I really need someone to vent to because I’m too ashamed to talk about anyone close to me about it. My mother is addicted to pills. I mean, she can’t go a single day without them. I try to have a close relationship with her, but it’s always hit and miss on what kind of mood she will be in. If it’s been more than a day since she’s had them, then she’s so cold to me. She doesn’t care to ask about her grandchildren. She only cares to talk to me or speak nicely to me when she has pills. I’m so tired of it. I’m tired of crying and wondering how I’ll explain to my children why she only cares about them some of the time. Part of me wants to cut ties completely, but another part of me is saying that it’s my mom, and I should do what I can and look past the flaws and try to have a relationship with her anyway. My heart is so broken. Has anyone been in a similar situation that can give me some advice? Thank you in advance
Having a family member that struggles with addiction is not easy. I wouldn’t recommend facebook to make a decision regarding your relationship with your mother. I would suggest seeking professional help (maybe a psychologist that specializes in addiction) that will help you approach the sitation with your mom. Therapy is not only for the person with the addiction but for the family members as well. Wish you all the best!
Addiction is a terrible disease that robs the person of who they truly are and impacts their loved ones of the relationships they desire with their family. Its a difficult place to be in. Id suggest a therapist to help you process the situation, NarAnon is a great source of support for family members of addicts. There is a website to help you find NarAnon meetings in your area. Theres nothing wrong with creating boundaries and sticking by them - only you can choose what those boundaries are.
“The pills” are a symptom. The problem has yet to be identified. Your mother needs to be seen by a qualified Psychiatrist if for no other reason, to find out what the problem actually is.
Unfortunately, we can’t make anyone be what they don’t want to be. Even if they’re a mother.
You can offer her help ( get into therapy and go to a rehab), let her know you an the kid’s love her. But, if she doesn’t want to help herself. There isn’t much you can do.
Let your children know, grandma has a disease an the way she acts sometimes is b.c of the sickness.
Put up boundaries with your mom an dont enable her. You can try a intervention. Could help, could make her mad for awhile.
You just do what you can til/if her unwillingness to fix herself is draining the life out of you. Then you have to walk away.
Prayers:pray:
I cut mine off and am so much happier because of it. Yeah I get flack about it because she gave birth to me but I don’t settle when it comes to my inner peace. The hurt and pain isn’t worth it and I let that woman be happy with what makes her happy. It clearly wasn’t me!
Maybe help her to get rid of her addiction
Yes this is going to sound a little harsh im sorry but this is a situation you cant candy coat things. A moms choice is never easy, especially when it comes to our own parents. You have kids of your own so you have to start asking the hard questions. Do you want your kids around drug use? Do you want them to think that your ok with it and whats going on? Being your mom or not you have to ask that. Then you need to sit and maybe having a intervention with her. But being scared of talking to her about it isnt helping anyone. You have to talk to her. Do you have other siblings? If so sit her down. If you dont know about pain pills they screw with your brain chemicals bad. The only reason shes happy on them is bc they give out false “happy feelings” when shes coming off that is all gone. I know its your mom, so its time to have that talk with her. The time for ignoring is over. If she cant or doesnt want to get help then you should take the steps to keep your kids safe and i would let her know that what shes doing is effecting your kids. She may need your help in opening her eyes. Do your homework about treatments for her in and out patient. Please dont go in this blind. Have your ducks in a row. It will be the hardest talk you will ever have with your mom. But you got to try. If not you will always have the “what ifs”.
Please just leave her be. I was an addict once and nothing will make you change unless you really really want to. Cut ties and see how long it takes before you talk to her again, and i bet it will only be when SHE needs something, not you. She will never come through if she is still addicted
She’s an addict and you cannot help an addict until she wants the help. My mother has been an addict my whole life and we’ve tried to help her A LOT. She always reverts back and forth so I set boundaries. It’s hard but I can’t fight the addiction for her, and she’s not either. She currently lives under a bridge in Houston. We speak occasionally and I pray for her daily but I’m waiting on a call saying she’s no longer here 
Yes, exact same with my mom, add bipolar, and schizophrenia to the soup. As she ages she becomes more abrasive and unpredictable.
