Hey moms, for a while now, I’ve had to deal with giving into letting my fiancé’s parents giving my son things I’ve already explained I didn’t want him having in the first place. He used to love having water ONLY water until they offered apple juice a year back and dangled it right in front of him, teasing him saying, “you have to ask mommy first, go ahead ask mommy” and I’ve said no many times and that never get through their heads. I’ve had them over to talk and tell them he’s only allowed a certain juice that I found has very little sugar in it just to be snubbed, having my MIL walk out just raising her eyebrows at me and never said anything to me for the next two weeks. Not only did my FIL say he would give the juice i said i only wanted him drinking they decided to find their own that had more in it. He has no signs of cavities but he does have tooth decay on more than one of his teeth now and I brush and also floss his teeth twice a day he has never had a problem doing it he loves doing it himself too. They now offer him Fresca, and my mil said, “ask mommy tell her there’s no sugar in it” but did some research to find there’s a lot of acids in it, which isn’t good for young one’s teeth either and a lot of other things. I find it hard to put my foot down when they never listen, and I get treated like I’m not there when I want things done the way I want it. Hearing “my kids turned out fine” like I’m not raising your kids, I’m raising my own (my first) my son loves his grandparents and most visits he doesn’t want to leave. I GET IT their grandparents but they should have the best interest in keeping his teeth healthy too when the dentist have told is to really watch his front teeth now before getting any worse. He’s been drinking this, for now, a month?? Not every day, but he now asks for it every day, and I’ve been slowly trying to cut juice out of the house now and only offer him water. Thank you for just feeling overwhelmed as I’m also and plan on being more strict with this baby.
So compromise and let him have some, but water it down. Or put your foot down and tell them to respect you as a mother or you won’t bring him around.
Pretty sure Fresca is just cancer in a can…
I wouldn’t… if they can’t respect you as a mother keep him away. As much as grandparents should be spoiling their kids, they can do so in other ways. Not in drinks that are adult oriented. If they don’t then you’ll have no choice.
no, for Pete’s sake, why does this question even need to be asked? Don’t put your kid in a position of being fed or given things from these people
They are doing it to get under your skin with the “you have to ask mom” when they know you don’t want him drinking that stuff. Put your foot down or don’t let them come over for a while until they realize you mean business.
My twins are 12 and have never had soda
If say definitely no
My son used to beg please water down coke…and it was really watered down:)
You haven’t got your point across. I have no fear in telling someone exactly what I think when they are being disrespectful.
Any juice is full of sugar, the same as not giving a child to much fruit as there is a lot of sugar in it, his teeth will rot water is best for children . Oh tell you’re outlaws where to go he’s your child not theirs & they must respect your parenting!!
They had the chance to raise their children. This is yours.
If they can’t respect you then they don’t see kids. Not their kids to over turn your decision
Why did you have to compromise and give in? If you say no then that’s it. And the in laws should be okay with that, if not and they are giving your child things thay you do not want your child to have or continuing to pressure you in to trying to give your child things you dont want to then i’d tell them until they learn their place they arent allowed to see them!! Sounds harsh but you are the mother and what you say goes, they are just the grandparents they need to learn that they really dont have any say
I wouldn’t allow them around my kid if they can’t follow simple instructions that I’ve given them.
Doesn’t Fresca have artificial sweetener in it? I believe that’s not very good for babies
Has your fiance said anything to his parents??
Your kid, your rules. You don’t need to explain a thing.
I would tell them the dentist is concerned about his teeth and only wants him having water and milk… so he can ONLY have water and milk.
Dont allow with anyone who doesnt follow what you want or dont want for YOUR Child. If they cant listen and have respect for you and your child cut them out. You’re a mom now put your foot down. If you wont stand up for your child who will?
can’t follow my rules can’t see my kid
I truly don’t think that if you are brushing his teeth and taking care of them this is the reason for tooth decay. My son was born first and I followed every rule in the book and his teeth literally were rotting out of his face. He had to have surgery to remove and cap his baby teeth. He had a mouth full of rotten teeth and never slept with a bottle, took a pacifier or anything “wrong”. Some kids just have bad teeth.
With that being said, they shouldn’t go behind your back and make decisions for your son. Then again, we see my in-laws twice a month and when grandma says they can have cookies for breakfast I don’t care. We have rules at home but not there. As long as they do not teach my kids to disrespect me (which they would never) we are good. I can tell you that someone tempting my kid to ask me something I would say no to wouldn’t fly. Then again, watch how Dr Phil and his wife are with their grandkids. Bottom line, they are family and if they love your kiddo I am sure you can work something out
Do you live with them?? How do they have so much power in what goes on? I would tell them to cut it out or get cut off because of the disrespect. No is no…your the parent. Regardless on who they are, it doesnt give them the right to disrespect you and go against your rules for your kid. Period.
