No. He signed over his rights and disappeared for most of her life. She’s 14 which means in most states she has a say in custody issues.
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Well “doing well and wants to bond” translates into wanting to cross back over a burnt bridge and try to rewrite history to experience what he missed out on for 9 years, his kids have massively changed and trying to relive time that he missed with them will feel like a diaper change to them
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He signed his rights over that’s his loss! Don’t make her go. He can lay in the bed he made.
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Respect her decision. She’s old enough to make that one
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It’s not your decision to make, yes she is a child but at 14 she knows what she wants, don’t force her to do something that doesn’t make her happy because he wants her to go. She voiced her feelings in a mature way respect that. When or if she ever decides differently then take the steps to make that happen.
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If he signed away his rights then neither kid should be going at all … he doesn’t have the right to abandon the kids and then pop back in whenever he feels like it
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I wouldn’t make her go. She’s old enough to have a say in this.
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if he signed over all legal rights neither child should be going unless they choose to do so so No if the daughter doesnt want to go dont make her that could cause her to have resentment towards u plus she is old enough to make that discission and in my opinion he didnt want them years ago y now because he has no legal right to either of them until they turn 18 n decide for themself if they wanna try to be in his life js i wouldnt make neither of them go
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He signed away all rights in the divorce you said AND She doesn’t want to go. Straight up tell him she said she doesn’t want to go and don’t force her. Forcing her will just make her resent you both.
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Let her know that she should have a conversation with her dad and that she needs to let him know how she feels. If she doesn’t want to go, then noone should make her but if it’s just bc she doesn’t want to talk to him about how she’s feeling, that’s not a reason to stay home.
So my sons dad started making some effort after he had more kids, realized what he has missed (3-4years ago). However to stay in contact he expects my son to do that. My son now 15 nearly 16 and he just can’t be bothered, he says he’s always been in and out of my life and then makes me feel guilty for not putting in a enough effort. So I don’t force him, I try to encourage him for the fact that he has siblings but his feelings are more valuable at the end of the day.
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I wouldn’t send her if she was mine.
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It’s not up to him anymore and baiting children like that is wrong. He will do the same to them as he did to you. It takes more than a summer to prove you want to be there for someone. What changed?
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Don’t ever disrespect your kids boundaries. If she’s not interested, you should honor that…and so should he. I would explain that he’s making an effort and trying to do right by her but at the end of the day it’s her choice. Support whatever makes your kids comfortable and safe. Always
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I would let the father know how she feels so he can adjust how he is acting and give her some space and see how it goes
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If she don’t want to go don’t let her go…
She’s 14 and old enough to decide if she wants to go or not
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I would let the kids decide
This shouldn’t even be a question!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
This is hard, even though he wasn’t around, it sounds like he has been trying. And they have been spending some time with him. I wouldn’t force her to go. But I would suggest she go for a week and if she doesn’t like it, she’s more than welcome to come back to your house. It’s never too late to rebuild a broken bond with a partner. We all make mistakes and have regrets. He is trying, I’m sure she’s just hurt and scared. But rebuilding that relationship could be the best thing for her. I feel everyone saying is because he up and left, but you have to take your own hurt out of the equation. They have already been rebuilding their relationship the last year. She may feel smothered, but that could be his way of trying to make up for lost time. I would have the talk with her. I’m sure that isn’t his intentions
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No, she could change her mind later but for now she is not ready.
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Don’t force her to go, she’s old enough to make her own choice. Remember he’s the one who walked out not your children
She’s 14, she doesn’t know him in sense that there is no bond, he signed away his rights, so other than genetics, she has no ties to him. She owes him nothing! He abandoned her, if she doesn’t want go she doesn’t have to go regardless of her reasons. You should be feeling sorry for her not for him. Your loyalty lies to your child 100% in this case. She is old enough to decide for herself. She needs you to stand up for her now, not make her tell him. I’m sure he didn’t say goodbye or explain to her why he was up and leaving her too when he left you.
He waited to late! He made the decision long ago to be out of their lives,his lose! Weight is what broke the camel’s back:/… personally I wouldn’t want either one to go., Really what good is it doing them, only for your exes satisfaction…why disrupt their lives now? Respect your daughters wishes and let her move on and do your son a favor and let him be… 
If they don’t wanna go don’t make them
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Maybe he can spend some time closer to her home and she can plan some things to do, giving her control. But I wouldn’t force her to go away if she’s just not comfortable.
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Definitely don’t make her go. I let my four year old decide if she wants to go to her grandparents houses or even call her bio dad when she wants too. I don’t want her miserable.
