Do I let my boyfriend adopt my son if we are not exactly on stable ground? My boy is 5 and he’s been in his life since he was 1 1/2. His real dad is not a part of his life at all, so this man is the only dad he’s known. My boyfriend and I have another child together. I’m hesitant because we don’t see eye to eye at times and he lets his emotions get the best of him at times as well. I love the man to death but I’m not sure we will always be together. We just seem to be so different.
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What if y’all go separate ways and you find someone you are more compatible with and that is a great father figure and you end up wanting him to adopt him? I believe if you want your son to go see this guy along with the other child then do it when you want on your terms.
I’d ask, is he consistently there for your son? If so, yes. If he’s not consistently there for him, I’d be reevaluating a lot of choices.
Absolutely not. Adoption gives him legal rights. You can let him visit on your terms.
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Typically the other bio parents consent is needed, whether he’s in the child’s life or not. They’d have you make contact or the courts will try also. Consent wouldn’t be needed if the other parent has had their parental rights terminated due to neglect, abuse ect… so it’s just a few hoops to jump through… But hopefully everything will work out for your family 
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He doesn’t need to be with you to be a father. The two do not go hand in hand.
A conversation about the “what ifs” should happen if you feel you will not always be together.
His love for you or your relationship status should have zero to do with whether or not he adopts your son.
He’s done the dad thing for years for him at this point.
Simply ask him “if we proceed with adoption, and hypothetically end up not remaining together, are you still going to be willing to accept and care for this child as your own?”
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If you split with this man, you already have a child with him anyway. He will be a part of that child’s life forever. If he loves your other child as his own and your son loves him as his father, there is no reason that relationship couldn’t continue forever regardless if he adopts him or not. What are his reasons for even wanting to go through all the hassle, cost and take on that level of responsibility? The only reason that I can see is if he has concerns about you as a mother. Or, if he worries that you may be vindictive if you were to split and prevent him from seeing your son.
Not if yall aint on good terms…hard no
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I would not unless y’all got married.
my ex whom I have 2 kids with raised my oldest from the time he was just a month old to when we split when he was 3 1/2. he cut my oldest off regardless of my oldest only knowing him as dad. so if y’all split you have no idea if he is going to keep wanting to be his father.
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If you are not sure you’ll always be together…100% NO!
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If you’re already hesitant then you e answered your own question !!!
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Pretty sure you answered your own question here… 
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Never ever let someone adopt your child unless you know 100% for sure it’s a forever thing. Just don’t. If he loves your child, yes, he will probably be upset, but not having that legal document will not stop him from loving your son.
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Only if you were to marry. As is I’d say no
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No, you’re not good terms. He would have full parental rights. If you split he could fight for full custody and get it.
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If you aren’t sure you’re gonna be with him forever ,then no ,honestly if you aren’t sure he is gonna be you’re forever yall shouldn’t even be together rn as is ,it sucks and it’s sad but both of you could be someone else’s forever and your just wasting each others time if your not both fully committed and seeing forever with one another .
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Why would you do this?
If he adopts your son, your boyfriend is financially responsible for him. He will be expected to contribute to college tuition (by the government’s formula). He would have legal custody if something happened to you. I’m not a lawyer, but I know there are multiple consequences of doing this. Please consult a family attorney in your state before even discussing this further. Also, consider discussing this and your struggles with your boyfriend with a family therapist before deciding on adoption. It sounds like you’re putting the cart before the horse here.
I would never willingly give parental rights to someone who I’m not on good terms with and who’s not the biological parent. He doesn’t need the legal rights to be a dad. You’re not sure if the relationship will last, why put yourself in the position where you’ll need to agree on custody terms for both children?
Unless it’s like a situation where your child needs health insurance and for some reason can’t get state insurance (most children do qualify for state insurance) I would say perhaps…tread lightly. It could be used against you as a form of manipulation from the boyfriend. Why not just let him continue to be apart of the boy’s life as long as he’s a productive upstanding mentor figure without all the formality of paperwork?
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You may not marry this man. What about the man you do marry? Wouldn’t you want your husband to be able to adopt your son? What benefits this “boyfriend?” Claiming him on his taxes? I mean really. You said yourself you don’t even think you’ll stay together so why would you let him adopt your child?
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Absolutely not. Visiting yes and doing things together are fine.