Let them offer that’s all it will be then simply explain as many times as it takes that you are the parent and what you say goes and you don’t feel that you are being respected be as your child’s mother and if you are going to be blatantly disrespected you would rather they didn’t come over. and have your fiance enforce this as well.
All soda I’d ad diet or not. It’s still sweet and what makes it sweet? Im so sorry you have to go through it.
Kids shouldn’t have bubbly drinks either. It’ll give them a sore tummy.
Tell them flat out they do it again they wont be able to have him over and they can o ly see him if you are there
Okay I used to be this sweet innocent little shy girl who was scared to give an opinion. I have changed over the years. You got to make sure you get your point across. I will let my husband’s family know quick like, excuse me who do you think you are I’m the mother and what I say goes. And I’m usually screaming at the top of my lungs or just about screaming when I do this because I’m usually frustrated or mad. But it gets the point across. Anyways I’m not afraid to let somebody know that I am this child’s parent and this is the way it’s going to be or else. For example my sister-in-law thought she was going to get away with cursing at my kid and calling her extremely bad names that I will not repeat and telling my daughter where to shove it that I will not repeat. Well when the cops arrived and I’m like yeah I want to arrest her for child abuse I’m done with this here comes my husband that’s my sister I know she done wrong but I really don’t want to press charges on my own sister she can just stay away from us. So that’s the way he wanted it. That’s the way it’s been since right after Hurricane Michael. His sister’s has not seen my child. I told my husband I said this is the way it is, after what happened right before and after the hurricane with his family they will no longer see they’re nice now when my daughter turns 18 years old and she wants to go see her family before they all died that’s fine. But until then I am in control and I’m her mother. I also don’t sugarcoat nothing when it comes to his family or even my family and if either side is being negative and not supportive than sorry they don’t get my sympathy. Sorry not sorry. I’ve learned over the years that most people only care about themselves and what they want and they don’t care what other people think or other family members think or what their rules are because it’s all about them. So I started being that way with my family and friends that were being that way toward me and my family. All in all I got to say I don’t have nobody left but that’s okay. Who needs all that in their life anyway
I’d go the way of if it’s now and then it wont do to much damage … and it keeps the peace with the in laws… u love your oh so have to put up with them sadly … but just tell them not every day all day … like 1 a day will be ok
That is your child. Put your foot down. Dont let him over there without you maybe and just dont allow it. shrug Gotta stand up for yourself and your kid
yeah you either need to put your foot down or keep your kid away completely because they’re gonna keep walking all over you with everything if you let them
also That’s it, I’m Mother-In-Law Shaming is a great group if you need advice or support!
If they cant respect your wishes they dont get to see him
It’s really simple… your kid, your rules. Period! They don’t have to like how you do things or agree with it, but they have to respect it because YOU are the mom. I’ve had this conversation w/ my own family & my in-laws a cpl times. My FIL is the biggest issue. He’s learned to do things the way I want it done. He doesn’t like it and voices his opinion regularly, but idc. My kids, my rules. I tell him he got to raise his kids his way and I’ll raise mine my way. End of story.
Tooth decay, is cavities.
No. Babies should not have Fresca. And neither should your in laws. It seems to be rotting their brains the same way it rots your baby’s teeth.
I was that parent that limited everything they ate. They are now teenager, it had all come back to bite. Now is the time to teach moderation. Maybe allow one a day and then whatever the drink of your Choice is the rest of them day. Once they become teenager it’s hard to have all control over what they eat. I wish I had done things different when they was younger
Give them the dental bill and make them go to the dentist with him
Your kid. Your rules. Not okay. Set your foot down. Babies should not have bubbly drinks, not so much because of sugar - even sugar free drinks- but because of the carbonation and phosphorous. It disrupts bone development, and can endocrine issues.
You need to be real stern and don’t need to give explanation to anybody about your kids
they should listen to you because it’s your child. idc idc IDC! surely to GOD your husband can open his mouth and say somethin lol it’s not just up to you
Ur nicer then me I would of already chewed some ass. They can follow ur rules with ur child they can have no visits til they learn to listen🤷♀️ my oldest just turned 18 n Feb and NEVER had cavities until she was 16/17 yrs old
Omg they’re so wrong, and I commend you Momma for knowing what’s good for your child. Soda is so detrimental to one’s health and giving it to a young baby while they’re still developing is affecting the future health of that child.
