Should I forgive them another time?

I have two baby boys and a baby on the way. I use to get along so well with my husbands family. After a year they showed their true colors and have done nothing but disrespect me in soooooo many ways. I want to keep my distance but some how they’re always in the way of my relationship. My husband doesn’t care how bad they treat me he thinks I should forgive and forget. Yet I’ve forgiven multiple times .I’m at the point I want to even forget I even married him. I don’t want to break up my family but I don’t want to deal with his family. But they are always around. I have cut ties with my family whos disrespected him. Yet he can’t with his family. What can I do? I want to fix us, but I feel like we can’t. Should I forgive them another time? It’s so bad they make me look like a bad person to the rest of his family (cousins/ uncles) they have also ignored my rules when it comes to my babies and risked their health. My baby boys have both had rsv and Covid due to his family. Which is why I’m to the point I want no contact with them.
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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I forgive them another time?

Bring back the family you’ve cut off “for him”. Fair is fair. If he can’t do it for you, then don’t do it for him.

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Do everyone a favor and end it now. You obviously haven’t forgiven or forgotten anything nor will you.

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I’d get back in touch with your family and work on the bond there if your to forgive and forget then so can he ! He needs to stop rushing to his mama nd step up

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Get back in touch with your family and see how he likes the apples then…

Talk to your family hun, he talks to his, it takes two to make thinks work :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

If they gave my baby covid, i would be pissed!!

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You cut off whoever you have to cut off for your peace. Don’t add anyone back to your life who you had to remove just to make someone else suffer.

Have a conversation with your husband about your feelings, try counseling together & honestly, you may just have to remove your husband.

Always choose you, always. And never live unhappy mentally to keep someone in your life.

You owe yourself & your babies a happy woman & mother.

Signed a healed mother

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I’m sorry but I stopped reading at my husband doesn’t care how they treat me, if I had issues with my husband’s family and he did not have my back in the least calm I’m sorry but that’s a problem

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Cut them off. He can’t accept it cut him off as well. He is suppose to be on your side

Your children should come before anyone. You are their mother and should protect them. Hubby is obviously a piece of crap and you are enabling all their behaviors by continuing to allow the abuse from them all. Don’t let anyone especially your husband treat you this way or your just wasting your life at this point. You cant get those years back. Break the abuse cycle before it gets worse and it will.

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You need to do what’s best for your family and your mental health also as toxic will start affecting you

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My ex partners family started to dislike me after 16 years together, still not sure what I done to this day. My ex didn’t stick up for me, cut them off or try to fix things. I started to resent him for this.

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They NEED TO RESPECT YOU ,HE NEEDS TO MAKE SURE THEY DO. IF NOT IT WILL NEVER WORK. REMEMBER. YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU. WHAT YOU ALLOW THEY WILL DO. GOOD LUCK!:pray:

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Respect works both ways, in a marriage or not. I would never give up my family for anyone or LOVE. Him and his family have total control over you and your kids unless you make a stand for you and your kids. Good luck

Counseling to see why husband allows them to disrespect you and your (very sensible) rules. If that can’t be resolved, he can leave and go live with his miserable parents.

Take down all the evidence you can as to why his folks are awful (disrespect, alienation, putting kids at risk, exposing them to COVID) and see if you can put in the custody agreement kids are to have limited contact with their paternal grandparents.

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If u cut your family off and now wanting to cut his family off…could you be the problem and not everyone else

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then limit their visits or don’t visit them, You can forget them, but your choice if you want to forgive them

Maybe that’s why your family disrespected him cause they saw how he was before you did… I’d leave. I’d never want to be married to someone who sat there and let ANYONE disrespect me and our home. You’re not a man :woman_shrugging:t2:

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Nope. A man is supposed to stand by his wife and have her back. As husband and wife you should both have each other’s back and let people know that they can’t disrespect your SO in front of you.

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Toxic is Toxic…if it isn’t okay for your family, it isn’t okay for his. Period.

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I have the SAME problem, and I know how you feel, and I am sorry you are going through this. My husband is the best, but his family is horrible. It started with his mom, and she talked poorly about me, so now it’s the rest of his family. Don’t forgive. Respect yourself and your feelings. I have nothing to do with his family. If they go over, I stay home and have a movie time to myself. They still treat my child nicely, so I won’t take away their family. But I won’t be around people who don’t treat me the way I should be!

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Do you know what the definition of insanity is?

Your husband is disrespecting you too. I don’t think they’ll ever change. I would get out of that mess. Having a good relationship with your in-laws is important- I loved my exes family more than my own. I know in-laws like that are hard to find but they’re out there. Leave

Document EVERYTHING, then tell your husband he needs to address the disrespect or lose you. Make sure you have things all set up before you give the ultimatum so if he doesn’t change you can just take the kids and go. Be first to file for custody of the kids. Leave and do not look back if he doesn’t change.

