My ex-husband and I currently have 65/35. I have our children 65% of the time, but it feels much more than that. I am the parent who gets the kids ready for school Monday-Friday. Pack lunches for school, take off work for doctors appointments, pay medical bills, attend all IEP/ parent-teacher conferences alone, pay for everything while my ex-husband doesn’t pay for a single thing or attend a single thing. I have asked for simple help, as in lunch money, and he can’t even do that. During Covid, I was working from home AND watching our two children while homeschooling them all at the same time. I mentally can not keep doing it on my own while working + watching them. I will need to get a nanny at this point, or I could lose my job. He can’t afford to help me with a nanny also. He says our 9-year-old doesn’t need a nanny, only our daughter, who’s autistic/6 years old, needs a nanny. At this point, he doesn’t help with anything that I want to go for full custody. It already feels as if I have full custody. He currently only gets them 1x a week after school and drops them off early in the morning the next day, so I can get them ready for school. & he gets them every other weekend. The problem is I can’t take him for child support because he works under the table. He doesn’t show income or barely any at all. BUT owns a house, bought new carpet for his house, bought an 82inch TV, new shed and etc……. The courts would make ME pay HIM child support. I’m at a loss on what to do at this point. I just financially need help with our children, and I can’t afford a nanny on my own without their father’s help. I also compromised and said we only need a nanny 3x a week, so it’s cheaper for us, and I’ll watch them the rest of the days while working remotely. Also, he decided to STOP paying for our son’s life insurance policy, 's $10 a month that he’s been paying on for ten years. He said it’s “my turn” to pay for it all now…. At this point, I feel as if I need to go for full custody, but I’m not sure if I’ll win. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Get a notebook and start documenting costs, when he has them, when you have them, when you ask for help and what he says/does, document all of it.
But ultimately you’ll need to ask a lawyer what it would take for you to get full custody with visitation for him and how that would change things for you if awarded.
Hire an attorney to help you change the parenting plan and get the court to enforce support and add in half of daycaer/nanny costs.
File for child support he has to report that income, and even without no income the lowest payment he’ll get is $80 a month it can go any lower
Ask yourself why youre going for full custody…getting 100% custody ISNT going to change the situation one bit, than it is now. Are you wanting to do this to get him out of the picture, or it’s the only ammo u potentially have to get him back for not helping 50/50.
They will ask him about his house and how he got it, there’s a trail one way or another. Also report him. It’s against the law to work under the table and not pay taxes. If he pays taxes, they will use that.
My ex now owes a ton because he had a junk yard with thousands of dollars in vehicles and tools they used that to prove he “could” pay.
Document EVERYTHING and show as much proof as you can. Dates and times of visits, EVERYTHING. If he sends texts mentioning his work or even a brag at how much he is making print it and bring that too.
If you can prove that he brought a new house new carpet 82 inch tv new shed etc then take him to court and a judge will ask how he got all that without a job. Some of these people think they’re slick but they’re truly not cause what happens in the dark always comes to light. Also if he files taxes guess what they can take it out of it if he gets money back. Stop letting this man try to control you seriously.
Document document document.
You should go for full custody and you should file for SSI since your daughter has autism you just need documents from the doctors
Private investigators
Hire anybody let it be private investigator showing he work’s under table and all his home improvements…
Take his ass back to court get full custody & support. Period. Wht a low as man/dad🤮
What is full custody going to change? If you mentally can not handle it now then that won’t magically fix it’s self just because you have full custody. There isn’t really anything you can do about child support if he’s unwilling to work. Sure you can say something about the house and tv but in my experience that doesn’t matter they just want to see income coming in plus he could easily say that it was a gift. As far as a nanny goes I feel like that’s not necessary unless you work at night. I have a daughter with autism and I know how hard it can be but wanting full custody because you’re overwhelmed won’t change anything. File for disability for your child and they can give you a aid that comes in your child meets the qualifications.
If you have full custody why would you pay child support. Also if you know where he works, report then for paying people under the table.
Unfortunately they won’t change custody or stop support due to financial reasons. My ex is on disability, I didn’t work at the time only my SO and still had to pay child support which made me responsible for medical insurance and all bills even with having residential custody with 50/50 visitation. Mean while he has a brand new car and bought a new home. Gets $400+ in food stamps, All utilities paid and/or heavily discounted, and free heat for the winter. Meanwhile my family of 7 qualifies for zero help while he has a new house and brand new car and all bills paid for by the government for a family of one…… and a half!! 
courts unfortunately, do not care about financial aspects. If he is meeting court visitation schedule and such you won’t get any where in court. It will be a waste of time and resources. Unless you can prove him unfit…which they also make near impossible!!