Stick to your guns. Tell them they are not to give him anything. You will provide all food & drink. Don’t leave him alone with him.
I was strict on no soda for my oldest. I left him with my aunt for less than an hour on his second birthday. She gave him soda. Told him to drink all he wants before I got back because I would take it away. After that it was always a fight. I ended up giving in. He’s overweight now. My younger 2 have never met her. Theyre 6&7 & only have soda on special occasions. They don’t really like it. 1 prefers tea, the other likes almond milk. I don’t regret my aunt not knowing them.
BTW she had a son who was diabetic & her sons are overweight. Her youngest was over 500# the last time i saw him. He drank a 2 ltr of mt dew daily, probably more.
He just wouldn’t go over there!!! Shame on your husband for not telling them !
Maybe, if fiance can’t convince them to abide by your rules, you need to live several states away, OR have a different fiance. Are your rules stronger than either alternatives? I bet they think he’s a marshmallow and they intend to squash you the same way they did him. This isn’t even about your grandchild, it’s about control.
I watch my great grandson three days a week, his daddy is afraid to give him different foods so we will discuss what foods he can’t have right now and which foods he can have.when I do try something we haven’t discussed I will tell the dad what food it was and how the toddler did with it, he is 20 months old
I always got pressured like that when I wanted my kids to be fed certain things and fed a certain way. My kids have a lot of good allergies so I’m super careful what I try them on and what amount. But it never stops my family from acting like I’m being difficult so I told them okay if you don’t want to listen then u deal with them when they end up allergic to something and have to be rushed to the ER follow up appointments sick kids missing work etc. that put an end to it. Smh idk y ppl can’t listen
My fil gives my kids soda and candy and crackers and fruit and chips and cookies, basically anything they ask for.
Papas house is a fun place for them. I’d rather them get spoiled at papas than not have a papa. He does ask me if it’s okay. I get that your rules should be followed but grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandkids.
I hear that your the parent not them put your foot down
I’m a g-ma I do what I want to when I have my g-baby…And his momma does what she wants to when she has him…We both want the best for him so we trust each other.
Flat out tell them no and if they cannot respect it stop brining your child over there. You are the only advocate for your child. Stand up to them.
Grandparents always spoil their grandkids BUT there is a fine line between spoiling and disrespecting the parents.
Next time they say that theirs turned out just fine I would respond with “well how did you react when someone did something you them told not to do?” Because I can guarantee they didn’t just roll over and let it happen as you shouldn’t either. In small amounts as a treat is one thing but to blatantly ignore your wishes I would cut visits until they can respect your wishes
If they can’t respect you and your wishes, don’t bring him there.
Maybe stop bringing him around them for awhile til they get the point. I feel that’s completely disrespectful.
Your husband should put his foot down to his parents. He’s not saying anything making you out to be the bad parent. But since he doesn’t I would definitely tell them what he is allowed to drink and if they don’t want to respect my wishes then he won’t be coming to visit.
Then dont take him there. Some of you are extremist but those are ur kids. Wait till he starts school, maybe u gunna have to homeschool him because he will have what’s offered at school whether u send in lunch or not!!!
If any of our parents disrespect us and how we raise our son, they simply won’t get the time they want with him.
Yes, clearly both of our parents were successful in not killing their kids, but that doesn’t mean we are going to raise ours the same.
Grandparents need to not be so entitled and respect what their kids have decided for the little ones.
tell the grandparents until they can respect your wishes and respect your boundaries then they won’t be seeing him that’s absolutely ridiculous it’s affecting his teeth children should not be having a ton of sugary drinks or a acity drinks or soda for that matter it’s not okay for them to be disrespecting you as a parent
Some kids are born with shit teeth
Don’t allow hour son to be there anymore. Stand up for yourself. My ex’s family did that and despite me flossing and brushing, my 3 year old still has to go and get 4 teeth removed, 2 or 3 teeth capped, and 1 filling.
Flat out no you are not allowed around my son until you respect my rules. If they can’t respect that then they lose contact plain and simple.
I would never disrespect my children or their mates in such a way. I follow my kids wishes when it comes to THEIR children.
No! I’m the parent. I absolutely LOVE my MIL, they would never do this to me. She needs to respect you
Kids don’t need to drink anything but water and milk. My daughter is almost 5 and strictly only drinks water BY CHOICE. We never introduced juice or any other flavored beverages, and she’s just not a fan of milk.
