Hi, I would like this post to remain anonymous and need some light into this hard situation I’m in right now. I have a five-month-old with my fiancé and I am not happy with him anymore. He makes my life harder, and I hate having to always ask to watch our daughter. It’s so unfair, and I’m just feeling done. I always picture myself being a single mom, and I feel like I’d be happier, but I know it’s going to be hard. To all the moms that left their partner for the better, how did you manage with work and baby? How was it finding your own place? Or did you stay with family until you got back on your feet? Just need some insight.
22 Likes
I’ve been a single mom for 17 years.
There were times it was hard. Financially hard. But I pushed through. I learned to budget. I set career goals.
It’s scary to be on your own with a little one. But I know you can do it.
As hard as it was at times, I wouldn’t change anything if I had the opportunity to do it over. Ever decision I made in life, I did for my son. All of it was worth it. Even the bad days. But I promise you, the good days outweigh the bad. 
My ex husband and I separated when I was pregnant with our son. I moved back home with my parents at 26, went back to school, worked full time, and he went to daycare. I’m not going to lie it was rough and stressful but now 13 years later I’m happy, remarried and my son is 13 now & I’ve got a 3yr old as well… I’ve gone back to school since I got a B.S. degree and am currently debating a Masters… I think the key is having family support and good friends that will help you as well. To be honest my church family helped me a lot as well & my faith kept me going… now I’m almost 40yrs old and wouldn’t have changed the way my life went at all. Praying for your situation and wish you the best of luck!
I’ve been a single mom since the day she was born. I left for the better. And buddy, my child is 17 and it was the RIGHT choice. My life would have been so hard. Was it easy? No. But I made the right decision, everyday, or at least tried to make good decisions daily. And as each day pasted it got easier and easier. We grew, evolved and overcame. I went back to school. I kept the friends that made life fun and effortless. I got rid of the heavy ones. And all of a sudden, I did it. I raised her. Everyone asks “do you think she missed out?” Solid no. He is toxic. She’s a A/B student. Cheerleader, 4H, loves Jesus and camp, sweet sweet child because of the environment I raised her in. Everyone’s family dynamic is different. You’ve just got to choose the one that’s best for you.
2 Likes
I was a single mom for the first 5 years of my daughters life. I was technically with her father for the first year and a half but he was useless. I left. Moved to a new apartment, just her and I. It was incredibly hard. I didn’t have a support system and I was forced to figure it out. But I did. I got help from the state temporarily and never looked back. I was lonely, but I was happy. If you have family willing to help, take the help. You CAN do it. It will be hard but you will be so much happier.
I left with my 5 kids and didn’t look back . We are living in a tiny house barely big enough for us all. But we are all so much happier. Even our pets are happier. Initially, I was in so much debt so I can move and start a new life. But eventually u wittle those hardships down. And celebrate even the smallest of achievement and just keep looking to the future. small steps 1 day at a time financially and emotionally . If u have family and friends who can and will help accept that help
Hard but my son and I are so close now. His father was never involved. My son and have lived on our own sense he was born, I worked his daycare center/school so I got a discount because I have no family around. We always lives in low income and had government health care but we are happy and healthy.
I was in a very similar situation.
I was young n daft. Thought our baby would help us , when it just highlightedevery problem. (conception was accidental)
I left.
It’s sooooo much easier honestly.It can be lonely, but your lonely in a relationship, so would u not rather be lonely , due to lonliess , than feeling alone beside someone?
Babies arnt bandaids . They feel and sense everything. Do u and your bubba a favour n move on xxx
With you baby being only 5 months old, I would also talk to your physician as this could be some postpartum depression. It is not uncommon with all the changes in your life, mentally and physically, to feel out of sorts, but a new baby changes a lot of things. He is also going through changes, different expectations that he is not used to. Talk to him, talk to a therapist and take care of yourself. I would not throw the towel in on the relationship before exploring other options to heal and adjust to your new life.
