Should I ask my ex to spend more time with our daughter or just leave him be? It’s been five months since he left. In the first month, he would see her every weekend and would notify me in case he can’t come. Later on, 2 or 3 weeks would pass before he sees her or takes her to his family. The last time he took her was on Christmas day. We fought over text then because of a misunderstanding with my mother. Since then, he hasn’t seen my daughter or even asked how she is. Apart from that argument on Christmas, I was kind and decent in interacting with him. There was no drama. I let him be. We are not married. Where I live, the mother has sole custody if the parents are unmarried, but I don’t have plans of keeping him from our daughter, and I want him to be a part of her life. She is almost three years old now. I love her to death, but there are days when I badly need rest and alone time. I think of asking him to take her for a day, so I could have some time to myself, but his lack of initiative and efforts in spending time with her speaks volumes to me. I worry that my daughter would feel neglected one day when she grows up.
just leave it be, cause it’s just gonna make him not have any contact at all with her and it seems that’s what he wants right now
He’s a pig. You know what he’s doing don’t even question it. Take care of your kid and keep it pushing. Reach out to family for a break or find a reliable babysitter you trust. Leave it alone fuck him
Just let him be. Be thankful he gone. Some guys only sees the kids to get even with the mom. And they just want to be evil. Just leave him be.
You cant force anyone to spend time with anyone.
Coming from someone who is currently dealing with an emotionally damaged 11 year old because I pushed for her dad to be in her life and now he isn’t; just leave it be. If he doesn’t want to be there, you can’t make him. I BEGGED my daughters father to be a dad to her…now he barely gives her the time of day and comes and goes.
Nope. Leave him alone.
I know a girl that would cut a pad in half and put one in each cup, she swore by it
If he’s not putting the effort into your daughter don’t force him. Or he will treat her resentfully.
You need to be honest with him. For your needs and hers. And ask him what his intentions are, so you know.
No you should absolutely not. You should not have to beg the other parent to be a parent. If he calls definitely work with him though
Cant force a relationship…want alone time…pay for day care/sitter once in a while.
If he wants to see her he will
If he isn’t putting himself in the situation of being a father and seeing his child that isn’t going to change. Sure you can ask and talk to him but it sounds like he doesn’t give a hoot and it may drive him further away from his child. I know we want rest and “me times” but being a single parent you’ll never see the light of day so to speak. No “me time” while they are young.
You shouldn’t have to chase him or beg him to see his daughter, if he cared that much he would do it on his own accord.
Leave it be
If he wanted to be in her life he would be making the effort
Do not use him as a babysitter for his own child
Find someone else to watch her
Leave him be. If he wants to be a part of your child’s life, he’ll be there. Sometimes this is for the best.
If he knows where you are, then if he really wanted to, he could take the initiative. You can’t beg someone to be a true dad for his child. That’s the sad reality. Hopefully you have other supportive people in your life who can give you a break when you need it.
Well did he pay attention to her when u guys were together? If not then I’d leave him alone
Leave him be. Not your responsibility to make sure he sees his own child!
Shouldn’t have to ask your ex to visit he should be able to come by without telling him to:
I would let him be, but I would contact his parents and or siblings and make it known they are welcome to pick her up and spend time with her. He could be telling them anything and they’re missing out thinking you’re not allowing them to see her. Make contact and pass on a kind word about how shes talking about them or something along those lines etc and offer them to have her for a day or a night maybe once a month ?
I’m sure there are other people who you could ask and would love to spend time with your daughter …he’s loss time is someone elses happy time with her
Document everything!
I’d either get a custody agreement so he has regularly scheduled visits with her or let him be/leave it alone. I wouldn’t push him to see her more without going through the courts.
It’s probably family in his ear or he just being childish and waiting for you to call him first. Give him a call without arguing and see what happens and then if things don’t change leave it alone.
