So, I’m due with my 3rd baby later this week and my adoptive parents want me to give her their last name. Me and the father aren’t together. He’s currently in jail in Florida. He was very abusive and a drug addict so my parents ended up coming from Idaho to Florida to come and get me and my other two children (whom have a different father) now we’re live in idaho with my parents in their guest house. Anyways, they want me to give my newest baby their family last name because I will be adopted by them next year and my last name will change to theirs. My thing is, idk how I feel about it. What if they decide they don’t want to adopt me and then my daughter is stuck with a last name neither me or my other kids have? Move went through my entire pregnancy alone and will be going through the birth alone so I definitely don’t think the dad deserves to have the right for the baby to have his last name. Opinions ?
I would give your baby either your last name, or theirs. I would make sure they’re for sure going to adopt you as well so the names will be same. You can change her name either way
That’s a tough one. I think you should follow your gut. You can change the babies name after it’s born if you wish to.
If they were willing to pick you up from Florida and wait to adopt you until you age out of the programs you qualify for and are letting you live there with your kids… I don’t think they are gonna back out dear.
You can change it later too. But I wouldn’t put dad on the birth certificate no matter what you decide.
Could always give the baby ur last name. I gave my oldest my mother’s maiden name
You could hyphen the last name do yours followed by theirs!
Express your feelings towards them. They owe you that much but share how you feel towards them and love them and appreciate them. Being honest is the only way.
Well if they do adopted you and you use your current last name your gonna have to pay to change it later if you want the same last name as baby and if you don’t get adopted and you use their last name for the baby then again you will have to pay if you decide to change it so really why not give them the benefit of the doubt and use their last name especially since it really doesn’t sound like they will change their mind at this point because either way you will have a chance of having to get it changed so go with whatever choice your gut is telling you to do I think is honestly the best choice here really
Just an idea I’m sure you’ve already thought of- You could always use yours other kiddos last name (depending if they have the same names) so all 3 of yours kiddos will have the same last names. Should you ever want to get married you could change your name then and still not have the same last name as kiddo #3. Good luck in your decision Mama.
No way, your bio last name only
Give them your legal last name.
if i was you id honestly give her their last name. id also change my last name to theirs and if they would be okay with it id change the other two. only if you want them to all have the same last name. it doesn’t give anyone rights to the baby just by the name & you can change it later on if something happens.
Talk to a free legal council. Ask how difficult it would be to change your babies last name when you are adopted. Chances are it would be pretty easy to change baby’s name when you change yours when you’re adopted.
I wouldn’t do it. Seems like a strange request on their part anyways. Grandparents don’t usually get to choose baby’s last name…
If I were in your situation, I would give the baby your current last name. If everything works out, you can always pay the fee to change the baby’s name as well.
I would say no. Give them your last name. They seem weird & sketchy.
If you are planning on changing your name, I’d change the babies. Why go through the hassle later?
If you truly believe you won’t change it, then don’t. But it’s gonna be easier to start the baby with the new name vs change it later.
The first thing you should do is not have anymore children. That would be a good start.
If they don’t you can change your child’s last name to yours later.
Frankly as long as you don’t put abusive dad on the birth certificate it doesn’t matter what name you use. With all the blended families out there having different last names it’s kind of irrelevant. I’m the last of my family so me & my then-husband agreed girls would have my last name (I kept my maiden name) & boys would have his last name. It actually helped them in school to not be judged by who their sibling was (they look fairly different and of course have different personalities).
I do like the idea of incorporating multiple names into a last name you and your kids can all take, especially since you don’t have good memories with a bunch of the possibilities. My daughter’s husband’s last name is Lopez. She kept her maiden name after marriage but was thinking of changing to his if/when they have kids, or using their cute combo hashtag Bropez, which I love.
Having 3 kids at 22 is a lot of responsibility and work. I’d suggest you get on reliable birth control to give your body a break, or get your tubes tied if you don’t want more children.
Won’t your foster mom be with you for the birth at least? Don’t you have girl friends who can support you through pregnancy, labor & delivery? Is there the possibility of affording or getting funds for a doula? Maybe moms on here who live in your area could be your birthing coach and cheerleader. Do you attend church or other spiritual group? Maybe you could ask if someone from there could support you. My church has a group of “helping hands” folks who volunteer to help out when needed. You shouldn’t have to be alone.
