What mother would you be referring too??
Have you tried to get help for her?
If anyone in your life is toxic and causes you mental anguish,
Let them go. Love yourself first and keep your peace so you can care for your kids.
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Why do people ask for this kind of advice from Facebook? It’s stupid
I would check her into a rehab facility before giving up on her. Drugs make people a certain way and if she ever gets sober she might change.
Yes, do what you need to do to protect yourself and your babies. Drug addicts have to want to change.
I’m so sorry but I think your mom needs prayers u can pray for her Talk to her tell her about her addiction it’s not good for u and your kids praying for u all
She’s an addict. And while she’s an addict she’s going to be a toxic person. That will never change while she continues on the substances. Best best is to cut her off for the most part so not to subject yourself and your children to that toxic treatment. Understand it has nothing to do with you or your kids. Its all her issues and only she can change it. Maybe her having to stay away because you put up those healthy boundaries will make her try and get clean. And honestly if its gonna be a meaningful relationship that’s whats needed. There is a reason you feel like this. You don’t deserve or need to be a part of this cycle. And yes she is your mother and will always be so you can do it kindly but firmly and focus on the people in your life that love you and treat you well. Dont enable her behavior or addiction and don’t allow her to set the boundaries or guilt you into changing what you know is right or what you want for your families wellbeing. Id tell her until she gets completely clean (rehab) and shows she’s working that lifestyle you don’t want to be around her and her bad treatment. And hon pray every day for your mom and ask the Lord to break those chains off her and free her from her addiction and renew a healthy relationship with you. Only God can help her help herself. Prayers and God Bless! Been there. Its hard.
I have always had a bad relationship with my mom. I was the third girl when all she wanted was a boy. This used to devastate me and cause many tears. Many times I considered not having a relationship with her at all. But one day i came to realize that she would never be the mom I wanted her to be. So I just began accepting her as a person, not as my mom. Now I can deal with her nonsense without breaking my heart. I don’t have to explain to my kids…they know! They have seen the ups and downs more than they likely remember. Just let it go and open your heart. Accept whatever love she is capable of giving. And love her.
She needs to go to a recovery center and get help
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She needs help. Please try to stick around she’s gonna need ya. I know it’s hard.
Tell her to get into a treatment center for help
Let her seek the relationship with you and the kiddos
Talk to your mom if she doesn’t get help, walk away she’s toxic to you & your kids.
Love her.thru it like she loved and raised.you. that is your mother who birthed you. Have a little respect
Dont close the door to your past and future everybody struggles dont quit. Love thy mother and father
What would you advise a close friend of yours if this was their situation
Your needs you now more than ever
Walk away. For your sake, not hers.
Following! In a similar situation!
Protect ur family 1st
Sadly, you might have to show tough love and cut her out of your life if you want any chance of her getting sober.
Everyone’s telling you to cut ties with your mom I say think you’re your mom as having cancer would you cut ties with her she’s got an illness, you can tell her mom on your good days can call me .If she calls you on days she’s messed up ,you just need to say I love you but don’t wish to speak to you because your messed up and hang up. Then you do not answer the phone anymore that day. It will be hard but after you do that a couple of times when she’s messed up she’ll stop calling you when she’s messed up
Yes i have it is sad
Pray for her God can. Help her he can. Wake her up faith is precious she needs help i will be praying for her gb
Sounds like u hit the I love u but have to from afar phase. No doubt u love your mom but there does come a time where your sanity and well being is more important. Let her know u will be there for her if she decides to get help, but for now you have to step back. Hardest shit to do ever but necessary in some cases
I’m in this situation except my mother is an alcoholic. Everything you’re dealing with I too have dealt with. Except my mother mentally and physically abused me and then she began to start doing it to my children. I used to live with her and I eventually got tired of it. For too long I was trying to get along with her but like you said she acts different without the pills my mom was like that too. She got drunk everyday and then would want to argue with me just because she was drunk and had nothing else to do.
One day I packed all my stuff and moved out of state. My mom had no idea where I was going. I’ve been living in a different state for 10 months now. She’s called me maybe 3 times since I’ve been gone. Last time I went down there to visit and she heard I was in town instead of being happy and wanting to see me, she was calling and leaving drunk voicemails calling me an ungrateful bitch. I’m glad I cut her out of my life because she was causing more harm than good. And she was also the only grandma my kids had until I met my boyfriend and his parents said it was ok for my kids to call them grandma and grandpa. Don’t put your kids through something like that just because she’s “family”. I’m sure if your kids father was on pills you wouldn’t want him around the kids so don’t make excuses for her just because she’s your mom.
