My bf of almost 9 years told me last night he needs time apart. Let me start off by saying I have been fighting cancer and have a few life threatening surgeries. He’s stuck by me thru every single one. He was there every day. When I came home , he changed my wound vac, my iv, made sure I had my meds and took care of me. I felt so grateful and blessed to have a man care so much about me! Now, he’s not the same. He’s angry, depressed and ignorant, all the time. We have not been intimate often because of my cancer. I know that hurts him. Says he doesn’t feel like a man anymore. He’s mean to my girls (that are grown adults) even his own kids. No one wants to be around him. I’ve asked him to get some therapy and maybe meds to help him get thru what I think is ptsd from everything that he’s watched me go thru, and helped me get passed. Question is, do I just walk away and let him have his space, or stay and force him to get help and see if we can work it out? I’m so shocked and confused that he wanted this at all. We otherwise have had a great relationship . My heart is broken and I don’t know what to do!
Maybe he deep down does not want to lose you maybe he got scared when u got sick
Give him some time to get himself back. Being a caretaker at any age is hard and it takes a toll
If he’s asking for space you should give it to him
Unfortunately no one gets to choose what’s best for one another and although it breaks your heart give him space
The sad reality is that men leave their partners when they are sick but women are more likely to stay. He’s hurting because you are battling cancer. A lot of men feel helpless if they can’t fix the issue.
let him have his space. he needs it, he wants it.
Get him help. PTSD ain’t nothing to play with
Give him time let him leave if he wants if he wants to stay with you he will come back
Give him space. You both love each other, and he has gone through something traumatic as well.
Let his ass go.
If he says he wants space. Then give it. But keep it that way.
You can’t force anyone to stay. You have to let him go and figure it out.
Let him have space he desperately needs it for his own happiness and survival
Let him go. Tell him when he’s ready he know where he can find you IF you are still available. “Separation makes the heart grow fonder.”
It’s tough being a caregiver.
You can’t force anything on anyone. He says he needs space…let that man have his space. I’m going to put it bluntly…taking care of someone you love and putting every single tiring second of them before yourself is a chore. A lot of care takers get depressed and angry ect…leave that man alone. Just because he is depressed doesn’t mean he doesn’t love and care about you. It’s tolling on a human being…who would much rather just trade you places.
He’s probably scared and on some level does have some ptsd. A man in general wants to fix the hurts. I can’t imagine how he feels knowing there is nothing he can do. Just keep loving him and reminding him he’s strong and how much you appreciate the support he’s shown you over your sickness.
Caregivers often get burnt out too. It’s a lot.
he was there for you throughout it all, maybe be there for him some too now
He has fulfilled taking care of you because he loved you, but honestly he probably lost a big part of who he is in the process. He probably does struggle with depression as well. That’s soo very common. Maybe even just a day to himself once or twice a week to go golfing or whatever. (Idk what kind of time he is really asking for) As a mother I know what it feels like to completely feel like you lost yourself taking care of someone else. Talk to him, he’s probably really scared to be honest because he doesn’t want to make it seem like you were a burden, but it took a big toll on him mentally and physically. If you want him to return to the person who has joy in their life again listen to him when he tells you what he needs. Be understanding for him, but if you have concerns voice those too.
You can’t force someone to get help, they must want it for themselves. If he wants his space, the best you can do is grant it to him gracefully and take care of yourself. Maybe in the meantime, he will find himself and make his way back to you. Best of luck to you.
Girl… go watch diary of a mad black women and all the rest of the madea movies… no let me stop … don’t ever let a man tell you he don’t want you twice
Let him have some space.It sounds like he has depression and is scared of what you are going thru.
Give him space but urge him to seek help for himself though
So sorry you are going through this! But you can not force anyone to get help. He’s reached out by saying he needs space, and you need to respect that. Be supportive, and definitely don’t try to smother him. Let him take time to work through this. I’m the spouse of an addict in recovery. And even when he was at risk of losing custodial rights to our child, he struggled to get sober. And I KNOW 100% that he’s not only an amazing dad, but would give anything for our son’s happiness. . . Some things just can’t be done for or by other people. Best of luck.