Give him more time with the kids or start paying more … threaten to dob him on for tax evasion
Why would getting full custody alleviate any of the already heavy load you have? I would have the 65/35 split enforced for a while. Let him have them more so you can get a break. Make him take them to school the following morning of sleeping over. Make yourself unavailable and he can get a sitter or go to work late that day. Also confused with you saying you can’t watch them while working, but you take them to school? Reach out and see what programs are available for after school. Look into help with your little one. Try to organize things best for you and the kids. Hope it gets better for you.
You want to stop him from seeing the kids cuz he isn’t paying you or for them? 
I mean I get the frustration but what is gonna change is you get full custody? Do you think it will affect him or make him want to be present or pay for things? Or are you just trying to remove the minimum time the kids get to see him? I just don’t see how this would be a win for anyone if the courts gave you full custody. Why bother, if it will change nothing.
I had full custody of my son and everything you just said I did. My son’s dad never wanted to pay child support. I worked I worked and did everything for myself and my son. And my son is 28 and he is an amazing man
Go back to court, question his income. Courts will look into expensive items
I’d hire a PI and out him to the IRS for tax evasion since he doesn’t think he needs to help you in any way with children you made TOGETHER.
Go for child support, why should he live like a king, (under the table)while you bust your ass. If he is working under the table, he’s also not paying taxes, which is tax fraud, and a federal crime, which is prison time if he gets caught. File for support, you will not have to pay it, he will if he doesn’t show income they will still set the minimum amount for your state. Your youngest could also qualify for disability, call social security and check into it.
Also, if he stopped paying for life insurance, it may of had a cash payout clause if he canceled it and didn’t use it. You might check into that.
Why wasn’t child support set in your divorce?
You chose to have kids sorry not sorry as the mom it’s a given this would happen. Men can go as they please women can’t! You can go but you might not get what you want out of it
First you have custody he has visitation rights. He doesn’t have to help with anything. 1 overnight during the week and every other weekend is not custody. It is not 65/35. You can take him to court for support. You can submit the bills you pay to the court for reimbursement. You are a single mother. Some dads will not put in the extra effort like you want. It’s hard but you got to deal. Figure it out, if she is medically diagnosed autistic they have special schools and some insurances may send therapy to your house to help with her. I do not believe in whatsoever paying life insurance policy on kids, bad omen. If he does work, submit proof. Your jealous of what he is getting and not giving it to you. But unless he’s ordered he won’t.
By not pursuing child support you are not doing the best thing for your children. Believe me when I tell you that investigators find money “under the table” and report to the IRS. Once he realizes you are serious, he may be more cooperative.
Your 9 yr old is old enough to make his/her own breakfast and lunch for school
(My grand kids ages 8,10 and 13
All make their breakfast and lunches)
As for your special needs child Perhaps look for a day care center that specializes in kids with special needs
Especially with kids who are autistic and need and require a a certain routine
Take pictures where he is working at. Everything helps, and keep all your receipts, including all school activities.
You can go for child support. Even with no (reportable) income there is a minimum he is required to pay. At least there is in the state i live in because my ex would work under the table so child support enforcement couldn’t garnish his wages. They suspended his driver’s license and put a warrant out for his arrest for non payment of child support.
They would check his bank transactions, he would be in trouble you should remind him of that. He needs to give you something. I hope you are recieving the DLA etc you are entitled to aswell. Tell him things need to change or you will have to apply for things that may open a can of words for him.
Take him to domestics, they’ll make him work, or he’ll go to jail… eventually
How will child support make YOU pay if you have the kids 65% of the time? Something in your story isn’t adding up.
If the only reason you’re looking at contacting the current plan is money, you need to seriously consider the possibilities. Would you be ok with the judge giving him more time? Or how would you feel off the judge made him primary custodial parent? There’s always the possibility that the judge could look at it as you aren’t capable of taking care of them. My advice is stop worrying about what he is out isn’t doing and stop asking him for help. Yes he’s the father and should be, but y’all aren’t together for a reason. Start finding a way on your own. Yes it’s hard, but genuinely consider all options before making that decision.
Regardless if he works under the table they can still give him a child support order. My ex does the same crap and he has an order.
Yup file for that support, and when he says he’s “not working” a judge will make him get a job on the books, or go to jail for non payment
Why are you asking for such serious matters here when really no one is qualified to give you a correct answer. Call a family attorney or divorce attorney and tell him exactly what you just wrote here. He will give you the correct answer and what your next step is. Attorney’s don’t charge for advice over the phone. I have called with questions of my own and never received a bill.
