Should I be Cooking and Cleaning for My Boyfriend?

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"My boyfriend and I started dating a few months ago but things got serious really fast. He had just moved to a city about an hour away, & his mom hated the idea. He had already been living on his own for about 2 years, but the mom wanted him back in our city & for them to get a house together. She currently lives with her sister, (her sister told me she loves the mom living with her because she’s less lonely) My boyfriend ended up moving back to my city and has been back and forth between telling me he’s going to get his own place and then telling me he and his mom are going to get a place. At first, I was understanding to him and his mom living together, until recently he told me that his mom told him I need to start cooking and cleaning for him. I do not live with him, I am a student & he does not pay my bills. I told him until I am a WIFE, I am not doing any of those things & his mom as nice as she is needs to stay out of our relationship. After that incident, I am opposed to him living with his mom as we are not going to have the privacy we need & his mom is clearly going to be witnessing everything from our arguments to whether I cooked for him or not, and have an opinion about it. He says he needs to help his mom buy a house, but I don’t understand how her living with him is helping her buy a house when she currently has a roommate who loves her living there. I told him if that’s his final decision that I won’t stay in the relationship because the relationship I want with him requires levels of growth and privacy that we won’t be able to have with his mom down the hall. Am I wrong? What do I do if he decided to live with his mom? I am SO upset."

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"How old are you guys? Just going off my age, I would be the same way. You need to be able to grow & having your partner live with his mom is hard to do that. She sounds like every mom who has a son, just loves him way way too much. She needs to let him live, and build a life for himself. & why would you cook for him when you don’t live together? If he came for dinner then yeah okay but besides that??? No lol, that makes no sense.."

"Stick to your guns! You’re absolutely not wrong!o"

"Realise he isn’t ready for the relationship YOU deserve"

"Nope he needs to stop been mamas little boy… he needs to grow up and tell her to not meddle in yalls relationship, you shouldn’t cook for him just bc yall dating… once in a while is fine but not the way his mom says… she has no say on that."

"Oh red flag… no even if you’re his wife you both take care of each other. You set the rules for your family. Oh, I don’t think I could have a mil like that. Good luck"

"You said it…needs level of growth and privacy. Yall aren’t living together and like you said he doesn’t pay your bills. He’s an adult and should be able to do those things for himself FIRST. There’s nothing wrong with cooking for him but you aren’t living together nor were you married"

"Nope! He needs to get off the tit! I can’t believe she would say you need to be cooking and cleaning for him when you don’t live together. If she is already like this you can bet she will always be in your business and it will only create more issues in your relationship. Future monster in law! Stick to your guns or end it now."

"IIf a man chooses his mother over you while you are dating, he will always choose his mom over you. Time to move on before you get in any deeper."

"You're right. You're not living with him let alone married to him. You are not his personal chef. If he chooses his mother of you then obviously he’s still attached to the cord. He’s an adult. His mother lives with his aunt and she enjoys the company. If he can’t think for himself, you’ll be with a man-child that tells mommy everything. You pretty much have your ultimatum for him to choose from. If he chooses his mother, well he can live with her. You still got your place and not really losing anything besides a momma’s boy."

"Picture this… a few years down the road and instead of her telling you how you should treat him, she’s telling you how to raise the kids you grew! That’s exactly what you will have to look forward to. You’re wedding she will control, where u live, every aspect of your children’s lives. Over bearing is what she sounds like and it won’t change"

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