones and such. I get them a lot about my kids especially when I’m driving. can lead to agoraphobia and or ocd
He could be acting out also due to the new baby coming some children have a hard time processing that he may feel like he’s being replaced 
I hope he starts feeling better best of luck prayers for your family
Sounds like intrusive thought OCD. Please get him looked at. OCD is a nightmare to live with and unless it is diagnosed, your son will continue this cycle and many other cycles because he wont have the right coping mechanisms and/or medications to handle his thoughts. Ensure him that everything is going to be okay and nobody is going anywhere anytime soon and tell him that he should not try to stop the thoughts because itll make it worse. Remind him that they are just thoughts and that they mean absolutely nothing and no matter how sad or scary the thought is, it’ll pass and itll all be okay.
Maybe get a blood pressure cup and have your kiddo check his dads blood pressure just to make him feel more secure that his dad is okay.
The bullying however, try to get to the bottom of it and stop it if possible.
If he’s in therapy have them check for adjustment disorder. My daughter has similar problems like this when change happens in her life. Good coping mechanisms through therapy helps a lot
I have no experience on the matter and there will be people here who do, and Drs. I do wonder if puberty changes things? Maybe meds could be adjusted? But whatever the case I hope it all works out well and he’s lucky to have a loving blended family 
I get this i have adhd and really bad anxiety and I find I have these, sad thoughts, when im not feeling great myself or if I’ve been stressed and worrying about something it’s almost like a panic attack but with thoughts I litt will end up crying because of my sad thoughts and they come in bouts like i wont hsve for few nights then I will get it loads I will start getting anxious before I’ve even gone bed because I kmow it’s going to happen I honestly can say this is anxiety I have lots of diff mental health but I tend to know wat is wat now for me its my brain can’t switch of at night so I over think then those thoughts become bad thoughts so it would be about changing mindset helping the anxiety and talking about feelings and trying to go bed on a happy note as that will help alot
this is what ill say…this is my daughter Alice…she was 14 years old…i lost her to suicide on 4/10 14 due to bullying and she too had adhd and bad thoughts as you call them
Sounds like his meds may need to be changed. This can happen as kids start hurting puberty. adhd can cause impulse control issues and depression, anxiety. I have 2 children with adhd. It can be tough to manage.
I would definitely speak to his dr ASAP may need a different medication, or have anxiety/depression along with adhd and just becoming old enough to really express his thoughts. I would personally want mine to see a counselor or therapist as well. My son is about to turn 13 and had some very similar things go on around that age.
My 17 yr old goes to counceling. Depression. Its very commen to go along with other brain/mental conditions
My son is 6 and occasionally has these thoughts. Also adhd, mines not on any medications. I think it’s anxiety, and it’s what we’ve been told. Most days he’s absolutely fine, some days he thinks me & his dad are old, and that we’re going to die soon, and he gets really upset/stressed for the rest of the day. I constantly remind him, how young we are, how good we eat, and how safe we are in our house. It always seems to cheer him and his day up a bit when he’s like that. Around your sons age, I had this absolute fear of death, around 11-12 it controlled a decent bit of my life and I didn’t like being without my mom. I grew out of it within a year or two, but still get anxiety flashes about it till this day. Maybe even talking to a therapist/or someone about his thoughts might make him feel a little better! Just someone’s compassion and understanding can change the day!
You really don’t see that it’s probably the new baby coming? He might think his dad will love the baby more, or that the baby will replace him. My daughter went through that when I was pregnant with her brother when she was 16.
Please, talk to him about it. Have his father talk to him about it. This is between them.
Anxiety most definitely. Thats around the age I was diagnosed as well.
Man sounds like the kid has to make this shit up to get any kind of attention, love, or sympathy…
In 20 sentences, you’ve called him unstable, clingy, asshole-ish, bully… All about an 11 year old 
You sound like an awesome mother figure…
Did you ever stop to put yourself in his tiny little shoes? He has to share his parents, sees them part time, is taking STRONG meds for a child, & apparently the meds aren’t helping like they should.
Have some damn compassion…he’s 11.
Intrusive thoughts mixed with anxiety. I’m the same way. Therapy helps quite a bit.
Find a good child psychologist. His mental health can decline rapidly. Make sure he knows you support and live him and always listen to what he tells you .
Could be early signs of bipolar. I started showing signs young like that. Around 14 things were bad enough and my mom had just been diagnosed (in her 30s) that she took me to a psychiatrist who confirmed his belief that these were early signs. Does anyone in his family suffer from known mental illness, specifically any chronic condition diagnosis? If there is any history on either of the parents side I would highly suggest you consider this possibility.
Even as an adult that knows their condition, the lows and the sudden sadness for no apparent reason, it can still catch you off guard and not even realize what’s going on.
