Questions for working mamas

. I got to the US about five years ago. I have s 5-year-old son and a set of twin girls who are 31 months old. I was going to school while I worked part-time before I had the twins. Now, I stay at home with the children while only my husband goes to work. People around me, especially my family, feel I am lazy for being at home all this while. My question is those of you in a similar situation, how did you do it? What kind of job were you able to do, and where did you keep the children? I have not been able to complete the nursing program I registered for because I failed my 3rd semester. If I go to work now, how will I be able to pay for the daycare considering the fact that I won’t get enough pay because I have no certificate to work with? My husband is not really pressurizing me, but he talks about it once in a while. I am afraid to take my kids to a random babysitter, I just don’t know what to do.

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Firstly you do what you want and what’s best for your family not everyone else! Be a stay at home mom ignore them

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Do what’s best for YOU! Don’t let the opinions of other people dictate what you think is best for you and your family :heart: trust your instincts

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Look for. Work from home job. Due to virus a lot of companies are finding its cheaper to pay a person to wfh.

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I’ve not been criticized for being a stay at home mom from others but I do sometimes feel guilty that I’m not contributing to the money aspect. I do clean my house and cook and homeschool our children. My husband loves that I am home with the kids cause we don’t trust others to watch them except for family at times. Since you don’t have that support I suggest you go back to school online for now or go to night school while your husband is home with the kids asleep. Sacrifices are worth it in the end. Keep your head up and don’t listen to those other people criticizing you.

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Do what’s best for your family. But, it sounds like you do have aspirations for yourself in the future. Maybe you can do some on line classes to make up failing 3rd semester if you think nursing might still be an option. I went back to school after 4 kids and I was a stay at home mom. I knew at some point I would re-enter the workforce and wanted to be better prepared than a minimum wage job. Don’t get me wrong I loved being able to be home with my kids! But I also looked to the future.

Do what’s best for you and your babies, be a Stay at home mom, it’s the hardest full time job already, I wouldn’t add any extra stresses unless it’s something you want to do! And don’t let anyone make you feel bad for your decisions either! :heart:

If you’re interested in finishing school, that’s something you could do. Failing one semester doesn’t prevent you from ever being able to finish. Then you’d be able to make a better income once you finished school.

This is a decision between you and your spouse. If he’s ok with you staying at home as working as a housewife, that’s that and everyone else can get bent. If he feels or has experessed or showed signs of stress of being the soul supporter, then discuss alternatives on things like working from home in your own start up business, or jobs that allow remote working. Look at places that provide on sight childcare. If it’s int he budget, go for private childcare. You can request a background check with CPS and local law enforcement, as well as random drug testing. I suggest someone older at least in the upper 30’s to early 50’s with five or more years of experience and comes with references. Good luck.

If you can afford to stay home then do it if that’s what feels right to you. People are so judgmental. It’s between you and your husband to decide what’s best for your family.

I stay home and teach my children instead of doing public school. I disregard any one elses opinion since what happens in my home is only mine and my husband’s business.

Dont worry about what others think about u. Its not ur business :slight_smile: do whatever makes sense to you and ur husband

Pay for a daycare like everyone else has too…

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Okay this is what me and my fiance does. He works morning and i work nights no babysitter needed

Do a small bussiness from home! In that way you can be with ur children and have an income! Selling things on internet helps a lot! U dont have to have computers etc you can use ur cell phone! So u dont have to have a lot of money to start off! Buying and reselling things people need! Or making things people eat! Works

Work in the evening or weekend, opposite of your husband. Even if you work 10-15 hours a week it helps!

I work nights and my husband days, been doing it for the past 6 years, don’t have to struggle with a babysitter

You do what’s best for your family. I get questions all the time because my husband is a stay at home dad. People act like him staying home isn’t a job and that I shouldn’t carry all of the financial burden. What they don’t understand is that we have talked about what would work best for us. We make it work on my income only, obviously not doing too bad since we just bought a house. We save money by home not working, his income would go towards daycare only. We did the whole he works nights, I work days thing but we never spent time as a family. For us, family time is more important than having all the money in the world.