I can empathize my mom was hooked on meth still may b I’m not sure. I haven’t cut ties with her but she’s not allowed to visit or ask me for anything. I will talk to her on occasion but I cnt have her guilt trips and meth ways around my kids my 9 yr old has even noticed the change in her. my best advice is to distance urself as much as possible
Addiction runs deep in my family. When you try to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved you end up running on an endless hamster wheel. Everyone and every Addiction is different, but set healthy boundaries for yourself and your children and follow them.
Sometimes the only way to truly help someone is by stepping away. Tell your mother how you feel - including how much you love her and that seeing her this way hurts you. If you get a negative reaction, remind her that you love her and that you’re going to give her the space she needs to figure this out but if she needs you, you’ll answer the call. Giving into a narcissist’s behavior makes you an enabler; yes your post might have been about how this makes you feel…but…taking care of you is exactly what she needs to see you doing; she’ll either wake up and clean up or she’ll spin further into despair. Either way you must be fit and strong enough to handle either choice. Stand in your power and focus on you - because she’s not ready to give up her selfishness…it’s ok for you to become a little selfish too…
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I was addicted to opiates most my life, I’v been clean for 2 years . I can give you advice from the addicts point of view . First maybe write her a letter explaining the hurt she causes you . Then let her know until she gets clean you are going to step away from her for your own sake, it won’t happen over night but I hope she sees the seriousness and gets clean!!
Pills are very controlling!! The ups and downs are awful!! I was a different person when I was on them , and very grumpy / sad when I wasn’t on them! It’s such a rollercoaster!
Trust me I understand it from your point of view to though!! Addiction affects everyone in the family! I pray for you and your family and your mother that all of you get past this with love and patience!
You’ll never forgive yourself. Its her life to do as she pleases you be there to pick her up. Im 30 years clean and my kids love me as is just be there for her noone knows what is in her heart she is troubled by something remember she is your only mom
Where is your dad in all of this?
Try to get other family members n check into intervention programs r rehabilitation detox ? She needs help from those in family
Why is she on pills?
It’s not a flaw , it’s an addiction, it’s a problem… she needs help.
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Until she faces up to the fact she has a problem, and is willing to seek help then all you can do is be there for her. No matter what, she is your mum and I’d like to think if it was my mum I’d do all I could to help until she was willing to help herself.
If she does want to see her grandchildren then id advise for you to be there too.
Do what is right for you and your family. You cant force her to get help until she hits rock bottom (I know from experience). Dont feel bad if you do choose to cut ties.
Maybe a support group similar to Alanon might be of some help to you where you can share if you want how you feel with others going thru the same thing. I wish you well and hope you can work it out somehow.
I cut ties with my mother about 8 months ago. It got to a point where my relationship with her just got too exhausting. Leaving behind a parent is an extremely hard thing to do- we are biologically programmed to seek out their validation and approval but there comes a point in every toxic adult child-parent relationship where you realize that if you don’t stop seeking out their validation- that you will lose your sense of self…
I’ve been there before where your mom is. I’m sure she doesn’t mean to be that way with you. She’s addicted to pills and that’s a disease. The best way to help your mom is to live your life. Don’t worry about her because she has to want help. Don’t cut her out of your life but move on without her and eventually she’ll want to catch up. She’ll see you and your kids moving on with life. Idk how long it will take but she will notice. Its not gonna happen overnight. Focus on you and your kids and let her catch up.
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Set healthy boundaries. Then seek help for you on any issues you may have for abandonment issues, why you need the connection so badly, healthy boundaries, toxicity, and maybe adult children of addicts… You may not have the addiction but you may have learned some bad habits if your mom has hadcthis issue for a bit.
My dad’s a lifelong alcoholic and I say that if they don’t want to change, you’re better without them. Hold an intervention first and try to reason with her, but if she can’t see the problem then cut her off. Having that kind of parent destroys you from the inside out.
Go to 6 nar-anon meetings. You’ll find yourself with others in the same situation.
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I went through this with my mother. When I was pregnant with my first child I told her get clean or never see him or me again. I refused to have her in his life the way I had grown up seeing her. We didn’t speak for 3 months then she called to tell me she had not used in 3 months an was ready to be in my life an his.
