I had a son five years ago in 2015, and my son’s father was never in the picture. He would answer my messages when I would send him pictures of our son here and there. When my son was born, I had put child support from day one. At that moment, I lived in Oklahoma. And my case went silent never did it move. Let me tell my son’s father is and lives in Arizona I had moved to Oklahoma where my sisters live before giving birth because I didn’t have anyone else in Arizona to help me as I became a first-time mom. Anyways my child support case never progressed, and I called each month for about three years. Yes, I know I should’ve just paid an attorney, but I didn’t have money like that to spare for an expensive attorney. As much as I called everywhere to get help, no one helped my case. Fast forward now. I have been living in Texas for one year, and from the moment I came to Texas, I transferred my case here. Thank the gods I got a response from Texas, and they acted really quickly. My son and I got tested for DNA, and everything progressed quickly. My son’s father got tested, and obviously, he’s the dad. The question is, everyone has been telling me that I should file for sole custody? Is that correct? I thought since he’s never been in his life and we both live in different states theirs no way he can fight custody. I don’t mind him being in his life heck. That’s all I’ve asked of him, but he never cared. I’m just scared they will want to send my son out of state to his father, who he doesn’t even know. I’ve been married for three years, and my son all he knows is his stepdad who has been in his life since he was six months … I’m confused. Our court date was delayed due to the Coronavirus, so all we got was paternity established… do I have to file sole custody
Yes, otherwise he has equal rights and can just come take your son.
I think a better option would be to have the father give up rights and have your husband adopt him. No you wont get child support but at this point is it even worth it if you have a 2 parent household? Since you have stablished paternity the father can file for visitation or joint cutody at any point and his name will be put on the birth certificate after everything is said and done. If that isnt an option I would still file for some sort of custody so there is something legal in place in case father decides he wants to pop up
If he hasn’t came in three years what makes you think he’ll come now? I wouldn’t. That’s just opening the door for him to get visits with your son. Leave it be and just let him pay the child support.
I would. At this point is the child support even worth it. But if he took the DNA test he might still be able to try to fight you if he wants. Best of luck
Does Texas have abandonment laws?
It’s in my experience whoever files first has the upper hand on the other person, with your particular situation and the fact that he has never been involved it would sway it more your way but just to be safe I agree with the ladies that stated above to go file and don’t leave it to chance. Is he on the birth certificate?
Yes. Go to court. Get child support. File for custody… They may insists on a parenting plan…
Yes you need to go to court and just get it over with it. Dad may wanna be part of his sons life now. Is that bad thing if dad decides he wants to be apart of his life.
Go to court and file for a parenting plan. You can request sole custody, but there is a small chance the father will get visitation rights. More than likely visits will be short day time visits to begin with and dad will have to come to you and the child. If he regularly exercises these visits, don’t be surprised if he then does get the child with him for longer visits.
Yes make sure ur sole custodial parent he could just up and take him, protect urslef
in Texas they will give a visitation to the father and set a schedule. If he is put on child support. Other option is ask him to sign the parental rights away. Have new husband adopt child. If that is something the bonus dad wants to do. He will then become financially responsible if you two divorce or split up though. Texas does not play when it comes to child support and visitation. They have some of the most strictest laws about this.
Or see if the real dad will sign away his rights and letthe step dad adopt
I think this is a legal question and until you speak with an attorney you won’t get the correct answer.
You should definitely file for sole physical custody. Immediately.
If you ask father to give up his rights , you are also giving up your right to collect child support.
It may be different in Texas, but that is how it is in Pennsylvania.
It probably couldn’t hurt. To at least have to paper work just in case
You get more child support if you have sole custody. I’m the only one with a custody order for my ex because we were married the rest weren’t. Anyway he pays me 500 more a month than all the rest because if there’s no custody order they go off standard time regardless of what actually happens.
Every one says he can give up his rights but thats NOT true a court will not terminate rights just because he dose not want to parent.
If you file for full custody you need to officially establish paternity in court. And he can contest you have custody.