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Im a stay at home mom and no one ever says a bad thing about that. I raise 9 children, take care of the home, appointments etc my fiance has even said he couldn’t do half of what i do every day. If your husband doesn’t mind you staying home then dont let anyone else get to you. Thats a decision between the 2 of you only.

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1.Ask family, 2. It’s not just your children so daycare cost shouldn’t be only on you. And 3. Even if it’s part time work it’s healthy to get out the house and away from kids.
I work 2 days a week, 11 hour shift. Me and SO split daycare cost. It gets me out the house and into the real world but I also get to spend 5 days a week with my kids. Win win.

You are in NO WAY lazy…
you’re are taking care of your children and the home. It would cost you more to put all your babies into daycare then to stay home and care for them yourself. It is a lot of work to raise human beings. That being said, if you really want to go back to work and/ or finish getting the nursing degree your husband will need to help and split the work load of watching the children and taking care of the home. It’s a partnership, he has to be willing to help you with your dreams as well.

I’ve been criticised my hole life by my family except my nanna, they think im lazy, do nothing, and mooch off the system. I’ve been a single stay at home mumma for 10 yrs, but they don’t realise for the first 5 years my special needs kido needed me, when she started school i got 2 diplomas business and management, started my own photography business that failed, then went back to do some other things but my eldests needs were and always will be more important than getting to tafe on time so of course it just wasn’t possible to pass. Finally got into my dream uni degree 2 yrs ago and found out I was pregnant again so had to go part time… I care for my 2 kids one special needs and an elite dancer 6 days a week at the studio, care for my nanna who needs more help than ever, and study nearly 65 hours a week, im now 1 semester off graduating with an advanced degree of law before moving on to finish the full law degree… but even though I do all these things itll never be enough for some people and I’ve had to learn that thats ok. I know in my heart I’ve done what was best for my kids and hopefully one day they will truly see just how hard I work.

YOU ARE NOT BEING LAZY!! ESPICALLY at this time. But AFTER this epidemic cools down, maybe babysit?

Complete the nursing program. Find tbe money for daycare. Working as a nurse when your kids are in school will give them a great future

I HATED being a stay at home mom. So underappreciated!!!
Currently, I have an 8 year told going to virtual school on top of it. My SO and I are both essential employees. I work in nursing and he works in medical supply. He works first shift M-F and I work 3rd shift F-T “basically”. However, health care beung what it is, I often am expected to come in for 12-16 hour shifts unexpectedlyand my company has basically told me my job is more important than my kid and is refusing PTO requests unless it is to cover call outs.
How to make the working parent thing work? Pray. Have a support system in place. Over the summer, we had my teenage cousin and a neighbor watching him when my SO left for work until I was able to come home. Cant happen anymore…teenager is in normal school and neighbor has a son she homeschools at his home about 15 minutes away. Our other option was great grandma, but she cannot handle the schooling and spoils him to the point she causes behaviors. Add a major falling out between us and she has removed the possibilities of her watching him for any length of time unsupervised by dad.
So we were at a loss too. There’s two hours between when SO leaves for work and I can make it home and 35 minutes between school start time and my home time. We had to get super creative. I rearranged my schedule to allow me to leave an hohr early…but work is onky giving me 30 days with that schedule. Then SO is using the rest of his PTO to go in 2 hours late the days we need next month. After that, kiddo will be the age in our state he can be left alone legally…BUT are we comfortable with that? Nope. Not at all. We have a gamer friend set to stay the night to have an adult here when he wakes up starting in November. Kiddo has been taught how to use messenger on video calls and has to video me or dad when he gets up. Has his phone alarms set for when he gets up for breakfast, was taught to use the 30 sec feature.on microwave to warm his breakfast up that i make and store on my days off with him. Stays on the phone.with me through the whole.morning.routine, including logging himself in for school so that i can make sure hes there. On time.
We’re setting the neighbor up with a key in case of emergency that the friend cant handle since he is younger. She is also on phons standby for kiddo if he can’t get me because emergencies do happen at my job. It really took some major out the box thinking and some work with hin to make things work but so far he is doing awesome. You will fond a way to.make things work for you!

