Should I force my daughter to visit family?

I have a question, my daughter is 3 and she was spending weekends over her grandmother’s until her aunt scared her. Her aunt threw a spider at her and now she’s petrified and starts screaming once I ask if she wants to go over. Her dad is mad and tells me that she cannot make her own decisions and just drop her off at his moms. I feel like I shouldn’t put my daughter in a situation like that if I don’t have to. Should I just drop her off and let her scream or just stay away from the weekend overnights until my daughter wants to go back?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I force my daughter to visit family?

Don’t force her to go and honestly you need to have a talk with that aunt.

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Why would a grown woman throw a spider at a child to begin with. You need to have a serious talk and set some boundaries with all of the family about what is ok with your daughter and what is not ok.

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Nope, don’t force her to see people she doesn’t want to see unless it’s absolutely necessary (like medical). You need to have a talk with the aunt.

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Do not force her.
That said, I’d have a chat with Dad & Auntie that just bc it’s not biggie to them, they terrirified a 3yr old child. That’s not ok.

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No, and the aunt thought that was funny?

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No Don’t force let her decide when she wants to go back.

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What if the aunt is like a 7 year old that grandma had super later in life :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:

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I’m a grown woman and if somebody throws a spider at me I wouldn’t go back so there’s no way I’d make a baby do it

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If she doesn’t want to go DO NOT LET HER GO.

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Don’t make her. She is saying no. Respect that.

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I would have a talk with that aunt

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Oh hll no. Her aunt caused her trauma. What a total b***. She would not be going back until the aunt admitted it a stupid thing to do & apologized to her if she were my child. Even then I’d listen to the child. If she doesn’t want to go then she doesn’t go. Chances are a lot more than this 1 incident has happened to make her this terrified. Her dad doesn’t care about her! She’s 3 & can’t make her own decisions? Yeah he’s a jerk & not suitable to be a parent. You have to be her protector. Always listen to your child.

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no… holy hell no & her aunt needs slapped stupid… wtf :flushed:

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You definitely do not force a child to see someone they dont want to see even if its family as for that Aunt I would be pissed and would definitely be hving a talk with her. If someone threw a spider at me omg they wouldn’t be doing that again thats forsure and even worse if they did it to my daughter.

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Hell no don’t send that baby over there without u there to protect her. I would sit down and explain everything to grandma and let her handle the aunt.

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Don’t take her!!! Unless she gets to slap the crap out of the person who threw the spider. Was it real?

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Definitely speak to the aunt but most babies wouldn’t see anyone od we didn’t basically force them.

Nope I wouldn’t take her back and I also be talking to the auntie to…

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Wtf kind of adult throws a spider at a 3 year old I would definitely not force her

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Do not take her. If the aunt did that, what else might she v.bring doing.

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Visiting grandma isn’t a legal requirement so yes the baby gets to make that choice.

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She is too young. But. She is asking for your help. Address the spider Incident in front of her. Keep it calm and ask for the aunt to apologize. And reassure that she is safe. I’m 42 years old. Have a rose hair tarantula in the house. But will freak out and make the boys take care of any spider invasion. Any boy, my kid, the neighbor. Dad. Anyone. Because they are invincible when it comes to spiders. Seriously, spiders have the ability to jump across any space and put down a human. Done. Yup. Boy job. Tell her something that you use to be afraid of and have over come. Something she can relate to. Let her know it’s not unheard of to be afraid of things. It’s normal.

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Do not force her, Her Aunt should never have done that to a little child. Talk to the aunt about her behavior and explain how it effected her and if she can’t see that …that tells you your child should not be around someone like that. She needs to earn her way back in your daughters life.

Probably traumatized her for life throwing a spider at her ffs…listen 2 ur daughter n DONT send her!!

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… if someone threw a spider at me, I’d stay away from them too. Don’t make her go if she doesn’t want to. If she was afraid of the dark, would you lock her in a dark room ?

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Is her aunt backwards? Has she completely lost it, she has no right whatsoever to traumatize the poor child. The aunt needs a hard slap to make her get back to her senses. No, don’t send her without you, not on her own. Your husband should understand, where is his logic? Pathetic!

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Do not force her to go , what the fuck is wrong with her aunt ? I will definitely have a word with her

I hope it was a plastic spider!

