Why isnāt she letting you see him? Because of covid? Iām so sorry this is happening! I would text her and tell her that regardless of your son ( if they stay together, co parent, whatever it is) that youāll always be there for her if she needs something. It seems like sheās hard to deal withā¦ canāt even say thank you. She could just be holding anger towards your son and in then taking it out on you.
Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I give up and pretend I don't have a grandchild?
That makes me so sad. I wish I could get my daughterās grandparents involved in her life. I would say keep trying for the childās sake if your heart is in the right place.
Try accepting the other children and spoil all. She may be more accepting.
Donāt āgive upā on your grandchild. Also, donāt play her games. When your son has his child, then ask your son to visit with you.
I can understand if baby is very you g bc of Covid, so give her some space to just ābeāā¦
In some states no all but some you can file with a lawyer for grandparents rights and visitation time!
No you can go to court and see if theyāll give you visitation rights.
Donāt give up. Just do what you can when she allows it.
Ya know Iām not always big on violence but it sounds like ur grandchildās mother needs a good swift kick in the butt.
Depending on the state some have whatās called grandparents rights I would suggest this grandma look into this with a family law lawyer
She sounds like a DILFH. And Iām sorry if thatās the case. You probably wonāt get much from that relationship
Some states grand parents have rights. I would give her some time maybe with covid she is scared.
Wouldnāt you be able to take her to court for like grandparent rights and visitation? Maybe try looking into that in the state you live in.
Donāt quit we got a lawyer n get to see our grandson again now
There is a thing called grandparents rights
How about the other kids? Are you making an attempt to include them as well ?
If the answer is no then Maybe the mother is not ok with only having a kid looked out for while the others are left out.
Unfortunately this is my case
I mean itās not unreasonable to not allow someone to just stop by to see the child. Making appointments, as you call it, is just the polite thing to do. And if your son isnāt trying to rectify the situation maybe thereās a good reason neither wants you part of the childās life? How you treat the mother goes a long way.
I think I would have more of an issue with my son not stepping up.
Grandparents have rights tooā¦ look it up. If the dad doesnāt want to be a part you still can.
Your adult child has no obligation to have a relationship with you. All Iām reading is āmy and Iā statements. Your priority is you. Maybe some self reflection is in order.
Paternity test, if baby is your sons take her to court for visitation. Sounds fishy to me.
Maybe the child isnāt even hisā¦
Thatās a possibilityā¦
And why sheās not allowing you accessā¦
She doesnāt want to own up to itā¦
This makes me really sad because I would absolutely love to have someone like you. If your son is not willing to fight for his time and if sheās not willing to be mature enough to include you and unfortunately may be a lost cause.
Never give up!! Iām going through the same thing
Grandparents have rights too so you can take her to court, she sounds a little unreasonable with making appointments like itās a visit with your grandchild not a doctors appointment
How young is the baby? Any health problems? She may want time alone to bond with a newborn, keep people away until babyās immune system is stronger, or just be too exhausted to entertain you.
Also, of course you need an appointment! You canāt just barge in while they are napping/resting.
Back off and give her some space, offer to take her other kids out so she can get a break.
So basically you are saying you are gonna forget about your grandchild because his mom has set boundaries that you canāt respect? You are upset because you have to make plans with her and not just show up whenever you feel like? Wowā¦ Sounds like she asked you to stop showing up unannounced and to call and make plans first instead and you are throwing a fit. Get help. Thats not healthy.
Just see the kid when she wants people to see him. Give them space damn.
Donāt give up! File for grandparents rights. You can take her to court that way she doesnāt have a say. Stay strong and do what it takes!
No. But donāt make yourself then enemyā¦as unfair as it is. If the only way you can be in your grandsons life right now is to take it, then take it. You may be his only light. Andā¦we all know women like this move on from the man they are with, and then you two can team up.
I fully understand where your at
.i have the same.problemā¦Im about ready to walk away
Why do you feel itās unreasonable for someone to request plans be made rather than random visitors showing up? Why was it necessary to add how many baby daddyās she has? I donāt think we are hearing the whole story
Why would u stop by without asking? We have 5 adult kids and 5 grandkids. I would never think I could stop by without asking in advance.
I donāt like when people show up unannounced so I understand the āappointments.ā
In what world do people not have to check with ppl before visiting their home ? Ie āsetting up an apptā
You should spend more time helping your son understand he is a father.