Immediately File for child support… that will get his attention quickly… your daughter has a right to be supported by her biological father… whether he sees her or not… many times if a man is paying child support that will gv them incentive to spend more time with their children… also many men use NOT seeing their children as an excuse for not paying… even if you don’t want or need the help… put it in a savings acct for your child… if you let him off the hook on paying you will eventually regret this and hv anger & resentment when he’s off squandering his money or spending it on his new woman or child and your child is being neglected and going without…
I think doing the best thing for your daughter would mean reaching out to him. That way, as a mom you did the most you could do so that your daughter would be happy. Perhaps he’s not that interested, maybe he does have an out of sight of mind thing going, but he doesn’t sound like a dangerous person and she would benefit from having a relationship with her father.
If he wanted to see her, he would. I know that hurts. Let it go. Instill confidence in her on your own…you can do it.
Definatly ask and see how he feels. Or if he’s able too
For me, I refuse to try and force a grown man to do what he already knows he should be. My daughter is 6. She hasn’t seen her dad since a couple days before she turned 4. Before that since her 1st birthday. Every once in a while she feel it but most of the time she is happy and healthy and knows she is so loved by so many people.
I learned this the hard way but its not on you to try to make the relationship between them happen. Its on him to check up & visit/be part of her life. Just be honest with her and she’ll grow up seeing for herself. I tell my son he just wasn’t/ready to be his daddy & it’s ok because he has me. Watching your child go through the heartbreak of people walking out/not trying is one of the hardest things ever. It wouldn’t hurt to express your concern & tell him you would like to see him more involved but that’s his choice in the end. He’s the one missing out though.
Welcome to motherhood NO DAYS OFF!
There is no harm in asking this way you know you’ve done everything possible so it’s not your fault I would be price for when he does abandon the child especially if he finds a new woman and kid you are definitely going to be on the outskirts and so is your baby so I would Bridge the gaps to try to make sure to soften the blow on your daughter’s behalf maybe find her another man that as a mentor that she can also look up as as a father who will not walk away a cousin or somebody that wanted a child that is close to you just make sure it’s not some pervert
What about grandparents, aunts and uncles on both sides. Do they not want to be a part of this childs life?
I raised 7 children with no help from there dad all he ever done was scare them to death so we all decided we were better off with out him do we left with just the clothes we had no car no money thank god for my mom who took us in till I got on my feet moved to north Carolina got a job and took care of them was not easy but we made it he has not seen any off his kids in 35 yrs
Honestly I’d say leave it be. Don’t push him. He’s likely staying away from your daughter as a form of punishment to you. If you show him it upsets you or that you want him in her life hell continue to manipulate you by using your daughter. He’ll tell people it’s your fault he doesn’t see her. His family & gf (if he has 1) will believe him. That’s part of his game. You’ll do whatever he wants to keep him in her life so ppl don’t dislike or shame you. It’s also their stupidity. He makes his own choices. Don’t play the game! Those who love you wont believe him. That’s what counts! Enjoy your daughter & your freedom to raise her how you see fit. If he truly wants a relationship with his daughter he’ll file for rights. Until then she’s only yours.
No… Do not ask him for nothing… Go after child support… It’s his responsibility to seethe kids not yours… Trust me… It’s better for him not too…
Yes, you need to talk to him. Your daughter needs regular interaction with her father. You need time for self care and free time.
Talk to him about co-parenting. Work out a schedule that you both can agree upon. Get a parenting plan set up.
Ask family and friends for help so you can get a break. If he wanted to be around he would be.
I have the same issue. My son’s father lives less than a mile from us & hasnt seen him in over a year. I’m not asking or begging for him to see him. My son is at the point where he doesnt even ask about him anymore. Either be a fulltime dad or none at all. PERIOD!
No. And if your child asks why or if she can see him you dial his number and hand them the phone. If no answer have them leave him a message. Do not bad mouth him. Your child will figure it out soon enough.
If people dont want to be in my kids lives then I dont want them there. If he doesnt want to see her I’d let it go. That being said I’d inform him that if he isnt going to be there consistently and all the time then he wont be there at all because it will do more damage for her having him in and out of her life when its convenient for him than it would be for him to not be there at all. The empty promises he will make to her will devastate her. Good luck
I mean you can talk to him about it but unfortunately you can’t make a person be a parent if they don’t want to be. I know it’s overwhelming and hard take it day by day. Listen to your gut if you have a bad feeling about talking to him about it then don’t and vice versa.