Right now he doesn’t believe you will do anything that’s why he behaves in this manner .You have been way to lenient with him. Judges and courts are not stupid they know he is surviving some way and they will get to the bottom of his income and he may not like where he ends up sitting and it won’t be watching the big screen TV… You basically have full custody as it stands only not on paper . One thing sure and two things certain you did not create these children alone and you are not responsible for them alone. Sometimes you have to be the bigger “B” to get the job done. You do not sound like a weak person, you just need to step back and look at the real picture and continue on…
You CAN a take him for child support. And you should. Your kids deserve a dad that takes care of them financially and a mom that is not completely stressed out.
File with your states child support recovery department. They will help determine child support amount if you don’t already have one. They will also determine arrears. He will be ordered to pay. If he doesn’t then the child support accrues and he will be taken to court and ordered to pay or go to jail. (There are steps in between such as driver’s license suspension).
My ex quit his job and would work under the table to avoid paying child support for our kids. Filing with Child Support Recovery was the best thing I ever did. You may never get regular payments but you will get some support and you won’t have to keep up with what he owes.
Take him to support court
Show what you are paying and your needs for a daycare provider (not a nanny) even if they come to house for a few hours its costly !
Have it enforced through your local child support unit in your county
You can still go for child support. They will still make him pay even if he doesn’t have a job. You can also make him pay half for day care along with any other bills. Take it to court stop letting him get a free ride.
Why on Earth would they make YOU pay HIM child support? Take him to court for full custody or rat him out for getting paid under the table. You and your kids deserve that money he’s not paying. If he can buy an 82in tv and carpeting, he can pay for babysitting help at the very least
You most certainly can take him for support. You don’t have to settle on what the court says he has to pay. This is something a lot of people don’t understand. We don’t need to take the other parent for everything they make, we can make an agreement in court that we all think is beneficial, at least in PA we can. I could have been receiving $135 weekly for one child but we agreed on $75. Which was plenty for his school lunches and whatever he needed in a week. I was lucky though, we also agreed that since the weekly amount was less, if our son needed anything else, or I needed help with clothing, medications, doctor bills, or whatever, I just had to ask. It truly made it more beneficial for our son that way. Although, he did get him as much as he could have, go to many school functions, and such, we still managed to make the best for our son. My youngest however, his dad did absolutely nothing. And after years of not receiving a dime and them not doing anything, I dropped the $45 weekly support and was awarded full legal and physical custody of our son. Both my kids are grown now. I look back and I’m happy with how I handled it all. I know my youngest could have benefitted more financially but mentally he wouldn’t have. But, even if he works under the table he will be responsible for those kids. Now days, if they don’t pay, it goes against their credit scores, they could lose their license, goto jail, etc. Definitely go and file, it will all go into arrears when he doesn’t pay.
You can go back to court and regardless the judge will impute him as minimum wage.
You can still go after them if they work under the table. You just need to get proof. If you have text or something stating he works, is buying expensive things …my friend just did that to her ex
You’d be able to get support. It goes off who has the kids more and since you do he will have to pay you. They will input his income at min wage so he will just rack up arrears till he starts paying
Take him to court. Take custody.
You are so wrong…she needs to get court records he owns his home document that he works under the table easy to do contact irs they will ck his boss …have some witnesses about his income it may take a little time but do it…he will be made to pay…
Well a lot of men aren’t active participants in their child’s life but if you need monetary help go for it.
Why would the courts make you pay him child support??? Report him
See a lawyer! Don’t take advise online. Each state and each situation is different!
Him working under the table in the courts eyes is shady. Expose his ass. He needs to pay for his kids. If he can afford all the things, you mentioned he can afford to pay for his kids. Call a family lawyer and let them know all of this. Working under the table and not paying taxes is illegal and tax evasion which is a felony. You can also let the IRS know about this as well. It amazes me how these non-*present parents think they can manipulate the system and get away with this shit. It won’t be hard getting full custody when your children’s father is committing pretty serious crimes. I would contact a family attorney immediately and expose his BS.
Go to court if he doesn’t want to tell him to give support or you are going to court and your gonna tell them he works under the table.
Time to get a good family lawyer to answer all these questions
Get a lawyer there are laws on the books too take care of him and what he has been doing!