For the ones saying grandparent rights it depends on where you liveā¦ I have already checked into this due to one of my childās grandparent being toxicā¦ and there is only 3 reasons why the courts here where I live would grant the rights and two involve me being deadā¦ and I canāt remember the other but it wasnāt really a leg to stand on if Iām still alive and ableā¦. So not everywhere gives a crap about grandparent rightsā¦
And as far as the poster, I would just keep trying and also include the other kids if you are not all ready ā¦ or try to have a sit down with her and have her explain her reasonā¦ if she isnāt letting you see him she has a reason that maybe yāall can talk out and work out
Might want to look at your feelings for her and see if you have in any way given her a reason to know you donāt like her? Sheās not going to want you in her childās life if youāre undermining her
Depends on the state but Iām some states grandparents have rights too. Itās a damn shame she doesnāt allow you to have a relationship with your grandson. I would love for my son to have another gramma that loves him and wants to spend time with him. That babies gonna miss out on a lot because of her own petty ārulesā
Her house, her kid her rules sorry. Maybe just text her to ask for an update every once in a while or ask to video chat with him and keep sending stuff for the baby but itās her house and her child so you dont have any say. All you can do is try
By appoitment do you mean you have to call before you show up? I mean just randomly showing up at someoneās house unannounced is kinda rude. Not to mention she is dealing with other children on top of a premie. I was always taught to call and make sure the people are up for company before visiting. I canāt speak for the gift part of it but I understand her asking for a specific time frame in which youād be visiting.
Even if your son wasnāt ready for this step it still happened n he needs to step up and get involved and get some rights, so you can be involved, sounds to me like sheās taking it out on you bc your son isnāt involved! Which is petty!
File for grandparents rights.
I Feel like thereās more to the story. Itās her baby at the end of the day and sheās allowed to put boundaries! Like you said the baby was born early so maybe the baby has some health issues and due to COVID she doesnāt want to risk her baby getting sick.
I donāt think sheās being unreasonable about you needing to ask to stop by, no one likes unexpected unannounced company especially a mother of multiple. & her house her rules, Uh duh! Thatās how it should be. Just because youāre the grandma doesnāt give you the right to overstep any boundaries or rules she has set for her child.
Been through this. Better to thank things you can not change. I pretty much have accepted I dont have any. It gets better. You accept it more as time goes on
I would honestly let it go. My own daughter and i were kinda here i told her i wont play the game. I love them but when women are in super control mode they are lacking confidence.
Be her friend. You catch more flies with honey. She has set boundaries. Donāt get mad or throw a fit when things donāt go your way. She will bring to trust you more. But as a mom, you should help your son step up to. I get wanting to be thanked but, your the grandma. I do things for my nieces & nephew all the time and I donāt even know if anyone says thank you. Itās family.
It IS her house, AND her rulesā¦make the appointment, itās your grandchild for Petes sake, NEVER give up on him!!
Write her a letter letting her know how you feel! She may not even know what itās like to have people willing to help her or wanting to be present. She may be embarrassed, or ashamed of how things happened and is not intentionally trying to hurt u but protect her kids. Hope this help, wish u all the luck 
Be the grandma you always want to be. If the kids will grow up seeing you there, she/he will value you.
How hard is it to call and make plans rather than just show up? I hate unexpected company and refuse to open the door (depending on who it is obviously) but even if itās someone important, itāll be a very short visit ā¦ I have a feeling youāre either a monster in law and wants everything your way or youāre trying to control how they raise THEIR child. Go with the flow. Ask her when is good for her and stop interfering with their parenting if thatās the issue.
Lol well here in Alabama grandparents donāt have rights, but why not respect her? Keep reaching out, keep trying to communicate with her about seeing the baby, I understand because I was also like this and if me and my husband decide to have another in this covid nasty world we will do the same, itās boundaries. Why canāt you try to keep reaching out or making plans? She may be busy? This hits home for me because my grandparents havenāt reached out to me and my kids since Christmas of last year when I texted them thank you for the giftsā¦ why should I have to keep trying if they canāt try??? Or I even invited them to my sons second birthday party and they and my aunt and uncle didnāt show up. Sooooooooo ??? If you want a relationship with the child why can you not try? Why does it always have to be the mom? Your son doesnāt think itās his? Take him and get a paternity test.
If your son wasnāt ready for this step or to be a father he too shouldāve wore protection. Maybe this isnāt even your sons child. I would take a step back altogether and if you believe this is your sons child, file for grandparent rights. Sounds like your son really needs to step up and be a MAN and not a BOY!
Her kid her rules. You are not entitled to their child.
Are you sure the baby is his? Since multiple boyfriends and all. If you know 100% it is your sonās why not make him grow up and step up to be a father. Iām upset that you are allowing your son to not be in the babies life at least from what I have read which I could have read it wrong. I wouldnāt want my mom to randomly stop by without letting me know in advance. Just send things to her so if she doesnāt care then hopefully the baby will eventually know that he/she knows someone else loves them
Most states allow grandparent rights. If she is beyond reasonable and youāre truly making positive, healthy attempts then use legal recourse.
