Should a SAHM do all of the housework?

Tell him to pick up after his self and do his laundry you are not his mom and you are off on sundays

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Honey, that shits gonna have to change. You deserve better. You are working, just like he’s working during the day. Whatever you can accomplish during the day, great! Whatever doesn’t get done should be a team effort once he’s home. My husband is a mechanic and runs his own shop, working at least 12 hour days. When he comes home he helps me clean up or do bath time and bedtime with our kids. It wasn’t always so peaceful, and we definitely have had rough patches over the 9 years we’ve been together. It takes a lot of work and effort by both of you to learn how to work together effectively.

I’m a school holiday mom now because I work part time as a teacher. Before my youngest started school I was a SAHM for 12 years. I would try to do most of the house work while he was at work so we could have more time as a family and couple in the evening. However, he helped with bath times, homework, picking up toys in kids rooms, clearing the table, moving laundry, taking out trash, caring for the pool, the vehicles upkeep. He started helping with meals and dishes 10 years ago. We’ve been married for 17 years. He also tells me the house is lived in and it’s okay to look like it is. But I have severe OCD from how I grew up and NEED everything clean and in place, so certain things I do not let him do.
No one else’s opinions really matter in this situation, it should be a mutual decision by the both of you. A marriage is 100/100 , not 50/50. You are not his mom nor a maid. He is just as responsible for household chores as you are.

I’m a sahm also, my hubby works a pretty labor intensive job daily (about 60 or so hours a week) just for reference… Had my husband read this post, he said your man needs to “grow tf up and step tf up”. That about sums it up. My hubby would move mountains to help me around the house and spend unsupervised unassisted time with our 5 children- even after a tiring 12+ hour day at work. We are a team and help each other. We both give 100% one hundred percent of the time, teamwork makes the dream work.


I would be a single mom before I’d allow a man to call me lazy and order me around. Oh HELLLLLLL no!!!


You are a maid not a wife. Either talk to him and tell him things have to change or leave.

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Your husband is a lazy POS who is gaslighting you. Weaponized incompetence is a disgusting thing and hes a trash human.

The answer is no. But then you wrote another paragraph for someone else to read but the answer is no.

Throw trash in the garbage

I’m a stay at home mom for 14 years as my husband works underground and leaves our home at 130pm and don’t get home until 130ish/2am and only off one day a week I do all the house work etc we have 2 children 13&14 who thankfully clean up after themselves I don’t ask my husband to do anything he does do all the yard work if any on his only day off which is not much cuz our 14 year old son cuts the grass and weed-deeds so if he does anything in the house it’s cuz he wants too but when I cook on Sundays for us he will help do the dishes we don’t get a lot of time with him the way he works and we r definitely blessed and thankful to have such a hardworking man… so we do as much as we can so that we r able to spend as much time with him as possible…
But ur husband shouldn’t talk to u that way it’s very disrespectful most men don’t realize how hard it is being a full time sahm! Ur doing great job mommy just keep doing what ur doing! Good luck from one sahm to another

Short answer no, because every grown adult should pick up after themselves. If you didn’t live there he would have to clean and cook atleast occasionally to maintain the same lifestyle.

No he’s full of crap. And he wants to you hand hold him being a father too? And then gets abusive. You need to stop being a SAHM and start planning the route away from him. Start documenting now. I’d just stop doing for him. Sounds like he wants a wife appliance instead of a partner.


Hell no. It won’t hurt him to help a bit each evening. A woman’s work is never done and it’s twice as much when there is three

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Gross…you fully lost me at him needing help with his parenting time so he doesn’t have to do it alone. He sounds useless.


The work is not done until all of the work is done. Get his lazy ass up and helping!

You both should be helping each other, you with the finances and he with the kid and the house chores , if he is the only one working to support you the baby and everything else, yes , you are mostly responsible for the house and the baby , but that doesn’t mean that he should not help you at all.

You are right and he is a lazy bum! Don’t do any work that doesn’t support you and the baby, making you and babies meals, doing you and babys laundry for a week or two and then see what he learns!

That’s what my Mom did in the 1950’s to raise her family, but I vowed it wouldn’t be me.

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My advice. Leave him alone with the child for a few days and tell him he is expected to do everything house and child related on those days. He will change his mind pretty quickly.

Hell to the no. Guarantee if roles were reversed, he’d be bitching at how hard being home with a baby all day is and wouldn’t have errands, cleaning, laundry, dinner, etc done before you got home.

Him and his co workers must think we still live in cave man times! Im a sthm my husband works and when he is home i dont even have to ask him to help. He just just does.