Unfortunately it sounds like he took care of you so much that he forgot to take care of himself too. I would give him the space he asked for
He’s burnt out and scared
Let him go. Focus on healing & maybe consider therapy for you.
It’s hard to be a care giver. Especially facing your mortality. You can’t fix him. He has to want to. 
Let him have his space. If not it’s only going to push him away
Care taker burnout , give him some space .
Sounds like he is overwhelmed
Sounds like he has caregiver burn out from putting you before all of his own needs. That’s nothing to play with. Leave him alone and let him heal and rediscover a sense of self.
Sounds overwhelmed and tired. Let him get his space and see what happens after that.
Set it free , if it comes back it’s yours. If it doesn’t it never was
I hate to say this but you can’t force anyone to get help unless they want help. You need to focus on yourself and your health.
Space doesn’t mean your relationship needs to end. Maybe in the time he’s getting his space he can reflect and decide to get therapy and work things out with you… but you can’t force him to make that decision.
U can’t force anyone to do anything! Yes give him space and time to take in all that he has done and is doing! It is Alot to take on and probably scared! Back off alittle and stand by him like he did u! Time will tell
Burnout is very real if he needs some space give it to him. Totally normal everybody has a point where they are overwhelmed
Good lawd give him some space! I take care of my brother. His whole rear end was stage 4 and worse bed sores when we pulled him from that nursing home. I know how he feels. I need some space!i can tell you Hes suffering caregivers burnout. Its a thing. God bless him
Let him walk… I’m so sorry for everything you’re going through… I’m going to be praying for you🙏
I’m very surprised with these comments. I expected everybody to view this guy as the devil lol very sad shituation for both partners… Especially homegirl
Just leave him be. Don’t push him with too many questions. You’re going through a lot. He’s going through a lot and probably doesn’t have anyone to talk to about it. If he truly loves you, he will find his way back.
You can’t force him to return to a time and person that no longer exists what you can do is say that’s fine I respect that you need space and I will give it to you
The whole outsider thing for cancer is awful and I think he may have some massive fears and feelings he is trying to sort out it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you but he is human and men sometimes don’t know how to process! Give the man space to find himself his life changed as well as yours! On a brighter note I hope you are fully recovered and feeling well xxx
Well he said he wants time apart. You can’t really ‘force’ him to stay.
I agree with everyone above. I’d post the same thing
He is burnt out. Care taking is hard. Give him the space he is asking for. He needs to take care of himself now. You cannot force him to get help.
Give him his space. You can’t force him to do, or feel anything. Get used to the idea of life without him.
Give him the space he asked for…to sort everything out. Being a caregiver is extremely difficult, let alone when it’s someone you love… you should direct your focus to your health and recovery, nurture yourself.
These could be symptoms of caregiver burnout. Let him have a beak. I also recommend therapy for each of you individually and as a couple. It’s possible he let the burnout get really, really bad and it started to eat him up.
It’s so hard when you love someone . Honestly I think with me being with someone for 7 years & then him being diagnosed with kidney failure having to do dialysis (I use to do it for him at home with two kids under the age of 5) takes a really big toll on not only your relationship but so much on the other partner. There are days where I just want to be alone without having to worry about all these health problems. So I total understand him when he says he wants some space. And maybe it’s not a bad thing, maybe it’s just to clear his head space. When we choose someone to be out partners , we don’t think we will be faced with health problems. Same thing happened to my dad with my mom when she got diagnosed with diabetes. And I saw as a kid how hard that was. And it sucks that we have to go through that. And me & my husband are still very young we did not plan for it to be this way. But I think you should give him his space if he is asking for it. You don’t want him growing resentment towards you just because you didn’t want to give him his space.
Yes!!! He is tired. It’s not you are the relationship he is just tired. If you have older children maybe have them help a little. Please don’t take it personally he just feels like that’s all that’s left of h and it’s no one’s fault. He will get better. But please give this man some space.