Ummm No donāt give up! Thatās ur grand baby! We are going thur something similar. Stay in prayer.
Sheās lying itās probably not your sons child & thatās why your son donāt try & she donāt want you to get your feelings hurt so she rude ?? Or sheās a straight bitchš
I went through this, itās best to step back. Motherās now days hold the baby/children hostage. I have seen and read about this so many times. Itās their terms, their child, their territory. Donāt grovel, fuss or fight. Sadly you have no rights.
Well. I have to say making an appointment should be completely normal with a new baby and other kids in the house. Canāt just be showing up any old time you feel like when there are nap schedules, feeding schedules, etc. I know I would have hated it had people just dropped in whenever, disrupting my kids schedules and our routines. That said, give her space. Send small gifts for holidays, maybe a card or text here and there but donāt bombard the woman. Sheās probably feeling really overwhelmed and your entitlement to her child probably exacerbates it all.
God forbid they want some privacy and to raise their own children. My MIL is like you, thinking itās out of line to have some boundaries. Reanalyze yourself grandma, you had your chance to raise kids.
You donāt get to STOP being a Grandma cuz you donāt like the Motherās rules,what kind of person are you anyways? Makes me think there are more issues with you and your son that you are not willing to admit .
Never pretend people donāt exist. Especially children.
Making an appointment is completely normal. Why do you think you should stop by whenever you please? You sound like a terrible mother in law. Stop coddling your son.
Some states have grandparents rights. Donāt stop, send cards, notes presents, just make it overwhelmingly hard for her to see you as a bad guy.
But no, donāt quit.
your ātitleā doesnāt make you entitled.
I donāt let anyone just ādropā by my house either. My mom or my MIL, sorry but we have our own lives, etc. especially if itās during nap time or around, my sanity is more important than your visit.
You make this relationship worse by disrespecting her boundaries/choices that she has set for her child.
My own son, my son, the girlfriend, the grandson, the girlfriends son. You sure do make sure to distinctly distance yourself even though text. Sounds sad.
You donāt give up making appts with mom and respecting her.
In Canada you can ask court for grandparents rights and get visitation
Children can never have enough people there for them, to love them. So no, I would not give up. What are the reasons your son isnāt involved? Would those reasons make her uneasy about having you involved? Iād start with scheduling times to see him, get to know him and his mom. Because maybe getting to know her also, might help you understand why she had reservations towards you.
Iām sorry, itās sounds very hard. Is there a reason why she isnāt so open to having you over? I do not allow anyone to drop by unannounced. Just because Iām a stay at home mom, doesnāt mean Iām open to social visits, I have a routine with the kids and a house to run. We save visitors for the weekends and thatās planned ahead of time. I was taught to never drop by unannounced
Some states have grandparents rights kind of hard to get them but I would try to file with the courts for grandparents rights
I say you should be able to visit himā¦heās just as much your grandchild!!!
Grandparent rights. Take her to court for visitations
Unfortunately thereās not much you can do other than what youāve already done. In most states grandparents rights do not exist. He is theyāre child and what they say goes. If they have set boundaries you must respect them. How would you feel if your parents did not respect your wishes in regards to your child?
Why not extend the olive branch and tell her youāre sorry for your sons behavior but you very much want to be a part of her childās life and hers and that you are there for her as well as the baby. Invite her out to lunch in a neutral setting or some thing. She may decline at first but if you keep trying, she may find that you are actually sincere and let her walls down. Sorry to say, but your son created this mess. Itās on you to pave your own way
For starters, you are not entitled to their child by any means. Beyond that, it is her baby and her right to set boundaries where she sees fit. If you canāt respect those boundaries then sounds to me like she has a valid reason to be setting them in the first place. Your entire post sounds completely self centered, narcissistic, and straight up toxic. This is a baby born early in the midst of a covid spike and in addition to all other potential viruses or illnesses they could pick up, and not be able to fight off as easily as you with their tiny underdeveloped immune system. Sheās protecting her baby by not wanting to expose her baby to people just yet. She doesnāt owe you a thing and you need to take a step back and evaluate how youāre acting. Itās not about you. Sheās a mom of multiple children with a newborn at home. I have been in those shoes and completely understand not wanting visitors, ESPECIALLY unannounced. Sheās likely exhausted, and in no mood to be entertaining guests while balancing multiple childrenās schedules and routines all while trying to form a schedule and a bond with her newborn. Give her space, respect the boundaries set, and stop making it about yourself.
