Questions about my child with ADHD

I have been married to my husband for about a year, and I have two school-aged kids from a previous relationship. One of them is ADHD, and although he is hyper, he is not malicious or destructive. He’s just attention needy and very goofy and loud. But sweet as a button. I found out right before marrying my husband that he has a bit of a dark side. Previous to him moving in, he was very calm and patient. After though everything changed. He believes that children do not understand respect, only fear (his words), and although he has never laid a hand on them (because I would take the eff off right then), he can not stop yelling. I mean, it’s all the time. He was yelling about the dumbest shit. It’s just ridiculous. He names call to me and tell me that I’m a pushover and don’t know how to parent and that he has to parent three children cause of it. Example being: kids at the table eating dinner if they talk AT ALL he yells and threatens to put them to bed. I say it is ok to talk as long as they’re eating and not goofing around. He freaks out and yells and gets mad every friggen time. He acts like this is a prison, and he’s the guard. He never ever says anything nice to the children. I’ve literally never heard h,im compliment either of my children. He’s not like this at all with other people’s children, which is what made this a huge shock to me when we moved in together. He puts on a face in front of others but humiliates me in front of them too by calling me names or making me out to be dumb, which my university degree will tell you I am not. I have felt shitty about myself for a long time because I was always very proud of myself as a mother, and now all I hear is him bringing me down. My self-esteem has taken its toll. I am also now four months pregnant and concerned about the future. How do I get this man to listen to me and realize that his constant yelling and negative attitude is seriously affecting our home life and overall happiness?

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You better leave ASAP it will get worse with your kids

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Unfortunately it wont get better, you’ve let him have this behavior for to long without falling through with convenience. Unfortunately you need to go be happy with your kids an leave him.

ummmm marcissitic much?

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You better tell him don’t let the door nob hit you in your ass

You don’t. And you shouldn’t have even married him. The moment he started his shit you should have put your foot down.

This is the thin edge of the wedge that’s why he hid it from you get out or better still get him out

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You are fine…he is the problem!!! Tell him to go

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You sound like a good mom and you already know what you have to do

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Talk to him and if he doesn’t fix it then asks to go to a marriage counselor or get out of there. My mom was married to a man like that and made my life miserable.

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You can’t! He will never change! If you stay, your children will resent you for it for the rest of your life! Run! Run like hell and never look back! Make sure you document every abusive word so he gets supervised visitation only with this new baby!

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Not trying to sound mean at all, you sound like a good mother to your kids, but why would you even consider marriage, if you knew he had a dark side BEFORE you married him?? Just because he hasn’t hurt you, or your children, doesn’t mean he won’t. Now that you are married to him, he may feel like it’s easier to let his dark side show, because it will be harder for you to leave. I know you love him, and the thought of leaving is scary, but isnt the thought of him hurting you, or your kids even more scary to you?

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You will not change unless HE wants you change. Sorry. But it’s 100% true.

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Narcissist he will not change, only get worse. For your kids sake move on. Your kids will inherit this behavior. Do it for them. Do you want them to be the same to their kids and partner?

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Leave! He will never change

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I hate too say it but it will not change. After the baby it will get worse his child will be top priority. I’m sure its already taking its toll on your kids. He needs to leave and you already now that I’m heart do what’s right for your kids. Trust me it will be hard but you can get your happy life back. Good luck.

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You knew he was a dick before you married him but you still put him above your kids and now you’re letting him mentally abuse him. You’re BOTH the problem. Find someone who can raise your kids because they have 2 unfit parents.

Tell him to shut his gob or you will walk and mean it…
He sounds very controlling…
Sounds somewhat like my ex…
Nothing was good enough…
Obviously I left

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Leave him, this isn’t safe for any of you

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Ok everybody saying just leave and what not are not considering a few things. First off I had this very issue with my husband. Things were awesome before we got married. I have 4 boys from a previous relationships. My youngest two’s father is not involved at all. My husband is the closest thing to a dad they have ever had. He has a father who was very gruff and mean. So when we got married and he really took on the dad role he was trying to parent in the same way he was parented. As their mother I stood up and told him that he needed to remember how he felt when his dad treated him that way. I told him that he knows how that feels and that he needs to stop and think before he speaks to my kids that way. To remember the lasting effect it has had on him. I told him it stops or he leaves. Things have gotten so much better. He still has moments but I step in and put a stop before it escalates. As for him treating you the way he does sit down have a conversation. Tell him straight up how you feel. Tell him if he loves you and the family you are building he will stop or you will leave. Then give him a chance. If it doesn’t change then leave. I know how it feels I been there. You took vows. Marriage is serious and takes serious commitment and work. Maybe seek some counseling. If he won’t or doesn’t change then leave.

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Leave it will only get worst once your baby is born

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For the sake of your children leave him

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Get rid of him. THIS US CALLED ABUSE!!! He will not change. :heart:

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Dinner time is a time to catch up on the day,talk and share,family time for us.