What do you mean you would pay him? You have them and take care of them 100% while he just swoops in 1 day a week to spend time with them. Show the courts you already pay 100% for everything as it is. And they need to force him to show proof of his income. Talk to an actual lawyer about this. If he owns his own home that’s assets he has money. Owning a vehicle proves assets. There has to be a witness that can testify he is making and spending money. Please get help from an attorney on this. Full custody or not I don’t see how he isn’t paying for anything, not even medical.
That’s so sad! They are his. Children too! I would try and get full custody ! Have you checked into any financial help ? Good luck he sure sounds like a loser😢
What do you need to do is find out where he’s working, if you can take any time off of work for personal time. Take a day or a day there. Somehow someway follow him prove that he’s working. If you can prove he’s working what company he works for if the company is paying him under the table you could turn them into unemployment and they would be forced to pay him on the books. It’s a whole world of difference when a company is being scrutinized for paying their employees under the table. I worked for a company to try to pay me partly into the table and I told them no I want my paycheck on the books. The guys like that you get more money in your pocket, he said no I lose out in the end you either pay me completely in my paycheck or you have a problem. It would benefit you and your children. If he’s not paying a damn thing and he still has partial custody, that isn’t right. You’re doing everything and you need help and he refuses to help. If he owns her home he has to be able to prove that he’s able to afford that home in order to keep it. How is he paying the mortgage on the house he owns even the taxes if he was given the house and through a family member‘s death or whatever. He still has to be able to prove that he can afford to pay that. He can’t say they borrowing the money because he has the price of these borrowing the money. Get yourself a little bit of backing and go for it.
There is ways they can catch him doing cash jobs if you know where he works. Go full custody. Also if your struggling there is assistance. You don’t need that crap. Bring proof of what you pay out vs. Him. Its golden! Document EVERYTHING
Record everything document everything if it’s via text save them
Been there same thing you need to engage him to n conversation best via text so it’s on record. Make the court to a. Child support assets report
If he can afford new house and all that then he will need to prove how- do you know where he works ? A picture says a thousand words.
They will make him get a job also and set support. He has to provide for his family and ass sitting doesn’t pay bills.
tough being a mommy, I did this all by myself, no child support, since my kids were 1& 3 yrs old, And I worked & went to college, I did it because of my kids, Stop whining & be a mother to your kids, Life is tough. If he pays no support, see if you can get help from the state you live in. Put those Big Girl panties on & know you can do this, especially for your kids
All you have to do is prove to the court that he bought a new TV and all those other things and hasn’t given you a dime. I don’t believe that he’s not gonna have to pay child support. And the courts hate it when people get paid under the table to avoid having to pay child support. He may have you convinced of that but that doesn’t mean there’s not a paper trail through his bank
Take him to court and file for child support. it took the both of u to make the child and it takes both parents to take care of them and doesn’t matter if he works under the table or not u derve help u won’t have to pay child support since the kids r with u most of the time sounds like he’s trying to avoid paying u any child support .after u do it u won’t regret it. U won’t be so stressed
With all these hate n one side storys the outcome on some ppl views might would be diffrent if we had BOTH sides of the story
The court wouldn’t make you pay child support if you have the kids majority of the time. But the court will make him pay back child support if he doesn’t pay. Go for full custody. That’s what your doing anyway then go for child support.
Also, if you have any proof he’s getting paid under the table… take it and show the judge.
Consult with a lawyer 100%.
contact an attorney before you take anybody advice. If you can’t afford an attorney see if you qualify for legal aid If that doesn’t pan out, look for attorneys that may represent you pro Bono. They can be found in most large cities.
I would tell him, either start paying you support or you will turn him in to the courts! No need for this🤬
You can file for child support. He’d be still on the hook to pay it even if he’s working under the table. I wouldn’t try to take his time away, unfortunately he’s still their Dad, even if he is a loser.
My dad worked under the table for quite a few years and still had to pay child support and their custody arrangement was the same way as yours… I don’t think they would make you pay, most likely they would set his at the minimum though… I would take in any and all receipts of everything that are necessities that you pay for as well
My son’s bio father worked under the table and the child support judge still ordered him to pay $83 a week with no evidence of him having a job or anything. Never saw a dime of it though until it reaches over 40k in arrears before they closed the account out.
Contact your attorney. They’ll get him for back support, and if he doesn’t pay he’ll lose his license and possibly face jail time. You can stipulate things like paying for insurance, too.
Love it when they work under the table and claim no income while you gotta pay all types of taxes lol
If you have full custody you can’t get child support
Is there a current support order?