3 Likes
I separated from my daughters dad before she was two and moved closer to my parents. I was lucky to find a house rental in my budget (and took my two dogs!). Her dad does pay child support that helps with the rent and I found a job before I moved and a really good daycare (reasonable priced too). My mom is my savior-she helps with pickups and my daughter stays there all the time. She’s five now and I’m happy. She sees her dad every few weeks we are on good terms and helps pay for things. And my daughter knows nothing different-she grew up with us separate and that’s what she knows. Don’t stay for the kid-it doesn’t work and it’s better for her to see you happy not fighting all the time
The first year is ALWAYS the hardest. Change is hard. Have you tried talking to him? Maybe Counceling? A child’s life is never better with his parents apart, unless there is no other option. I was a single mom. It was a really bad situation, so i feel there was not a choice. We had to split. But it was the last resort. I don’t have any regrets because it was the last resort. Just make sure you will not regret leaving. Make it your last resort😀
2 Likes
I moved back in with my parents. I’m at peace with myself…and it is lonely at times…but I am managing by finding things that make me happy again. It’s hard being a single parent…however…lean on your positive supports and dont allow any negativity to feed your thoughts. There is assistance for single parents out there if you need it. Dont feel ashamed. You have to do what’s best for you and your child. My best wishes to you and I hope that you find the strength and courage to get where you need to be. Much love. 
1 Like
I was a single mother of 5. It’s terribly hard, but you should never stay in a bad relationship for the child bc your kids deserve to see what true love and happiness looks like. My only thing is if you’re choosing to be single, then BE SINGLE for a long time. Nothing worse that a mom/dad who brings other ppl in and out around the kids. That’s not ok! As far as the things you’re asking about no one can really answer what’s gonna b best for u and your baby because everyone’s financial circumstances are different as well as the relationship with the other parent is different for everyone.
1 Like
It is very hard at first, but get the job first and start hiding money back. Even if you have to have a family member hold it for you. Then start asking around for prices on child care. Once you have everything ready go for it. There will be nites that you will feel very alone but remember how he made you feel. With family and friends you can do it.
1 Like
I was a single mother from the time my daughter turned 3 months to when she was about 5. It’s hard but if you have friends and family that support you it’s not too bad. Best bet is to find someone who will watch your little one for free otherwise you’ll be working to pay daycare bills and nothing else though. That’s the hardest part.
I stayed with my parents and went back to school. Its tough but im much happier and so are my kids.
To be honest it’s one of the hardest yet empowering things I’ve done. If you have a good relationship with family, stick to that. Family is everything. When I walked away my kiddos were 1,3, and 5
I am a single mom of 3… 1 dad is controlling, 2 dad isn’t involved at all, 3rd dad wants to come and go as he please, my parents help me out by watch the kids, I do live on my own and have my own car, I can say I have more money now then I ever did with any of them
1 Like
Like every thing in life that’s worth it it is hard. But I’d take hard over being unhappy. A weight lifted off my shoulders when my 1st husband and I split up. The worry of bills and such were so much less than dealing with someone who doesn’t make you happy.
I lived in a mobile home which I kept. My parents helped me out when needed and I applied for food stamps. Switched from a part time to full time job and found an in her home daycare. Once my ex started paying child support I quit the food stamps. I got on my own 2 feet and was good. Didn’t rely on child support because he didn’t always pay but those arrears followed him and were used to pay off some of my son’s college loans.
I didn’t have my child’s father in her life. I was legit on my own. I was active duty army and had to make arrangements constantly. I made friends, built a support system, asked my mom for the occasional bailout. I took it one day at a time. I’m married now and my husband has filled the role of dad.
1 Like
Hard but worth it. If you have a support system you will be fine.
1 Like
Ask for help where you can and work your ass off. It’s worth it for you to be happy.
3 Likes
It’s easier without the dad. Your focus is your baby and your happiness.
2 Likes
i’m not a single mom anymore as i met my man when my daughter was 2. i broke up with her biological father when i was pregnant with her and told him to go to rehab and get some help and once he did that to call me and i never heard from him again. i was fortunate to live with family; my daughter went to daycare but i needed daycare assistance i wouldn’t have been able to afford it on my own. honestly if i never met my man i probably would still be living with my grandma lol. but definitely much better to be by yourself than with someone who is not good for you, even if you have to live with family or find babysitters. do have any family / friends you trust to babysit ? maybe work out a weekly routine, aunt takes her one day, grandma two days, uncle another day 
it’s easier for family members to commit to helping one day a week versus 5
1 Like
I’m a mum of seven and I’ve been on my own for a long time .you get use to it .you’ll have great days and good and bad days .its hard at times but you’ll do it
2 Likes
I’ve been a single mum for 9 years, and to be honest with you I love it! No body to answer too, I can make what I want for tea my daughter wants for nothing!