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Run, if he can’t say anything to his family it will stay ugly.

I’ve been in a one sided relationship. It’s not worth your sanity. If your husband can’t stick up for you and those babies than what’s the point of being together? Those babies health and your sanity and feelings should come first. If your willing to cut your family off due to the way they treat him it should be that way when it comes it his family and yours. Marriage isn’t a one sided deal.

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Leave mama. You obviously know what is best for those kids and yourself. If you feel it is best to leave then do it. Don’t hesitate. I would do it without even thinking just pack and go.

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If you forgive them again, one more time is going to turn into one more time… then one more time. Then you’re going to be letting them do and say whatever they want to you and just “forgiving” each time. No. Absolutely not! Your husband should be defending you to his family like you did him to yours. But since he won’t, stand up for yourself! Speak up. Stand your ground. You are not only their daughter/sister-in-law, but the mother of their grandchildren/nephews. They don’t need to like you, but they do need to respect you.

If your husband has an issue with you speaking up for yourself and defending yourself, then he isn’t much of a man and at that point, maybe you need to reevaluate your marriage.

I’m lucky enough to like my in-laws, and as far as I know, they like me. My family likes my husband and he likes them. But if we had issues and his family was talking to and treating me like shit, or vice versa, it would be a wrap. We would be cutting people off. Family or not, toxic is toxic.

Id do the same an bring your family back

When I married, different ethnic origin, different social class, my chosen partner became THE # 1 person in my life. My siblings and blood family cut me off, out of their lives. That’s ok. You have to follow your own path, in life. You are God, in the flesh, love yourself, listen to your soul

Fix your relationship with your parents. Don’t loose your family because of him. It’s obvious he’s not worth it. I’d keep my kids away from his parents because they got them so sick! Stand up for yourself and don’t let yourself get walked on.

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I have a similar situation. I just don’t talk to any of his family (mom, dad, sisters) and he is very close with them. They aren’t even on my social media. I have talked to him about why I feel how I do and he acknowledges that they haven’t always been right. My husband knows I’m stubborn and petty. I do not tell him he can’t talk to them but I ask they don’t FaceTime when I’m around as im not trying to be fake and pretend my feelings aren’t valid. I am not ready to tell his mom why exactly I have a problem with her because she can’t take hearing when she is wrong. I asked my husband to please let me have my own time on this and I do not want to have any communication with them until I am personally ready and ready to forgive and talk to them. It’s been like 7 months and I haven’t talked to his mom.

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Girl put your foot down tell him if he wants his family he can see them else where but you and the kids will not but you will not have them around you and if he don’t like it let him go live back with his mommy and bring back your family

You don’t have a supportive partner. He’s not being respectful of you. He’s allowing his family to do things you don’t wish or want. He’s just as capable but is unwilling to back you up. That’s not a marriage.

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Your husband has to put the family he created first. So whether he agrees with you or not he NEEDS to respect you and your feelings. At some point it will come to the point he has to chose unfortunately because clearly they aren’t going to grow up it seems. And you need to do whatever it is to protect your babies.

Your husband isn’t standing by you and that’s the biggest red flag. Tell him to man up and tell them to quit it or leave. You’ll go crazy otherwise

I just don’t feel that I have enough information to say “leave your husband” I will say that you should not have cut your family off for “disrespecting” him. Like, I would need to know y’all’s level of disrespect. No offense, but some people are beyond easily offended. Some people are petty and immature and incapable of having an adult honest conversation about an issue. Speak your truth & do it kindly & direct, to the person that you have an issue with… it’s the adult thing to do. I’m NOT saying this is the case, but many times I see men not defending their wives if they feel they are looking for things to be offended by or picking apart everything. Are your hormones at all involved with your feelings? Mine were pregnant and months after. Tender to the point I got on my own nerves. My advice, BEFORE splitting a family and BEFORE continuing to alienate your own family, check your self FIRST. If you don’t love your husband… the “until death do us part” love, then just leave. I also am in ZERO way saying they aren’t being disrespectful or your husband is right, but it definitely sounds like words are said, feeling get hurt & no real communication about it. A lot of people are extra quick to cut ppl off as a defense mechanism, but it isn’t always what’s best. I personally believe in trying before splitting a family and laying down LAWS about a child. Everyone is saying you are the mother, this is true… he is also the father. He and his feelings matter as well as yours. Just don’t be the person that cuts your family off and expect him to do the same thing. Did he tell you to cut ties with your family? Or did you chose to do so? Some people do forgive and forget… I don’t suggest that as in an ignoring something, but as in a loving communicating and working with whoever kind of way. Regardless of the type of relationship… ones that work, take that. Friends, co-workers, lovers, family, they all take that. I would like to point out that giving people ultimatums are also on part of a controlling /mental& emotional abuse spectrum. It’s not healthy. You communicate, you work on it together or you agree to end it.