Work part time the hours your husband is at home so you don’t need daycare. We both work full time neither of us have degrees and we pay daycare for 3 children

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I’m not a mom but just a suggestion. I don’t know what kind of job you are interested in , but I think you can be a teacher at a preschool or Daycare teacher . Most preschools and Daycares they give a discount for their own kids. And also you get to see them while working too. I think that will be good for u.

Who cares what other people think, are they paying your bills? Being a full time momma is a job. If you can afford to stay home then stay home, your babies need you more at home then at work trying to impress other people.

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okay why 31 months I’m not trying to do math damn

Stay home! There is no one better to care for your kids than you. I’m not going back to work untill my youngest starts school.

I am so tired of society acting like motherhood or parenthood isn’t the most important actual job you will do when your entire life. Raising good decent human beings is the most important and rewarding job that you will ever have and get anyone that says it that’s being lazy tell them to kiss your ass :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: darlin you are doing a real job that deserves respect and recognition of such

You not lazy! U are doing what if the hardest jobs out there and that’s taking care of your babies! But, if u end of feeling the need to work, just find something that works around husbands schedule and then you won’t need a babysitter because one of you will always be home with the kids. It’s hard finding schedules to co exist with each other sometimes, but it is possible, me and mine do it and we are so glad we don’t have to worry about child care. I also stayed home with no work for 3 years.

31 months = 2 1/5 …

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Get a part time position as a CNA or tech in a hospital. Two 12 hour shifts a week is doable.

Either he can be a parent while you work opposite hours (bartending and serving is good tips if you work at the right place). Or, when I was home with kids, caring for a sick family member, I offset the expenses by learning to bake my own bread, buying in bulk and portioning things like meat, making my own laundry detergent, all meals from scratch, growing a huge garden, etc.

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I work in childcare so that I can still work bring home money and have a place to bring my kids at a discounted price

Maybe a part time job when hubby gets home from work

As a stay at home mom, all I can say is you’re doing a lot more work than people see. Don’t let ANYONE make you feel bad for taking care of your family. You know what’s best for your children, and if that means being at home with them, then everyone else can suck it.

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Taking care of your children & raising them properly is the most important job you will ever have. Make your own decision have your own convictions. It doesn’t matter what anybody else thinks. Listen & make your own decision.

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Finish your nursing degree online or evening classes. Once that’s done you could work part-time and still make very good money. I have a coworker who stays home with her kids throughout the week and only works two twelve hour shifts on Sat and Sun. She even homeschools her kids. She a home health intake nurse. She makes four 1-1 & 1/2 hour home visits each day and works the rest of her shift at home doing paperwork. You could even work a Fri/Sat gig and have Sundays at home with your family. It’s cheaper to pay for 1 day a week daycare and it gets the kids out to socialize(obviously post pandemic)!

If your lucky enough to be able to stay at home and raise your kids yourself than be extremely grateful and take no notice of other people’s opinions so many people never have the option n unfortunately need to wrk nearly straight away after having children so they’re raised in creches from early on, dont let peoples opinions of staying at home have you rushing out to wrk raising kids at home is 1 of the hardest yet most rewarding jobs to have they are only little for a short while and once in school you can look again into completing nursing or whatever career you feel like. Do whats right for you n your kids.

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Be a stay at home mom daycare will kill you the cost is unreal

Be creative find something you love I started making tea videos weight loss tea with my kids in the background screaming fighting sometimes whatever it took to use my social media platform and three years later I am successful I am able to take care of my family and we are no longer struggling

Try an get financial aid to redo your failed studies an continue its a sacrifice that your family has to endure until you are working as a nurse.