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Don’t send her. I’d make the husband tell his family member that what she did is wrong an has scared the crap out of his child an needs to apologize cause now she is scared to go to her grandmother’s house an it is her fault

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Omg your poor daughter! Do not leave her there on her own she will probably be tramautised for a while. You need to tell the aunt what effect this has had on her and she will need to build up trust with your daughter but until that has been done she won’t be staying there alone.

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Absolutely not. That’s fucking traumatizing for a child. You are her voice and protection. Do not force her to go if she doesn’t want to. You don’t want her thinking your okay with her being uncomfortable somewhere or feeling unsafe.

Put the baby in counseling and ask the counselor their recommended approach. Til then, do not send.

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Now is exactly the age you should be teaching her that she doesn’t have to go where she is uncomfortable.

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No because it’s going to cause trauma. It might seem silly to say that but she’s scared of her aunt. And to just drop and leave her with someone who terrifies her will lead to abandonment issues and more fears. Possibly never wanting to be around the gma either. Never wanting to ever go to the house not only because of the spider incident, but because she was left their alone after telling her parents she didn’t want to and was afraid

I think that maybe you visiting with her, after a while, and getting her used to being around her aunt. Letting that trust grow and helping her to not just basically visualizing a spider being thrown at her, every time she sees her aunt. And soon the new, good memories will hopefully ether replace it or push it further back into her mind… so it’s not the first thing she connects with her aunt.

She’s young. And she’s scared. You are right.

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Poor baby.
Grandma and granddaughter shouldn’t be robbed of precious time together because of auntie (who BTW would not be allowed near my child ever again).
Maybe go over for some visits with grandma and stay with your daughter. Make sure auntie is never there. See if your child can regain some trust again. But leave if it’s too much.

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That is a BIG FAT NO!!! If you or your daughter are uncomfortable with her being over there then she doesn’t need to go. Period. The adults in that house hold should have been more responsible. Fake or not. Joke or not. What the aunt did was wrong. Yea, let’s just start a bunch of unnecessary anxiety in a little girl that she doesn’t need. :woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming: Her father should be more understanding of this… has he spoken with his sister about it?? Has he said anything to her? Hope the best for you and your little girl!!

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Like she threw a REAL spider?
I’d be throwing my fist at her face

Is the aunt an adult or a child? And was it a real or a fake spider?

The first big question is kid aunt or adult aunt? If it is an adult then daddy needs to step up and tell his sister that she has no right messing with his daughter like that. A kid aunt then you can talk to her in front of your daughter telling the aunt that your daughter doesn’t like games like that. And see if things change. And as a kid who was forced to stay places she didn’t want to DON’T leave her there scared. You will cause more harm.

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Make it comfortable again for her. Go for a visit, let sis in law know it scared her for longer than expected, please don’t provoke her again. Then once she is happy visiting again she could stay without you. My MIL does an amazing display for Halloween & it scared my 2yo shitless. For weeks she woukd cry at Grannies door way coz the ‘scary scary’ stuff was once right there. She is fine now. We go at least every Friday. Just wein ya kid back into feeling safe there. Aunty should also help so Daughter begins to trust her again

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No I won’t force my kids to visit the family. The father demanded me to drop my kids there and having them feeling scare. I will leave him for good due of him not be considered to his daughter. You’re the mom you are right and have the rights to protect her.

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My parents raised me that I never had to be where I wasn’t comfortable! She needs to trust that YOU, Her mom, will always keep her safe and that she can count on you.
Give her time. She’ll come around. Kids are resilient. But until then, respect and live her enough to allow her to stay away for now these traumas so carry into adulthood and also her feelings about your relationship and the twist between the two of you!! I’d they’re upset, tell them to be sure they don’t ever do that again to her. It was their doing after all! Husband needs to also have his baby’s back, and yours!

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What kind of psycho throws a spider at a child?

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Do not force that baby to go back there. How stupid to scare her like that.

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You have to work back up to visiting and regain trust with your daughter that it’s a safe place.
Go over together for short visits and do not leave her alone. Everyone needs to reassure her that there is nothing bad that will happen again and have them apologize to her.

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I’m 26 and I’d be terrified if some Moran threw a spider at me I fear ‘em. Don’t make that baby go back if the aunt is throwing spiders at her could you imagine what else she’s doing to that poor baby.

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The aunt needs to apologize and try to make upbto the 3 year old. You also need to sit with grandma and the aunt and tell them how much damage was done. Maybe for now all visits happen somewhere else until your daughter heals.

