It may not be physically harm; however, to tell a child that they need to find a new dad? That’s all fucked up. And since he only comes around once every few months; who the hell would want to be around someone when not only do they say messed up shit (to their own child) but they clearly have no interest. The kids have no interest, they are older and as they get older they will see what kind of person he really is. Even if they can’t pin point right now. So if they show no interest: don’t force it.
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I’m not forcing anyone in my kids like that don’t wanna be there…if they don’t ask i won’t tell and if he doesn’t inquire oh well…he sounds like he would do more harm than help …and he’s only putting you down because he’s miserable and he knows how good of a person your are misery loves company so don’t fall for it …
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I’ve had to do the same thing, you are NOT WRONG. you are saving them from so much heartache and disappointments! Rather 1 big heartbreak than a million small ones!
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Nope he is unfit…if your unfit straighten up…but he def is . …dont force them to deal with him in his unstable mindset. They dont need it
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Not wrong at all… You are your children’s protector.
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Just remember that half of your kids come from their father. Any derogatory words you use against their father, you are using against them! This hurts them to the core. Do not add more hurt by saying things against their father. Remind them that Dad is sick right now, and deep down inside he loves them.
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If your kids don’t want nothing to do with them that is THEIR choice.
Also I have allot of the same problems with my son’s bio dad so speaking from personal experience at some point I felt like I could no longer allow him access to my child for my child’s safety. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad mom if he’s truly unfit you need to protect your children.
Good luck momma! 
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If they dont want to see him, that’s their choice, not yours. I chose not to see my dad after age 13 because I was tired of getting disappointed and hurt by him. I was tired of being scared while around him. If my mom forced me to talk to him back then It would have really damaged my trust for my mom because I should never be put in a situation I’m going to get hurt in.
It took until I was 22 to mend my relationship with my father. And to this day we are still actively working on it.
Let them have their own story with him. Dont write it for them
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And at the end of the day you knew all about what type of guy he was and you still gave him children. You need to work with him. Do just give up ,he’s obviously still trying to make a attempt
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No. Not until they can understand the challenges he faces and the volatility of it. Then give them the option of having a relationship with him. My father was abusive, and my mother terminated his parental rights. I do not fault her, and I have never felt like I lacked out on anything. Best of luck, that is very hard for you.
No, not at all. My daughter hasn’t seen her father in 8y. I have zero regrets about keeping him and his drug fueled craziness out of her life.
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I am sorry but I wouldn’t force them to see their…He still is trying to keep a hold on you. Unfortunately the. kids are suffering now. Keep the toxic waste away from them and you… Hopefully someday they will be able to forgive him. Not for him but for themselves. It took me over 50 years to forgive mine and what load was taken off of me
I was in a similar position. He would come around and try to force me to speak with him. And when that wouldn’t work he would try to tell the kids that I don’t love them otherwise I would’ve stayed with him. I finally had enough and the judge agreed. He hasn’t seen or spoke to me or them in 2 years now. He just got out of jail……again. ( because I’m a registered victim I get notified every time) It was the best decision for me and my kids. The longer it’s been the more confident they have become and the change in behavior has been for the better!
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No your not, toxic is toxic wether family or not, exposing your kids to couch situation will start affecting them too…As a mother is your job to protect your kids, even if it’s from their father.
Leave it up to the kids, unless safety is an issue.
They know if they want him as part of their life.
He clearly doesn’t want to be part of their lives so keep him away. Find a stable place to raise the kids and start repairing the damage he has done
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If they want nothing to do with him, I say follow their lead. That said, if there is a custody/child support agreement you are required to follow it.
I’m not forcing anyone to be in my kids life if they wanna make the effort they will. Period.
Unfortunately, experience, kids have to learn, who he is. On their own. Same situation, 35 yrs. Kids had to decide, they did it, before me.
I’m 37 years old…have not seen my father in 35 years and he lives in the same state as me. My mother never forced me to go with him…i found out for myself what type of a person he is and I chose to not be around him. A few years ago he tried to contact me and I just wasnt ready to meet him. My point is let ur kids decide if they are old enough. Let them make their own judgement of him so he cant hold that against u too. Sending positive vibes ur way
Until he is clean and has his life in order I wouldn’t have any thing at all to do with him. If the kids don’t want to see him do not force them. Until he has his life in order I would put him totally out of the picture. Move on with your life
Get it legal and through the courts though. That way he can’t use it against you. If they grant him visitation, have it supervised.
My oldest child’s sperm donor is the same way. First you need to stop telling him what going on in your life it’s none of his business and he will use it as leverage. I cut out my child’s sperm donor and life got so much better not dealing with the drama. You have to take into consideration about your child’s mental health and make decisions for them based in age.
I think your doning right thing. I would tell them how he treated you be honest your kids would appreciate you more.vif they are old enough let them make there own decious. Your kids need love it is hard enough for them the way kids are today. Sounds like he loves his drugs more than anyone. Make your kids happy they do not deserve this.
