Should I forgive and be around my mother-in-law? So a little back story, my SO and I have been together for about seven years now and have two amazing children. And in that seven years, I am just meeting his mom a year ago because she decided to run off and live her life while leaving her two kids behind ( my husband at age 12). Anyways I’ve always got a sense of her being jealous and kinda butting in. I let it go, just thinking maybe she is regretful. Oh, what she missed out on, no biggie. So my husband and I got into a really big fight after Christmas, so he texts his mom to pick up some clothes from our house. He was going to stay on the couch there for a couple of days to cool off. Well, this woman took it upon herself to bust into MY house and start jerking things off MY walls while screaming that her son is going to move back in with her where he belongs, so of course, I defend myself and my home. I finally get her out of my house, and She calls the cops on me tries to get me arrested (I’ve never been any trouble) . I wouldn’t let her see my kids for a while but finally started letting her. I still have not spoken to or seen her since the incident, and I don’t know that I want to, even though my husband begs me to forgive her. What should I do?
First off, he shouldn’t have had his mom go over in the first place to grab clothes. It’s you and his relationship even in bad times. His mother shouldn’t have been involved. Second, she shouldn’t have done any of that. Frankly, I’d tell her to kick rocks and she’ll see the kids on like holidays or birthdays but that’s as far as their relationship would go.
She violated your home. I would never let her back in. Your children so don’t need someone toxic like that in your life. A hubby needs to deal with your decision or go live with mommy.
oh hell no first she abandoned her kids she is no mother second he should have been a big boy and not had his mother get his stuff and how she acted sounds crazy ahe tried to get you her grandkids mom arrested imagine what else shed do . with that crazy eratic behavior you dont need that around your kiddos
I’d keep well away from her if I’m honest
That was completely inappropriate of her. She’s jealous because she was gone all of those years, and now sees her son with a woman that cares about and for him (something she didn’t do for all those years). She probably saw that fight as her chance to jump in and take over. You have to think of your kids, they shouldn’t be witnessing these things
Fuck her off and tell your hubby to grow a pair and stand up for both of you and your children. She sounds totally toxic
Sounds like a narcissist to me! I definitely wouldn’t allow her in my house anymore!
He needs to have his mother come apologize to you and to then tell her that if she ever does anything like that again she is not welcome back. Maybe then you can forgive her. It’s going to be difficult for him as it is clear she is not stable and her abandoning him is a big deal.
Good luck to both of you. He needs support as do you - from each other. But if he’s going to choose mom I’m not sure I’d stick around
I’d be done with her but your husband needs to keep her out of your arguments. He dont need to be at his mom’s to cool off.
If it was me I wouldn’t. And your husband should not ever let her do what she did. I probably would have thrown him out. A husband is supposed to be there for you
I would never talk to her and my kids wouldn’t be around her. She wouldn’t be allowed in my house and I would not give a shot whether or not the boyfriend agrees. He can go over and see his mother, but that’s his choice. Question though…he’s begging you to forgive her, has mommy dearest gone to the police and said she was in the wrong or apologized to you in anyway?? I’ve stopped talking to people for less just so I don’t have to deal with the drama…
Hell no. My husband had a rough patch with his mom, as well, and though her regret is obvious, she is still respectful of both of us. Screwing up your relationship with your children is not an excuse to act like a crazy person. Sounds like your husband was better off without her in his life for those years if she’s that unstable.
Nope. Dont bring that bs back into your life
Stay away she’s there to serve her own needs if she cared about her kids she would have been there a long time ago but now she wants to serve her own needs and needs to fulfill her loneliness and guilt your husband needs to look out for you even during an argument he needs to protect his family not involve other people to make it easier to destroy
Just let her back, n be like; well what’s going on? Please don’t &%$# with me n I won’t &%$# with you either. N start loving each other so the special guy can feel better. Live happily ever after
I gave my boyfriends mother a million chances. We had our twins premature at 23 weeks in 2019 because of how fast labor went the last thing on my mind was calling his mom, two days after our daughters were born we lost our daughter lillian to brain bleed his mother made it all about him that I was an awful person for not calling her. I told her to shove it up her ass. I didn’t speak to her for months for my boyfriends sake I tried to forgive her and let her around our daughter the only time she came around was when it was convenient to her and only came around long enough to take pictures to post on fb acting like words best grandma. Couldn’t even remember her granddaughters birthday smh I cut her off im not gonna welcome toxic people in to my child’s life or someone who makes my daughter feel like shes only good enough for them when they have the time.
Naw. Mama gots to go. Point blank.