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My husband knew his family was toxic he told me sfter we were married he would walk away from them if I wanted him to, I told him I would never ask that, when he’s tired of the bull walk away. He always had my back when it came to them. Run far run fast.

unless hubby stands up to.his family it won’t change. you need to make the change … what ever that looks like

You Dnt have to like his family. You married him not them. Fix your problems with ur family.

he doesn’t care if they treat you bad i would hate to think how he treats you but then again it can’t be that bad cos your still there and having another one to it Lmao

Step one. Love bombing
Step two. Isolate
Step three. Constantly escalated Disrespect
Step four. Gaslighting
There’s many more steps to come

Your in an abusive relationship with his whole family

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Have you talked to his family or just him ? If you’re relying on him to stand up for you, you’re clearly wasting your time. Tell them straight up that you don’t appreciate the bullshit and they need to correct it immediately. When it comes to your babies, those are YOUR babies. Yours and your husband’s. You guys get final say about anything to do with them.
An old saying, " what you allow is what will continue "
Talk to his family and let them know you’re not a doormat and that they aren’t you risk your kids health or overstep you anymore. If it continues, they don’t come back to your house. Simple as that. If your husband doesn’t agree, he’ll find the door.

If he’s unwilling to stand up to his family than it’s time for you to leave.

Stop allowing yourself to be disrespected.

You don’t want your kids growing up thinking that’s a healthy relationship either.

Staying just so you don’t break up your family isn’t always the best choice. Sometimes, you have to leave toxic people behind, especially if they’ve been given the choice to change and won’t.

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Just because you threw your family to the curb for a man doesn’t mean he has to throw his to the curb as well.

the road travels both ways u dont have contact with ur family for disrespecting him than he should do the same he is married to u not them u him n yalls lil family n he should be first come first with him n no i wouldnt just my opinion

If he wont support you then leave with your kids. Never stay with someone who disrespects you and endangers your children’s health

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Your husband is disrespecting you by not standing up for you. Period. Id cut off everyone of em tbh

Nope! Work on your family and cut the ties with those who cannot respect you and your boundaries. Your children will suffer if you do not.

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You need to do what’s best for you and your children. Your husband allowing disrespect isn’t acceptable. This will teach your children that when other people behave this way it’s ok. I would start fresh, kids are resilient and you can’t stay in a marriage just because you’re afraid of what others will think.

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A person can deal with a lot of disrespect and keep goin but if someone causes harm to your kids its nature baby, you are a mama bear and your claws should have ripped somebody apart then moved your cubs to a new cave

It’s gonna rub up on your children and they’re going to treat you the same way that that Family does if you don’t get out of it now

There is one in every family that has to spread lies and cause problems. The best thing to do is ignore their stupidity and stay away as much as possible

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If he can’t stand up for you with his family leave.

Risk to yer kids = walk away!

Speak up, stand your ground,tell him your having nothing to do with them end of. Whats he going to do, force you to see them? Forget they exist and let your husband know your taking no more shite if he doesn’t like it he knows where the door is.

Nope stop forgiving them. And your husband needs to support you. If he is going to allow his family to disrespect you that means he also has no respect for you.

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I don’t see this relationship lasting …run

When you get married you marry the family too That’s how it works. Saying you are not talking to your own family. Sent signals that your at fault some where your not telling the whole story

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Evidently you are not getting through to your husband try disappearing with kids when they are suppose to come over and tell hubby you will come home when they leave or just move out while he at work

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I would leave. They dont respect you and neither does your husband he doesnt even have your back let alone his children who have been put at risk

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Forgiving them wont fix the situation. yalll need to sit down and have a RATIONAL conversation about the issues involved with both parties.

Talk it out with the family or leave, my ex husband was the same way. Said his mom was dumb and to ignore her when she went against our rules and disrespected me because “she’s just gonna do what she wants” and when his dad put hands on me drunk one night he didn’t do or say anything. So I told him I lost all respect for him as a husband and a man, and I cheated then said what you can’t just ignore the disrespect like I’m supposed to? I’ve stood up for him against my family and cut ties with my mom for a yr and he never spoke up to his family. We got divorced last yr and now I have a fiancé who would never let anyone disrespect me, not family or friend

You do what’s best for you and your children. Your husband doesn’t give you the respect you deserve.Time to go and move on.Thats terrible why would you keep taking the disrespect from his family. You need to say something to them. If he doesnt I wouldn’t want or send my kids at all sorry.

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Walk away. I feel what u are going through, if you have tried everything, to make things work. It probably is not going to work out and they are not going to change. Am sorry you are going through this. Maybe try and work things out with your family.

I guess my family would be coming around again. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. Otherwise, it’s time to take the kids & leave. Someone who won’t stand up for you doesn’t truly love you