Hard by yourself but harder w somebody who feels like a ball n chain. Round up a support system
2 Likes
I was a mom of 3 kids when I decided to leave my partner and do it on my own. The oldest two were about 5 and 6 and I had a newborn basically. I found my own place without much issues and as they say “I just did the damn thing.” by then I was already used to taking care of the kids solo so what did it really matter that I was doing it on my own for real instead of doing it on my own because my partner couldn’t be bothered to help? I wound up in a relationship with someone I thought would last, got pregnant again and when things came to light, here I was freshly pregnant with baby number four and a single mom again. Honestly, I was tired but didn’t change much. I did what I had to do and I have no regrets because while pregnant with baby number 4, I found my now husband who embraced us all, we had our first together and even though he helps with no issues, I don’t notice much of a difference because I’ve done it all sol but it is sure nice that he will keep the kids out of my way so I can get some sleep or have me time. When it was just us in our own place (The kids and I) they all just kind of fit to one schedule naturally on their own which was nice. Yea it was hard at first because they cried and wanted their daddy, but I still allowed him to spend time with them as he wanted, we co-parented just fine and still do. Just gotta do what works best for you and dont’ settle for no bullshit
1 Like
Being a single mom certainly is trying but with determination a and a routine you’ll be ok
If you are safe, stay and make a plan. Get your money to a place where you can afford to make a down payment and first month. Are you working? Ask your family for support, if you don’t have an ally in your family, make a friend an ally. If you don’t have this option then find a safe place to stay and honor the rule of the length of your stay. Be ready to communicate changes honestly and openly so that you do not burn bridges. Make a list of goals, we had five, 2 just for her, 2 just for me and 1 for US. Think toys/experience (kid) job or promotion (mama) and house/car US. BE HUMBLE, but remember to be gentle to you also. I made it a point to help my kid understand why mama had to make a decision that was best for us. This is so much better explained live than text, so please do not misread tone. Childcare for me was hard, but you will find a way, because little eyes are watching and mamas are LITERAL magic. For me, once I stopped being angry with what he DIDN’T and WOULDN’T do, and started focusing on just me and her, my life became exponentially better. It took time, it’s still hard, but we are GOOD. Please for the love of all things holy, stay SINGLE until your heart and soul a teensy bit healed, it’s the best way to keep your power, of course, you’re a grown woman, but I really felt like that was my biggest mistake, trying to date while trying to build and repair. There are resources. Today, I make this apart of my business plan, to help mama’s who want to help themselves. If you’re comfortable reaching out, I would be VERY happy to share those resources or even talk through what you’re struggling with, sometimes it’s just helpful to have someone not in “crisis” but who has already been there to give a couple of meaty bones of advice, tuck them away or gnaw on them immediately, but this offer does not expire.
2 Likes
As someone who watched so many struggle. If it’s that bad cut your ties now or it just hurts later… talk discuss or get counseling and if not improvement girl run. Realistically there is so much help for single mamas and resources in this world to help you with finances housing diapers etc… but none of that replaces a father no but if he’s already so burdened with helping his child’s mother it’s not worth saving. A child is 50/50 not 99/1 you got this chin up girl and just remember nothing wrong with going home to family.
I was a single mom for 11 years. My daughters father left me after I told him I was pregnant with his child. I know it may seem difficult now but I honestly would tell you to hold on. Try and have as many serious talks with him as possible and stay together. He may be going through some things and needs time to adjust. I wanted to be in the medical field and go to college. I wasnt able to until I was 32 years old. Im 36 now. It is way more harder on your own and especially right now in todays world than it is in your current environment. Keep trying to talk and work it out. I will pray for you both
Remember that it takes a village to raise a child so if someone offers you help, accept it. If the problem is happiness alone then I suggest therapy, postpartum depression can cause relationships to end and makes parenting difficult as well. Babies add on stress as well to both parents, have you tried voicing for help? Some men just assume everything is fine because they see us taking care of everything without saying anything but bottling it inside. No one is a mind reader so never feel bad for asking for his help, he’s the other parent and shares as much responsibility as you should. If there are other issues at hand such as any type of abuse then you’re doing the right thing by walking away for the sake of your child and your sanity. Being a single parent is hard but not impossible. I wish you the best of luck and happiness your way:heart:
1 Like
Having a baby is a really big change for a relationship. I think mine was a year old before I found a semblance of normalcy returning to us. Just reading your paragraph, you sound resentful of both of your parenting roles because the big share of parenting is falling on you. It seems to me like maybe some couples therapy where a third party can help you express your frustration to him, and also help you see his side would be something to try before calling a quits. Ijs that it this is your and his first child then both of you are just now learning how to be parents and it’s not a smooth road. Mine are 10 and 11, and it’s been quite the journey.