Also, know your worth! Stop picking losers for relationships. You’ve been through a lot & will have a lot to face in the future. Did you ever get counseling to help recover from your awful childhood? Hope you can get counseling/therapy now to help you cope in general & to learn to recognize red flags in boyfriends before you get involved.
Good luck and congratulations on your future adoption and birth.
You can always do the parents last name then you last name and if the parents don’t adopt you then she can always use just your last name
Why would u be adopted at 22?
Give the baby your current last name and or same name as other kids.
First off I’d like to state that everyone making comments about you havin to many kids at 22 can leave u alone. No one knows ur life they just know that right now u are in a bump in the road and are judging u for it. Secondly I personally wouldn’t even change my last name even if adopted since ur already an adult. I’ve had plenty of friends who kept their birth parents last name after being adopted
It’s just a name, I wouldn’t stress it too much. Sounds like you got a lot more to worry about than that.
So they adopted your sister but not you and kicked you out but took you back in because you have kids? Uh I’d give the baby your last name
Did “baby snatchers” not cross anyone else’s mind?
Sounds abit fishy to me, I’d wait to change your name then change the childrens names I wouldnt do it straight out as they could change their minds about it, just sounds odd to me tbh
I’ve been in foster care since I was 7… had the same foster parents since I was 9 till 16 because I ran away … they were still in my life till I was an adult but I would never take their last name … and my kids have my last name .
Imo I wouldn’t do it its never about parents rights its about the babies rights the babies entitled to the truth who and where they come from what dna they have or share who their relatives are whether I like them or not
My chose a last name she like that wasn’t hers or the dads
… sounds like a lifetime movie… lord help this situation 1:raised_hands:t2:
I wouldn’t give the baby their last name. I would give the baby yours.
i wouldnt give the baby their last name. give the baby your last name.
If you are hesitant I would give the baby your last name and when you change your name maybe change the baby’s at the same time…… not sure the process for changing a baby’s last name though. If you can’t do it easy then idk it’s a hard decision but whatever you choose will be the right one. Good luck mama.
I would say, do what you feel is best for you and baby. What you feel comfortable with. Goodluck to you!
Hate to say it but sounds like her kids will end up in foster care too. Doesn’t sound like she makes good choices and may not be mature enough to take care of kids.
I’m with the others, this sounds off!! Don’t give the baby their last name!!!
Also, why adopt you when you are 23? You’re an adult now.
I say get on your feet as soon as possible and you and your three babies a home of your own, even if it’s a tiny one bedroom apartment to start off.
Best of luck to you!
If the state will let you, you can do it, then legally change it if they don’t adopt you. Where I live, you can only give the baby your last name, your maiden last name, or the father’s last name.
Girll get on BIRTH CONTROL.
Tell them you’ll change it when you get yours changed
Do NOT give that baby their last name when you have the baby. Wait until they adopt you, which you are an adult at 18. I was raised by grandmother from 5 to 18. When I was old enough to know and ask her to change my name she didn’t due to me turning 18 months after asking her. Please save you a headache and DO NOT put anyone’s last name on the baby but Your OWN you have at birth. Hugs and prayers and good luck to you and your Littles.
Honestly I wouldn’t do it. Not until you have been completely adopted and what about your other babies? It sounds off to me.
I would give the baby your surname and then have it changed if/when your Foster parents adopt you. I don’t wanna sound negative but it sounds a bit fishy that they adopted your sister and kicked you out then come back when you have kids of your own. I would honestly wait until you have their surname. It don’t cost much to get a name changed, give the baby your surname and then change the name when yours is changed when you get adopted, that way you will still have the same name as your baby regardless of what happens. Something about them wanting the baby to have their name before they have adopted you don’t sit right.
Give the baby yours for now and then change it if/when you change yours. I would tell them it’ll make any paperwork a little harder to do if you do it any other way.
Do you what you feel is right in your heart and mind, not what anyone is telling you.
Give baby your last name and change it when you change yours
I would go with your last name. I don’t know. That’s sketchy, a lil bit. I was adopted, but I never had to go through all of that. I feel for you girl. I would stick with keeping your newest the same as your other two kids.