If they can’t respect your wishes, then they don’t let them have him. If they’re doing it while you’re there and you’re allowing them to step all over you, then shame on you. I don’t care if they dang something in front of my son or not and tell him to ask me and tease him, he still not getting it if it’s not something he’s allowed to have. If they do do stuff like that on a regular, I would have treats that I approve of on hand so that I can give to him so that it’s not a total let down.
They can follow your rules or not be around your son. Once you quit letting them be around him they’ll change that attitude real quick. It’s YOUR child, not theirs. They can follow your rules or not see their grandson.
Your kid your rules. They don’t listen then they don’t get to see your child.
If you don’t learn to stand up for what’s best for him now you’ll have a really hard time when he’s a teenager. Say no, say it a million times and then start over. You will always have people, including your boy who refuse your no. You’ve got to separate your feelings from what’s best for him. You can’t be swayed by feelings into letting yourself give in. Juice is your training.
I don’t always handle things well, especially when it comes to my children. So I’d say have your fiancé talk to them. If that goes nowhere then I’d make comments like they do to you, via your kid. “Its a shame Grandma and Grandpa don’t love you enough to make sure your teeth stay healthy.” “Sure he can have it, as long as you’re paying for the cavity removals.” “I can’t wait till he’s older and I can tell him he can thank Grandma and Grandpa for his rotted teeth.” You know, things along those lines and with a smile.
I’m sorry but when I say she can’t have something theres no do it anyway.
Hey Get them told I would not give 2 shits if I upset them and my partnet, that is my child and if you don’t want them to have something say so if they ignore you tell them you will no longer bring your child to see them in their home they will have to come to you where it’s your house your rules and if they still ignore you stop them from seeing your child till they agree to listen to you
Please relax alittle. Im sorry to hear of his teeth but that could be heridatary too. Loosen up abit and let the relationship be between your kid n’ folks. One day they will be gone and you want good memories. Not everyone gettin ipset over pop n’ juice
It sounds like they are trying to look for things to offer him that you could agree to. Compromise and let them be grandparents.
Tell them straight up to stop undermining your authority, the kid is yours and now there are physical results of them not listening…his teeth are litterally decaying now because they wont listen…I’d tell them to either stop or they wont be seeing their gchild until they agree to stop and actually do…its simple in the grand scheme of things it’s just having the courage to be like oi bloody listen
Maybe take the grandparents to the dentist/doctors with you next time.
Let them explain to the grandparents the damage sugar can cause to our children.
If they still don’t listen and respect your wishes then warn them their visits with their grandchildren will be supervised and limited.
Oh sounds so familiar! But although I’ve been in these shoes and felt the same exact way and felt that it was my kid my rules. I’ve grown to realize there is something very special w grandchildren. I’m not there yet but I’ve seen it as such. Grandparents get to be different w/their grandkids and enjoy every second of it. They love these little ones more than we really realize and regardless they wouldn’t ever want to hurt them or harm them in these instances. I believe grandma and papa realize life is short. Drink the juice. Have the last cookie. Enjoy the moment. Don’t sweat the small things and just love the kid. I think we as moms are so much trying to do it perfectly and have so much pressure on us to do it perfectly and it’s just upsetting and easy to miss the bigger picture. It’s just juice. It’s just maybe cookies. Depending on the situation of course but let them be grandparents the little ones love the extra attention and leeway and that’s how memories are made. They will never forget those simple things your stressing over. I do get it. I don’t think a kids teeth are going to decay from a cup of juice at grandmas house. Ask her to brush directly afterwards if she gives him juice maybe, compromise! But it’s gonna be ok. Promise!!
I think there should be compromise. A relationship should not be ruined over the occasional cup of juice. If I was that particular with my kids, my family would push more just to be a pain. Unless your child has legitimate health concerns, I would not over stress about this. I don’t buy candy or soda or junk foods at my house but my dad gives them some candy when we visit. Yes they should have respect for you being the mother, but they are from a separate generation and successfully raised their kid/kids do it’s probably interpreted as rude and overbearing for you to be so heavy over a cup of juice.
I understand your frustration. But, those are his baby teeth and he will lose those. I know you are trying to develop healthy habits early and I went through the same thing with my Mom.The more I told her want I wanted and didn’t want, the more she did want she wanted. I am sorry but there was no happy medium. My daughter got away with murder at My Mom’s house and had different rules at mine. I wish you luck. P.S. My daughter grew up and is fine. She knew Grandma would give in to her and that I would not
As a gramma I have to abide by what my kids want for their kids. I might not agree with everything but they are the parents
I just remember how I felt when people didn’t listen to me about my kids.