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I don’t think I would make her go back there. Not until Aunty, whatever her age, understands what she did. And realizes it better not happen again. I would find a better place for weekend visits.

NEVER put your child where he or she isn’t comfortable!!

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Id take her over there but stay with her the first couple times to get her comfortable again.Shes very young yet.She will move past this.But id make sure that aunt doesn’t do things like that again.

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If I took my child over there I would stay to make sure everything is ok and make the aunt apologize and talk to them . That’s insane.
I never made my kids go anywhere where they weren’t comfortable.
That’s just wrong
Talk to the dad . Let him know How she feels and everything .

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Granted it was quite rude to do that (I have arachniphobia. I know), but I think letting her fear make her decisions is wrong. She’s only 3. She’s not old enough to make those decisions. And right now is a chance for her to face a fear and tell her aunt that was scary and she didn’t like it.

This is a no brainer. Never just drop your child off while screaming out of fear. She’s 3 not 13. Protect your baby from anyone that would throw a spider on her. That’s insane.

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I’d say don’t force her to go at all, why drop her off and feel like crap because she’s screaming and crying.
And dad needs to step up and take care of the aunt who never should have done that.

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The aunt needs to do damage control and you should respect your kid enough to value their input. Maybe a one negotiating needs to happen so she doesn’t loose trust in you. “You can be by me the whole time”. But don’t shut down what she’s saying now bc it’s gonna change the fabric of your relationship with your child

The aunt should apologize, because she has to have known that throwing a spider at a child is going to horrify her. My husband would have lost it on someone for doing something like that, because a) it’s a good way to start a permanent fear and hatred of something and b) there were zero reasons for it. Plus, some spider bites can get nasty fast. Also, telling your child she doesn’t get an opinion on what makes her comfortable and that an adult is apparently allowed to do whatever they want to her without consequences seems like a really bad idea to me. Kids first, everything else second

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Wow, I hope the aunt is a child herself because even then that was cruel.

I wouldn’t push my toddler to go back until she shows signs on her own that she is comfortable. I know adults that would flip their sheet if someone threw a spider at them. This is a baby! Come on people.

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Aunt an adult or child.
Does the aunt live at the grandparents?

why would Aunt do such a thing? id take her there n stay with her for visits till she feels safe

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Personally i wouldn’t take my child. Someone throwing a spider at my child is a little much. She probably lost all trust for her aunt. Ridiculous:

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I don’t force my child to be around anyone who makes her uncomfortable. It will teach her that her feelings don’t matter and make her less likely to speak up if someone makes her uncomfortable in the future. It shouldn’t be on you to fix her relationship with her aunt, it should be her aunt’s responsibility. It should also bother grandma that she doesn’t want to go over there as well.

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I’d be telling aunt to apologize and then hubs also. It better not happen again or she won’t go back period. Your kid your rules.

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So when my sister was little about that age 3ish she got locked in a bathroom on accident the door stuck my dad and step mom were sleeping and didnt hear her idk how long she was stuck but it traumatized the f out of my sister she refused to go to my dads house ever again even now as an adult in her 30s she remembers being scared I wouldnt make her go I think it will damage her trust in u.

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Absolutely not… end of.

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Yes ,you should make her go after you master her fear of spiders. Do you guys want to raise children who run and hide from irrational fears ,dont confront things head on and think they just do not have to face difficult family members and their feelings are the only ones that matter? No talk to auntie and work though the spider fear issue and tell her ditching family is not an option . They turn into adults later thinking they are entitled to run out on their family . My opinion only carry on. Please no one bring up fake scenio’s on an issue that would be surely be advised differently .

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I know I’d never want to go near anybody who throws nasty insects at me…I have a bad phobia of them also and as a kid she can’t do much to defend herself. I’d be having a nice talk with her aunt and I wouldn’t be forcing her to go anywhere.

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NO NO NO NO NO never force a child to be around anyone they choose not to.

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She may only be 3, but she is still a PERSON! Tell your husband to kiss it! Why would you further traumatize your child??? Her dad NEEDS to be mad at the aunt who did this to her!

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Wait til she is ready

Grandma didn’t do anything to her and I’m sure grandma enjoys their time together.

I would be saying something to the sister and your husband should be backing you up.