When my children were young, and old enough to ask why. She was sneakily abusive (verbal, physically) to my littles when I was not in the same room, or when my back was turned.
My therapist helped me understand that this is her mixed up physcolical bubble not mine.
My first priority is to protect myself, and then my children, (think oxygen masks dropping on a plane).
Parameters!!! You set them for your children, and now like a child you must set them for your mother.
You control your interaction, not her. If she’s unable (which honestly addiction does that) to stay within those parameters. Here’s my mantra. I’ve been saying it for over 12 years. I taught my children, and gave them the power to eye lock that “mean pinching Gramma”, and take, and own their power. Something wonderful happens when you hear your 6 year old say with conviction.
“This is NOT acceptable. Maybe next time you can try again”.
That’s it. You hang up, leave her house, walk away. Whatever action ends that interaction.
I kid you not, my children would look at me and say, “its time to leave mom”.
Without batting an eye, we’d pack up and leave. We’ve left parks, family events, restaurants. Didn’t matter we created the narrative not her.
At first, my mom would pitch a HUGE dramatic fit, call my children, and me every kind of UGLY… just spewing HATE!!! Leaving her embarrassed and fighting with whomever was left in the circumstance.
NOT ONE of my children (now grown) choose to interact with her, or allow any access to their children. I can only FaceTime a couple times a month, and then its a crap shoot.
There is only 1 of 5 siblings that puts up with her. He’s the oldest, has Asbergers and somehow manages to co exist with her.
Being an adult child of this trauma is the real deal. PTSD is lifelong, and that cycle carries so much responsibility. As a parent, I had to be brave enough to show my children that I deserve better than what I was raised with. To this day, its the single most empowering moment of each of their memories when my mother is concerned. I get to be the proud mama, when they say thank you mom:smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
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Speaking from experience hon just cut ties.
That whole post is about you. How about trying to help your mother instead of complaining about how it makes YOU feel if she is cold to you or doesn’t ask a particular question. I wonder if you realise how self centered you sound.
Help your mother, dont judge her.
Why does that affect your relationship if she takes pills ?
Cut ties. Tell her you will be happy to have a relationship when she stops the drugs or is ready to get help but not before.
You need to put yourself and your children first. It will take time and you will probably cry lots but in the long run, you need to think of yourself and how your kids are seeing this situation.
As for your family around you, they don’t need to understand your choices. It’s a hard thing to cut out any parent out. Good luck with your decision
While you’re talking to her, maybe give her the ultimatum of cutting back on pills and seeking help to stop completely or she wont have a future with her grandchildren. Ask her whats more important.
Does she have any brothers or sisters that can get her some help. Just a thought. Maybe they could get her admitted. That way she can get the help she needs. It’s call tuff love. Because it is.
I hardly talk to my mom because of drugs and drinking. Because I deserve better then the no effort she puts in… and I’m fine with it…
Maybe try to get mom help. I’m sure you have before and it’s not easy. She needs to realize she has a problem and it’s affecting her family. It’s definitely hard when it’s your mom, I definitely wouldn’t cut all ties but maybe keep your distance a little more.
My mom was an alcoholic my whole life. I didnt talk to her over 10 years.
I would/ have with my father. For him its Meth and alcohol, never asks about his only grandson, met him once and didn’t seem to care. Have a conversation with her and be straight saying you got to geg clean for us or im done. If she wants to change then try to help but if she doesn’t then cut ties.
I would try to get her help. I know how stressful a relationship like this can be but it sounds to me like you’re not ready to give up on her. See if you can get her help and see if things change. Then I’d make my decision.
How long has this been a problem? Do you think she’d be open to seek professional help?
