My boyfriend and I have been together for years, and he has been the only father figure my child has known for almost all of their life. Recently he wanted to tell our new landlord a little about us so they can get to know us. He chose to tell them that our child is not biologically his and that her bio dad is on drugs. I wasn’t there, but he told me about it after the fact, and I was really bothered by it. First It upset me that he feels the need to point out that they are not really his kid bc they are SUPER close. And then it is just embarrassing that my “baby daddy” is on drugs. To me, that’s not really his business to tell. Is it weird that I don’t feel like that is important or necessary info for ppl to find out to get to know us? He was super defensive and upset when I told him it bothered me. He feels like it’s not a big deal at all.
You could have preemptively let him know that information was private, but you didn’t. So let this one go. And make an agreement to keep that information private moving forward.
Honestly men can be stupid lol seriously. I feel like he was trying to just be friendly and meant no harm at all saying that, however I completely understand where you’re coming from not wanting that information shared especially when you weren’t even there. It sucks and you’re entitled to be upset but I’d also let it blow over and not get into a big fight over it especially since it’s now done and over with. Just tell him with anything personal wise to not go and tell strangers it anymore especially without you there
In my humble opinion…we cannot control what our mates tell others. In fact, we cannot control our mates at all. Your job is to tell him how that made you feel only. There is nothing else you can do. The rest is up to him and his values.
Definitely let this one go. He probably didn’t do it to hurt you. He probably is just an honest guy and feels like the truth is important, so he told your landlord the truth
To late now, he already said it😩 yeah it’d bother me also… like damn seems like he just threw you under the bus. Nothing you can do now tho so just leave it alone
I get where you’re coming from and the landlord is an odd choice of people to tell. But it is his life choice and his story to tell. He is raising children he loves right along beside you. The family you share is just as much his business as it is yours. And you shouldn’t be embarrassed about your baby daddy’s addiction, that’s on him. Just my opinion
I understand you being upset, as it wasn’t your finest family quality for an introduction, but some men need praise, need to feel valued for being there, when they don’t have to be, and I think validation is what he was going for…just in the wrong way.
So maybe give the man a bit of a break, and love on him a little harder, let him know how much it means to you that he is there.
…he, at this point, knows you don’t like that information shared, so don’t beat a dead horse— come at him with some love, prove to those landlords some ugly truths in our pasts only bring us closer and gives us more respect for each other!
In his eyes it’s not a big deal… he isnt their real dad… maybe he thought that would make him look good…like he has stepped up to raise kids that aren’t his… ya know… Idk it’s the truth so why be mad about it???
Sounds like he was just having a conversation with someone. Just tell him the bio dads drug use is private info and you don’t want it shared. That being said, if he wants to tell someone the kid isn’t his, he’s entitled to do so because it isn’t his kid, nor is he the step dad. It doesn’t make them any less close with each other.
Omg I feel the same way!!! My husband has been raising my daughter since she was 6 weeks old! And he STILL tells people “Yeah she’s not biologically mine” she’s 6 1/2 fucking years old! She doesn’t know that! (Her bio is not involved at all!) and the more people that know the more chance she’s going to find out from them when I wanted her to know when she’s a bit older. But no. I still get on him when he just mentions it to someone like why tf do they HAVE to know that??? They don’t! But oh well men are just so stupid. I think it’s a “Good guy” image
Soooo he is not allowed to a have conversation with anyone ever without ur approval on the subject?? Eh it is what it is…
Maybe he feels proud to be the father of her, even tho hes not biological.
You cant be angry with him for telling the truth… you said you dont feel its his place to discuss their bio dads info that to me honestly if hes their and rearing them its as much his right as urs
Of course he doesn’t see it as a big deal, he’s “The Good Guy”. I do see your point, it’s unnecessary and rude to shell out details like that. It’s just as easy to say neutral things like girl child is * old and in *grade, boy child likes * activity, gf works as a *, etc. No need to give out your personal history, he should have shared about your current situation.
It feels like a put down because he only highlighted how he’s a better choice than your previous relationship.
These other comments are bullshit. Only thing I agree with is yes, you’ll probably have to let this one go. But you have every right to be upset and he should definitely not be sharing your business with anyone who could be considered an acquaintance at best. Landlords are business associates. Not friends. And they don’t need to know your personal life- that’s just common sense.
