The past 6 months have been pretty bad. He has talked to his mom about some of our issues. She told him to move back home to help her take care of his stepfather. She has not spoken to me since May. We are going to my family for Christmas this year. He is going to go to his momās for 2 nights then come and get our son and take him there for one night.
Now my question is should I go with my son? I just donāt know if I am welcomed or how to feel. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
A side note I still have no idea where things are with my husband and I. We are trying to work on things as we love each other.
My husband and I have been together for almost 23 years. Through out our marriage I have had issues of him talking to other people about our issues before talking to me. We have 5 children. 4 are mine from a previous relationships and we have one together.
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My in laws havenāt spoke to me in almost a year so if I were I the hell wh them Iād take my kid and go be wh my family
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If I trusted my husband and i trusted my in-laws and the ppl my son was going to be around - trusted with my child not myself or my own feelings only my childās- then I would not go. If I didnāt trust all the above then Iād suck it up and take one for the team because my child should not pay for grown up actions and they are his family weather I like them or not.
Maybe sit down and talk to your husband. Tell him how you feel. You arenāt sure if itās ok for you to go to his familyās house for Christmas with him. You love him and want to go as a family. See what he says. Just put it all out there without any hollaring or fighting. Let him know that you want to do things as a family because you love him. he will let you know if that is what he wants or not. Good luck
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I would not go anywhere I wasnāt welcomeā¦and by her not speaking to you since May, I personally wouldnāt go thereā¦.she wonāt respect you if you donāt respect yourself enough to not let her treat you like crapā¦.itās hard, I get it more than prob anyone but you cannot let her disrespect youā¦think about the example being set for your son as wellā¦he sees all thatās going onā¦.if your husband truly does love you he will not allow you to be in an uncomfortable situation, family or notā¦
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If you arenāt welcome your son isnāt either. Thatās how I feel. If I canāt go my kids canāt either. We are a family, a package deal. All or nothing.
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He obviously doesnāt feel comfortable talking to you ā¦ work on that first
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I would let my son go with him. Then when the holidays are over we would be sitting down and discussing where we were headed and the proper way to handle things between us. I feel that since he made plans to just get your son heās already not including you and you shouldnāt force it. But to me that says heās already separating things between you. Iām not one to keep my kid from his family though if we all donāt get along well. I want my son to be able to enjoy his family with no drama. If that means me not going fine but going forward my husband will respect me and talk to me
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Why would you want to go if his mother isnāt talking to you it would uncomfortable feelings, as for child that you you have together i would let him go donāt bring a child in the middle.you have a good chirstmas with the other children. Donāt set yourself up to get hurt.
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If I wasnāt welcome my husband would not be I go when my husband went I would not let her have any free time with my husband
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Soā¦ this usually happens when one spouse will not communicate or communicate rationally in the relationship. Many times it isnāt the person going around talking about the otherā¦it is others asking questions about obvious issues. If he is just reaching out to talkā¦ maybe he is at his wits end with a situationā¦and needs to talk about itā¦but feels he canāt communicate with his partner. So instead of asking the internetā¦ ask your husband. You are now guilty of what you are accusing him of doing.
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You need to sit down or have a date night so you can talk about your future and let him know you want to work in it as you still live him. He sounds lost and confused. If he goes there to stay she will be able to keep him and talk him into moving in. Fight for him. Pray about it. Pray together as well. God bless.
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At this point not my son would not go if i wasnt welcome.
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Do not allow your husband to take your son without you. His sleepover with his mommy might be permanent. Then what? You will have to get the courts involved to get your son back. Meanwhile your husband and son are playing house elsewhere and you have no recourse at that point.
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All these people say why would you go if your not welcome. What if his mom convince him to move back and he kept the son? Parent who has the child gets custody until court. I would a million x times go if things are rocky.
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Iām so confusedā¦
Arenāt you doing the exact same thing that youāre complaining about him doing?
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Eh. Im not going. My husband can take our son and foster that relationship if he wants. Im over their ickyness.
Save yourself. Do something nice for you instead
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Stay with your family sweetie
As your husbands family sound toxic
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Communication is key in any marriage, so speak to your husband. Donāt make any half-cocked decisions that may further damage your relationship.
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Do NOT let your son go without you. You have no custody agreement in court that is legally binding. He can legally take your son and not return him
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Id say no, because it sounds really toxic and from you saying heās gonna pick up your sonā¦he must have said just that. If his mother hasnt spoken to you since mayā¦ I highly doubt she wants you at her houseā¦dont force yourself on others, especially people like that your setting yourself up to be in a uncomfortable situationā¦just spend time with your other childrenā¦or your familyā¦
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Donāt go,go to your own family, donāt go were you feel unwanted
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āDont let him take HIS son he will keep him from youā
keeps son from dad
I see the hypocrisy 
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Let your son go. Stay home and relax .
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Thereās a lot going on here.
First. Addressing the first part of this.
Sometimes talking to someone about issues youāre having before talking to the person whose the issue for you helps. It helps you calm down. It helps you see things clearly. It helps get a different perspective.