It sounds like you HAVE tried to look past her flaws and addiction, to have a relationship with her. It doesn’t matter who it is, toxic is toxic, parent or not. If she doesn’t want to change, nothing will make her. It’s not up to only you to make a relationship work, period. You did your part, she won’t do hers. If you feel like having her in your lives will cause confusion and hurt to your children, cut ties. Easy? Definitely not, but you need to do what’s best for you and your family.
I have. It’s a tough spot to be in. I chose to love my relative from a distance. I let them know how I was feeling and gave them the choice to do better of stay away from me and my kiddo. This was all after offering to get them help etc. Your mother WILL NOT change until she is ready and committed to do so. Don’t let her drag you down in the process. 
Family members can be toxic too. You should do what you feel is best. You and your kids deserve better.
Mother or not, this is damaging to you and your kids.
As an addict they need to hit rock bottom before they get help and it really work… My family cut me out for a long time… Through the help I got I was able to reconnect. Don’t cut ties completely just give bare minimum answers and make it short and sweet.
First - There are all kinds of “pills” Exactly what are we talking about here?
I cut my mom off because she was more invested in learning about my life to tell my alcoholic, child abusing brother details about it. She made it clear she had no interest in being a grandma to my baby, but only to brag when she needed to. I am 25, career, house of my own, with bills paid by myself and husband. My brother is 43, has 5 children, is an active drug user and lives off the state and has CPS actively in his life for his decisions. I’m considered the bad kid in her eyes 
My father is exactly like this, addicted to pills. Highs and lows and my mother is an enabler, I just recently stopped speaking to both of them. I have no guidance to offer because I’m in the middle of the situation as well. All I can say is you’re not alone and I understand where you’re coming from. 
Neither of my parents are addicts. And I rarely speak to either of them. Nothing nice to say to me. Always criticism when I do speak to them. I can’t do anything right. All I do is work and take care of my family. But it isn’t good enough. I gave up. Sometimes you just have to let it go. Your and kids don’t need to see that.
If she doesn’t want to change just don’t talk her block her
Please don’t expose your children to addicts and addiction. If she wants pills she doesn’t get family. If you ever listened to stranger advice on the internet let this be it. Build a fortress around you and your family and let her decide whether she wants sobriety and family or a bottle of pills.
An addict is an addict reguardless what role they play. Love her from a distance . I’ve had to do this to my grown daughter
I’m sure she needs professional help.
If the rolls were reversed would your mom feel the same way .i know it must be hard on you and your family .its same as if she had cancer .its a sickness and she needs help
Help mom get some help. If she doesn’t want it, set boundaries. Tell her that her using pills is affecting your relationship. If she continues, you and her grandchildren will no longer speak with her. She will be mad until she see’s that she has a problem. You can’t make her see that.
Go to some al-anon meetings. The people there can help support you. There are some groups on FB to, I believe. Just because she is your mom doesn’t mean you have to suffer the emotional abuse. Also, be honest with your children. Grandma is an addict and she needs help. Make them aware that this is what addiction does.
Good luck and I’m sorry you’re going through this. There is hope.
Cuting ties with someone doesn t mean you don’t Love them deeply ,But sometimes we have to set healthy boundaries for yourself and your family
I used to have a pill problem. I was the same way, I am also a mother. I am ashamed of my past but it’s the past. I would give your mom an ultimatum get clean or get lost. May sound cruel but people only change if and when they want to. My kids deserved a mother and my husband deserved a wife. I am now sober and have been for awhile but know it wasnt easy. I was sick, I had a seizure, it was bittersweet. Look into a detox program in your area and let her know about it. Good luck.
If the relationship is painful to you and is hurting you and she is unable or unwilling to change…cutting ties can really provide a sense of peace. Realizing that sometimes you have to love people from a distance is very healthy for you, and can save you so much grief in your life.
Try Al-Anon. I went to those meetings because of my drug-addicted, homeless, I-don’t-wanna work brother. I went for 15 years. He lives in Cali, I Iive in Michigan. Broke my parents’ hearts, only calls to ask for money.