If hes on the birth certificate but paternity has not be officially determined then he cant just take the baby when ever he wants thats not how it works. Right now you have physical custody there is im assuming no parenting plan so go to court and petition to have paternity then move on with the case.
If you do make sure to do it as an add on to the original case or it will be separate
You really should file.
Yes…file as soon as possible. as of right now he could take your son and the law has no ability to interfere or charge him with kidnapping.
If he’s not on the birth certificate then he can’t just take the child even with established dna. It all depends on the state your in. Some states give unmarried mothers full custody unless the dad files. Look into it.
You were never married so you have defacto custody. He would have to hire an attorney and come to the state you live in and appear in front of the court in Texas to request visitation. You don’t need to worry about it too much. If you are losing sleep over it go the lawyer of the day at the family court and get some advice as to how to file for physical and legal custody.
Just remember if you file for sole/full custody the courts may give him some sort of visitation. Just because you have court ordered custody does not mean he will not have visitation. Depending on the state if you were not married when you child was born you already have sole custody. Court ordered child support has nothing to do with custody. You can have him on child support and not have a custody court case. I personally wouldn’t do it. If you live in TX and your child’s father at some point wants custody he would have to file in the county the child lives in and sounds like to me he doesn’t care enough to do that. Also if you’re married you can file a petition to have his rights revoked and your husband could adopt your child but then you would never receive child support going forward. Tough situation either way.
And they will you should file for good measure
yes file for sole custody.
Sole custody won’t stop out of state visitation if he fights for it, just so you know. Custody and access are two different things.
If just for security purposes…I would claim full custody. You can’t predict the mind of others. And as your son grows. The father can change his mind. Always best to play safe when it comes to our children.
Yes ask for solr custody protect your child
Right now he still has as much custody as you and could come take his son. I would file for sole custody if I was you.
Yes file immediately
File for custody. If the dad walks off with the child he doesn’t have to ghb ive him back without a custody agreement in place
Depends on the state. Where I live I already have sole custody of my son because his biological father and I were never married. He pays child support some times but has never tried to see him. I would definitely talk to an attorney at least to see if you need to file for sole custody.
you could always have him sign his right to ur husband
I wasn’t forced into sharing custody until my sons father filed for mediation which was after he was 18m. Eventually he offered to sign over custody to my husband to adopt and haven’t heard from him since. But I was lucky he didn’t fight me. We got a lawyer who helped with the whole process. I believe everything was under $2000 if I can remember correctly but all he had to do was sign a paper giving up rights so if it turns into a long battle it can get more expensive for sure. I wanted my husband to adopt as soon as we got married which my ex knew and that was the time he offered to sign. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to see if your husband could adopt. Full custody isn’t necessarily forever. If he is still the legal father, he can go back and fight for custody whenever he wants to. That is the best part about adoption if your husband will adopt, there isn’t any going back. And just bcuz your husband adopts doesn’t mean bio dad can never see him, just means he has no right to see him. If you want them to establish that relationship when he gets older, that is between you and your child. So best thing in my opinion, call a lawyer to help with any questions. My lawyer was my lifesaver
If there’s no order HE HAS NO RIGHTS! They weren’t married or together when the baby was born and in most states that automatically gives the mother sole custody but he HAS to establish rights otherwise if he takes off with the child or doesn’t return that’s kidnapping!!!
If paternity has been established yes he can fight for custody and if it’s established he can actually make it where you do have to move closer to him because they say that he has every right to see his child. I don’t think it’s right and it’s not fair but they have done that before. Each state can be different so you better do your reading before you have a problem
I suggest you file for sole custody. Even though he doesn’t know his dad, if his dad decides to request visitation or custody of some sort, they may grant it because it hasn’t already be established. If all your son knows is his stepdad, did you ever request for dad to give up parental rights and have stepdad adopt him? That is an option given the circumstances.
You should be able to file an abandonment case if the father is out of the child’s life for at least 4 years I’d check with your state that’s how it is in Tennessee and Arkansas
It depends on the state that you live in. Is he on the birth certificate? If he is, then he has rights in most states. I would check with family court in your state and see what your rights are. In most cases, having sole custody papers would protect you and your son if his father ever did want any kind of visitation. Its always good to have paperwork to back you up since paternity has been established. Always cover your bases.