Talk to so.e schools and other places get hour degree form a support system if not family the. Friends or org get that degree for the kids screw the house education and kids then after you can work at home as nurse until they go to school they have rn jobs on line with ins co

Sometimes I think it’s better to stay at home because if you don’t make too much, then you’re just working to pay for the babysitter and then what’s what’s even the point?
I’m a stay at home mom and I just take charge in mainly al chores and cooking. Like your basic lunch-packing, housekeeping, children teaching parent.

People think it’s easy being the one staying at home because they just don’t get it. It’s tough.

I’m a sahm my job of taking care of my son. Doing the laundry cleaning the house cooking dinner and getting his first born to school and picked up when it’s our week. You guys do what works for you and don’t worry about what other people at saying

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You are taking care of the house and kids …how important is to keep the kids safe from all the shit happens to the kids these days … gosh why are people so materialistic these days . Shame on those who call you lazy

My kids are now teenagers but when they were little i stayed home with them. Having 3 kids cost alot in daycare. We made the choice then that it was better for me to stay home. But i did babysit for other people for cash on the side. So maybe help another mom out by doing for a cheaper price maybe. You both get something out of it.

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I was a stay-at-home mom until my youngest began school and LOVED every minute of it. STOP listening to ‘people around you’…they are just jealous.

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Mine is 13, but I stayed home with her until she started first grade. You should discuss the cost of daycare and everything else with your husband before you start looking for work. Daycare is very expensive. In my opinion, for children it is better to have you at home with them, especially at that age, and I also don’t trust childcare.

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I am not in your shoes by all means but I quiet my job to care for my disabled husband who is a veteran and I also stay home to care for my granddaughter who has a disease that is making her brain falling into the back of her neck.yes my daughter lost her in home care job do to always taking her to hospital so she took a job at McDonalds and she helps with bills since she moved in but god will guide u in the right direction…Hope for the best for u young lady.

Stay at home and enjoy your kids while they are small, keep them safe, now a days is too risky. People will talk for anything, nothing and just in case, don’t pay attention to them.

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As a professional childcare provider, over twenty years with my own business, I have seen both sides. I stayed at home with our first until she started school. Later I volunteered at her school. I really enjoyed working with kids and that is how my business started. I started working for a center that was a horrible place. I told my husband I only stayed so the kids would have one person who cared about them. Fast forward, the center got closed down and I had 3 parents with 5 kids ask me to take them. My advise while you decide, if you have to spend more than 50 percent of your paycheck for childcare and work related expenses,( gas, clothes, lunch, etc) it isn’t worth it. Check your state and county regulations for licensing requirements for family childcare homes. Check records of any center. They are required to be posted for you to see. Go at different times during the day. If they won’t let you observe a class room, don’t go there. When you find the right fit, you will know it. All of “my kids” and their parents became family. I had most of them for years. I retired a few years ago and we moved to Tennessee from Florida but still keep in touch with as many as possible. I hope this helped and good luck to you and your family.

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My husband and I both work full time but my kids have always been with my mom. We pay for their house and in return they take care of the kids when we work. But even paying their rent is less than what three kids in daycare cost so you would need to be able to work and make a significant amount more than daycare for it to make financial sense. If you are going to work and make only what daycare cost or less it doesn’t seem to make sense to leave your kids in daycare for that. And if I didn’t have my parents support my husband and I would be discussing one of us getting out of the Army because I won’t put my kids in daycare. Just my opinion.

If you don’t have to work don’t!
I waited till my kids where old enough to go to school then I went back to work and only work during school hrs.

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Your 5 year old is school aged so u just need daycare for twins. U can retake the courses u failed online so u can still be at home while doing it. Or you can work a different shift from your husband so that he us home with the kids while you work. I worked while raising all 6 of my kids. You can get some of these family members who are giving you a hard time to help with kids as well.

