Should I Have Some Say in the Bridesmaids' Dresses the Bride Picked Out?

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"I am participating in a wedding and I am the maid of honor! We had one meeting one month ago disputing all the details of the wedding (vintage style) and dress codes for the bridesmaids. And quote! We were told to chose a dress the fit us. It can be different style but it had to be the colors of the wedding. I was ok with that! I even went to try dress with the bride and we loved one very much and it fits Well. She even replied it’s beautiful are you going to get it. I mentioned to her I have been losing some weight and I need it to wait. Fast forward to 2 weeks after. She sends a message to the brides maid needed to chose a certain style dress because she and her wedding planner chose other wise. I ask her if the groom are going to do the same and she told me no!. I mentioned that I don’t feel comfortable with the option of dressing vintage but she mentioned that was not an option. What is your opinion? I am paying for the dress"

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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

"Do what you would expect your bridesmaids to do on your wedding day"

"It’s her wedding day the day is about her and the groom. You didn’t buy the previous dress so you’re not losing out on any money or anything."

"It is her day. I totally understand not liking what you’re being asked to wear in a wedding, though. I was 7 months pregnant, in 90+ degree heat, in Texas (I’m a MI girl), and still wore the tulle dress that I looked stupid in, with white converse tennies that made me look even more stupid anyway because that was what the bride wanted. It’s only one day. Either suck it up for your friend or politely bow out with enough notice that she can find a replacement."

"It’s her wedding. Her choice! BUT, changing the plans without discussing it first is crappy!"

"I think once a decision was made she should have stuck with it, just to be considerate. But thankfully it sounds like no one has bought a dress yet, so it wasn’t too late to flip flop. Aside from that, it’s her day, she’s entitled to choose the style of the dresses worn & you agreed to that when you accepted the invitation to be apart of someone else’s wedding. It’s one day. Be a little selfless and appease you friend."

"I think it’s annoying that she said you can chose any style and then changed it however it’s her wedding and in most cases the bride chooses the exact dress and you pay for your own. At least she’s giving you the option of dresses with in a style so you have room to make it suit you. If it’s your friend/family you suck it up for the day and go vintage."

"Look for the dress that fits the theme at thrift stores."

"Unfortunately when you agree to be in a wedding, you have to go with the flow of what the bride/groom want. It’s their wedding, their choice. If you’re uncomfortable with it and they’re not changing their minds, you need to nicely tell them you can’t be a part of the bridal party. But be prepared to possibly lose the friendship. Some people this is a deal breaker…"

"If she wants to play dress up with actual real life people for HER wedding, she should be paying for it…"

"If she changes her mind like that then she can pay for it. It says alot about her as a person and friend that she doesn’t care if you’re comfortable wearing something or not though. Tell her no to being in the wedding if you’re not comfortable. She can figure it out from there. Don’t wear something you’re not comfortable in just to please others, wedding or not. I’m sure she wouldn’t like if someone did that to her."

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