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His attitude and actions are abusive get you and the kids out you needn’t live like that

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Talk to him. If he doesn’t agree to change then leave… please. My father was like this growing up. And my mom thought it was best to stay together for us kids… he hurt us, he broke us. I didn’t know how a man was supposed to treat me I grew up thinking it’s okay for a boyfriend to control me, to yell at me, and I had to listen. My brother is now just like my father. But that’s the only man he’s been raised by so that’s the man he became. Don’t do this to your children… Mental abuse is still abuse.

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Yeh he won’t change… Leave

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Talk to him see about counseling and express how this makes you feel but honestly I don’t think the abuse will change without outside intervention and your children and you don’t deserve this treatment it’s not ok and you need to act now to instill a change and demand better treatment if he can’t do it then leave. Do what’s best for you and all three kids either way it has to change immediately it’s unhealthy. Look into narcissistic abuse and narcissistic personality disorders read up and watch the YouTube videos on it and you will start to see more clearly. He is trauma bonding you all to him and it will only get worse. Trust me. Pm me (confidentially) if you need more info

If you have somewhere to go or family to turn to then leave. My husband is a fucking asshole too. Unfortunately I have nowhere to go or family to turn to. I do have a plan though to get on my feet. I’m stuck but if you aren’t then take your babies and leave his ass.

By staying with him, you are letting yourself and your kids get abused. I would have kicked him out.

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Leave. Yelling and name calling is still abuse.

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Girl you married him even after he showed his “dark side”. You should’ve run at that point… he won’t change and your kids and you are suffering staying with him. Kick him out. :woman_shrugging:t3:

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I lived with a man exactly like that for 8 years. I tried everything to help him and help us. He is a narcissist and will never change. I finally divorced him last summer and my children and I have never been happier.

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You are a smart girl… kids will be kids, even if they goof around or not, our job is to be patient. Some people have forgotten that they were kids once upon a time. :woman_shrugging:t3:
He sounds like a narcissist. This is exactly how they act. They know how to charm other people and abuse those in their own 4 walls!
I think deep down you know what you want to do/have to do, which is not an easy move.

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Get your kids out of that environment or they will be negatively affected for life.

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It will do more harm to stay than good. You cannot change him. Especially if he cannot see anything wrong with his actions. I know it is easy to say walk away but hard to just do it.

Honey. Leave.
This is not healthy for you or them. They deserve a happy mummy. And you deserve to feel valued.

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he’s not going to change because he thinks his way is the right way .and yea he don’t physically touch the kids but yelling and degrading can be worse and effect them their whole life .look at what it is doing to you and your an adult what do you think it is doing to the poor children … verbal and emotion abuse is still abuse

You found out before you married him… Tf is worng with you!?

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Walk away. He’s abusive and your kids don’t need it. Your allowing him to treat them like shit if you continue to stay

Where is the question about the child?

I would leave. Protect your children

I’d record him on my phone and play it for him to see. If that doesn’t work leave.

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Why would you want to be with someone who treats your kids that way? I will never understand. He either gets it or he doesn’t.

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Leave. He wont stop by the sounds of it. Hes being verbally abusive and by staying, youre letting him get what he wants (a submissive wife)

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Do you and your children a favor and leave. You can’t change a person and you shouldn’t waste anymore good time trying to make bad happy. Good luck, stay strong and take the power back mama

Do you realize your children can be taken from you if you don’t get them out of that situation . You can also be charged right along with him for not reporting him .
Your children need their mother . Step up to bat for them . You had them before him . Good luck .
Get to a shelter . Run don’t walk .

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I was a strict mom and taught and expected manners. I also had a ADHD son . I as mom have raised my voice several times . However what you decried is abuse, kids should get to talk , laugh and engage at dinner time all while remembering thier manners. You need to give one chance and be clear of your expectations and your plans if he does not address your concerns with positive action . Either our life looks likes this ( insert your expectations) or you leave or the kids and I will . You have a right to live with happiness and joy .

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Fucking hell get your children away from him NOW

You found out right before marrying your husband he had a dark side yet you married him .You now have a degree in been married to a narcissistic asshole who will get worse and worse till everything he says and wants is his way tell him were to go children or not get away from him there’s no level he won’t stoop to mark my words

I’m sorry. I’m not one to split up a family, but this is emotional abuse. I could have written this 25 yrs ago. I stayed 18 yrs because I would leave and he’s promise to get better. And it did! Until he thought he was in tight again and then it would start all over. The final straw was when he climbed in top of our 13 yo daughter, who had a broken leg, and proceed to smack her over and over because she refused to get up and get him something. She said her leg hurt and she just now got to sit and he flipped out! I knew then I had to make a change. Please project you and your babies. My kids all have issues with relationships because of him. I got it filed with my state he can’t come near. I hope you listen, and I hope things are better next time

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My son has adhd too and I met my ex husband when my son was 8. I was only with my ex for just under 2 years, thank god!! But even that amount of time damaged my son. My ex sounds just like what you are going through. Dont hope he will change or give him chances. Your son’s mental well being isnt worth it.

