Should I invite my FIL to my daughters party?

My husband doesn’t have the best relationship with his dad. My FIL remarried when my husband was 4. The step mother has never cared for my husband due to him “not being hers”. The step mother had another child from a previous relationship and my FIL and stepmother had a child together. My husband is the only one that went to college and works. The other two are capable of working but are users and choose not to. This past weekend the family got together and we were not invited for my FIL birthday dinner. My question is our daughters birthday is coming up. Do we invite them to the party or cut ties?

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Help a mama out and respond anonymously on our forum. Should I invite my FIL to my daughters party?

I would leave that decision to your husband

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How does your husband feel about inviting him?..
Personally, I would send him in an invite for your daughter’s sake… It’s up to him if he comes.

Honestly I wouldn’t… if the FIL can allow his wife to treat his son like that, I wouldn’t subject my child to possibly being treated the same way… I always went by the saying “if your toxic to me, your toxic to my child, idc who you are”

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That’s a conversation you need to have with your husband

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Nope. I definitely would not.

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How old is your child? Is other family coming? What does your husband want?

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Nope, I don’t allow people like that around my child. “Family” doesn’t mean anything if they treat you poorly.

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I think they have already cut the ties .

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I believe in always being/ looking like the bigger person. Talk to your husband he should have a say but Personally I would send the invite knowing that they most likely would not show up anyway. And this way you can say you always made the effort, Even if you’re really cursing them in the back of your head. Best of luck :crossed_fingers:

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Nah, had your husband thought that would be a good idea, he’d have invited them himself.

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Nope I would cut ties. My famy isn’t any better. I cut ties. My kids have my hubby big family. The heck with mine.

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Must be more to this story

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I think this is your husbands call but I wouldn’t if I were in his shoes.

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That’s your husband’s call

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Ask your daughter if she wants them there

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Ask your husband how he feels about that

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Too much toxicity on that side, the less the better.

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That’s got nothing to do with you, not your choice to make. Let your husband make that call.

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This is up to your husband. Then up to the father if he wants ato come or not. Only invite if he wants to. Don’t concern yourshelf with these people unless it’s to support your husband. If he says he doesn’t want to then don’t. If he says invite then invite but I bet they/ he wouldn’t come anyway.

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Up to hubby. But in the end, two wrongs don’t make a right. Him being there is for your kids, not you. So invite away and if he says no then :tipping_hand_woman:

Invite them. Let them choose to come or not.

I’d invite him. He probably won’t show up, but at least he was given a chance. You seem to be putting most of blame on the stepmother. To be honest, I think your FIL is worse. It’s his job as a parent to step up and make sure his children are treated just as fairly as the others. He failed to do that. He essentially said, my wife and her/our children are more important. He’s either a weak man, who is afraid to put his foot down with her, or he just doesn’t care. Either way, your husband needs to have a 1:1 conversation with him. It has to be just the 2 of them, without any input or interference from anyone else. Your husband needs to bring attention to everything that he’s been left out of, or when he’s been treated differently. It’s important that he continues to invite his father, because it will show him that the distancing is one sided.

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Nope I would cut ties.

Toxic is Toxic. Don’t try to force anyone to be there for your children. Children know who love them and who don’t.

I would suggest asking the husband how he feels about it first but it seems like the ties have already been cut, I wouldn’t bother trying to maintain a relationship they’re clearly not interested in being a part of

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Cut ties if husband is ok with it

Nope just don’t invite them

Always remember you do not have to extend yourself to anyone you don’t want to. Your energy is yours. Your space. Your mind and your family’s is what’s important. Always put that above everything. Don’t allow anyone to intrude that space negatively. Make your decision after weighing in how those feelings will effect the mood , you - and others around you and go from there.

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Cut ties and do not invite them.

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Man invite the FIL only and don’t allpw his wofw there, she’s a shit step mom, if he doesn’t come he doesn’t come

How old is your daughter? If she’s old enough let her decide to have it not too hang a relationship with her grandparents.

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Cut ties best thing you will do

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Be the bigger person. Invite them.

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Completely your husband’s call.

Your role is to support HIS decision.

As someone who’s been there with the in-laws (not the same situation at all but…), situations change, people change, perspectives change.

You need to remain flexible and open. This is likely something that isn’t going to be resolved quickly. Why add fuel to the fire? Or stoop to that level? You never know which bits and pieces your children will remember.

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that’s up to your husband not you.

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Invite but without expectations. Make it buffet so you don’t need to count okates

Honestly I wouldn’t. But it’s up to your husband if he wants to invite him or not. Stand by him. The only time I would step in and make a decision over the husband is if they mistreated your daughter. Then the awnser would be no anyway. Like they favored other grandkids over her or acted like she wasn’t part of the family. Etc.

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I can’t stand my MIL :skull: she has done some shady dirty crap to my husband his whole life BUT when it comes to stuff like this I allow my husband to make that decision it’s his family and I support him in what ever he wants as long as it’s not hurting my child I stay out of everything that has to do with his family it’s worked great this way the last 16 years

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Invite him, let him decide to come or not. If he doesn’t, you have an answer.

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Nah nah nah screw them for sure!! Sounds like some toxicity you don’t need your child around :woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

I understand that you don’t have a good relationship with your FIL but have you asked your daughter what she wants?
You could be the bigger person and as it’s her birthday, I think that perhaps that’s would be the more adult thing to do. I’m sure that he would be uncomfortable attending anyway and may not even turn up. Even if he does, this would be an event at a place of your choosing with your friends and family, so your support would be there.

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:scissors: ties with toxic people is like poison, if you take it , it will take over your life.

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A birthday party is not the best time to try to repair a relationship. That should happen with your husband and his father separately. Then you bring in the rest of the family. If it doesn’t work out then it doesn’t work out. Family doesn’t always mean a relationship.

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