1 Like
I left my abusive partner the day my son was born. It hasn’t been easy- I’m a working mom and miss a lot of time with him, but I’ve loved every minute of it because I know my son is safe. If your fiancé loves your child and is safe, you should coparent because that would be best for her. But if you’re unhappy, it’s okay to leave him, just make sure you aren’t sacrificing your child’s happiness in the process.
I was scared at first, and it wasn’t easy, it still isn’t some days but I really was able to figure it out and come into myself in the process. Almost 8 years later and I’m just doing it, it isn’t even a question of how can I. It just is. It is possible.
I coped on my own due to not having another person to parent with for me it was easier I feel privileged now to have a partner but on your own it’s your way only.
It’s difficult because you know what it’s like to have a partner. But being a single mom is not impossible.
You can do this!
You also deserve to be happy.
I am a single mom to three. Different dads. None of them stayed.
We as women automatically assume the primary carer role (yes, there is the exception to this) and when you have a partner that doesnt seem to take their role as avidly as we do, it does become extremely annoying.
I have battled my way through single motherhood. There have been times I’ve had to live with family and times I’ve stayed alone with my boys. In all honesty I can’t imagine trying to co parent. Yes this is HARD. You literally sacrifice yourself for your child(ren). But I’m HAPPY not having to fight about parenting styles, about him slacking, etc. We manage just fine and my kids are happy. 
1 Like
It’s not easy… I raised 2 by myself… But once u reliaze your tired of the non sense… U can do fine… I figured if I’m gonna bad I can do that on my own !
2 Likes
I feel bad for this kid. You only thinking of you.
1 Like
Reach out to any type of community programs near you that help struggling mothers with housing, food etc… don’t jump the gun and leave until you’ve got it all sorted out. Best of luck to you dear 
3 Likes
Hi mommy
I’m a single mum to a 3 year old little man. Single parenting is tough, but what’s tougher is having a partner that brings you down and offers no support at all. I’m blessed to have an incredible support structure, i currently live with my parents and they help a lot. Working and raising a child is difficult and at times it gets lonely, but you need to think about what’s best for YOUR child and YOUR mental health. Remember, a child doesn’t need a perfect cookie cutter family, they need a happy one! Another issue i feel you should consider is co parenting. My ex isn’t in my sons life at all - he chooses not to be. How will your partner manage that? Will he be unreasonable? Will he even care? It’s a big decision to make. Talk to a counsellor if needed, sometimes partners just don’t realise how much we’re going through. All the best xx
6 Likes
I moved in with family until I could save up and get a decent paying job. took me a while but having the support you love and trust is helpful.
1 Like
The peace of mind you get from knowing youre on your own is way better mentally and emotionally for you. I’m a single mom of two boys. I have a great support system of friends and family. It can be exhausting yet rewarding.
1 Like
I loved being a single mom Noone to answer to
Reach out to your family if you can.
I divorced my husband and moved home from colorado to Michigan…I had nothing but a suitcase and my girls. I would rather struggle than be unappreciated, unloved and disrespected. Luckily my dad kept us for about 6 months til I could find a job and got an apartment in a low income apartment complex. We didn’t have much but we were happy and safe. Little by little our home came together. Fast forward 10 years later I remarried to a wonderful man who absolutely adores me and my kids…I am a successful realtor and we own a home. I am living my best life. Times were tough and I cried and beat myself up, but it was worth it.