Arranging visits is normal. No one wants people just turning up when they feel like it. You arenāt entitled to do as you want with someone elseās kid
Never give up but saying how many baby daddies she has isnāt right and judging her off that will upset her, you have no idea what problems her and your son have had and how much hell your son has out her through.
Iām a single mom of 4, my oldest 2 kids dad cheated and left me pregnant but luckily his mom has been supportive kinda, my sonās dadās family hasnāt even tried to see him but his dad buys him whatās needed and he cheated, my youngest dad completely bailed because his momma doesnāt want him to grow up.
I say there is two sides to every story, then there the truthā¦ But you canāt treat her kids, like āher kidsā
Those should be your grandchildren just as much as the new baby. I would be very upset if my children were treated any different. I feel everyone should have a chance to be familyā¦ but not when thereās distancing on one part is from what Iāve gathered.
Encourage Your Son to take responsibility for His Son, establish paternity and file for coparent visitation. When He steps up youāll be able to see your Grandson and maybe BM will be more cooperative.
No- that is the worst thing you can do. You fight for that grand baby. You fight for time.
āI have to make an appointment ā yeah thatās something called being respectful. My family isnāt allowed to just pull up to my house to visit my kids, they have to ask me when itās ok for them to come.
Always put in the effort to try to see your grandson. Itās momās way or no way at all. I know the feeling of not seeing your grandkids. Hugs for you
No you donāt give up. But you have to accept that you have limitations to deal with.
Never give up on your grand baby.
My own mother knows sheās welcome to see me or her grandson ANYTIME, and she has seen him maybe a handful of times, and she never calls or texts to simply check on either of us.
My son is almost 2. It breaks my heart alootttt knowing I wonāt have that bond of having my mom there with me and seeing her grand baby grow up like most women do.
That is her baby, so I would suggest trying to schedule a time to see your gbaby that makes everyone comfortable. If sheās just being uncooperative for no reason then you could always see if your state has the grandparents right law. Donāt give up on him either way! It may be hard right now, but all children grow up and become adults. He will be able to see the truth, make his own choices, and be his own person in no time. Just be healthy and good luck!!
My kids need a grandma, come on over. Thereās donāt even try to see them so I think your son and daughter in law are lucky to be offered help. Time is more important than gifts.
First of all just stopping by someoneās house is rude asf. Yes it makes sense that you have to make plans to see him ahead of time. Seems like you have issues with boundries and thatās why you donāt see him. Plus, if heās an infant you canāt be upset that sheās keeping him away from the public rn
Never give up! If nothing else when you canāt see him or her at least send cards birthday cards Christmas Easter whatever holiday it is send a card keep records of it send gifts but donāt give up because thatās what she wants as long as you keep trying at some point you will get to see your grandchild. I cannot imagine not being able to see one of my grandchildren I would never give up. At some point he will be old enough to reach out to you on his own And he will know that you never gave up
No you donāt give up being a grandparent. Making an appointment/arranging a time to see your grandchild is completely normal. Randomly showing up at someoneās place is extremely rude, regardless if itās your grandchild or not. The mom may already have plans, you could be interrupting nap time/feeding time, or simply she just isnāt ready for company. I also completely agree with not being able to see him right away if he was premature. They are so tiny and have no immune system what so ever. With the pandemic going on it is not unreasonable at all to ask for company to wait awhile so the child doesnāt get sick. I understand thatās hard on you and not what you pictured for when you became a grandparent but thatās okay. Your allowed to be upset about it but that doesnāt mean you stop being his grandparents
People are being quite harshā¦ sorry you are going through this. Itās a scenario Iām petrified of as a mom of only boys. Keep trying. Donāt stop trying. Be kind/respectful to the mom and never stop trying.
Depending on your state, their may be grandparent laws
If you truly want a relationship with your grandchild then show respect to his/her mother & make that appt. You may end up in time, having a special bond with her. Pray!
I think you need to pour your heart out and see where that gets you. Tell her that just like her you are extremely disappointed in your son for not wanting to be there for his first childā¦BUT unlike your son you want to be there for her and the baby. Neither you or her can control him and force him to be a responsible adultā¦but that you are there for her and your grand baby.
Who knows what heās said to her regarding you being around??
By the way my daughter went as far to taking me to court. The judge said itās her decision if she wants me to see them. What she says go
Gawd some self opinionated rants here, if this is some peopleās idea of support its no wonder people keep themselves to themselvesā¦if you canāt be diplomatic or kind keep your support to yourselves.
Offer free babysitting while she goes to Drās and appointments/ errands. Donāt ever just stop by that is not anything a grandparent should do.