From my experience, the worst thing that happened to me is that I was considered “too young” to decide not to see my bio father and instead I was forced to go, whilst my brothers who are older could make that decision (just to include my mum supported my decision, though she felt that it was out of her hands). Obviously my father’s case is different, he was abusive and nasty at the best of times. If she doesn’t want to go then she shouldn’t be forced to. Really she doesn’t know this man, all she knows Is that he is blood to her. It’s like going to stay with a complete stranger. It’s great that she’s been able to feel comfortable to be open about her thoughts and feeling to you. Maybe the bonding process needs to be slowed down a bit, he can’t expect to just come into her life and be expected that it’ll be all perfect. I tried that with my bio father and that did not work out for me. If he can call her once a week and have a conversation with her and slowly build that bond that way, if she’s interested in showing him things etc. She needs to warm up to him as much as he needs to warm up to being a father.
From my personal experience of growing up without much of a father figure, these things need to be taken slow, it’s much different now that she is older and able to think more for herself. I think her thoughts and feelings are very valid, I can see you do believe the same. You don’t need to force your child and if he wants to take it to court, I don’t believe that he will have much to stand on, if he takes it to court, this will only make it harder for him to get close to her as I don’t believe she would much appreciate that.
I would not make her go. At 14 even the courts would agree that she has the right to make her own decision about her parents. She knows who he is, has seen his lifestyle, and has felt his abandonment as a young child, and she does not have to feel guilty because her decision does not match his decisions. She does not have to own his guilt.
Absolutely not! He abandoned her. Don’t teach her that she has to accept that. Her decision and reasons for not wanting to see him are valid. Give her the respect he never did and tell her of course she doesn’t have to go see him. If you don’t she will resent you for the rest of your life.
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Maybe compromise and see if she is willing to go for a shorter visit (like a long weekend vs a week or more). I’d definitely talk with the dad and try to make him let up and let her just be there without the forced family activity time. It sucks he left but if he is making a genuine effort to be in their lives, I’d have a little bit of grace with him even though he is not owed it. Perhaps turn it around and tell dad he can come visit them where you live instead.
14 is old enough to say where she wants to be and she prefers to be in her own home with her mamma then that where she want to be don’t push it cos she could end up dispising / hating you as well and thre relationship between her and her dad could become toxic
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She is old enough to decide what sort of relationship she want with her “father” his basically a stranger to her and if his attempting to bond with her pushing what he wants to do all the time is not the way to go. He needs to give her space
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I would not force her to go in the long run she may start to resent you. Its his fault there is no bond
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No I definitely wouldn’t! If she’s so uncomfortable she’s coming to you to talk to you about it there’s a reason and having her go 4hrs away to a person she barely knows I wouldn’t even want to do it
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Don’t make her go. One of my children chose to not see her father and I never forced her to go because I felt like she knew what was best for her. If they feel uncomfortable enough to tell us that they don’t want to go then we shouldn’t make them go.
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Nope. At 14 I think she’s old enough to make the decision to see him or not. I wouldn’t force her into an uncomfortable situation. She will probably end up rebelling against both of you and not feel like you are her safe place
Be careful with letting her make the decisions. We finished in court on Tuesday getting my stepson back home after his mother took him while we had custody. She kept saying it’s his decision. Judge said he’s 14 and can’t make the best decisions at that age. As well as his therapist. Well he’s back home now and she gets visitation.
In the state of Ohio a child who’s 11 years old can decide whether they want to go see the opposite parent or not I would not make her go
No if she doesn’t want to go I wouldn’t force her
I would not force her to go. He made his choices and now he has to live with the consequences.
Sounds like a normal teenager. That being said, it sounds like he’s trying hard. I would talk to him and do shorter visits but yes, insist she go. Sometimes we have to be parents and know this could hurt her long term. This would.
No , he gave up those rights and if she don’t want to go I would never make her. She has her reasons for not wanting to go trust her.
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Don’t force her …STOP!!
Legally you can’t make her go if she doesn’t want to. A child at the age of 12 has the right to refuse visitation even when there is a agreement in place. So if she is not wanting to go listen to her and respect her wishes. If you try to force their relationship it will only make it worse. It’s not your responsibility to keep their relationship alive its his. If your daughter needs space give it to her. He walked away from all of you and your daughter doesn’t owe him a damn thing.