Lol, I know this scenario all too well. Needless to say, the boy is now single and I’m engaged to a real man :woman_shrugging:t3:


:laughing::rofl: No effing way! You arent the maid.

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I’m a SAHM…my husband works full time.

If I have a busy day where I don’t get everything done, he understands. My son is 11 but daycare is outrageous and he’s still too young to be alone for an entire day.

I do still work part time but I don’t expect him to do housework or yard work and he doesn’t really want me working full time.

He wants me to do chores and the yard because he hates it…I hate leaving my kid with random people and working full-time at a soul sucking job.

Our weekends and evenings are for the family and it’s great.

Your “partner” sounds like my narcissistic ex. Run. Get out. Leave. It won’t get better. You can try talking to him and if it gets better but then goes back to the way it was…leave. if he won’t talk to reason with you…leave.

Runaway fast before you get pregnant again


He is in the wrong. We as moms works just as hard as the dad’s our job is 24/7 and their is 8 to 12 hours a day. My husband didn’t understand that at first until the table went in reverse I worked and he stayed home. Then he understood. He asked for help and I acted like him when he was working. Now we both work as a team with the house work and children


Nah fuck that.

When you are at home while he works cleaning/child raising is 100% your responsibility. Work is 100% his. When at home it should be 50/50. He lives there too. That’s his child too.
If he lived alone would he just not pick up after himself. Would he expect a roommate to clean up after him ?

The audacity of men these days I swear.

I’ve stayed at home with the kids as well as worked. I’d say the cleaning of the house should be 75% done by the stay at home person. The working person should still do some smaller things like cleaning up after themselves or the occasional load of laundry.


Oh HELL no, he can get off his ass and help out at home too, you are NOT his maid. PERIOD.

I can’t tell you how effing done I am with that gender. I’m literally seething for you because I am just so sick of seeing posts like this… ALL. THE. TIME.

You are his wife, not his mother or maid. The fact that he won’t help is one thing, that he gives you a time limit makes me sick to my stomach.

Send him back to his mother so she can finish raising him right because this ain’t it. He’s gross and you deserve better.


My mom was a stay at home mom and she didn’t expect my dad to help. My dad worked hard all day. Just saying he shouldn’t be expected to help. Mowing the lawn is his job and taking care of cars


You are well within your parameters to ask- he is within his to be a spoiled selfish little man

Tell him to f himself! Do not let anybody run you over like that!

I go through this all the time

If you weren’t there what would he do? Being a SAHM is even more work than what he does. He made the kid, he can help with the kid. He doesn’t sound like that is going to happen. Somyou can stick around and be treated like crap for however long you wanna take it. Or you can lay it out for him and if he refuses to change then leave.

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Plain and simple, NO!

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Okay… so yes I feel like SAHM should do a majority of housework, however babies and kids are alot of work and a full time job in itself. And just because you do most of the cleaning doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be helping and cleaning up after himself and his child.

I am more concerned with the way he’s treating you. It’s one thing to agree to do the housework and raise the child, it’s another to be name called and belittled because of it.


You’re only wrong for not discussing this before getting married and becoming a stay at home mom.


It isn’t your job to engage in HIS father son time to assist it. He is DAD and FATHER SON time is HIS job to engage and take care of kid. If he wants to be like that the I would leave. If you two separated he’d have to care for your child without you, he would also have to work and do his own house work.


He should be helping with these simple requests and more.


Times have surely changed.
He will never change his mind on what he expects to be done and by whom.
But you could always get a job so y’all can share in the work.

RUN for the hills!!!


He is full of shit. If he wants to keep you he should try to stop making you his slave. Make damn sure you don’t get pregnant again. He sounds like hell

He isnt a child. He doesn’t need assistance to be a dad. And his name calling needs to end. Do what you can do during the day and tell him to shove it. Watching a baby/toddler is more than a full time job. He works 8-5? Then comes home to rest. Meanwhile you are going 24/7. All night and through the day. You deserve rest too.

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He is stuck in the 1950’s your job is to take care of your child(ren). He lives in the house, he can help some to.

Amazing how some men think a 40 hour workweek is the same as being on-call 24/7. If they were to switch places with a SAHP for a week, they might not be so ignorant about it.


I’m a STAHM and have been blessed to be able to do so for 15 years. I take care of absolutely everything at home inside and out. This was also discussed before we got married so I knew exactly what the deal was. My husband and I built 5 successful businesses TOGETHER. I took care of everything at home while he worked his ass off also to build our companies. He tells me all the time how great I am and he can never do what I do.