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Don’t make her go until the aunt says sorry and she feel comfortable

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My dad used to stop after work and get scorpions to show me when he got home. He’d put them in a Dr. Pepper bottle and we’d examine them together. He once threw the bottle cap at me making me think it was a scorpion. Scared the life outta me. He then welded a scorpion out of nuts. I was 5. I’m scared of bugs being thrown at me sure, but ya know :woman_shrugging:t3: I’m not saying to force her over there or not. That’s your decision. I have arachnophobia pretty bad, so I can empathize.

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What a jerk this prize is!

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If she doesn’t want to go don’t make her, 3 or 33 she knows who makes her scared and uncomfortable and you are there to be her voice when she can’t. Stand your ground and keep her away from there. Don’t force her to do anything.

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No I did they hold it against me 16 years

Tell the aunt this was unacceptable and that she needs to apologize to your daughter. Reassure your daughter that her grandma would never do that. Adults make mistakes too, sometimes.

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Why not go with her a few times to give her reassurance that it is ok. I’m not sure I’d let her go alone til she is less scared. Don’t do overnights but just ease back into it. May just be a temporary fear, and she may need to be coddled a bit. But at some point she needs to confront it or it could turn into a big thing and you don’t want it to cause damage with her relationship with her grandma. but I would def have a fam meeting with the aunt and your husband and his mom and talk about this and how to move forward and how your child was frightened by what sounds like immature behavior by the aunt. Also maybe aunt needs to not be around when you bring your daughter back for a few times.

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Who tf throws a spider at a 3 year old

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She doesn’t like it there. What else are they doing to terrorize her? Keep her away from that nut house.

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Maybe they need to come to her space and build that trust back.

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I wouldn’t make her go.

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Listen to your child

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I wouldn’t make her go. Sorry but if someone deliberately scared my child or made it to where my child didn’t want to be around them then I’d listen to my kid about it. Why would the aunt throw a spider at her?
I can see it being a mistake but if they want to see her they come to her not the other way around bc she clearly doesn’t feel safe alone with them.

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Do not send her. If she’s that scared it could traumatize her.

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Never force a child into a situation they aren’t comfortable with… this will cause your child to feel unsafe telling you when they ARE uncomfortable because you’ve failed to listen before… Gods forbid they ever need to confide in you in a more serious situation.

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Maybe take her for a none visit. Just drive up like you would normally would do and see what kind of a reaction she has. If she cry’s i would not let her go back, for a while. Maybe give it some time.
Tell her the spider is gone now. It went bye bye, or its dead.

She doesn’t get to decide much at 3 years old tbh imo. In this case with her Aunt scaring her, Dad saying to drop her off where this happened, you and Dad need to have a discussion about how to resolve her fear, and where is he when it’s his weekend? Co parenting is not easy, I get that, I am still terribly scared of big bugs after being chased by a guy friend in the park when I was 15 and he threw it at me. Something I learned as a parent is your reaction sets the way the child reacts. One last thing, as a child I was scared of bad weather, grew up in KS in a mobile home, tornadoes everywhere. When we started our family I didn’t want my kids to be scared like I was. So we made a safe place in our basement and the kids were 6 and 3 when we moved in after it was built. We had pillows, blankets, a small tote with a radio, batteries, snacks, bottled water, and they chose a favorite stuffy to have there. We practiced storm drills and fire drills like they do in schools. They are 29 and almost 26 now, thankfully our drills and approach worked. Thankfully we’ve never had direct damages from a tornado, we did have to take cover several times a year though.

Depends on your child. Some kids need a push. You may fix the problem making her go one time.

Never let her go anywhere she’s not comfortable and afraid of going ,listen to ur child!

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Listen to your child. Make sure she knows from a young age she is heard. If you don’t listen now she won’t come to you later.

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I would have some strong words with that Aunt!!! And no don’t force her to go… they didn’t take care of her when she was there…no more chances!

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I would talk to Grandma and tell her what happened. Tell her your daughter is too frightened to come and stay with her - or even visit her. If she wants to see her granddaughter she will have to come to your house. Make sure she knows it is the aunt’s fault that your daughter is afraid to come.

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Desensitize her by visiting a few times. Stay with her.

First off who the fuck throws a spider at a kid. Are u fucking mental. Two. If she’s throws spiders at ur kid aka the aunt… then wtf else does she do to her when no one is watching. Red flags 101. Ur an idiot for even questioning if ur child should go there literally. I’m not even gunna suger coat this one

Who ever posted give me the name of the aunt so I can call a bitch

What kind of aunt does that? Seriously keep your baby away it’s better to be safe than sorry.

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