I know for me if I have an issue with my husband I take my time before saying anything because I donāt want to say or do anything either of us is going to regret.
Now. Heres the problem: when you vent to someone theyāre strictly getting your side. Itās so easy to turn the person youāre venting about into the āvillainā of the story even when you donāt mean to. Especially if the person listening doesnāt have a close connection to the person being vented about.
Itās one reason Iām careful about who I talk to. If I talk to anyoneā¦I talk to my best friend. Sheās like the girl version of my husband. So she actually understands and gives better advice than āleaveā
But maybe your husband feels like his mom is the only person he trusts. I get that. Because for a long time I didnāt talk to anyone.
Youāre doing it yourself. Right now. Youāre asking the internet and talking to the internet about the problem youāre having.
The only difference is that weāre not actually involved in your life.
I do understand why this is a problem for you to a point because now his momās views of you have changed ā¦but I think you need to understand why heās talked to his momā¦ And that whatever it wasā¦was so bad that she felt justified in cutting you off for months and encouraging him to leave?
Has that issue been resolved between you two? If not then thereās the root of the problem and with the question youāve asked I feel addressing the root problems to be the biggest help.
How does your husband feel about all of it? Have you really talked to him? Have you listened to how heās feeling? Not just his momās reaction but his feelings? His thoughts,?
I think thatās the second thing. Whether you go with your son to his familyās or not, really needs to be a discussion between you and your husband.
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So, youāre mad that your husband talks to his mom about his problems? You have a son, try putting yourself in your mother in lawās position.
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They have a plan and they have been plotting against you,so NO!!!
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Ask your husband if your mother-in-law would like for you to come
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Unless you were invited to go with your son and spend Christmas with your sonās dadās family/mom, do not go. Especially if youāre gonna feel unwelcomed.
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First off - you can not force love & respect. Second - how you two handle this - your children are watching - a the very base of their future relationship- is how you two handle this.
Third - the 4 corners of a relationship- trust, accountability, responsibility and loyalty.
Fourth- communication between you two needs to happen.
Now with these 4 - you make the decision. Do you want to enjoy or feel FU this holiday season?
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I do wonder just how old your son is that you had together after being together for almost 23 yr, I am thinking he is older, and if he is, he has a choice to where he wants to go,
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If she hasnāt talked to you in months and didnāt personally invite you Iād say thatās a pretty good indication you may not be wanted there. Let Dad and Grandson enjoy their time without the uneasiness. Maybe all of you need a break for a couple of days 
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My opinion and I may get hate for this. But my kids wonāt go anywhere that Iām not welcome. Idc what anyone says. Iāve had problems with my mil also but my husband has always defended me bc thatās what heās suppose to do. Once married, you put your spouse and kids first, thatās the family you chose to create.
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Marriage is a team effort between husband and wife not mother in law. He needs to grow up and learn how to talk to you
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I wouldnāt let my son go with him unless I went with him because if he has him and yāall decide to separate he can keep him Pharmacy I hate to say it but kids is like property if he has them he can keep them if you have them you can keep him until there is a custody worked out of court I just wouldnāt let him go or I go with him
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I would take all 5 of my children to my parents until my husband pulled it together or packed his shit and left.
Why canāt he get advise or perspective from someone other than you?
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Love is always not enough to stick around! definitely need more than just love to keep a healthy an happy relationship going!!
Do.NOT.Let.That.Baby.Leave.Your.Side!! If you are not even sure where you and him stand, what confidence do you have that he will bring your baby home!?
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If Iām not invited or welcomed neither are my children 
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If you are trying to work on things then itās up to your husband to make sure you are respected and you have every right not to miss out on Christmas with your son. Also your husband should be coming with you to your family Christmas as well instead of him going alone and acting as if heās separated. Sounds like heās married to his mother and trying to please her. 
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Marriage is definitely a team effort . You are not disinvited just because you donāt speak . If your husband is going to take his son , I would go as well . Sometimes we canāt assume we are not welcome . Anyway my children do not go anywhere without me . Go see how things play out.
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If you donāt go that just gives your MIL one more thing to condemn you for-go and have a great time despite them-if your husband loves you and youāre trying to work things out-itāll show him your support
How passive/agressive is he? He doesnāt seem to be able to talk to you very easily. His going to momaās for a couple days and getting the kiddo later, makes me wonderā¦is he making plans to leave, altogether and unable to tell you? Idkā¦ I might be pessimistic, but I would go with your son. If mothing else, it will give you the chance to āclear the airā with hubby, in front if his motherā¦so there will be no lying by anyone and no āswayedā story from your husband to his mother.
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I feel if Iām not welcome neither are my children
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I donāt know anything about your ex but if takes the child would he refuse to give him back because there is nothing you can do about it untill you go to court and file for custodyā¦just something to think about
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Not going is working on the relationship? Please tell me how? Even how spending Christmas apart is āworking on itā? Smh
Sometimes we donāt know what we have until it becomes what we had. Marriage is working together. Together being the operative word
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Spend Christmas together both families. Be a united front.