I remember growing up and being forced to go because it was a court order and I hated it. It made matters worse
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I’d never force a relationship on my daughters. She has her reasons to not want to be there and that’s her choice. If you make her, you’re risking your own relationship with her.
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She’s old enough to make her own decisions and he’s old enough to live with his own decisions
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You shouldn’t make her go it should be her choice he made a choice not to be in her life and to sign his rights away so she has to write to decide if she wants him in her life or not now that she’s older he wants to be there when she was young and needed him he was not I will not make her go that’s her decision
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That is not the age to start the bond process. I would let it go and try again when she is an adult or maybe a little older. Don’t force it because then she will most likely resent him and not want any sort of relationship at all.
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I wouldn’t make her go. She’s old enough to decide. He waited to long to want a relationship with her.
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Nope don’t make her go.
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I’m sorry if this has been said, but I think she should go for a much shorter time. And if it’s catastrophic, you can suck it up for 4 hours, get her, and be kinda badass in your daughters eyes. Best case scenario, she sees her dad for a week and “gets it over with.” Your ex will probably be really grateful, too
Let her decide! He decide back then when he wanted nothing to do with her! He is a stranger to her! Let her be in control and he has to be willing to listen to her comfort levels if he really wants a relationship now
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I wouldn’t force her to go but she needs to communicate with him that she feels smothered
Hell no, don’t make her go. Why are you even torn on this?
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I guess he’s a day late and a dollar short. Don’t force her.
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He signed away his rights and hasn’t reached out? Nah she don’t have to do shit.
No i wouldent send her their hasent been around fr ever and besides she dosent want to go thats his loss
She’s 14. Old enough to choose. Don’t make her go.
He made his bed.
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I would encourage it but definitely leave it up to her
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As a mom in a similar situation. Actually some of the details were exactly the same .( He walked out and said he wasn’t ready to be a husband or father. And asked for his last name be removed from them… ) but now wants a relationship with them . So with that being said No I would not make them go. He didn’t care how it made them feel when he walked out and they needed him . So now that they are older and have learned to get alone without him . You shouldn’t care about his. He made his bed let him lay in it.
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no way let her stay home
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She’s old enough to make the decision to go or not. Do not force her. It’s his fault he decided to do what he did. He has to learn to live with that.
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I wouldn’t force her if she doesn’t want to. There’s a reason she refuses.
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He signed his rights away. She don’t have to do crap
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She’s 14 you said.She has the right to make HER OWN CHOICE if she wants to see her dad or not.
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If she doesn’t want to go I wouldn’t push it. She knows she has the option and she is old enough to make that choice
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Absolutely not. He’s basically a stranger to them. Even legally. I would definitely encourage my kids to build a relationship with a parent as long as they were not harmful but I wouldn’t force them. Keep encouraging it and hopefully it will happen when they’re ready.
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That’s up to her! Don’t force her!!
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Why not encourage her to talk to her dad about the smothering. This doesn’t seem like a black or white go or don’t. But a lack of communication. Dad needs to be made aware of his suffocating behavior and also needs to practice baby steps.
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Nope 1 he left his family.with no care 2 he signed over his rights so all of a sudden he wants to play daddy 3 she is 14 and is old enough to decide. If she was 4 that’s one thing but 14 he has Noone to blame but himself for not being a father.
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no I would not make her go, she is unhappy there, do you want to go where you are unhappy
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My girls are 12 and 14 and THEY choose WHEN and IF they want to see him or spend time w him. He understands and gives them that choice as well. It has helped build some of that bond back he broke several years ago. The more you FORCE things, the more she will hate him in the long run. I would try to encourage phone conversations though IF that is possible. Don’t force it but still try.
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No don’t force her to go!!!
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Her body and mental health so it’s her choice. I was never forced to see my dad after a certain point and so I rarely seen him after I got to choose.
It’s her choice, and he needs to give her time… not the other way around. Don’t put her in a situation that she’s not comfortable being in.
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The kids are old enough to make their own decisions. No way in hell would I force a 12 or 14 year old to see someone they didn’t want to see
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Nope. Don’t force her. She’s old enough to make that choice herself.
No don’t force her !!
I’ll be the unpopular voice of this, I guess. It sounds to me like he’s really trying to make an effort so I would do a FaceTime call with the both of them and have an open conversation about what is healthiest, the goals trying to be achieved and what both her and dad would like to see accomplished. It is his and yours duty to respect how she wants to build and grow that relationship but also helps if you back him when he is trying to do better and have a relationship with her so seeing the two of you working together with her may help her feel better with the transition.