Tell him hes being verbally abusive to you and the children and of he doesnt cutt the shit you are going to do something about it, and of he doesnt cutt it out, actually do something about it…leave, stay somewhere else, warn him first

It won’t change. The moment you’ll be no longer afraid to loose him and be on your own will be the day you can be proud of yourself again. It’s very simple, he didn’t took you in with your children, you and the children were already a family and he is the outsider. By allowing this to continue you’ll traumatize the children, they’ll grow up thinking that they are worth nothing and some man can just walk in and abuse them and you did nothing about it, leading your children to low self-esteem, lack of feeling of belonging and most likely they’ll be threading their own children the very same way.
You deserve better and if he is not ready to change, you’ll have to make changes yourself in order to protect your children and yourself. Including the little one.
This is probably the biggest decision you’ll ever have to make.
Coming from a mother of 3 boys, one of which is badly traumatized because I did nothing for 8 years and sat there hoping tha,t the next day will be better than today. Best of luck.

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Kick him to the curb! No woman or child deserves that kind of treatment!

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I believe after the baby he will only become worse from the additional stress. But it gets down to what will you be willing to accept.

I was in the same position. It won’t change. Leave before you’re too broken to leave.

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Leave he will never change been there

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Why are you staying with this man?!!! You are WASTING precious time! Your children and you have only so many days of your life! Get away from him and make a nice happy life for you and your children. You are strong! There’s lots of help out there. You could go to woman’s shelter for starters. He is verbally abusing you and your children! Don’t stand for it. It will escalate and something terrible may happen.

Kids come first. That’s no environment to raise your kids in.leave

I think this page is a really good place for women to reach out to other women for support. With that being said, most of the comments I read are “leave him”. While I do agree, I don’t know your situation fully. You are asking for advise on how to get him to listen. Not if I should leave.
First, try to explain to him that your child has ADHD. Give him print outs or a book if you think he will read it.
Second, suggest marriage counseling and/or individual counseling for him.
If he doesn’t want or put any effort towards this I would say then you need to think about your relationship. If he truly loves and wants to have a family with you he will do anything. Good luck

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Get out! He is abuse all 3 of you. It will get worse after the baby comes. People like him never change bc they enjoy the power and the fear and the control. Please, I beg you, take your kids and run

Idk what to tell u on the husband part but on ur son being ADHD. Plz dont let the doctors put him on adderal. It really effected my old mans life and not in a good way. He calls it legal speed for kids. When he got taken off of it at the age of 19 he went thru withdraws. And all kind of stuff. From it

He’s an ass to ur children. Kick him the curb. He won’t change

Please leave. You have no idea the damage this has done to the child/children. It is ALWAYS worse on the children. And you will regret it everyday once you realize what this has done to you and your children.

The poor children! They don’t have a choice. You do.

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If you feel like shit, imagine how the babies feel!!! RUN!!! You and them kids deserve respect, shown love and overall better than him. And I highly doubt the baby you two are having, will b treated any better. But god forbid he treats his kid like an angel but treats yours like shit. They will resent you their mom, their protector for not protecting them.
Either he gets serious counseling and truly changes his way or you gotta RUN!!!
KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!

As someone who was a child in this kind of situation. Leave him and then if you want to work on the issues you can, by staying you are allowing him to abuse your children and Your children will not only resent him but they will eventually resent you for not protecting them.

You need to leave him. Right now the most important thing to do is to protect your children. If you want to do counseling and work on the marriage it needs to be done with him out of the house at least for now. By staying you are allowing him to continue to abuse your children and yourself. The kids have no control over what is happening to them but as their parent you do.

Sounds exactly like a relationship I was in. The relationship ended about 12 months later when he laid into me for standing up to him. It was the best thing he did and that period is one of my deepest regrets as a mum. No man is worth sacrificing your kids emotional amd mental wellbeing. He won’t change. Your kids don’t deserve it and as hard as any break up is, you will find strength in time knowing you did the right thing by your children. Good luck with what ever decision you make.

It’s only going to get worse sister it’s time to move on. You can show him better than you can tell him

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That’s serious textbook example of abusive relationships. He was nice and calm in the beginning and then changed when you got married and moved in. He’s trying to train you.

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Out the door he would go to never come back

You are an intelligent woman. You know this is WRONG in so many ways. Why would you allow anyone to abuse, humiliate and degrade you and your children. In time they will turn into him and they also will treat you like that. Before he starts off and while he is calm, sir him down. Have the conversation…tell him this is ABUSE, there us no love in it and unless he is prepared to go along with you to get help, then I’m sorry, the onus is on you to protect your children from being abused and set a hug her standard for yourself. Calmly stand up for yourself. Tell him this is not the man you married, and you never would have had he shown his true self before hand. Family councilling for you both and after a few sessions include the kiddos as well and if he won’t…you have a big decision to make…this is NOT normal behaviour. Good luck.:four_leaf_clover::shamrock:

You can’t let him put you and your kids down like that,tell him he has to leave now,for your kids and your good, he is not worthed

Honey you got to go. Your kids mental and physical health are your number one priority

He will not. Change. For the sake of yourself and your children move him out.