Yes it is a big deal. That’s your business to tell or not. How would he feel if you told of all the negative events touching his life. Smh
While it may be uncomfortable, you are blessed to have a great guy in your kids life. My boyfriend has 3 stepchildren and raised them as his own. He tells people they are stepchildren but does it with pride. Sounds like he’s proud too and should be.
I agree that you should let this one go. Maybe he was just venting or explaining things.
Don’t let that get to u boo . I know he wasn’t thinking when he said that
He is dead wrong and I would be more pissed than you he should have known better and if he had any respect for you or the kids he wouldn’t say that stuff he wouldn’t try to make their real father look bad you never know maybe one day they’re real father will change his life around and he will be in that position that he talked about
If that’s the least of your problems, let it go. Your luckily to have such a good father figure for your child.
If he cant claim/accept the kid in front of strangers he shouldnt be in the father position He shouldnt be ‘venting’ to a random person, he shouldnt be needing praise from a random person. All these ladies making excuses are funny. Yes you should be pissed knowing how he doesnt claim your child when your not there . It doesnt matter what the truth is, if hes comfortable telling YOUR business then imagine what else he tells people. Start telling random strangers how his mom was an alcoholic whore or whatever dirt his business is covered in if its okay for him to then you can to.
I agree with you 100%! That is information that did NOT need to be revealed. Period.
I don’t see it as wrong to be honest
I understand that you are upset as we are in the same situation but I wouldn’t look at it and negatively
Yes its a big deal, wasn’t his place to tell, and nobody needs to know that info. Dont have to tell everything you know
If he told the truth what’s the problem…
I’m a step parent, raised my step daughter, her mom was a dead beat & it was my story to tell. My husband didn’t always like it that I told people but I did when I felt inclined, other times, I kept it to myself. It’s his choice, be grateful he is there for your kids and don’t hold it against him,’it is what it is. No matter how much he loves your kiddo, it isn’t his child and although you might want them to be close, kids grow up and don’t always appreciate what you do for them so set a good example for your kids and love him for being there but in the end, he isn’t their dad. Life isn’t perfect so live in the moment
Yet here you are telling it to a bunch of strangers on the internet
Maybe hes hiding something and wants to get the negative attention towards someone else.
Just tell him how you feel and if your uncomfortable with him telling your personal information you need to tell him that in a calming manner.
Just because it’s true, doesn’t mean it needs to be shared. Ask him to refrain from sharing private information in the future.
Seems like your shame emotion was triggered. Are you ashamed of your baby’s daddy? Once you accept him for who he is and who he isn’t, you’ll be free and your kids will have a better mom.
He sounds like a great dad, i wouldn’t let it get to you to much. I agree with the other posts. He sounds proud to call your child his and wants people to know how proud he is.
I can understand why that would be upsetting but it’s done now and I would just move on. Tell him in the future you would prefer that not be shared.
Be careful what you tell your landlord period. They dont need to know personal details.
Just be glad he loves your kids. I can see where see he said that incase the father should try to find yall then start something. But then again I’d be upset too but happy you never know what someone on drugs is turn around and do. Specially when a kid is involved so instead of being so pissed off just politely tell him our personal business issue with the real father is like our sex life secret for us only.
He obviously doesn’t think that your child’s father being on drugs reflects on you at all. It sounds like he’s an open honest non judge mental man who loves you and your child. I’d count my blessings and start appreciating him rather than be looking for nonsense to be unhappy about.
Not a big deal. Just a dumbass.
Sometimes it helps to talk to strangers about things. Some things shouldnt be talked about to your landlord but at the same time, it sounds like you maybe ashamed and you think he may feel a different way towards you…
It really isn’t that big a deal to me. You shouldn’t be embarrassed about but dad cause it shows you’re smart enough to be rid of him and he isn’t the real dad and that’s ok to be known too
I wouldn’t want my bf to ever claim my son was his if he wasn’t and neither would my son. My oldest has another dad and my bf been here with us since he was very little. But has never claimed him as his own. I have two kids with him now. It doesn’t bother me if he says he isn’t his. I wouldn’t want him telling my bd business to anyone though. My sons dad is kinda a mess but he still comes around for his son
I think he is proud that he cares so much for a child that is not biologically his. And clearly your ashamed that the childs bio dad is a dead beat druggie but accept it for what it is he stepped in when he didn’t have to and became a dad he didn’t have to be in my opinion its his story too.