When yours changes then deal with the kids
I think you are just having abandonment issues . Giving the baby there last name doesn’t give them any parental rights.
I personally would do it . After all they took you in . I believe they will adopt you . Or you can give a hyphenated name .
You can always do a name change, after the adopt you, you can change a 3 kids last names… I would keep the babies dad away until he is clean and takes some kind of classes for his illness and parenting classes. Every Dad deserves the right to be a Dad and second chances but only if the habits change. There are a lot if single moms out there doing it on there own, you can do it to! Keep your head up and keep moving along you can do anything you put your mind to
That’s a hard situation. I don’t know how you feel about hyphenating some people are okay with it some aren’t.
If you don’t put his name on the birth certificate I believe the baby automatically gets your last name - whatever it is at the time .
I’m in the uk and you can’t legally adopt an adult(18 +) here so it all sounds a bit off to me
Do the other 2 children have your name ? Id stick with that tbh.
Find out through the appropriate Government agencies if you can give your child their last name and then change it if need be. You already have 2 children and I’m assuming they don’t have your adoptive parent’s last name so why would you want to give this one child their last name would be my question. Sounds like you’re going to have to give this a good amount of thought.
Dont make them mad if i were you id give them there name they are trying to help you
In my state the baby can only have the last name of the birth mother or whoever you say (or think) the dad is. So you may not be able to give the baby their last name anyway
No give the baby your last name because it’ll have the connection to you I think that’s a horrible idea to name your baby after people who decided not to adopt you it makes me really mad that they would do that to you
I was an adult adoption. The day I got my parents last name was amazing I was 24 with a 7 year old. When my 7 year old was born i gave him their last name then changed it to my now ex husband’s last name but soon it’ll it’ll going back and rightfully so to Smith. If none of the dads are in the picture as soon as ur adopted I would change all of you guys last names to their last name. Believe me when I tell you they really do love you!
Nope . Give them your own last name
Only a parent would
Go that far for their child.
It sounds like you have given them some grief… and they are giving you a lifeline. The decision is yours. Having their last name makes sense.
Nope. Give the baby your last name.
No ! Do not do it. Give the child your last name only.
Give the baby both last names… the last name of parents then hypenate to the last name u want ur baby to have
Find out if you can even give them their last name before you stress too much. Where I am the baby gets the mother’s last name. It can only be different if the father signs certain paperwork at the hospital.
Just tell them how you truly feel
I would be worried they would take the baby away from you. I would go with your last name.
even if they adopt you, you should keep your name and give it to your baby–less hassle and if things don’t work out you won’t have to make any further changes. Hope it goes well.
Just check how hard it is to change the kids names without notifying the father. I’ve heard it’s really hard. That might make your decision easier maybe.
Y’all seem to have a lot to say about someone with 3 kids at 22 and I’m not here for it. Y’all need to mind y’all’s business. Mine is different because I’m 22 with 3 kids all the same dad and married to him but THE POINT IS y’all don’t get to judge someone for being young with so many kids. It’s not y’all’s life and doesn’t affect y’all in any way.
If they don’t adopt u then u can always change her name
Can they adopt you at your age. My spouse was going to adopt my kids and couldn’t adopt the oldest as he was 18. We decided if not all then none. We live in Canada so it might be different where you are
Adoption or not - I would suggest keep your current last name and give the baby your last name. You and your sister may get married and then everyone will have different last names again anyway. Plus, if they change their mind about the adoption, you won’t have to change anyone’s name.
You can always change a last name.
Legally change your name to something you love and means something to you and give that to your children.
I was in foster care and adopted and have had my name changed a few times from marriage and and divorce… felt good to finally land on a name and know it would last forever and sharing that with my child.
Why can’t you just change your name to theirs I understand the adoption process I have 2adopted adult children. Adoption was brought around as a need not to leave children out of the will. Sounds like they are serious about making you their official daughter good luck
When they adopted you thats when you consider changing your babys name because this is true they might change their mind and not adopted you
In our state it’s hard to change a child name without other parents consent.
You can change your name before the adoption. Discuss it with them
Do what ur gut is telling u to do. My gut has never bn wrong.