I’ve completely cut him from my life. 52 and he still can’t figure life out. Wants free money thrown at him.
You can love people from a distance
Speak to her doctor, your siblings. She is in trouble and needs an intervention. Good luck.
My mom is a drug addict - as hard as it was, my kids and their mental health come first. She isn’t allowed around because she used drugs in our house. It wasn’t easy, she’s tried playing victim, but its what was best for me and my family.
Coming from a personal experience, cut ties. It’s going to be hard and it sucks, but it’s what is best for you and the kids.
My mother in law is on pills really bad, she has been since before I met her 6 years ago. She has 4 kids, only 1 of them talks to her and that’s truthfully only when said kid needs something.
All of her children moved out by 17 because she pretty much ran them off. We tried really hard to keep a relationship with her until she got strung out on meth and we didn’t know and she OD’d and had back to back seizures and died in front of my kids. Had my husband and myself not been there to do CPR she wouldn’t be here today. She got to the hospital, they detoxed her from EVERYTHING. Which included Percocet, meth, Xanax, fatanyal, and weed(which isn’t a problem with me). They kept her for a week to ensure she was stable without the drugs and when she was sent home she wasn’t having any sort of withdrawals. It took 9 hours before she was back to trying to score pills. That was when I said I was done with her. My husband agreed with me that he’d had enough and our children were not to be around that anymore.
We went about 6 months with no contact at all and then she had OD’d again so we were back to making sure his sisters were taken care of since they were only 16, no license, no car and MILs boyfriend is a truck driver that’s gone 5/6 days a week so they had no transportation. I picked her up from the hospital and dropped her off at home and I’ve been over there maybe 2-3 times since and that was 1.5 years ago.
She only calls when she needs something, she doesn’t ever show up to birthday parties and gets offended that we won’t bring the kids around, but my son still remembers that happening and that he was sitting right beside of her and she almost crushed him so he doesn’t even care to be around her himself.
My mom was addicted to prescription pain killers and if she didn’t have the pills she had the boxed wine. When I had my oldest, my mom was ecstatic about being a grandma. I was always close with my mom, but when I was a teen we would get into altercations because the care for my younger siblings would fall on me as the oldest girl. My dad was so busy working 2 jobs to support our family of 8, I couldn’t fault him for not being there when the kids needed supervision. Anyway, I gave my mom an ultimatum, if we come to visit with my baby you must be sober. I couldn’t cut her completely out because that would mean never visiting their house and I still had siblings at home (the youngest is 14 years younger than me so he was 10 when she was born.) She kept her end of the bargain, and I’m glad that’s what I did. She passed away 7 years ago, and my oldest is the only grandchild she got to meet and she loved her more than anything. Addiction is difficult for all involved. I miss my mom everyday, but I still have scars from growing up in that environment. My advice, talk to her, let her know how you feel. Tell her she has to decide what is more important and base your decision off what she says.
I know how you feel… Its the hardest thing your gonna have to do. I just did it a month ago the first few weeks are hard but this week its so much better. Your kids will be in a better place not dealing with it. And unless you go through mental abuse or any abuse you dont know. It will be better in the long run to cut ties
I wouldn’t expose my children to that tbh. Opens so many doors for childhood trauma
My mom was addicted to drugs my entire life. I never knew her sober. When it wasn’t drugs, it was alcohol, but usually it was both. It caused a huge rift in our relationship, which caused her to miss out on my wedding, the birth of both my children, and even meeting her youngest grandson. I had been trying to mend that bridge between us for years, when I finally decided that I had enough. I was the only one making the effort, and it was unfair. So I stopped. We had gone almost 2 years without talking, 3 without seeing one another.
On August 22 of this year, I had to go say goodbye to her. She had gotten really sick, really fast, and before anyone had any idea what was going on. When my brother and I went to the hospital to see her one last time, she was unconscious and only alive by machines.
I regret not being the bigger person and continuing making the effort. Its easy to make the choice when they’re still alive, but once they’re gone, the choice is made for you.