In the state of texas, Father’s have equal rights to their children regardless of if they’ve been involved in their lives or not. When child support took over your case here in texas, there should’ve been some type of paperwork with custody orders too. If not, I would suggest filing those immediately. Because the child lives in texas, “dad” could come for a visit, take the child and suffer no consequences because there are no legal documents stating who has custody.
They could give you sole custody and allow his dad to get every other holidays and most of summers. I know a toddler whose dad lived out of state and he came to mothers state at least every other month to see his kid. Another toddler, mom would have to fly toddler to fathers state and father would have to fly him back. It can happen at any time, so it’s best if you go to court now to get something set up, and get an attorney if you are wanting full custody.
My oldest sons father came in his life when he was 5yrs old. The court instantly set up child support and granted him every other weekend and we do every other holiday. His dad also gets him 1 full week (2x) in the summer. He only lives 2hours away from me though. He also claims him every other year at tax time.
Luckily, my son’s father allowed me to bring him there and stay with him for a few hours for the first few visits. Then he did a 1 night stay before the every other weekend started.
Yes!! File for soul custody! The soon we the better!
My daughter felt the same, then the father filed for full custody, He would have gotten child support, which he fought paying. Its a different story when they smell money. Get paperwork! You don’t want to face that heartache later down the road.
If I were you I would just file through the court to terminate his parental rights and let your husband adopt him especially if his biological father is showing no interest this way there is no chance they can force him out of state to see him, if he has not seen him in over 5 years there is a 5 year abandonment statute in many states
If hes on the birth certificate he has just as much right to custody as you do. If he decides to come get him and keep him for some reason there is nothing you can do about it. That is reason enough to obtain it.
Establish custody ASAP! In some states, whether he has been involved in the child’s life is irrelevant. He still has as much right to the children as you.
He can file for custody, doesn’t mean he will get it but he does have the right. They also won’t strip him of all custody unless he’s done something besides not paying you and being absent. You could end up giving him standard Texas custody rights by brining it before a judge which is every other weekend, every other holiday and a month out of the summer. Even if he lives somewhere else. Sometimes they will say both of you are equally responsible in meeting half way, sometimes they will make him be responsible and I know of times where they made the main custodial parent responsible since they are the ones who chose to relocate.
Should speak with an attorney. Depends whether father is on birth certificate. Depends if the father decides to put up a fuss
Yes absolutely file for full custody whether he is in the child’s life or not he does have rights especially now that paternity has been established
Yes file for sole custody. It’s best just in case he wants to get custody to avoid paying child support, or to be vindictive!
Check with your state and county family law division s lot of the courts now have a law library where you can go look up your questions and get the correct answers. And in most states you can go to talk to an attorney for advice before they take your case. At least then you will know where you stand on yours and your sons rights. Also you can look into family law advocates that can help you get the information you need.
It’s been 5 years and he’s shown no interest, I personally wouldn’t be worried. You have plenty of evidence regarding his lack of interest. I live in AZ and know it will be the child’s residence that determines jurisdiction for the case, so for you it would be handled in Texas - Consult with an attorney, there are lots of attorneys that offer free consultations and then make a decision.
I wouldnt unless you have to. But it doesn’t look like he wants to be involved, and I dont see him trying now
If anything you want Primary custody
I would file for sole custody just to be on the safe side
Yes!!! Do it right away, better safe then sorry!!
I would file for sole legal and physical custody for safety reasons
Yep! Playing offense is much easier! Take no chances with your kids but you likely have nothing to worry about!
You need to file. If the dad takes him, he does have to give him back
File if he has not wanted anything to do with him he still wont.