I think its just something you have to decide…they should defer to you as the mother but they arent. But family is so important, you dont want to cause strife. And it sounds like they keep the baby for you which is nice. If they keep your child sometines, things wont always be done just how you want its a tough decision.
Cut them out until they realize that it’s up to you not them about his dietary needs. Thats food AND drink. They don’t like it, they dont get the visit. Tough love baby!! Dont threaten! Follow through!!
I honestly feel ya my ex parents were this way except my kid had food allergies & they didnt belive it(brought drs note everything) and they kept feeding him things he was allergic too
I don’t see the big deal with apple juice, especially when it’s only here and there when he visits his grandparents Not many people drink ONLY water. Mine drank apple juice when it was age appropriate and they didn’t have problems with their teeth. I think grandparents enjoy giving their grandbabies “treats”, it gives them joy seeing how delighted the kids are about it. This just seems a bit petty in my opinion.
That being said, to each their own. Pick your battles as you choose. As a Mom of teenagers, I can testify that there will be MANY to choose from
I think you’re being a tad ridiculous but it’s also ridiculous that they won’t abide by your wishes. Maybe if you’d lighten up on how strict you are, they wouldn’t feel the need to constantly undermine you
That’s not just going to happen from him just drinking it that’s going to come from not brushing his teeth properly leaving him in a bed with a bottle in his mouth these are all things that contribute to tooth decay in babies but I am on your side about not giving him soda he’s just a baby he doesn’t need to be drinking soda or a lot of juice and if you give him juice do half water half juice
I’m not an expert but I have a degree in dental hygiene. And yes, sugar is what causes tooth decay and acidic food and drinks aren’t good for the enamel. So, you definitely aren’t wrong. And dental health is important. Brushing, flossing, and regular dental check-ups, along with using sugar only in moderation, will go along way in keeping your child’s teeth healthy. Great job! Although, in moderation, it shouldn’t be a problem. I worry that the bigger problem is that they don’t respect your wishes as the child’s mother. They don’t have to agree but I would demand that they listen. I think open and direct commication, with your husband’s support, is the way to go. Good luck! Btw, saying he doesn’t have cavities but does have tooth decay??? I’m not sure what you mean but if the dentist noticed tooth decay, that’s what that means. He has cavities.
How old is the baby? It is your rules and they should be followed. But i will say this, you are mom and kids are taught by what they see. Depending on the age you have to know that they leran by seeing. So if you want him to just drink water then you should be doing the same. Water only is a bit unreal in my opinion. Making sure you brush his teeth and floss them is a good way to start. If you dont loosen up a little the child will be without grandparents and eventually as he gets older he will do it behind your back and do it excessively. You will have plenty more battles with him. But with all that being said its your rules but you cant expect everyone to have the same values and rules as you. Just pick your battles wisely
That’s completely up to you. Dental health is very important and is taken for granted. For example, my side of the family has good teeth. My ex husband’s side does not. Former MIL took care of her teeth, didn’t do drugs, took care of herself, etc, and had to have dentures by 40. I have been religious about brushing my son’s teeth, but have zero control when he is with his dad and paternal grandparents. He’s 7 and has 4 silver caps. I don’t keep soda in the house and the only juice I keep is V8 Fusion and that is watered down. You can exercise control. Do so.
Saying they’re only baby teeth and will lose them anyway is wrong, everything they eat and drink effects adult teeth, ask a dentist!!!
If he has juice or drinks brush teeth. He should also be having cleaning go to a pediatrician dentist. Occasionally won’t hurt him.
Although I feel like you are being a hover mom it’s your child and your rules. They should respect that.
Your gonna be one of those over protective ones no Halloween. No parades. Dad step and tell her to stop being so over protective.
Lighten up wow water only. Is that the only thing you drinker ever? I understand buying the lower sugar stuff but only water come on.
Excuse my language but they need to fuck off he’s your kid not there’s.
They should respect your wishes. You are his mom.
tell their asses to get it together or get tf on,that’s your child
Your child, your rules. Hubby needs to back you up. Otherwise limit how much time grandparents get with him. Stand firm. What they really are doing is undermining your authority. I don’t do that with my grand. With the exception that I make them drink milk instead of sugary juice and oh yes the drum set I got my 4 year old grandson.i follow what momma and dad wish.