Both my children are healthy and happy, but I have lived their deaths almost every day of their lives. It was worst during their first year of life, being diagnosed with post partum anxiety. But even 5 years later, any thought of harm coming to them sends me into a panic attack and I feel like it’s really happened. It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t lived through imagined trauma how realistically devasting it can be.
Hoping the best for you all.
My daughter went through something similar. We stopped giving the kids screen time for 2 weeks and it changed her for the better, they now only get them for 20 min every other day.
get him to a therapist…NOW
Definitely anxiety when I as younger my mom got beat by her SO. It was so bad he poured gas on her and had a match lite. I always always had dreamed and thoughts that she was going to die. It started with her dying then I would get to think about me dying that I would never come back, that I would never see anyone ever again. It is very scary to go through that as a child. Now my 10 yr old talks about death alot (he lost his grandpa in 2018) you just have to tell them the truth everyone dies someday it’s part of life. Try to console them when they are upset. I still fear death but talking to my son about it helps quite a bit
He may have depression. I’d get him in to see a therapist. I get spells like that so I understand
Counseling to help him deal with these thoughts
Sounds like anxiety. Also a mix of new hormones as he approaches puberty. Most schools have a therapist he could talk to and explain his bad thoughts. Have him be a big helper with the new baby. It will help him to feel important. Even have him buy a new present or toy for his new sibling. Have dad spend some extra one on one time before the babe comes because it’s so hard after the baby is here.
I would get him to a Dr just to have him checked out and be advised what to do next, if anything. Good luck to you
Is he the " only" child ? Is he afraid of being forgotten when the baby gets here? Getting to the bottom of the thoughts is hard but is needed to effectively move forward. Anxiety meds and talking to a counselor or therapist doesn’t really help if you guys can’t figure out the trigger. Meds aren’t the answer at this time. See if you can talk to someone at the school to help you get insight in the " bully" situation.
Is he on medication for adhd as that can bring on suicide thoughts/depression c
The real bully is him the real arsehole is him there’s your answer
Could it be something as little as watching the news about all the covid-19 deaths. People talking about covid-19 and the deaths at school or on bus. The news about covid-19 has a lot of kids scared and worrying about the covid-19.
I’m 33 and spend most of my time worrying about death ever since my mum died 5 years ago and my dad got diagnosed terminal. Whenever I am not doing anything my moods drop or destroys me
He might be hitting a growth spurt. And his doctor MIGHT change the dosage.
It could be the med change -
He may have anxiety and with hormones on the rise it could be amplified. My daughter is 10 and going through the pre teen mood swings and also struggles with anxious thoughts. I’d just support his close relationship with his dad and do some extra family activities together which will help him feel connected and supported.
the clingy may very well be because his father is having another son
Check side affects of ADHD meds.They can cause serious emotional and behavioral issues,even after they have been on them for a while
Just reassure him when his brother comes everything will be ok. Make it more about the baby and him than you and dads new baby. It sounds like he’s worried about losing his dads attention once the baby comes. Be sure once the baby is here that you and dad give him extra attention during the times that you have him. Maybe dad can take him to batting cage, bowling or go cart driving. Or a bike ride and lunch. Something to make him feel special. He has his teenage years coming soon and then all heck break lose. Enjoy your time with him and it sounds like you care a lot about him and if he’s opening up to you about bully I think he cares a lot about you too which is a great relationship
Just reassure him when his brother comes everything will be ok. Make it more about the baby and him than you and dads new baby. It sounds like he’s worried about losing his dads attention once the baby comes. Be sure once the baby is here that you and dad give him extra attention during the times that you have him. Maybe dad can take him to batting cage, bowling or go cart driving. Or a bike ride and lunch. Something to make him feel special. He has his teenage years coming soon and then all heck break lose. Enjoy your time with him and it sounds like you care a lot about him and if he’s opening up to you about bully I think he cares a lot about you too which is a great relationship
Has a close friend or family member passed recently? Or has a class mates father passed ?
Look into getting him some Children’s therapy maybe
Sounds like anxiety. My 9 year old sees a wonderful counselor and takes a low dose med.
Where’s the biological mom in this ???
Sounds like anxiety and anxiety comes with bouts of depression
I’m almost certain it’s a reaction to changes happening. He’s the kid, now a new baby’s coming. It’s a lot for a kid that age. He’s right in between where he realizes when he’s having a hard time but still has a hard time understanding it or putting it into words. He’s talking about it as he can so that’s a good thing! Worry about it if he starts withdrawing from the things he’s always loved, it sounds like he’s still active in a lot of things so that’s good. He probably just needs some reassurance and extra attention not to be left out when the new baby comes and once he adjusts and still feels needed and loved things will turn around. That’s a tough age for boys.