I would have your husband adopt him and see if his dead beat dad agree…then u can forget the child spport
If hes on the birth certificate and since paternity has been established he can file for custody but depending on the state he has to prove you’re an unfit mother or that your husband is a danger to your child. It’s not a bad idea to file though to try and protect him later down the road
Yes do it if not he might
Most likely the pos shit will not fight you
I’d file bc until that baby is 18 his dad can at any time file for partial custody and then your baby will be forced to go to
His house routinely and usually if it out of state means every break he gets from school including the summer months he will have to stay with his dad and you will be responsible for travel expenses
I would because I was told yrs ago by a judge that it didn’t matter if my sons dad didn’t give child support.
However he also said that this so called dad could be out of my sons life for 10 yrs all of a sudden show up , and he would have every legal rt to my son !!!
Yes ma’am file sole custody quick and in a hurry !
Praying all goes well for you …
Has your husband expressed interest in adopting him. If he doesn’t want to then I would definitely file for full custody, just remember that his bio dad can still get visitation.
You should file for full custody. You have been the sole parent and source of support for your child. If you don’t file for custody, then you leave it open for the father to come in and file custody himself and leave you paying him child support. I highly recommend getting with legal aid, or a lawyer, someone to act as an advocate for you and your child in your custody and visitation case. This gets everything on file with the court system and protects you and your child. Try to continue the open communication between you, your child and his father, this a good faith gesture on your part, and hopefully his father will someday start to attempt a relationship with your son. Good luck.
Sole custody will be safer for you and your son. That doesn’t mean his dad is shut out of his life just that you are the one calling the shots. Kind of depends on what is on birth certificate. My son got sole custody of his 5 day old daughter because mom was going to put her up for adoption. Mom still had visitation if she wanted and she paid HIM child support. It’s never a smooth ride.
Yes get sole custody for your child and other wise you both have a say where and when things come up like doctor’s appointment, school papers and what school anything that you want to do for your child he would have to agree with you before you make a move, it’s just easier to have the control over all the dissention in the child’s life put him on child support and be done with it, when you share he doesn’t pay support
Ask the bio dad to relinquish custody and your husband adopt him then u don’t have to worry about the ex trying to take him. And yes if you don’t have sole custody and he is paying child support he has the right for him to be sent to his dad. I went thru this with my ex I didn’t file for my divorce he did and the Marshall showed up and took my daughter from me I had to get an attorney and 3 of the worst days of my life but I did get physical custody and every year she spent summers in Michigan so use your judgement
Chances are that you would not have to, because the father has not showed any interest in seeing his son. Should the father show interest in his son, that should be a good thing right? The child would one day want to know the story about his father and that you was not the cause which prevented him from building a relationship with his father
File for sole custody. The bio dad doesn’t want to be in the picture obviously. Besides he has a dad taking care of him already. Your son will eventually ask questions. Just let him know what happened
It depends on your state law. In Ohio if the mother and father are not married the mother automatically has sole custody and if the father wants visitation it’s either at the mercy of the mother or he files for standard visitation but if the mother and father were married they have joint custody unless there are extenuating circumstances. So since he lives in a different state he wouldnt get standard visitation but he could fight and visitations.
If he isn’t on his birth certificate then you already have sole custody. That’s how it is with me. But my son’s dad is still suppose to pay child support
Never say “no way to him getting sole custody”. Given the fact he’s now paying CS (depending on his personality) he may file cause he doesn’t want to pay. Family Court feels like “both parents are entitled to the child” never mind best interest of the child and the fact you have been his sole caretaker for 5 years. It is entirely conceivable y’all end of up 50/50 and he has visitation or at the very worst he could pull 100% custody. I don’t know how contentious he can be or if $$ is a trigger for him but please never say never and don’t rely on family court to do the right thing. Not trying to scare you but primary caretakers lose custody all the time
Yes because the Dad will have the right for visitation. And if he is going to have to pay child support he may try to get custody. Be sure to ask for back child support.
I would file full custody immediately because if he fights for custody he will get the child support it wont matter if he was absent or not you have better grounds for child support with full permanent custody ive been thru it and know before you go to court again file for full custody
You need to file for sole legal and physical custody of your son so you can make important choices medically etc without having to contact the father! Otherwise he can come at anytime and try and claim your son
File. At this point if no one has ever filed and you were never married then no one actually has custody. If one day he does
Take him to visit then he could just keep
Him die to no order being in place. Regardless it is always a good idea to have something laid out even when parents are great at coparenting.