Hell no. I wouldn’t put up with that. My kids wouldn’t be around her either. Your husband shouldve never involved her in your fights to begin with anyway! involving others only leads to more issues in the long run. It seems to me, shes trying to play mommy many years too late and I wouldnt put it past her to overstep again.
I wouldnt I’m sorry but I think she crossed the line completely. She obviously wasnt a good mother as it was to her own kids and abandoned them.
It doesn’t mean you have to allow someone back into your life to forgive someone.
Do what feels right for you and your kids. If you do it for anyone else itll catch up to you
Nope. Don’t do it. If something doesn’t go her way. It wont be the cops she’s calling but CPS. You dont need the hassle
He should apologize to both of you because he is responsible for the situation. He never should have involved her to begin with
No way in HELL is she coming back into my or my kids life
Oh hell no. Cut her right out of yours and your kids lives.
I would give it a shot to reach out to her, go for lunch or a tea and see if you both can find some relatable ground. She’s back in her sons life and he probably wants to make the most of it. Just let her know that her actions were completely unnecessary and try to find some time where she can visit the kids for an hour or so throughout the week. It’s a tough situation. However, you should be mindful of your husband wanting to reconnect with her. If anything else alarming happens then I wouldn’t allow her around the house. I’d at least try though. That’s just my opinion.
I wonder what he said to her to make her think she had to act like that. Hmmmmmm
Nope, I wouldnt let her back in. My ex mother in law tried to pull some crazy shit. Made the mistake of letting her in, everything went good for a year and bam, she didnt get her way again and started back up. Best believe I didnt make the mistake of trusting her again. She hasn’t seen my kids for 2 yrs and I had to move states.
No. No forgiveness. She doesn’t deserve that until SHE APOLOGIZES you to!
He wants a relationship with her and will unfortunately hurt you to try and have one w her. It’s where she deserted him. He won’t mean to but wanting that attention from her He sometimes will be blind to what is really happening. Make a truse with her and even if you have to bite your tongue and walk away just to come back smiling. I have watched this with my son and now he is seeing his mother for who she really is. Good luck
She sounds kind of dangerous.
Talking about violating boundaries. He should not have had his mom do that to begin with. I would have lost my shit!
Nope…not a chance that is straight up toxic behavior…i wouldn’t even let her near the kids
Yeah that’s a hard pass for me. Piss her off and she’ll be calling the cops and CPS…hell with the crazy behavior she’s shown, she very well might just be a danger to your kids. She is no mother if she abandoned her children in the first place, and I get where your hubby is trying to make up for lost time but no, he has to protect you and have your back.
Nah. That would have been it for me.
She should apologize to you! She’s the one who overstepped by just barging in your home. And even then I’d be cautious that it was genuine because she could just be doing it to please her son. It’s okay to not want people in your life, family or not. I will add on that if you do end up being at least cordial make it very clear to your husband & her that y’all’s relationship is none of her business.
Forgive her for your sake but do not forget what she did. It’s alright to distance yourself from toxic people
Big nope from me, but makes u wonder what husband actually said for his mum to react like that id be very cautious
You can forgive her…AFTER SHE APOLOGIZES.
Yes, forgive her, BUT you don’t have to be her best friend, she over stepped her boundaries when she started takings off your wall,now that you know what kind of person she is gard your self,when you don’t forgive it only hurts you,
That’s why he shouldn’t have involved her I wonder what he told her though
If she’s good to your kids and they love her yes but distance
I wouldn’t forgive until I got an apology
I would forgive but not have no relationship with her. She showed you who she was.
Tell her to go fuck herself and move on with life. That woman is his problem not yours yeah yall might be together and his shit is your shit but some shit just AINT YOUR SHIT.
Why is no one putting the blame where it’s supposed to be…the HUSBAND
HE sent her over there
HE gave her permission to enter THEIR home
She only knows what HE told her
He probably did vent to her and say he was moving out and she took him for his word
The “so of course, I defend myself and my home” leads me to believe there was a physical altercation instigated by OP which would mean mil had every right to call the police
Sounds like there was A LOT of bad communication, horribly executed plan to retrieve belongings, and EVERYONE needs to talk and apologize
I would say to your husband that you would be willing to forgive her if she apologises to you and promises never to behave like that towards you or in your home again. Chances are she will never agree to that… So you’re off the hook. Also I would only ever let her see my children if you or your husband are present as she seems a tad unhinged
Oh no…throw the whole husband away…he should have never let his mother get involved in such a manner.
You don’t have to forgive her and she doesn’t have to forgive you. He started this mess. Let him sleep in the bed he made.