My mum unfortunately is an Addict and has been since I was little 
I’ve been burned by her so many times I now keep my distance and my children don’t know who she is because it’s so up and down, and it’s easier for them to have a life not complicated with her issues.
In saying that I’m a recovering addict of 5 years now and that’s why I made my decision having been there and lucky to get out I now realise some people just can’t do it whether it be emotional or trauma that keeps them there, doesn’t mean I love my mum any less just means that I protect my children and myself from being anymore hurt xx
She needs help not harsh rejection.
Find a group that will HELP YOU.
Your children come first. Always. It doesn’t matter if she’s your mother or not, that can create a bad environment for your children to be around and that’s not what you want as their mother.
Dealt with this exact issue with my step mom
Set boundaries. Give her the option of getting help. If she refuses let her know you need to cut ties for you and your children. She will know what she needs to do to get back in your life. Please try not to take it personally if she chooses pills over you and her grandchildren. Addiction is terrible and it effects more than just the substance abuser.
Make sure you can live with the decision you make…You dont want to live with regret.Addiction isnt easy to get over it doesnt happen over night and she will always be an addict.I would definitely set boundries for yourself and your kids…Talk to her her and tell her how you feel and how it effects you…She will only clean up if shes ready to you cant force her…Alot of people saying cut her off but say you do and she dies could you live with that and be ok how you left things…She is your mom and your kids grandma and if shes able to be safe to be around then set strict boundries and rules for when you see and talk to her.Its hard choice either way but keep in mind its a choice you gotta life with.
Run … don’t walk … to an Al-Anon meeting . They will be able to help you in many ways ! Look up where a meeting is closest to you and attend as much as you can / need too . Also , a good counselor who works with addiction issues would be extremely helpful !
It is called tough love you need to break ties tell her when she is sober and in your life constantly you can have a relationship she is toxic at the moment you can only break the chain
Id give her an ultimatum get help or get lost basically don’t have her around the kids if she’s unbalanced tuff love might do her some good in the long run
Dont complicate ur life because someone else is going thru it. Push her to get help. If not. Give love and cut her off. And maybe shell change. You never know.
My mom was the same way. I lived with her, and my dad at the time along with my child. My dad wanted to keep it all secret, and ultimately was in control. My dad was very controlling, and scary, but that’s a whole separate story. Even if his decisions were wrong there was no going against what he said or there would be hell to pay. I couldn’t force her into getting help or because of my dad talk to anyone about it nor ask anyone for help. There would be times she would admit she had a problem, and promise to work on it. Other times well most of the time she was really defensive, and really demonic like mean. It was toxic, and I felt trapped unable to do anything about it. Several times she overdosed, and was found unconscious, and incoherent. This went on for years. She eventually suddenly died from such a long time of overdosing on these pills. I feel guilty for not doing more to try and help. At the end of the day it was her choice, and decisions. She knew what she was doing. No matter what I loved her because she was my mom, but I hated her when she was high on the pills. Though her on the pills wasn’t the real her. Tell her at a time she’s being reasonable and fully there exactly how you feel then let her decide. Try to get her into rehab if you can. Make her realize how serious this is, how harmful it is to her health, and that she’s putting herself in an early grave. How it doesn’t just effect her, but also everyone around her. I often wonder how things would be if she was still here, and had gotten better. You don’t want to feel guilty for not doing more if something terrible happens, but there’s also only so much you can do because your mom is a grown woman that will make her own choices. Take her for what she is an addict or cut ties because she won’t get help unless she truely wants it. So unless she agrees to get some drastic help she won’t change. There’s a guilt in cutting ties it’s hard to do. You feel like you’ve given up on them. If you’ve exhausted all options, and you’re at the point wondering if you should then it’s probably best to do so. Either decision is not an easy choice, and both will hurt. Had I been on my own, and had the choice I would have cut ties with both my parents.