I am sorry he has ever betrayed confidences to ANYONE, let alone his momā¦
He should have stayed put - in your home.
Go if you are invited.
Ask him to please stop confiding in his mother ā¦ it is driving the wedge even deeper ā¦
Iām sorry youāre going through this - <3
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You both should be together on Christmas. What is your child gonna think of that? Mentally that is going to mess him up. Unless he is seeing someone else.
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I donāt know why heās not allowed to go with his father, if heās a good dad and heās safe with him why do you feel the need to go
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Do not let your child go anywhere you arenāt welcomed! If I canāt go my kids arenāt either. Period,. End of discussion.
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Counseling together and individually. Share Christmas together and then go to parents both or separately.
Iād ask him if youāre invited.
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Sounds like yāall are separating if heās going to his momās alone then just him and his son
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Just so you know if yall are separating he can keep his son and NOT give him back till yall go to court.
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It sounds like the line has already been drawn. Ask him what he wants. What do you think?
Then totally spend your FAMILY time all together!!! No matter where that isā¦āwhereā isnāt the important matter 
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Make your presence & your position be known, yet also remember the value in flying under the radar while all together. Itās not over til the fat lady sings. Holidays are valuable times to be enjoyed together. At the present, your place is to be with your husband, imo. You two are a package deal! 
You could always find a way to make space, find a way to do something than be elbow to elbow with your MIL, though. Be creative. Enjoy some time outside, maybe, to avoid issues. God Bless you.
Family strife is an issue for me this year. Praying for us both. 
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My #1 rule: if Iām not welcomed MY KIDS ARENT GOING!!! If you and your husband are on bad terms thatās rough and every kid should be allowed Christmas with their dad. HOWEVER, if you arenāt welcomed I donāt view it as a āhealthy environmentā and wouldnāt even humor letting my kids go. If the dad wants to see his kid for Christmas then he should just go see you and the kid then go back to his momās house.
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Dues anyone tall face to face about their personal issues anymore Comunication is so lost between people
This is partly what was killing my oldestās dad and my relationship! He would run to his mother and sister, and they would tell the whole family, then eventually they all hated me. There were many, many other issues, though, namely that I was expected to cook, clean, manage the baby, go to college, and still work full time while he only worked and watched tv/football 24/7. He didnāt do laundry, pick the house up, no bathing our son; just absolutely, positively NOTHING. Even if I asked. Now, Iām not perfect either, I have some mental diagnoses that make me hard to deal with sometimes. But, leaving was the biggest blessing for me, because now I am happily married to the love of my life- meanwhile heās not been able to keep a relationship for more than a year. He wonāt date women because their āvoice is too raspyā or theyāre ātoo tall.ā If youāre still willing to work on it, understand he will probably not quit doing this. As long as that is something youāre willing to continue working on, then definitely go. If not, then you really need to make some decisions. Good luck, I know itās hard. But trust is a huge part of a relationship. Itās really hard to fix broken trust when itās been repeatedly broken. hugs
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Goodness. Get rid of that wus. He isnāt man enough to discuss things with you first. Let him go to āmommie.ā Surprise, surprise! She will be getting back exactly what she has raised. A wus.
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Telling his mom some issues that are happening I donāt feel should be a big issue. I would go to my mom all the time when things got tough in my BF. Sometimes I would be in wrong and sometimes not. Now sending my child away to stayā¦ Different ball game. All Iām goin to say is possession is 9/10 of the law when getting divorced when it comes to kids until you go to court.
No u shouldnāt go seems u werenāt invited stay with your other kids and let him go with his dad .
Unless thereās a custody order I wouldnāt let him go. He doesnāt have to give him back until there is an order and that could take quite some time.
If you are not invited then none of you go
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Pull up and be as nice as you possibly can unless you get disrespected
Have you tried to talk with your husband to see if you are all welcomed and if not why? Are you guys see a counselor, sounds like their may be some communication issues. Also on a personal note some people are just very open with information and others are not seems like maybe you and your husband may be on a opposite ends and may need a compromise.
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Talk to your husband. You should be able to go to. Your his wife even if itās rocky.
My guy did that bad in the beginning, I finally flipped out and told him if we ended up splitting then it would be her fault because she couldnāt keep her nose out of our businessā¦
I talk to my mom about our problems and she gives me advice but she doesnāt blast them to everyone or judge either one of us and she donāt stick her nose up in our businessā¦ when I tell her something she doesnāt tell a soul, his mom is complete opposite and thinks she needs to call and bitch me out too and once he realized how much of a strain that was on us he quit
No. You go were ever your son goes. If she didnāt want you there. Well you get your son. And leave. Your the mother. And your son is gonna need you. Even tho you guys donāt get along. Or so what. Still thatās your son. Not hers.
Sounds to me you donāt want to accept the fact that your marriage is over. When 2 people such as yourselves canāt communicate, there is no relationship. Bottom line is, he is dragging you along. Because he doesnāt want to pay child support and, divorce will cost too much.