If he told its not his biological kid that is his right because it’s not. Sounds like you’re ashamed and that’s something you need to work out. Honestly if I was in a relationship with someone who had a kid I would let it known the kid wasn’t biologically mine and anyone had a problem with oh well because it’s a fact. I agree he never should of said anything about the father because that’s non of his business but anything that involves him he can discuss without your approval.
I would be super upset definitely wasn’t his place to talk about such personal things especially without you present.
Id make sure he knows how you feel and explain why it makes you feel that way.
Definitely no ones business. But don’t be embarrassed your still being a mom. Taking care of your kid. Nothing to be embarrassed about.
It’s none of your landlords business that your ex is a druggie. Your boyfriend needs to keep his mouth shut. That would be like you telling the landlord that his ex is a crack whore. Some things just need to be kept private. Not everyone needs to know every detail about your life and I’m sure that makes you two look bad to your landlord. If I was your landlord, I would have told him that y’all need to work out whatever issues y’all have and that I don’t really care what you did in the past.
First- Thats not his business to share. He has nothing to do with your ex. 2nd- Landlord doesn’t need to know squat about your personal life. Keep it business only. Its better that way.
I’m in the same boat here. My husband is my son’s “chosen” father. Bio is an alcoholic set on ruining his own life. So he has nothing to do with him and my husband will be adopting. We are on the same page and have agreed that we just won’t tell other people this info. The less people that know the less of a chance that our son has of finding out from someone other than us.
If it bothers you that should make it a big deal to him. Don’t compromise on your feelings for his pride and inability to see things from your perspective.
Its not his story to tell. But if he and the kids are close and he treats you all right, forgive him. Men literally do not think the same way women do. Its not a big deal to him because he has stepped up to be there for your kids. But I would be bothered by the fact that he became defensive when you told him it bothered you. He should understand that your story might be harder for you to talk about with just anyone. I know exactly how you feel. I wouldn’t be an asshole to him about. Maybe write him a letter and explain why it bothers you and how it’s hard for you. I personally feel like a failure that my kids dad walked out of their lives, but it’s not something that can be controlled. Forgive yourself. You can only control you. Just be kind and honest with him. Let him know being defensive about your story is hurtful. But remeber he’s there for you and your kids.
I dont think it’s a big deal. I tell people my stepdad is my dad, but I also clarify if i feel the need that’s he’s my stepdad and my bio dad is/was a drug addict. I get it can be upsetting, but that doesn’t make him feel the kids are any less his or that he doesn’t love them, I honestly believe it was conversation because the topic to clarify can sometimes get brought up one way or another.
Who cares he is just talking about a loser on drugs not there for the child he is raising get that straight
He definitely “over shared” as far as I’m concerned.
You could point out to him some of his personal information he might might not like the landlord knowing and then ask him how would he like it if you told him
So he stepped up and is raising kids that aren’t even his and you’re pissed because he told somebody? How about thank him for stepping in when the first loser you chose stepped out? And stop being petty before you drive this man away and your children lose out again…
I don’t think telling other people personal information about you and your kids is something he should be doing. I don’t blame you for being upset especially if you would like to make a good impression on the people you rent from. He has to understand this. This is not Maury Povich talk show. You would like to keep things personal quiet and to be discreet so just ask him to use some discretion. Some people are far too judgemental and you don’t want your children to become the topic of the townspeople’s gossip.
My boyfriend tells people that my kids aren’t his biologically but they’re his because he’s raising and supporting them and spends time with them like they need. My daughter calls him daddy and calls her biological dad. It doesn’t bother me that he tells anyone this… however it would bother me if he talked about my children’s biological because we don’t do things like that for the sake of the kids. We don’t talk bad against anyone. Period. I don’t want my kids to have an opinion based on something they’ve heard from me. I want them to use their own thoughts and feelings. It also puts a perspective on you, as their mother. It doesn’t matter where their biological is, it’s the point that your child is supported and taken care of. You never know what people will do with your info… hopefully he learns that.
Guys are pretty stupid and just don’t know sometimes, I would be pissed but I’d let go eventually and make sure he wouldn’t do it again lol.