Never ask a parent to see their child. If they wanted to they def would. An army couldnt stop them if they wanted to. With that being said I would never want my child to spend time with someone who doesnt want to spend time with them.
God bless
First off…you’re a mother and its the hardest job ever. But, with that being said, when you laid down and created that child, you made a commitment to be there and I’m sorry, but your alone time ended the day your child was born…you get alone time when your child goes to bed and that’s about the most you can ask for. As for “dad”…if you have to ask him to be active in his child’s life, then he probably doesn’t really want to have an active roll. Let it go…hire a sitter or find a friend to watch your child for a few hours.
Dads made his decision to not see his child when he’s had the chance , reach out to grandparents as they can’t help what their son does and they may want a relationship with their grandchild as long as everyone is there for the benefit of the child , it isent about anyone but the child ,
What Tish DrySdale said you should not have to ask. You can try to ask him, but dont make it into big mess of things. Once you have asked and still no initiative then forget it.
What kind of relationship do you have with his parents? Grandparents kind of get shafted when a relationship ends…if you are near them, then reach out to them…grandma might be greatful for the opportunity…as for dad…dont force the issue. Send him a text and ask if hes intrested in a date with his daughter…if he doesnt respond, leave it alone. Never talk negative about him to your daughter…leave that door open…good luck to you…hang in there…you’ll get through it…we all do
If he wanted to be there he would be.
My dad lived 15 mins away from me my whole life only wanted time with me for holidays with his half of the family…
People make time for what they want.
Sounds like you have everything on your shoulders. That can be very overwhelming. You should not have to ask him to spend time with his daughter! Obviously he doesn’t want to or he would so I guess I wouldn’t ask him nor want him to be in my child’s life if he doesn’t want to. Also as your child gets older they may want to have. Bond with their dad and when he doesn’t show up or not contact for any amount of time they are going to be heartbroken. I know you are trying to do what’s best for your daughter but sometimes what you think is best doesn’t always be what is best for their lives. I feel bad for you and wish you the best
File for child support… that may change his mind. Remember it’s not for you… but your baby.
I’ve been on both sides of this situation. I grew up without my dad around, and I’ll be honest. It sucked. Took a long time for me to realize that it was his doing and not something I did or didn’t do. We have a good relationship now, but it took 30 years to get there. Now, I have a daughter. She’s 11 now, but her biological dad hasn’t bothered to try seeing her since she was 2. I’ve been with my current husband for 5 years. She knows he is not her bio dad, but that doesn’t matter to her. As far as she’s concerned, he is her dad, and her bio dad is just some guy who she doesn’t know. She even asked my husband to legally adopt her. Don’t force anyone to be in your kids life. They will learn who is really there for them.
You shouldn’t have to ask the father to spend more time with his daughter. He should want too.
Bug him…make it a big deal. I’ve been a single mom for 12 years and I made sure my ex saw his kids and when he gave some bs I don’t care I pointed it out he was messing with time and they only have one childhood. It’s important that both parents are involved. And I hate my ex to death but it’s about the kids not me or him.
The ignorance of some people…you do need alone time. Just because you became a mom doesn’t mean that you don’t need a break. We’re still human. Honestly if he’s not reaching out it’s because he is okay with not being in her life or could possibly still be upset about the disagreement you had on Christmas which is unfair to take out on your daughter. Praying for the best for you and her 
So you want him to spend more time with her so you can have some alone time???
Hell no! He knows his responsibility. That he lost!
Go ahead and have a conversation with him, but make it about what’s best for his relationship with his daughter. You don’t ask him to spend time because YOU want him to. Keep it about your daughter. You discuss how much your daughter misses him, how a daughters relationship with her dad shapes how she sees men all her life…encourage regular contact. See if you can get him to come up with a schedule of visitation that he will stick to. But do NOT make it at all about you or your needs. It’s got to be about her.
She should have time with her father. Send him message. Worse case is he won’t respond or say no thanks.
If your child is ok then u don’t need to worry
You shouldn’t have to beg him to put her in his life let him go own with his life
Don’t she have parents to ask to watch the child / she needs alone time she didn’t need alone time when she made her .
n your not married move on .