You have to have a agreement with the bio father for you BF to adopt him. Why would you give up your kids ? Who does that ?
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What does " he lets his emotions get the better of him " mean exactly? Im hearing ( after years in ER) hes violent.
In a nutshell…HELL NO!
If he kills you when ‘his emotions get the better’ of him, GUESS WHO GETS YOUR KIDS.
Your kids need you. One devoted parent, who chooses THEM over a man who you are so different from. You can survive without him. Those boys cant survive without you.
See, I’m on the fence here.
You already have another child together so this man will always be in your child’s life regardless of weather you are together or not. He is the only father this boy has ever known and presumably loves him as his own. The bio dad is not in the picture.
If you split, your youngest would go to visit but what about the older child? How would that make him feel?
If he treats your children equally, then he should adopt him because it’s not about if you’ll stay together but if he will always be in both children’s lives.
Is he a good dad? If the answer is yes, then the answer should be yes to adoption.
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First problem… he’s a BOYFRIEND! Get off of that mess 
Wow.
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Is this a serious question?
This is how I see it I would normally say no if your not knowing u will be with him but you say you have a child together and your not going to be together your still going to ha e to share that kid with him and it’s really not all about you guys if his real father has nothing to do with him at all and this man has raised him and loves him unconditionally and is good to him I would say yes cause regardless wether you guys are together he is still going to be good to him and love him like his own something his real father isn’t doing and also then you would have both of your kids together spending time with him and you both together. Like I said others are saying no but like I said it’s about what’s best for the kid kids and like I said yes if he loves him and treats him like his I think it would be a great ideal he deserves to be loved and cared for and have a Dad that loves him
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For your situation I would say no. My situation was/is completely different than yours. My husband has been there for my oldest since I was 4 month pregnant, and he is the only daddy my son knows. When we were dating I was going to let my husband (then boyfriend) adopt my son, but it was more hassle to do. Now that we are married it will be a lot easier for my husband to adopt our son. I’ve been fighting with my son’s sperm donor (as I call him, but not around my son) to sign over his rights. He has been no contact with my son for a little over 1 year so I will be able to have his rights stripped for abandonment
In my state the couple has to be married in order for the man/woman to adopt the child.
There’s your Answer!! Your not on the best terms. So no way !!! Not fair to your Son !!
You answered your own question. If you aren’t completely sure then it’s a no.
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Absolutely not. I would never ever ever let any man adopt my child. My stepdad adopted us then once we were legally his, he became the most psychotic abusive monster. Because then my mom couldn’t leave without letting him have visitation because we were legally his then too. He trapped us all that way.
In my opinion you’re asking yourself the wrong questions. You have another child together, is he a good father? whether you and him are on stable ground or not, is he a good father to his children? And I don’t just mean as a provider. I mean as a dad , does he actively participate in his children’s lives in your son’s life on all levels mentally , physically , emotionally , financially etc etc. no matter what? Even if you and him are on not so good terms /stable ground etc. how well do you co parent? Those are the questions I would have to ask myself in your senerio , because at the end of the day it’s about my children and what’s best for them js.
He can’t adopt your son without the biological father’s consent. But I wouldn’t even think about letting your boyfriend adopt your son.
No!! Let your son decide himself when hes abit older
I believe you have to be married a certain amount of time of time for him to adopt the child. Check with your local family court to see if it’s even a possibility.
Then ask why he wants to adopt or why you want him to adopt. How is the adoption going to change anything? Do you want him to have rights to your son if you break up? Or is the concern if something happens to you you want to make sure your current bf gets him not his sperm donor, other relative, a future bf etc? If you’re doing it for more child support forget it. You won’t get more for 2 children than you would for 1. Only you can figure this out. Don’t do it if you feel any doubt but he’s pressuring you. He has more to gain from this adoption than you or your son does.
Is he a good father figure to your son? Does your son call him dad? Does he treat your son as his own? If yes to any of these questions then consider this. If you both break up then both your kids would still have their loving father that they both know and love dearly. After all this isn’t about you and him, it’s about what’s for the best for your child.
Now if he’s abusive in any way towards you or the kids, If he’s narcissistic, if he treats your son or you like shit , if he plays favoritism, if he’s an addict, alcoholic, etc… then that answer is a resounding no.
Ultimately you’re his mom, follow your gut, don’t make the decision based on if you’re always going to be with this man or not. Make the decision on what’s best for your children.