… I know that in Canada ( I’m ontario ) only communicate through emails as they can be used in court. Record conversations- in person or on the phone. Get a lawyer and request the judge order his bank statements. He has to pay a mortgage on the house, he has to pay bills, if there’s no money coming in legally, they’ll ask how he’s able to pay for all his things. Pretty sure that working under the table in order to not support your kids, is illegal. He’ll end up owning retroactive support once they determine that he does in fact have an income and chooses not to support his kids.
I’d go for full custody and have them look into his financial situation and make him pay for his kids
Tell him that he needs to help. He won’t want to be investigated for how he is able to buy all that stuff with no income.
Hope it all works out 4 you but one thing that struck a nerve with me is that u said u watch your kids while working remotely! Their your kids your not babysitting! That kills ne when a parent says watching their own kids!! You take care of your kids!! 
Communicate only through texts and emails. Maybe see if you could get a free consult from a lawyer? So sorry you are going through this.
Go back to court. Have it put in the court order he has to help pay for medical bills, school fees, activities they do And a baby sitter. Also make sure he has to keep insurance on them. File for child support.
They will make him pay no matter what. If u can show u have them then they can’t make you pay child support. My bd don’t have a job and they made him pay still. They will tell him to get a job and the child support will rack up each time he don’t pay.
Everyone saying get a lawyer… lawyers are expensive, very expensive. Some people just can’t up and get a lawyer.
The courts would not make u pay him child support 
I wouldn’t get full custody that isn’t fair to your children . In the divorce u didn’t get child support and alimony? File for child support he will get a job to pay it or have to pay it on his own or risk going to jail
File for full custody and child support
You have more custody then him the courts can not make up pay him. Even if he works under the table you file for child support let it rack up and everytime he doesn’t make the payments file contempt after so many time they will put him in jail if he doesn’t start paying
They would make you pay, for what? Unless there’s some state law for that, I doubt you’d pay.
That said, there’s ways to be petty but unless you really wanna go there, don’t. Talk to social services, family, friend before going afyer him.
Get a GOOD lawyer that deals with cases like this through the legal system of Child Support. My ex moved out of state, did nothing, paid for nothing, and basically abandoned his children. The system/court finally investigated him and rectified the entire situation for me. Basically, the COURT took care of it for me.
Take him to small claims after things accumulate.
My BD never paid for crap! He tried that under table pay stuff to! The court system KNOWS that these so called Dads are shady AF with these schemes… Girl you do what you gotta do For YOU & YOUR KIDS…
Judge told my BD to go work at McDonald’s to pay for his Daughter…
My daughter is now 25 and BD JUST DECIDED after some jail time he was tired of ME holding HIM back and keeping his license from him for the last 9 years. (Cause ya Know it’s ALL MY FAULT).
Whether he works under the table or whatever you can and need to file for CS. The courts will set it based at 40 wks at minimum wage and he will have to pay it. They don’t care how he pays it but he is responsible for CS. I don’t see a judge giving you full custody because he does get them one day a week and every other weekend.
Why would the courts make you pay him CS???
Take his butt to court. And get full custody and child support. He can help you one way or the other. You need to look out for your self and kids.
Ummm…ok…first of all for full custody you would have to prove he’s a danger to his child. Secondly…ur complaints are he’s not financially helping and he’s not physically helping and it’s too much for you to handle…but…now u want to take him to court and let him do even less? This makes no sense to me. Also…and I can’t stress this enough, child support has absolutely zero bearings on a parent seeing and spending time with their child. Take him to court for child support. You won’t be the one paying if u have the child more. My bf pays his ex cs and makes about 3k less than her a month.
My ex doesn’t have a job. I have full custody. He pays $300 a month to me in child support. Find a lawyer that will help you. You can also get half any child care expenses too. I live in Arkansas though, you’ll have to contact a lawyer and see your state custody laws.
I have a friend who’s husband told the court he couldn’t live paying child support.He didnt make enough money.The judge told him to get a second job or go to jail.
Sounds to me that you already doing it all and he’s enjoying a free ride enjoying his kids with no responsibility except being the fun parent BS on that! If he wants the glory of being a Dad then stand up and take some of the responsibility and expense it takes to raise children! Kids are expensive! So my question is why are you letting him get away with it?? Instead of trying to do it all yourself get a good lawyer and put pressure on him, besides why should he have everything nice and easy and you struggling to see your children’s needs are met? All he’s doing is making you look like a fool while he has his cake, frosting and gets to have a free ride and still be called Dad! So get yourself a backbone, good lawyer and make him earn the title of being called “Dad”!!
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