3 Likes
Once I found out I was pregnant with my first son. I moved from Iowa to Missouri in with my Mom because the “dad” was too busy “partying” and didn’t want the responsibilities of being an actual dad. It only took me a year to get back on my feet. I’ve been a single Mom for almost 4 yrs my son’s are 3 and 1. I have my sister babysitting my boys while I work. It’s definitely hard work but it can be done! Seeing my boys, just as happy as they can be, is such a warm feeling! Definitely wouldn’t trade the single Mom life for nothing!
My daughter and I moved in with my parents until I could afford my own place. But one thing I found that help tremendously was other single mommies !! The family support is always good, but the support from other single mommies in UNMATCHED !!!
Single mum of two girl’s ex wasn’t supportive an never around lived with my mum for awhile till I got on my feet, trying to raise two girls an find a home wasn’t easy but my kids remind me to fight an never give up an keep going you gotta do what’s best for u an ur child if not happy then I think u already know what to do best of luck
In these times there are so many programs that are available to you, it may take time to find all of them and get them in place, but if you are that unhappy
I’m a single mom to a nine-year-old son it was very very tough but I literally feel good at this moment in my life- all my hard work has paid off
As hard as it was sometimes it was so much better for us than putting up with the bs all the time !
2 Likes
Community resources. Reach out to anyone and everyone. You never know. I got clothes and beds from the school. It’s hard to do but it can be done. You just gotta have a solid job and a solid daycare/babysitter. I was married for 10 years and never thought I could go through with it, until I did. And let me just say this is the happiest I’ve ever been. And it’s so empowering
It is empowering and liberating!!
Single parenting is hard. So are relationships. Have you tried actually talking to him? Working on your relationship? Or are you just jumping right to leaving him? You will still have to build a strong relationship with him in order to be a good co-parenting couple, just saying…
3 Likes
I have both stayed with family/friends and went straight for my own place as a single mother in the past. Both are an adjustment. Having a support system helps a lot and being determined helps a lot. It will be difficult, but if you know that it’s what’s best for you and baby girl, you can do it. I kept reminding myself that if I was going to be in a relationship with someone and have to do everything on my own, it would be better for me to actually be on my own. It was going to be one less person that I was going to have to take care of. And there are so many resources available for a single parent, to help you get established and on your feet. Do what’s best for you and that little girl! Best of luck!
Being a single mom isn’t easy, but I am so thankful that I don’t have to fight with custody agreements or visits or any of that. I got pregnant before my freshman year and raised my son by myself and went through school. It’s not always easy but sometimes it provides a better environment for the child to grow up in. Sometimes staying in a toxic relationship “for the child(ren)” provides a bad example
Single mom of 2. I felt like I could finally breathe… like you ever walk outside in a beautiful autum day? And the breeze hits your face and your lungs expand to infinity!!! Yep thats how it felt. No matter the struggle I went thru . I slept better !! Even if it was on a couch for 3 months until i could afford a bed
4 Likes
Currently going through it now. Iive with my mom for the time being, she watches my boys while I work. It is hard, especially if the father doesn’t help. Most days I’m tired of doing everything for everyone all the time. But there are brighter days ahead. You got this mama! Don’t be afraid to go out and be happy!
It’s easier than having the dead weight dragging you down.
6 Likes
Found out I was pregnant, my sons dad told me to "kill that ficking thing, if you need cash I’ll help, just get rid of the problem ". He was the problem. When he found out I kept my son, he wanted to be involved. He made it 6 months. I was a single mom for 6 and a half years. It truly is hard, but I and my son are so much better for it.
2 Likes
I was in a marriage for 5 years, together for 8 and once I left I felt like my anxiety was gone, I could breathe and I was happier. Sure change is ALWAYS hard, I had to live with my parents for about 8 months but I saved my money doing that but I picked myself up, I am happier and doing better than I thought I ever would. Have money saved up, I have my house, car, job, and kids. Your kids will see you happier too and notice. My kids now notice “daddy doesn’t make mommy cry anymore” and mom isn’t angry or sad anymore.
3 Likes
Single Mother to four. I was lucky to be a single Mom AFTER they were all in school. Felt like a relief after being responsible for all of them anyway. You will find peace. It may take a while, but inner-peace will come.
1 Like
Get a good support system. Stay single until you can find peace with yourself and others. It’s a hard job. I was 17 when I had my first son, worked my ass off every single day. Not everyone is going to help you out when you need it, but build a good support group before you go so you’re not left struggling