No, you’re keeping them safe. If he can’t provide a safe environment to house them in, he doesn’t deserve to have them.
No. Never keep them from the natural parent. Plus. It’s not your choice. Courts make that. If he/she makes an application for parental visitation rights.
If your concern is your kids safety and they dont want anything to do with him, go ahead and keep those kids safe.
What part if your diagnosis is the not remembering unless you write it down!!! Need to know!!
If he’s not paying any child support nor have legal rights for visits block him. You don’t need him and his kids are better off without that trash
If he’s an addict, Al anon could be great for you, alateen for the kids. Let them make their own choice but their safety comes first.
No I wouldn’t let them talk to him or visit far too dangerous if he’s using drugs. Take care of yourself and your Children 
Unless he is violent or a pedo, then why cant he see his own children? I know people who use drugs who work full time and are not bad people and still love their kids, and he badmouths you… not the kids. No mother should take the kids away from their father as punishment. It happens all the time.
No, keep him away as long as you can. If it comes up tell them why you keep him out of your lives. What good could be gained from you or them interacting with him. If he ever gets sober he can try for Visitation. Until then I believe you are best to keep him far away.
I feel that every child needs a mother and a father. As a parent, it is your responsibility to be supportive of the kids seeing the other parent. No bad mouthing, no guilting… just support. With that said… your ex has drug & violence issues… ? this is for the courts! The courts will determine the safety factor of the children… and will assign a guardian to be present on all visits. Sometimes these visits are in court building… which often have a couch, tv, toys, books and such for that ‘homey’ feel. BPD (?) borderline personality disorder? This is not caused from your marriage… this is often accompanied with narcissism, … and is considered a ‘toxic’ personality disorder. Get counseling! That will also be good for your post traumatic stress disorder, which could very well be from your marriage. I suggest that you encourage a relationship with dad. Kids are smart… don’t ever underestimate a Kids intelligence… they can see dad has issues, they can see moms too. Remember that by showing respect for your ex… whom you you chose to marry, and who fathered your children… the marriage has ended… but this man, their FATHER deserves your respect. And you will teach your children what kind of a mother you really are.
Keep the children away from this Negative man, tell him he can write a positive letter once a month and that you will read it first!
You are not wrong at all. Stand your ground and protect your kids. They will see who was there and who wasn’t.
If he is unsafe, abusive or toxic and there are no court orders in place, it is your duty as a mother to protect your children. As a grown arse woman you have every right to live your life as you see fit. (obviously within reason as you are also a mother) his comments can only degrade you and make you feel shame if let them. If you want to have an OF account, then you go girl! Time to start owning your life and to hell with others opinions. Deep down you know what’s best for you and your kids and you can only do your best moving forward all the time.
No I would keep him away if he walked out of there lives due to this keep it that way my ex walked out my kids life 9 years ago now he was a alcoholic he tried contacting them once 6 months after leaving kids didn’t wanna talk to him I didn’t make them haven’t heard from him since
You know the answer. Don’t need outside opinions for it.
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Document Document and document everything!!!
That way if he decides to take you to court to see them you have proof.
I had to do that
When and if they want to see or be with him they will. Don’t force it
No forget that dude my kids are way better without the bio. I pat myself on the back for that everyday. And it’s been 10 years thank goodness cause he still the same don’t stress out you or your kids for some lame who dont wanna be there
I think your 100% in the right there girl.
Who tells their kid they need a new daddy?
If they’re old enough to make the decision then it’s their choice not to see him.
I would let them decide. Don’t force them.
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His responsibility to make and keep a relationship with his kids,not yours.
Not. At. All I would. Not. Let. Them See Him
NO! especially if they dont want to. Who cares what he wants!
No. He does not deserve their respect.
No. If they don’t want to see him, you shouldn’t make them.
Never let him see them. Evidently he a waste case.!
If he pays child support, and a good father he should see his kids every other week
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Talk’s cheap, make a new life for you’re kids and you
Extremely bad drug problem? Recent criminal behavior? Please protect yourself and your children if you don’t the state WILL…logicallyn you can’t afford to allow your children near anyone like that… You have also been abused to the point where normal is something you don’t understand… protect your children it is your job and you are doing fine don’t question yourself you know exactly bwhat you need to do to protect your kids and you deserve all the support in the world to do that…
Guessing he doesn’t pay child support so you don’t need to force the kids the pain of seeing him
If he has a drug problem yes keep them away drugs make them do insane tbings
No, you arent, especially if you’ve let them decide for themselves if they want a relationship with him. Abusers will abuse people, and at this point in time it sounds like that’s all hes going to do to them. Normally I discourage divorced women from keeping the father from his kids, but in this scenario I think itd be a prudent thing to do. You need to protect those kids’ state of mind.