Oh hell no Throw husband and mom in law both away
If she’s good to the kids then they can have that relationship❤️
But I’d keep my distance and probably wouldn’t care to have my own relationship with her lol
My husbands mom used to act like that towards me and she got cut the fuck out:joy:
Nah. You’re in the right. In fact your husband should be remedying this not you. He should tell her to beg you for forgiveness for that sh*t. Would not fly in my house AT ALL. Granted, he probably exaggerated the fight to cause her to act a fool like that.
Everyone else that says she should cut her out, did it occur to you that she is married and this may not help.
Nope once you call the cops your done!
He sent his mommy??
Looks like she’s not the only one you need to get rid of.
Give that witch the boot! Are all in laws horrible because mine was too
She should cone to you with a true apology and understand that you are not ever going to tolerate this again . Lay the expectations you have for her to be in your kids lives and give her enough rope to make a swing and enjoy life or hang her self her choice.
You have no idea what he may have said to his mom. For all you know it could have been awful ( you were fighting) moms defends their kids thats natural. But she is also a grandmother. Would you want a disagreement to keep you from your grand kids? Im not a huge fan of my DIL but im civil for my sons sake. Too many things to miss out on over personality clashes. Besides its not like hes going to give up his mom. As far as you know she may only think of you as a baby momma not a wife since your not married.
I’ve only had one mother in law and she was the worst thing you could ever see just like she would take it Christmas and get my stepsons two of them expensive gifts but yet my two she would give junkie Avon stuff too only one time I ever knew of her being decent and that was when my mom died her daughter is also the same way she is just people I can’t stand and don’t have to no more cuz I divorced him
I wouldn’t will happen again
Absolutely not. I wouldn’t forgive her, but I have the WORST MIL sooo…
Yikes throw them both away
You don’t have to forgive her but you need to be civil for your husband’s sake and the sake of your relationship
In all seriousness as a Mother you need to sit down and ask her to open up about WHY she had to leave her son (children) behind…You would be surprised by how many grown ass adults really believe they were ‘abandoned’ when that was NOT the case…There’s ALOT of brainwashed inner children in these grown ass bodies…This goes for the men who were also ‘abandoned’ by their fathers…
The mother reconciled with her children,and this includes her son which is your husband.She is also your children’s grandmother…
There’s some deep rooted trauma with her,regardless she is still his mother,therefore her urge to protect him even as an adult is going to be stronger…
Theres gotta be some opening up,family counseling,forgiveness, and healing in order
Your husband should defend you.
Sry nope would not be back in my home act like fool and crazy at that nope not me
She had no right to do that. Your husband needs to communicate that to her. You are owed an apology. The argument was between you and your husband no one else. She should have just picked up clothes and been supportive of her son and daughter in law by staying out of it. it sounds like she’s trying to make up for lost time by being protective over him but it’s a little too late, he’s an adult now and she chose to miss out on those years. Don’t force a relationship with her. If she’s willing to be respectful to you then you can move forward and be civil but if her attitude doesn’t change then don’t waste your time with her. She will just bring more drama into your life.
tell her to kick rocks you are married to her son not her
I would forgive her and try one more time for my husband’s happiness. But, that’s just me.
I think before she comes into your kids lives two things need to happen.
She apologizes for the blowup at your house and further escalating the situation by calling law enforcement.
You have a honest conversation about your issues with her being around your children. Start with the fact that if she’s here, she stays here and doesn’t leave when it no longer suits her. Be honest. Don’t sugar coat it. Your husband can’t separate his emotions from her. She’s his mother and is now back in his life. But you can, and it’s your job to protect your children. YOU set the boundaries that your husband can’t. I also suggest any communication from her comes to you, but NOT by way of your pushover husband. If she wants to see your kids, she needs to respect your authority as their mother.
Too much drama in my eyes! I would not want my children to be around someone like that and I don’t care who they are. Your SO needs to learn how to deal with adult problems without his mommy.
Fuck that I wouldn’t let my MIL see my kids after she had the straight up audacity, and shame on your husband for trying to make you forgive her.
Exactly what Nicole Perkins said say no more!
Stay away bad for kids
I don’t have any gripes about my mother n law. She was old school and the best.
She ran out on her kids. She didn’t want them, or grandkids. My husband’s mother did the same, he won’t speak to her. He tried giving her a chance about 15 years ago, when he was in his late 20’s. She only begged for money and proved that she had no regrets about abandoning him, and was still crazy and refusing professional help.