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Definitely cheaper to stay home with the children until they are school age. My suggestion would be to wait at least a year, then they will be school age and you could work or go back to school if you choose to do so.

Part time when your husband is off of work.

in your home daycare

I learned how to sew during this period and started my own homes and design company. The biggest support came from my husband who never once made me feel bad for being a stay at home mom. He always said to me, “baby, your job is tougher than mine. Without you doing what you do, I can’t go to work and do my job without any worries.” It really has to do with your family and how much they support you. The strength and knowledge will come. Now I we both grew the business so big, we are employing designers and developers. In the end, i get to work from home, be my own boss and watch my kids. No daycare

My husband and i work opposite shifts, I also work at a grocery store for flexible hours. He works mornings, he’s usually up at 4:30 for work and I work part time nights and go in when he gets home. I make sure dinner is cooked when he gets home

I’d say you already have a full time job! A hard one to! There is nothing lazy about running a household with small children. Personally, I’d say home till they are all in school.
If all dads knew of all the things a say at home wife and moms do… im sure their stupid comments would stop. Lazy, no. Messy house, yep! It comes with the territory! Be proud! Its a hard job!!!

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Exactly. You would work for their care. Only

I feel for you… I wouldn’t leave my babies with any one . You are not lazy , you are a good mama. When the time come you would work, I did that.

If you’re nursing degree you’re aiming towards is an RN or LPN, try getting a part time job as a med tech or CNA to do some nights or weekends or even evenings when your husband could watch the kids (or family help out because I can see a father getting overwhelmed easier with 3 under 5). There are even some jobs that are sleep shifts so you get paid to sleep but be on premises in case a client/patient needs you.

Youre doing great. Dont pay attention to people saying youre lazy. Your kids will grow up quickly, you can work later. If people have negative comments, repeat after me “fuck off”.

I was/am a courrier and I take them with me 🤷 I make only about $450 most weeks but it’s Independence.

You are definitely NOT lazy- not if you are doing good time with the children And if you are keeping a nice home for you family. And keeping all of them clean, well-fed, healthy, well-clothed, and Happy.
If your family doesn’t does not NEED another income for your family to live comfortably until the kids get into school, then you should continue to live the way you are living, guilt free, and ENJOY doing a good job of it.
If you do need the income, I don’t think I am the right person to give exact advice. You could put the word out at church and other places that you have friends. There must be services for people who are not citizens to help you. God bless you. I hope it works out for you. :pray::pray::pray::pray:

I am in nursing school and failed a course. My program gives you 2 chances. I had to do an appeal for readmit which was fairly easy. Took a whole year to get back in, but I took classes I knew I would need while waitting and recieved an Associates of science degree. I say if nursing is what you want to do make some calls see what you can do to get back in! And by no means are you lazy I also have 3 children and held off till my youngest was 3 to start and took what classes I could at night so my husband was home to take care of them.

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I bet you I can fix that problem , ask them over for dinner one night tell them , you would like to have family help out babysitting the children so you can go back to school have them write down what days of the week they will be available make sure each one that is talking behind your back all get equal time . I bet you come next following week they see just how much you work. You will start get excuses of why they can’t babysit and they want ever ever talk about you being lazy again I promise you that.

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I worked nights while children slept. Kids were up during day but i caught naps here and there. But with the COVID and virtual school i dont know how that would work

Staying at home with your children is a job in itself. Don’t worry about what others say. My Husband insisted I stay home with our child. We were lucky I could do that. I quit my job and it was wonderful for our son. With my older daughter I had to work and missed much of her “firsts”. Even though she was with my Grandmother❤ everyday, it was hard. Both of my children are adults now and are wonderful people.
As for working from home, babysitting, learning to sew, making no-sew pandemic masks, maybe look into insurance billing-if companies still do that. What about tutoring children for schoolwork? Hopefully you can find what works for you. Good Luck!!