I haven’t spoken to my mother in over 4 years…When you get to that point when you ask yourself should I cut off my mom? The question no longer is should I? But can I ? Will you allow yourself to do whatever it takes to provide a healthy environment for your personal well being? It’s difficult to cut ties with family especially a parent. But it’s important to value self respect and self love over your relationship with your mom. Having expectations of an ideal relationship with your mom isn’t fair to you or to her. Your mom will never live up to your ideal image. A loving mother…save yourself the heartache girl. Cut her off and you’ll see how emotionally liberating it is to break those chains. It’s hard but you have to do what right for you and stand for that.
My Mom was also a pill addict mainly pain pills but a pack a day. My Dad was an alcoholic and disappeared. We ended up in a Children’s home when I was 12. I could not connect with her and she embarrassed me so I avoided her. A year after I finished school she burnt to death in a fire in a hotel where she was renting a room. I only realised as I got older and had kids of my own that in her limited way she did the best she could at that time. I also realized that she suffered from major depression. I regret that I never gave her more attention but at that time I was too young and selfish but so was she… Find a Al Anon org to help you deal and try and help her.
My mom isnt exactly like this but pretty close. My mom is an alcoholic and only calls me maybe once every couple months and then it’s a hit or miss whether shes either been drinking only calling to start drama or if shes sober to have a conversation. Shes a complete narcissist and thinks nothing is her fault at all. I dont ever call her first because I just dont care to talk to her for everything shes put me through. Shes seen my oldest maybe 3 times and she hasn’t seen my youngest at all. To me it’s not worth having my kids have a relationship with someone that is wishy washy no matter if its family or not.
This sounds like my mom talking about my granny…
My parents also have addiction problems. I told them they had to be clean to have a relationship with me or their grandkids.
.y son was addicted. Had to cut ties until he cleaned up. Couldn’t make him quit. Had to wait till he wanted it but couldn’t be a part of it
Cut her off! Sweetie I have been in your shoes my mother was a narcissist and didn’t care about anyone but herself, you with feel relieved trust me
My mum’s an alcoholic and smokes weed like there’s no tomorrow. I battled for 4 years in my adult life trying to create a stable safe relationship for my kids and for me as well as for her. It never worked. It never will. It’s too unpredictable. It’s too much of an emotional tole. It’s too heartbreaking. I tell my kids she loves them. I send her a bday card and a Christmas card and I’m not looking back. Separation was so so freeing.
Cutting ties doesn’t mean you don’t love her. It means you are putting your self and children first. There’s nothing wrong with cutting ties to a toxic relationship even if it’s a family member
Does she have a metal health issue or a drug problem either way tell her she needs help before she can be involved in your life it’s bloody hard we have been dealing with this for twenty years with my mil
write her a letter and give her an ultimatum either the pills or the family.
Tell her she needs to get clean and if she cant she wont be around you or your children any longer
I have been in your shoes and let me tell you, it was SOOOO STRESSFUL! I worried all the time and it felt like i had a teenage son (in my situation, it was my dad). I know it is so hard but i had to cut him off completely because i was enabling him. They have to hit rock bottom and realize they have noone around then, they will change. I am so sorry. If you ever need someone to vent to or talk to, my inbox is open. I know personally how hard this is!
Sweetheart your well being and the well being of your children come first and they need stability in knowing they are safe wherever they are. With that being said don’t disown your mom by any means bc her actions aren’t hers they are the effects of her addiction. Let her know you love her and care about her well being and let her know you feel she needs help with her pill addiction because it is interfering with your relationship with her and that you know it’s her choice on seeking help with it but until she does you would prefer that she didn’t contact you until she is getting help because it’s not healthy for you or the kids. Always try to contact her if she doesn’t try to contact you over a period of time to let her know you are concerned. Sometimes it takes walking away a bit for some to realize what they are doing and missing. I’ve lived with this situation in my marriage now for 28yrs. My MIL knows we love her and are here for her if in dire need but we don’t socialize with her all the time due to her choices in life and we have small children we have in our home and it’s not tolerated at all. Both the children we have is due to addictions of their parents and not being able to be parents (breaks our hearts for the parents and the children and they are family as well). Hold your ground and love for yourself and children and pray continuously for the change needed in your mom. God Bless to all.