Set your own internal boundaries, do not share them with anyone but yourself. If it were me I would treat this the same as alcohol. When u speak to her on the phone or in person when she is making u feel uncomfortable get off the phone or leave immediately. Tell her why and tell her you love her but its wrong. I have to do this with certain family that are alcoholics.
you should cut ties. it’s not a healthy relationship. your kids don’t deserve to be subjected to someone in that condition. and she could be dangerous. be honest tell her she needs rehab and professional help. if she gets better consider a relationship in the future. I cut my mother out of my life and it’s like a huge weight has been lifted off. between work and school there isn’t a lot of time for family don’t waste it with toxic ppl.my mother is no polar and wouldn’t get treatment. so what are the pills for? if it’s prescribed then she should be taking them every day.
Toxic is toxic. Doesn’t matter who they are. If they’re toxic to you, they’re toxic to your children. Kids see more than you think. Continue to love her, just do it from a distance. It’s sad, but necessary sometimes.
Yes I see pulling back from your Mother. You have your children to watch over and raise. I would explain, age applies what is wrong with grandma. Strongly suggest counseling for YOU as you go thur this to. Your Mother will have to rock bottom before she can climb back up. Suggest meeting your Mother at a restaurant like a fast food place once or twice monthly. You are not responsible for your Mother. Protect yourselve and your kids.
I was in a similar situation with my mother. She was an alcoholic and I constantly begged her to quit drinking. Well one day she fell and broke her arm and needed someone to help take care of her. I refused and made her go into a rehabilitation center until her arm healed and she never drink again from that day forward. I did distance myself and my children away from her sometimes before she quit drinking. But do not cut ties with your mother. I no longer have mine in my life she passed away five years ago and I would give anything to have her back…even with alcohol and All. Also talk to her tell her how you feel and exactly what she wrote in this post. Give her an ultimatum. At least do that before cutting ties. I don’t know about you but my mother was my best friend and we were very close. You treat your mother how you treat your children if you were in the same predicament. Would you leave your children and cut ties with them? Or would you try and help them?
Maybe sit and talk to her about her life and upbringing and get some realization n understanding as to why she feels she needs them. Hopefully by then she will see she needs help?
Protect your kids. I had to make this choice with my girls. I never wanted them to see his issues with prescription meds as normal. As they got older I would get more detailed with mt explanations about his addiction. It was his loss but he and my brother both became life lessons about what not to do.
I wouldn’t cut ties but I probably wouldn’t have my children around her. You have the relationship with your mom…but not your children.
My stepmom smoked heavily so my dad paid the price. I didn’t bring my kids around all of that cigarette smoke.
3 months before he died, stepmom had already passed away (from lung cancer…can you believe it?) I started getting involved with my dad again by moving him to independent living and running errands with him. Just helping him out. Sadly, he passed (probably a stroke) and I found him on a visit with my kids (I had only seen him 2 days prior). I do miss him but I’m glad I kept the relationship with him.
I was you until I was emancipated at the age of 17. I was abused due to my mothers schizophrenic/addiction episodes and was finally taken away from home when I was 14. I had two younger siblings as well. The state tried to unite the family but I fought them tooth and nail. Long story short, I have 3 beautiful children, 29, 24, and 21. I kept them from my mother for years! In fact, my oldest son hated me for a long time because he didn’t know his nana. As time went on, he understood why. I would talk to her here and there, I tried many times talking to her because I wanted a mother daughter relationship with her. I have a great relationship with my daughter and I wanted one with my mom. She would always blame me, everything was my fault. I knew better and I knew I’d get no where with her. Fast forward to June of 2018, my mother had a stroke. I took part in her recovery w/speech therapy, occupational therapy etc. She was doing great and watching her at her appts I would tell myself this is my chance with her. We had a great time, laughed and cried. It made me sad to watch my mom have to learn how to do the simple things like feed herself, walk and talk all over again. April of 2019 she was diagnosed with lung cancer, again I took part in her chemo treatments etc. 2 weeks before she passed she told me her health issues were Karma. I asked her for what (I never once thought that). She said because she was a horrible mother. I told her that I didn’t have the best of childhoods, I knew their were far worse than me, and I’m glad it was the way it was because it made me a good mom. I told her it was ok and I loved her no matter what. She passed 2 weeks later, and during the last 3 days I made sure she had the peace she deserved. I do miss her everyday.
Protect your children