I think daycare is to expensive…staying home is alot of work. People always have something to say…working from home is working for your family that’s the best job to have. I’ve worked most of my life except when I had my babies. I stayed home 9mo with the 1st, 3mo with the last 2… but recently I’ve had the privilege to stay home…enjoy it while you can.

I was a stay at home mom. I took care of the house (cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, snow shoveling and 70% of yard work) being a stay at home mom is hardwork. People say things are just jealous that you are able to be a stay at home mom.

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Staying at home is a privilege all women should be able to have. Raising your children is not lazy. Tell those people to kiss off.

In other words, the twins are 2 & 1/2… :face_with_raised_eyebrow:

It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. I’ve been an at-home mom for 9 years now. Oldest child is 16; youngest is 3 (or 42 months :wink:). I homeschooled the older kids for several years, but now they are in school. Your job as a wife and mother is a blessing and should be your top priority. Americans have always been known (until recently :cry:) as hard workers. Because of that, we have grown into a prosperous and powerful nation. The drawback, unfortunately, has been our decline in women embracing motherhood (and also fathers not meeting their responsibilities). This may be our downfall now as we are beginning to see the affects of that. Own who you are and who you want your children to become. You must teach them the values you want them to learn. You can’t put that responsibility on someone else. If you are ABLE to stay home & raise your kids and soak up this precious time, do it. Neither you nor your kids will regret it later. They honestly don’t mind the financial sacrifices. And, by the way, I just went back to school to finish my degree. Don’t be discouraged by these things. Now may not be the best time. I put my schooling on hold and this is an easier season for me to do that since all kids are in school except one. When I work (my side hustles), she goes with me. When I go to class, she goes to daycare 2 days. I could not afford it before so I waited. Don’t let this get you down!
#normalizemotherhood
#embracewomanhood

Stay home your kids need there mom. You are Not lazy. When it comes to your kids they are first and you need to be the to direct them in life .

Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks! If you’re happy and it makes sense for you to stay home with your babies then do it! Working just to pay for daycare for someone else to raise them makes no sense. Caring for a 5 year old and two 3 year olds is no joke! I had 4 kids in 5 years and my youngest just started preschool 2 days a week and there is still so much to do to keep up on housework and errands and their extracurricular activities.
You are absolutely NOT lazy for raising your family!!

You’re not just caring for your children. You are teaching them your values, morals, and manners. You’re teaching them how to love and care for others by your example. I stayed home wit my kids and had similar comments made by my ex husband’s family. But now I’m older and battling leukemia and my children have shown amazing love and care for me. You are investing in these amazing humans.

I have 4 children I worked full time at night! Took care of kids and house all day made casorouls for dinner or crock pot meals for dinner he came home took over! Did dinner gave kids baths snack and bedtime had to clean up after dinner! Takes 2 paychecks and a mom and dad to run a household ! It’ll actually be good for you to be with grown ups make money and you feel like your contributing to food and bills and kids get to spend time with their dad!

Iv battled with this. My sons father feels I should work though but I have a 14 month old and I’m 32 weeks with baby #2. We as stay at home moms have a full time job. Ask your self this. Do you keep the house up, take care of the kids, cook , clean, give them a bath, Put them to bed , ect… if the answer is yes then you indeed have a full time job you just dont get paid for it. Dont let them make you feel like that.

Take some responsibility for your body and as far as the other things f*** it and drive on

Also I had twin Sons were infants there were 3 months old and I was able to work full-time and take call 5 days a week and weekends and on top of that finish my bachelor’s degree you need to get off your butt and get to work

What is the point of working just to pay for day care?? Tell those people giving you a hard time to shut up since its not their issue. I recently had twins my self and a SAHM mom again until they are old enough for preschool and will work around their schedule. My SO and I want our kids to be taken care of. You never know how a stranger will treat them.