My mom wasn’t nice on or off pills. Didn’t care about family. I’m the opposite but loved her for who she was. That’s true love.
Without the pills she sick and cant stand herself only if she has been take them a long time she take them to make her feel normal she doesn’t mean to hurt u …please get her some help . dont just leave her get her some help look up axel clinic call them
1ST TALK WITH HER…I LOST my momma because she tryed to stop all at once she was very sick …
Throw up
Seizures
Like the flu
Speaking from experience-for your mental health you need to walk away! Nothing good will come out of your relationship until she’s clean!!!
First off- congratulations to all of you who have made it into sobriety! That’s wonderful and such an accomplishment!
I grew up being sexually abused by my father. It lasted until I was about 10 years old. I finally told someone and he was out of our lives! My mom was a dancer by night so she wasn’t home much with us! My moms drive was from meth. Since I can remember she had always been a user. This left me in a tough position to raise my younger brother and older autistic brother. In high school my oldest brother died of heart failure at 18. I was 16 and youngest brother was 14. My youngest bro had enough and moved out at 15 as I was already gone living my own life! My mom still did her thing and we kept our distance. My relationship has always been rough with her because I couldn’t fix her and was sad and disappointed in her. She got clean a couple times over the years but never lasted long. I as a 32 year old with 4 kids told her either she get clean or lose us all! She got clean again and was going to church, even got baptized too! We were all so proud of her!! This was a couple years ago. She had a couple slip ups and I told her that life happens and we just start over. A few months later, She was doing good and told me she was sorry for everything I’ve been through in my short life. It was sincere and I was thankful that she really saw the light I was trying to lead her to for so many years. About 2 weeks later, we had plans with my mom and I couldn’t get ahold of her. I was calling like crazy and told my husband I was gonna go check on her. My daughter and I driver over there and I walked in just yelling at her asking her why she can’t pick up her damn phone and the whole 10 yards. She laid there taking my lashing until I walked in closer to see her face. Her cold blue face that had no life left. I felt dead inside! I had just lost my mom, I felt cheated and was angry because I still needed her- the recovering her- the her that i had been waiting for for so long!! I don’t get to have that chance anymore and some days I wish I could’ve just sucked it all up to have more time with her! Get some help for yourself to help her!
Go to meetings to understand her then invite her along! She may just need some extra help! Addiction isn’t easy on anyone and no one wakes up one day and says I wanna be this drug addict and ruin lives! No one! It takes more than a day to recover!
Please, ask yourself. If she or he died tomorrow would I be okay knowing I gave up and walked away?!
Set boundaries but try your best to help too! I would give anything to have my mom back and now it’s not an option for me!
God bless you all and I hope you can find some healing and help for yourself and loved ones!
I’m sorry this was so long!
This. Right. Here. Neither your kids nor you need the toxicity.
I would tell her she needs to get clean and stay clean or she won’t be in your life anymore.
Idk ab cutting her off completely. I’ve dealt w addicts . Yes she needs to get clean. What ab having an intervention. Suboxone can help. She probably hates feeling that way she probably doesn’t want to be an addict. Get her to a clinic. I worked for one and it changes ppls lives. Don’t abandon her when she needs u most. She’s going to hurt ,she’s going to withdrawal she’s going to be mean, and it’s going to be hard but don’t cut her off. She’s not being cold she’s having withdrawals. Some ppl die from it. Ur kids don’t need to be around when she does withdrawal. Get her to a clinic that can help. Give her a chance to get clean before u stop talking to her. If she refused than make her pick u or the pills
It’s her or your kids…sadly with an addict you can’t have both. You either do what’s best for them or what’s best for her but either way you’re only human and can’t do it all. Please prioritize your children so they don’t grow up to see and feel what you do right now. Speaking from personal experience hun
It is your mom, so I would try to put up with it…
Sending you strength and respect.