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nope she’s very capable of saying yes or no at this point let her choose…
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I would encourage her to have open communication with him about her feelings
Nope let her stay home
Follow court orders. Find out exactly why. Talk to lawyer
I wouldn’t. He burned that bridge when he left the way he did. She’s tried. If you force her, she’ll probably pull away more from that relationship. He should tell her she’s always welcome and if she changes her mind, drive and get her himself, alone, so maybe they can have some one on one time.
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Please don’t make her.
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If he signed away his parental rights he hasn’t s leg to stand on. If he wants to see them he’ll have to ask the court. Your children don’t need to make a decision. He lost out when he signed the paper. After they turn 18 they can make that decision.
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Neve force your kids. He is responsible for the relationship he created, not you. You let those kids have their feelings and not force them into anything. My girls are now 18/20. I let their relationship with dad be theirs, not mine. Your kids are old enough to speak their minds, listen! My girls have told me numerous times they appreciate that I didn’t interfere.
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Never force your child to visit a parent if they don’t want to. My ex sent my daughter home with a black eye once. The cops did nothing to him.
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If he signed off his rights then why even let them go?!
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Don’t force the kids they might start hating you if you do force them
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I would not force her to go .
Nope give her time. He had lots… 12 years .
I don’t believe in forcing them he made his choice,yes years go by he trying to make up with them because he must see his mistake with them but maybe they need to grow up a little more he needs to give them space and time patience
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Pshh, you gave him waaaaaaaayyyyyy more time then I would’ve… don’t force her. What’s the worse he’s going to do, walk away?! 
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Don’t force them. He Made his choice when he gave his right away. They need to get to know him. If he want to see them he need to come to where you guy live and spend time with them.
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I would have a conversation with him letting him know how she feels, and that she doesn’t want to go. Although 4 hours is a long drive, maybe he’d be open to coming to her home on the weekends the can spend time and get to know each other better in a setting that’s more comfortable for her. Either way, if she’s not comfortable going there he needs to understand that, especially when he was out of the picture for so long.
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Hummm this is a hard choice
He did not want them then so why he want them now no way
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No don’t make her go - he threw away the chance to know her when he left you ! Fucking pig of a man
don’t force her to go
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My daughter decided to cut her dad out of her life at the age of 17…he did not support her and he remarried an older woman who had grandchildren…the woman was mean to my daughter and my ex did nothing to try and fix the problem…my daughter hasn’t spoken to her dad in almost a year and its been ever a year since she has seen her dad. Don’t make your kids see someone that they don’t want to see.
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They are both at the age where if the judge won’t make them, you shouldn’t either. I would encourage contact and even therapy for them. One day they may want to so help them do so in the best way for their mental and emotional health.
Nope!! Do not force her to go! He messed up with them when he signed his rights away! If she don’t want to go, she don’t have to go! She’s 14!
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I think in this case, given the situation and her age, she needs to know that YOU her mother and only constant parent in her life, has her back. Please don’t make her go. But I also think its important for her to tell him that. She can be polite in doing it, but teaching her how to say no and not “people please” is a valuable lesson. She can tell him, and if he comes at her with questions or any guilt, you can take the reigns.
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Never force a child to do something they don’t want too… how traumatizing
You need to talk to him and tell him that him that in his attempt to become close to his daughter he is driving her further away. He need to come stay and do quick meaningful things like dinner , movies ect but she need to want to go .
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No…see how easy that is…happy kid, is so worth it!
Don’t make her go if she’s not comfortable
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ask him where is the back child pay money spent on clothing shoes healthcare the list goes on
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Kudos to you YOU for giving the kids an opportunity, even tho he signed away his rights! That’s a TRUE WOMAN right there… As far as making her go? No! I would ask her one more time before making the trip if that’s truly what she wants and if she tells you again that she doesn’t want to go, don’t make her! Good luck love!
It’s his fault she doesn’t want to spend time with him… He should’ve been there HER WHOLE LIFE! I personally wouldn’t make either of them do anything they don’t want to when it comes to him. He will have to give them more time and space or whatever they need from him. At this point, all of this behavior is his fault anyways…
What about being honest with dad and tray if hè change what she doesnt like?
If she doesn’t want to go let it be she is 14 not a little kid anymore
You shouldn’t make her go, but since he is trying to do better now he does deserve the chance.
It’s bittersweet for sure.
He chose to be 4 hours away and missing for most of there lives. If they don’t won’t to go you cannot force them. He unf made his bed now he must lie in it.
Never force is they don’t want to. We have simlar with my 16 yr old, fathers seen her approx 5-6 times in 16 yrs. He pops up every few yrs. I’ve always given her choice. Been honest I encouraged the contact, but final decision was hers. She prefers her step dad.
She’s 14 years old if he wanted to bond with her he should’ve bonded when she was five. I wouldn’t force her to go he is just a stranger to her fuck that puto