No you’re not wrong! When you are home with child that is your main focus. Your helping baby learn and grow. The whole point of staying home! Granted you have house stuff to do it is not your responsibility to continuesly pick up after the husband as well. He’s a grown man and can do it himself. I would start leaving his own laundry to wash. That way he has no choice. You should be able to ask your husband for help. Not everyday is going to be perfect and may have great day or bad days it’s just how it works with children. Keep your head up and do your best! At the end of the day baby is not going to care if the house is spotless only that he is loved.

Wow…you have a lodger …better start asking for rent or give him 4 weeks notice to get his things and clear off…sorry no one would accept this at all…your meant to be a partnership…team work…and you are not…he’s treating you like :poop:…what a horrible man.

No you shouldn’t be expected to do it alone. I think it makes sense that you would do majority but he lives there too so he should contribute. Being a SAHM is extremely difficult and I have been on both sides. I have been a SAHM and a working mother and each one comes with different level of difficulties. I can full heartedly say that putting all household duties on one person is absolutely ridiculous. Taking care of a child alone full time is just as difficult or more so than working a job. But the reality is it isn’t a walk in the park and it’s never relaxing. Moral of the story. Do you reside in the house? Each person who resides in the house shares responsibility of up keep in the house. I personally blame the mothers of these men for how they think they are above household chores.


Wow how much rent does he pay , What a loser , HED BE OUT THE DOOR IF I WAS HIS WIFE BAGS PACKED hell never change intowhat tELL HIM NOT TO SPEAK TO YOU LIKE THAT HOE DISRESPECTFUL OR F…K OFF…:upside_down_face::pensive::face_vomiting:

Wow, so you are just a nanny and a house maid to him then?
You aren’t wrong, he sounds like he needs a good talking to!

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The Dads of today usually do their share. I did it all as a young Mom and I really wanted it that way. I was raised in that era,

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Wrong in every way. You are a mother full time. I have a 16 year old and a baby that will be 1 next week. His father works full-time, comes home at midnight, plays with baby and stays awake till baby is ready… he gets up early if baby does and will do dishes, bottles, and trash… So that I can rest and take care of his baby properly and not be exhausted… He also does the outside chores and atleast once a week some laundry… you both work full time equally. He is an ASS, I’m sorry… I ask my child’s father why he does this, and he doesn’t want to miss any bonding time at all… he is already gone long enough out of each day he says… he is also 46 years old today… tell him to bite you unless he wants to pay you or a helper.

How much house work do some of yall have? I have 6 kids and never spend more that 2 hours a day cleaning. That includes yard work. I have a schedule that helps. My house is spotless. My hubs is a truck driver and works up to 70/80 hours a week. I don’t bother him about house work. Weekends he will help in the yard.

fisrt iff he sounds like an ass. he can do things as well. im a single mom working full time caring for 3 babies. my job does not affect my at home duties. am i exhausted yes but you arent asking him to do everything just minor help

No you’re not wrong, after only 8 hours he should have plenty of energy to help you. Hell leave him with the baby and go do some grocery shopping after he gets home, he can see what you do all day. Under one is a beautiful but needy time for babies


Sounds like you need a new husband


Well, if he’s off work at 3:30 you should be too!


Throw the whole man out!

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You definitely should have the housework at least partly done. You’re not working outside the ho e so that is definitely your job love.
But as for help assist him with his time no he can man up or leave you with baby.
And I’m sorry I’ll piss some off with it, but im traditional and if one spouse is home they’ll be the house mouse🤷🏼‍♀️

We’re sahm our job consists of taking care of the home while our partners are out making money taking care of financial.
However, it doesn’t mean that you should do it alone and asking for help isn’t wrong of you or lazy. Sheesh sometimes it’s hard to keep up. My husband has gotten an ear full from me about certain messes being madeby him. I’m the mother of his child, not his maid. He cleans up after himself, because usually what happens is… He gets home from work to a clean home and he himself messes it up. Well, he gets to take care of his mess like a big boy lol.
It really is about team work.

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Yes. You work in the home, he works outside the home. Does he ask that you come to his work and help out? I’d guess not.


No. My husband works outside the house and I’m home. He does just as much as me. We help each other. Teamwork makes the dream work

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He needs to do his part around the house, or at bare minimum help where you ask him too. A good man would :ok_hand:t2:

Ha ha ha ha… sorry. But NO !! ALSO, HECK NO !!! it’s time to get a “hobby” that takes you out of the house the minute he gets home. Give him an hour or three to feed the baby & himself, and clean up. See how he likes it.
Plan B… counseling… lots of it

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