Wow… what have you done to try to help her? I realize that she has to make the choice to want to get help but she also will need to support of her family.
My mother is an addict. She got sober for 4 years and we had the best relationship possible. After she started using again and refused to get help, all 3 of her daughters eventually had to cut ties.
There were a few years of high emotions… and the drama that comes with addicts. Even longer to rebuild my self esteem and gain a better mentality. My life is much better and less chaotic now, though.
Some people have crappy parents and manage a decent relationship. I just wasn’t one of them. Cutting someone off is never a simple slice and done. Only you can decide how much her actions affect you/your family.
Cut all ties until she gets clean and sober
It’s not a flaw, it’s a health problem.
She needs to get clean on her own and she has to hit rock bottom.
If she really cares about you and your children then she will make the effort but since you keep staying and enabling her behavior by continuing this toxic relationship then it won’t get better.
I cut my sister off a few months ago at age 50. I just got tired of the daily texts one day it was a nice text then another day not so nice . But she is an alcoholic. She went to rehab went back to drinking. They have to help themselves. Just pray for your Mother as I do my sister. Do what you feel is best ,tell her she needs help with her addiction. She will probably tell you off.
I would say that it doesn’t matter that she’s your mother, you need to do what’s best for you and your children, the most important decisions are always the hardest. The family you create always comes before the family you come from. I have been in a similar situation, my mother is an alcoholic and behaves the same way as your mother. I feel a lot better now that I have cut ties with her. I haven’t spoken to her in 6 months, and I feel a lot better emotionally. You can’t carry someone else’s baggage forever.
Millions of people have been in your position.
Don’t take it personally when she’s cold.
Try not to be mad at her. It’s not her fault. She can’t control it.
Keep your children & yourself away from her when she’s high.
If your children are old enough, explain lovingly that sometimes people have problems like addictions… if too young, “grandma doesn’t feel well today”.
Be as loving & understanding as you can, but firmly maintain your boundaries.
** Be independent and take good care of your self & kids… It’s the best thing you can do for her.
Find somewhere to vent regularly.
Know that you are not alone. At this very moment, someone somewhere is struggling with exactly this problem.
Take care friend.
Tell her if she wants to be in y’alls life she need to get help and you will go with her so you can here what the doctor tells her. If he says she needs the meds then she needs to take them correctly and not skip days but if he says she don’t need them then she needs to go to rehab to get them out of her system. It is very hard to do it on your own with all types of withdrawals and medical issues involved. If she says no then walk away until she’s ready to step up and do the right thing. It’s called tough love that’s why it hurts so much but she will always be your mom. Praying for all of you. God is in control. 
Love her from a distance!!!
I’ll say only this. People who truly want help, get it. It’s that simple. Sometimes showing support helps, sometimes it doesn’t matter. You decide when enough is enough. I don’t care who it is, if you feel like it’s costing you your peace, let them go sweety.
My mother was an addict, i would cry and beg for years asking her to change. It was a rocky relationship. When she OD when I was 17 it made me realize how much my mother was dealing with, personal issues etc. But how I would look past the flaws I would still care for her and I would make plans with her, like family trip, movie night, I would take her out keep her mind off the street. It would help for couple of weeks but it was better than nothing and right now I can look at those memories instead of the bad memories:heart: I hope this helps sending love 
Toxic is toxic whether they’re family or not. I had to cut my brother and mother off because they’re both addicts and I refuse to put my son at risk in any type of way, addicts are unpredictable when they don’t have access to their substance. If you’re asking yourself if you need to cut ties then you probably should, she’ll either realize what she’s doing and get her shit together at least a bit or you’ll realize she’s not going to change and it’s not worth the effort. I wish you the best of luck though some people really do change and it can happen suddenly after an “Ah-Ha Moment” but don’t hold your breath her addiction is beyond your control