File for custody. If he insists go for standard visitation with him paying the travel expense for said visitation, be sure to include this or you could spend a lot of money on travel. The visitation probably won’t be enforced by bio dad because of the expense.
Sole custody or termination of rights and adopted by step dad. The courts in TX will only grant termination of rights if there is someone willing to adopt. Just keep in mind adoption does give the adoptive parent full parental rights.
You can file all day long but Unless there is an emergency i.e. somones in danger or being hurt it won’t see a judge, however if he’s not on birth certificate then he can’t do anything Unless legally he is proven the father( paternity isn’t the only thing to be proven) hell he might just sign over everything, but i hesitate mentioning a step dad to ex only cuz he may get butt hurt and decide only then to do something
File. Just because you live in different states doesnt mean you have sole custody. With out a custy order, the dad who can now prove he is the father, could take your son and not give him back without a very long court battle.
You need to file for sole custody, now that you proved who the father is for child support, he could sue for custody just so he doesn’t have to pay child support or even shared custody to decrease the amount or just to aggravate you
In Texas you automatically have joint custody. The court will give him equal rights. That includes throwing you in jail if you refuse to send the child over age 5 out of state to visit his father. Sole custody in TX still gives the father rights and visitation. You need a lawyer ASAP! And termination of parental rights is extremely difficult to do. Based on your limited information above. You do not qualify for a termination.
File for sole custody. Full care, control and custody. My oldest child father was never in the picture. For stupid reasons by the government they filed child support for her after 11 years of him being absent. I thought bc he was not around at all I would automatically get full custody. That is not the case. I had to fight for it and my daughter was put through hell. She had to meet him after knowing nothing about him and she was terrified of being sent away with him. She had to go to a psychologist to prove I wasn’t influencing her on not seeing him. It was a mess but at the end I have full custody and he can only see her if she chooses.
Many states if the father hasn’t had contact he’s considered a stranger and you can terminate the father’s rights. You might want to be sure what you really want. Taking in child support sometimes gives the father rights he wouldn’t normally have. Do what’s best in the interest of the child. I’d vote for eliminating the dna supplier’s rights so that you can make sure that your child is getting the best and safest care and education. The dna donor is a stranger to you and your child. And people change not necessarily for the better.
If you can’t get some custody, try to get them to stipulate that the dad come here to see him, and that he not travel out of the state. It never hurts to ask. I would research as much as you can about custody laws in both states so that you are covered. We have joint custody, but our papers stipulated that he cannot take them out of Texas and that I hold their passports. He moved away and never saw them, but I had the bases covered legally as much as possible just in case
You don’t have to file for sole custody what I did was asked for physical custody. This way he has to ask your permission to see him.
Definitely. Take steps to protect your son and file sole custody. Better to be safe than sorry down the road.
Most states are mother states meaning you have full custody if you were not married too him. Check with the courts they can answer the question.
Yes you want sole custody with supervised visitation since your son doesn’t know him
You might be opening a can of worms you don’t want, if i were you i’d let well enough alone. Your husband now is the is the only father that child needs!
Yes. If you don’t have full custody in the courts, he can come take him and file himself and you will lose custody. Even if he doesn’t want anything to do with the child he may try to take him and make you pay child support
Yes you should file. He could show up wanting custody just to spite you. You never know what people are capable of
CYA yes file. Sounds like he doesn’t care but you’d be surprised how suddenly he will when money becomes involved and as someone else said if there’s no custody order, now that paternity is established he could take him. If all your child knows is your husband, I’d see if he’d be interested in adopting him. Much more stable just get a family health history from the sperm donor so your child has that.
Have new hubby file to adopt. Send paperwork to baby dad and he will sign to get rid of child support obligations. Then live happily ever after.
It’s a pain registering for school because the school wants proof you have custody. This was my experience.