This is the first time I have ever done this. I don’t have anywhere else to turn. From woman to woman, I need help. It’s a long one.
I got with the man I am with back in 2018. This year will make 3 years together. Anyways, when we first started dating, I found out he was an alcoholic. I loved him though and wanted to stick by his side and not give on him. He has now been sober for the almost 3 years we have been together. Before he and I got together he was in a relationship with a woman who he had a son with. I knew this from the very beginning. It hasn’t been easy by no means but I have always been with him. Back in 2019 he proposed to me, I said yes, and we found out I was pregnant. Up until that point things had been good. Everything changed. My pregnancy was hard. I had to quit the job I had been at for over 2 years because my pregnancy was high risk and I started bleeding. It was devastating. By the end of my pregnancy I couldn’t walk. I had our son May 2020 by c-section. I almost didn’t make it through the surgery and then again after when my blood pressure went to almost 200s. My fiancé had to watch me fight to be ok. He took care of me and had to be the only one taking care of our son because in my condition, I wasn’t able to even hold him. He did amazing in the hospital taking care of us. I suffered from PPD and PTSD for months after having my son. I had to go to therapy. I felt like since we had been home from the hospital, it was all me doing the parenting. I have taken care of my son since the day I finally could after my surgery. We would argue because he would invite his friend over or go stay the night at his friends house and I was the only one being a parent. I would get upset over it which made me the bad guy. I was very aware that I was a bit on the crazy hormonal side after having a baby and I did admit that and I apologized for the wrongs I made. I hadn’t worked since my job before my pregnancy. I had to get myself mentally better. He decided he was going to go live with his friend. I was so heartbroken. He moved out. I started saving money by selling stuff I no longer needed or used. I got me a job and saved up even more money. I was saving to get me and my kids our own place. I got to the point I wouldn’t even hardly talk to him anymore. I would tell him I was busy trying to sell stuff and that I got a job. He started working in the town he was then living at. After a month or maybe a little longer, he said he wanted to come home. He missed his family. We were able to fix things between us. I really wanted to fight for this. More then anything I wanted it. Before I met him, I had been in a 10 year abusive relationship. I have a daughter with the man who abused me. I wanted a real family. I didn’t want to fail again. Almost a year after having our son, we got our own place together. I moved to a different city where I have no family or friends. He has his family and friends. We both made this decision to move from the town we lived. We wanted to be somewhere with better job options and opportunities for our kids in the future. I thought things were going to be good, but I really don’t feel as though they are. My daughter has a learning disability. She is 14, however, her mindset is a little younger. He gets frustrated saying that she is 14 and needs to act it. His other son comes over and when he does my fiancé is always on edge and I feel like his son is more important instead of all our kids being equal. There are moments I feel like he doesn’t want our son. He says things like that our son is annoying. I get that kids are frustrating, and my son tests me like none other, but my fiancé doesn’t even have a bond with our son. His family will take him and his son out, but never invites my son. He is absolutely the father and have never given him or his family reason to doubt it at all. He doesn’t spend time with our son. Treats him as a pest when his other son is over. And when I bring it up, he says our son has him all the time but his other son doesn’t. In my eyes they need to be equal. It hurts me so much that my son doesn’t seem to have his father like he should. On top of all that, we have been fighting lately. He’s mad at me for not working, but we moved and I have no babysitter or daycare whatsoever. He works a good job and pays bills. He has accused me of using him for a place and says I have set on my ass for 3 months like I’m lazy. I clean house, I take care of my kids 24/7. I cook dinner. I make sure everyone has what they need. I’m not lazy. Childcare is hard to find. And with COVID you can’t be too careful where your kids go. If I make a mistake it’s the worst thing. He belittles me like I’m dumb instead of helping teach me something if I mess up. I love this man with every fiber of my being. I don’t know what to do. My heart is heavy and is shattering more and more each day that I try to fight for this. Giving up is not in my nature, but when the effort isn’t equal on the other side, what am I even fighting for? I don’t stay for the kids. I truly do love him and have seen the better side of him. The side that does love his family and shows it. I need advice.