He did this! This is the consequences of him walking out and leaving his family. His kids were not his priority and the hard work was done by you. I think it’s a mistake for you to force her. You start forcing her and she will start to resent you and it will cause a problem with your relationship with her. He abandoned them and moved away. This is what he wanted.
Ob not what kind of question is this
The reason she doesnt want to go is not really a good reason she is not being abused or neglected in anyway she isnt being exposed to unsavory things it doesn’t sound like…yes he screwed everything up by not being around all those yrs but hes trying to do better she doesnt want to go because she thinks its suffocating that he wants to know everything about kid…she needs to communicate with him help her be honest and up front with dad help her work it out with him I’m sure he doesnt realise how she feels
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Nope I most definitely would not make her go! He didn’t want to see them before. This could be the wife forcing him to do this because she knows he is/was wrong for what he did.
I went through the same thing with my kids. At that age, they can decide. Don’t force her, they’ll resent you.
Adopt the word. NO. HE never wanted them then so, No no no. You gave up your rights as a father many years ago. So No they are NOT ALLOWED TO EVEN VISIT YOU. YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE YEARS AGO SO NO NO NO and stick to it.
Nope… let her stay home
Don force them to go!!
He chose his bed now let him lie in it…NO
Don’t make her it could cause problems between u and her
Yup. Many divorced people & their kids dont have that choice.
No if she is uncomfortable don’t send her.
No. He waited until he was ready to try to be her dad, now he needs to wait until she’s ready to work on their relationship.
Don’t force her. It’s not on her to repair the relationship. She has to come to terms with her feelings and has to figure out what that relationship will look like. Give her time
No please don’t at their age they are old enough to decide if they want to see him or not, they’ll come around in time,but if you try to force them then rebellious behavior starts. Just Don’t!! Jmo.
That’s a tough one. He deff messed up. Would it help her for you to have a conversation with him about her feelings before she goes and see if he is opened minded to her feelings and thoughts? He may be “over trying” thinking it’s the best thing to do but she feels otherwise. And then have her go on a trial basis?
Why would you make her go? He signed away all rights and she doesn’t want to.
She owes him nothing. Hell no I would not force her to go.
Don’t forget her or she will begin to resent both of you. Talk to him about how she feels and let him know he needs to show down some. It’s good he is finally trying but he needs to let the kids have some space if they need it.
Let her stay at home
Hes a stranger to her. I could only imagine how awkward it would be.
You should’t force her. Let her decide when she’s ready she will
Never !! She’s old enough to choose and she doesn’t want to go. I wouldn’t either.
No, he stopped being her dad years ago. Let her take her time and decide.
No, don’t force her. If he wanted to be in her life, he would’ve been there every day after she was born. He decided he wanted to be a father now… now he needs to wait until and if, she is ready to have a relationship with him.
Wow. She’s not comfortable w him. And he neglected her so there’s that trauma. He’s not even deserving. She’s old enough to know what she wants. If she doesn’t want a relationship w a man who threw her away don’t force one 
.
At age 12 kids can go to family court and explain to the judge why they don’t want to see the other parent ,and get the right to stay home ,if she doesn’t want to go don’t make her ,and if the father has a problem with that ,take him back to family court and get his rights revoked
Please don’t force her. That is the worse thing you can do.
I would let her make that decision.
Your kids are old enough to decide for themselves but they also need to tell their father they don’t want to visit not you
If she doesn’t want to go, don’t let her go. Listen to her.
Don’t force her. She is being honest with you and she’s old enough to make that decision.
Absolutely not. She’s more than capable to make that decision for herself
She is olx enough to choose and you are not breaking a court order however she is 14. I would have more of a conversation about HER having a conversation…even if o er text where she tell HIM these things and they can try and work it out. He is the only BIO dad she will ever have and God forbid something happens will she have regrets for not getting to know him…
No guilt no pressure just speaking like an adult kinda of …of knew then what I know now kinda thing…
He signed his rights away so he has no place to make demands and he needs to know that but she needs to communicate her feeling to him also.
It can’t hurt. She already doesn’t want to go. But it should be her choice in this scenario
They can decide at 12
She shouldn’t have to go if she doesn’t want to. But she needs to tell him herself. Perhaps more phone conversations are needed?