My bf and I started dating almost four years ago. His son was two at the time, and my daughters were 6 and 4 years old. When we started dating, his son still slept in the bed with him, and my girls were sleeping on their own. Before we moved in together, I told him that his son needed to be in his bed just like my little girls were. It was not intended in any negative way. I believed that to blend a family, we should have guidelines to make the transition easier. He obliged. Throughout the last few years, there are occasional nights where my 7-year-old will crawl into bed about 1 or 2 am because she is scared. I have done my best to keep the situation at bay… him and I have been going through a lot lately, arguing and fighting about small things… anything and everything sets him off. Well on nights we fight he refuses to talk to me or sleep by me so at times I have my girls lay with me. It keeps my emotions level and helps me to not be upset. He said tonight it needs to stop. There should be no reason my 7-year-old asks every night. Mind you , I tell her no all the time except for on nights he is gone, or he is not talking to me. He said that it isn’t fair to our son or our oldest daughter. I understand that it isn’t, and I know that none of them normally sleep with us. If my youngest is asking so much, is it such a bad thing? My oldest doesn’t ask much anymore, but when she does, we cuddle and watch movies or, on occasional nights when he is gone, shell lay with me too. My son doesn’t ever ask, and there have been a few times I have asked him to, and he says no he wants to go to his own bed. Our argument tonight was that I am not making an effort to “break” her of it. I don’t feel that I am wrong because it isn’t constant and I am not treating her differently from my other two. She just wants to and says she is scared and doesn’t even wanna sleep without her sister. Which I also allow. Tonight her sister just isn’t home, so she is having trouble going to sleep. He told me a month or two ago I HAD to make them stop sleeping together. I asked my oldest if she wanted her room to herself and she said no. So I told him I didn’t see a need to separate them since they have been co-sleeping since birth. It is a comfort thing, I believe. They both get upset at night due to many factors, but one being their daddy passed away about five years ago.
Hi
Unfortunately you are giving the children mixed messages. You have to have consistency. Allowing them on some occasions to share a bed with you is causing this to go on longer.
This must be frustrating for your other half. Especially if it’s causing problems in your relationship. The children should be in their own beds.