Nope keep her away from the kids who says she won’t disappear again but with youd kids
I think forgiveness is good as a way of self care. It doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It doesn’t mean things go back to the way they were before. It just means you let it go and it stops affecting you negatively in the present.
Let them both know your apology doesn’t mean this is forgotten about or that things will go back to the way they were before. That what happened very well may have permanently changed the relationship, how you view her, and whether or not trust can be earned back is a big unknown right now.
Forgiveness let’s you heal and let go of that anger. It prevents it from doing any more damage to your life. It doesn’t mean boundaries established because of the incident disappear. Make sure that is clear to both of them.
Oh look who finally wants to be a mother. Not in the right way either. She had no right to come over and make herself a part of the fight. However if your husband wants her in your life, you should accept that. You don’t want to fight over her and let her ruin your relationship. You don’t have to like her though. Just be civil when she is around.
A relationship is between two people not 3 and he shouldnt of involved her. She thinks doing this now makes up for her being a shit mom but it wont id tell her so to cut her like she cut you. Tell her she had no business doing that like itll fix her or her son being abandoned as a kid. Shes got mental issues she needs to work out with herself not take it out on you. You dont have to allow toxic people back into your life just because hes scared mommys going to leave again if you dont. I barely speak to my mil my kids are fine better off without the drama and stress. You come first if your happy kiddos are happy thats all that matters. You come first work on the relationship before that mother in law daughter in law relationship put it way on the back burner if on the stove at all.
It was his fault pitting her against you like he did, he knows it and that’s why he wants you to forgive her.
I truly and I mean TRULY believe everyone deserves a second chance! I think you should forgive her and lay down some boundaries. Even if you have forgiven her for stuff in the past, this time do it but with some rules laid down that she don’t ever disrespect you in your own home again. Especially if it was around the kids.
Fuck all that noise.
Oh hell no there would be no forgiveness from me, if she treated you like that once she is just waiting for the excuses to do it again. She sounds like she is a very toxic person, not someone who should ever be around your kids
Family reunification can be very difficult. When a parent suddenly reenters her children’s lives as adults they can be very desperate for that immediate and deep connection that they missed, and as you assumed the parent often feels the need to be the end all be all in their adult child’s life. I would suggest your husband go to therapy with someone who specializes in family reunification, and also go together as a family unit (MIL, you, and hubby)
You don’t need to forgive anyone before you’re ready and I wouldn’t suggest you do (before you’re ready). I think the therapy would be helpful because boundaries need to be put in place, and both mother and son need to know how to put boundaries in their own relationship (which can be very difficult) because Mom missed all the years where those boundaries would have come naturally. The last time she was in his life he was fully dependent on her, and it’s very possible he is using “rosy retrospection” when thinking back about his time with his mom.
Forgive her so your hands can be open for your blessings!!! (I had to do this) then put your foot down and let your mother in law know it’s your house your husband and your children (in a respectful manner)… So when ever she visits your house treat her as a guest and not that she belongs in your house… PERIOD!! what I can see is that she’s projecting… I’ve been there done that!! Good luck my dear
Has she apologized? This isn’t all on your shoulders, she has a role to play as well.
I would have a sit down and put her in her place. Inform your husband there will be rules and boundaries in place. If she breaks any of them you’re done. You don’t owe her anything. I would also be up front and honest with your husband letting him know you will not go through that again.
Best thing to do is cut her out! Your feelings and mental health matters!! Sometimes you gotta do what’s best for you no matter who gets cut out. The relationship you have with your husband is your guys and yours only. No one else needs to be involved. Your husband should understand your side and your feelings. Expecting you to forgive her after something like that only sets a path for it to happen again. Don’t ever let her or him think it’s okay for you to be treated that way.
If you forgave him then you can surely forgive her. He is the one who stuck her in the middle of your business. I personally wouldn’t let my kids be visiting if I didn’t have a decent relationship at the least.
Oh hell no. She would never be around my kids as long as I could prevent it. She unlawfully entered your home. You should’ve called the cops. Mommy or not she has no right to disrespect you, your children or your home like she did.
I would forgive her, but would be extremely hard to forget her behavior.
I would hold him responsible but I would never see or be around her again. She would have to REALLY REALLY apologize and it seems like people who do these types of things aren’t great at being sorry about it either. Just my perspective. But yeah I’d hold my ground. 100%. I’d limit my children’s time with her also because I wouldn’t trust a person like that.
He probably misses his mom…maybe while thinking about it. Let your husband know there will be rules.
Nope. I’d never talk to her again. She abandoned her son at 12. Good riddance