I would try to do therapy meet ups with him. The kid with just him front of a counselor. Give him said time and said place. Give him three times to show up. If he doesn’t, then stop. That’s the only safe and fair way for both him and the kid to get a chance and know each other &heal. If there is no efforts made, it’ll be logged in by said therapist/counselor and well the kid could also have “closure”.
I said this before, I dont think drugs should keep someone away from their kids, why are alcoholics who drink every day have whole ass custody of their kids but if you snort a pill, its the end of the world, if you are an addict that are not neglecting your children or doing drugs in front of them, etc I see no reason why a mental health struggle/disease like addiction should be a reason for you to stop seeing your kids, which by the way, my addiction is partly a result from my BPD 
and its actually one of the many “self destructive behaviors” we dabble in.
BUT what should keep you away is the abuse, if he is emotionally or physically abusive, fuck that and you have every right not to let him around.
Yes you’re wrong . You’re supposed to try , kids don’t make decisions on their own , they’re children
Now if it continues where they don’t want to be round him for VALID reason then change. They don’t want to be around him because you don’t like him for whatever reasons that may be
Yeah definitely keep your distance and don’t let your kids around him. If there were enough drugs in the deal he would sell your kids to get high. You know you need to keep yourself and kids safe. That’s all there is to it.
I would not " make " them. Alot depends on if he can be trusted to act accordingly w children, ect. And if they do not want to it may be best not to.
Despite his past he is still their father. You are not wrong for being concerned about them, however if he hasn’t been abusive or dangerous to the children the. he does still deserve a relationship with them.
What you should do it go to court and seek to arrange for clinically/therapeutic supervised visits so that he and his children have the opportunity and tools to create a healthy relationship.
Like many posts on here, this is something you should get resolved in the courts.
What i will say is you are wrong for attempting to punish/ruin his relationship with the children based on you and his relationship. You should seek counseling for that and not project your feelings about him onto your children, after all you did lay down and create them with him, so also hold yourself accountable.
If he hasn’t done anything wrong to the kids, there is no reason to keep them away. A judge could order supervised visits and mandatory drug testing for him to have the opportunity to be apart of his kids life
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Absolutely not! If you feel they are in danger do not let them go
If you want child support then yes you’re in the wrong! Women can’t expect to take $$ from the dad and keep them away!
If you don’t take money from him than no you do what you want
No, you’re not wrong for keeping your kids from a toxic person.
No your right you don’t know what he might do to your kids
Rachel Jacquelyn I stg this reads like the plot of Shameless.
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Stay away from TOXIC Garbage.
No you are not wrong.
No you are right as rain but in your protection of your family you must educate your children of what toxic is and the signs of abuse both mental and physical we can be witness to things as small children and not remember as we get older but we are like sponges in the fact that we soak up everything we hear and see and unless we become educated by the correct information than things can get kind of confusing hense forth breaking the cycle report him on fb they will ban him or shut him off and your better off not posting your bizz on the darpa machine just saying
They dont need him. hes just toxic.
Keeping your kids away from a drug addict is not wrong. I’d go no contact. 
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Nope. Keep them safe.
I don’t think he cares so why bother
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I agree with no you are not. I would talk with a lawyer about what’s going on and involving the court.
I’m going to be blunt! Make them talk to him??? Why in the world would you do that with a criminal, an addict and an abuser?? You need the courts on your side and definately need sound advice.
If he cared about being their dad, he would take you to court. And no wonder you have PTSD and lapses in memory- that is what prolonged abuse does to you. So don’t let that happen to your kids as their precious brains are forming. They will understand one day!
How sad they will get older one day and they will ask but you just tell them that you didn’t want them to get hurt and then leave it up to them to have a relationship with him if they choose to
I’m with one and he says he’ll our daughter away from me . 
You’re not wrong. My ex was very physically abusive towards me the duration of our 4 year relationship especially when I was pregnant. The nurses had to call the cops on him the day I was in schedule to be induced because he decided to strangle me during labor. After that I said fuck no, I didnt put him on the Birth certificate or let my child carry his name. I tried to be nice about letting him see her but he would act all kinds of crazy since I wasnt with him anymore. He wasnt willing to go through the courts to have supervised visits. Now he has a protection order against him to protect myself and my daughter. 4 years later Im now with a man that im about to marry, my daughter has called him daddy ever since we moved in together the once we get married, we are planning on changing her last name to his so we can be a perfect little family.
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CPS has a thing called ”failure to protect”. You have the right to protect your child from mental, emotional, and physical abuse. When your child is 13 years old, they have the right to choose. Legally you can not keep a child away from his father whether he pays child support or not
You need to protect your children. End of story.
They’re better off without him, who needs a role model like that!
I think u did the right thing by gettin out of tat relationship as soon ad u could n took ur children with u.
Keep the kids as far away as possible
If that father isnt good for them yes its ok
I have never met my mum’s side of the family because all I heard was bad things about her dad and it was also my choice once old enough. I regret meeting my dad’s side of the family… they hated me and to be honest I was glad when they died
Your job is to protect your children. You are doing that. Stick to your guns.