How does that even come up with the LANDLORD? Sure getting to know them is fine but thats a little personal in my book. Definitely explain why you’re upset but for future reference he might want to go a little less heavy
I wouldn’t be bothered by it. It’s a fact, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her as his own. My dad wasn’t my biological father and everyone knew, but he claimed me as his until the day he died. He raised me since I was 2 years old. There is nothing wrong with your landlord knowing alittle bit about you. Hell the landlord we had when my son was born, babysat him and we were super close. There are worse things to be upset about honestly. At my age, I am at the point where I don’t care who knows my business. I’m not ashamed of my past nor the decisions I have made, including loser baby dads. I have the best part of that relationship and I’m in a better place, and happier.
I get the oversharing but dont be embarrassed bc u have an ex that is on drugs. Your not doing drugs and u cant control someone else’s life choices. It doesn’t take away from you being a good mom. Maybe he is proud that he stepped in and just said it stupidly not seeing a negative side to his words.
Omg! It is not HIS child so what if he speaks about it.your child will never be his! Bad talking the child dad is bot acceptable though.
If you thought you would be embarrassed by that fact,you should have considered an abortion! Unfortunately, it is the consequences of life!!!
Always tell the truth to your child no matter the age then it is not something to tell if your partner has taken on the dad role it will make no difference
If you feel he over shared, he did. Yo can’t help the way it made you feel.
Over shared yes but this is his story to tell as well. So if he felt like being this open with them then I don’t see the problem. Of course it isn’t a problem that you are hurt about it as well. He’s happily raising kid’s that aren’t his. I don’t see how anyone would think this makes yall look bad.
Everyone has different boundaries for what they feel is too personal to share and what isn’t a big deal. You can feel whatever way you want to about what he did.
But it’s the truth right? He’s not biologically their dad, are you gonna lie to your kids and say that he is? And why would you be embarrassed that your baby daddy is a drug user? He’s not your problem anymore.
He doesn’t need to consult you when telling people about his relationship with you.
Maybe they were talking about your child and he felt better clearing it up instead of lying about being the father. It is not his child, no matter how close they are.
My step dad isn’t my dad, but was my biggest father figure growing up, I refer to him as my dad when I talk about him, but we both make a point in adding he’s not my bio dad
Now, the drug use about your ex was a little over sharing. That kinda stuff doesn’t need to come out to everyone. Bio dad is not around and that’s all that needs to be said.
That’s kind of a weird thing to tell your landlord.
My boyfriend just states hes their step dad. And in my opinion he shows us off and likes being the man of the house. He barely brings up my kids dad and the situation is similar to yours. I think most people assume my kids are his.
My 10 year old daughter ismt biologically my husband’s. He has been in her life simce she was three and my ex husband was very abusive and she still needs therapy for it to deal with her PTSD. He’s always referred to her as his daughter. Even when people ask if she’s his (rarely has ever happened cuz people just assume, its happened when they see shes older then we’ve been together) and he’s always called her his daughter. She calls him steven, but when she’s talking about him to people even our families she calls him her dad. Idk, id be upset too, honestly. I mean making a big deal about it probably won’t do any good, but no ome can tell you how to FEEL! You probably feel like you expect him to automatically not tell people she isnt his biologically, because you feel like since they are so close he should be ready to just say it. But sadly, men don’t SEE it that way most of the time, because he KNOWS he’s been the dad and he maybe takes pride in the fact that he loves her mpre than the bio dad ever could and he feels happy in that semse? I hope this helps!
You should feel proud of him, he sees the good in you and shows his love of you and your children, you took those kids and yourself away from a destructive life and both of you together are giving them a chance for a better life. I would think that he told the land lord about your situation because he is proud to call you his, not to just spread your story. Give him the benefit of doubt and continue to love him, your children and youself
I don’t think you should be very upset… Maybe a little but, he didn’t lie, right. It’s his information too. I’m not sure why he felt compelled to share such intimate details, or if he was aware that it might upset you.
When you are ready & if it is in the cards for you & those children, turn what he says around. (If the bio- father doesn’t do anything for these children) then give your partner there something else to talk about. Ask him if he would be willing to adopt the children since he is their provider & the only loving, stable father that those kids look up.
I would have been upset also. You don’t need to tell everyone your private business.
He just felt like gossiping…
I would of just kept it to myself
I think he’s an asshat!! Somethings are personal and should be kept private. People talk and I don’t think he was thinking about the kids!