Why would you stay? He not happy
You can’t force anyone to do anything so I would get that concept out of your head. I would let him know you’re here to support him and when he is ready to talk you’ll be there. Let him have a little time.
Many prayers for you but I understand his side on this. I work in home health and my husband has end stage renal failure and on dialysis. He has also been through at least 10 surgeries in 2 years. It’s hard taking care of someone 24/7 and sometimes we need a break from life. Thankfully my husband understood and let me have some time alone for a bit. He survived just fine and we’re perfectly ok now that we have given each-other space. Being the outside of the situation and watching your loved one go through so much and not being able to help is very crushing as is taking care of everything. Be patient and let him go for a bit.
Don’t force him to stay but try to stay in contact to see if he is OK. He sounds very down x
Yes, take some time apart. You may find that you both need it.
Give him space. Care givers can burn out. If your kids are older maybe they can come take care of you for a bit. I’m sure he’ll be back. He may just need some time
Your not married, so you can’t force him into anything, tell him you know he’s tired, if you can live on your own for a while, tell him to take his space. Very few men would do what he has done for you…tell him if he wants to come back later, that you are open to discussing it.
Not your fault, but he’s been in a position of caregiver. Not partner. He’s burnt out and sounds like he’s not built strong enough mentally to see you through this. Sounds alot like resentment to me. Let him have space and go get the support you need.
Maybe you should do both. Give him space and let him get some therapy. He sounds like he’s hurting and confused. I wish you all the best 
It’s hard for them to all I could ever ask of my kids father was that he take care of our younger two kids under 5 my oldest is 16 so she is fairly independent… I had pregnancy induced heart failure which was made worse by a Mild COVID/Omicron infection and swelled up had rapid heartbeat and dizziness all while caregiving for my Uncle who was terminal and 3 kids + I also developed AFib after my PPCM diagnosis and flatlined during a routine Cardioversion in June on Father’s day (they say that happens to like 1% of ppl requiring Cardioversion 
why me?) 
I think they have a hard time dealing with it to… emotionally. It’s easy for ppl to jump the gun and say LEAVE etc but they are speaking out of term. Until you have personally faced a condition that can take your life you are more careful in making brash decisions. I’m doing much better now and I hope you reach remission soon 
Being a care giver (especially to someone you love ) is very hard give him some space I say.
He might have some resentment for taking on the caretaker role. Give him his space and offer to be there if he needs you the way he was there for you.
Let him have it and don’t stress while he’s gone. You’ll heal faster, just relax yourself, you probably feel bad because he has to take care of you and you can do so little, don’t stress…that’s the biggest deterrent to healing…
I’m a caregiver for my grandmother for 20 yrs, I believe he may be stressed & depressed. You can’t force him to do anything he don’t want to. Sit down talk to him & have a real deep conversation.
First off it’s not PTSD from watching you go through that. PTSD is not something people should assume they have unless they have been diagnosed with it. Second off, you can’t MAKE a man do anything he doesn’t want to, he is going to have to make that decision himself. Let him know you still want to be together, and you will give him his space to work on himself and do whatever he has to do, so that you and y’all’s kids can be together. Support him. He will not be good for you or the kids until he fixes himself first. If he is asking for space, give it to him and let him know you are going to support him and reassure him you don’t want to break up. Pray about it and for him. Goodluck
Give him his break. I’m sure he loves you but he just needs time. He’s hurt and scared which is normal.
He took on a lot more than the role of a bf. Being a caregiver is both physically and mentally exhausting. He can be overwhelmed with everything going on and just needs some space to recharge and get a mental and physical break.
Let him rest. Let him just shutdown and regroup. And therapy would be a big help too. He will be back! Hugs!
Give him space. He needs to figure himself out.
You can’t force him to stay, it’ll end up in resentment. Space doesn’t mean it’s over necessarily. But he asked for space you should respect that.
He really needs space,poor dude.its not easy being a carer.and for yourself you should be entitled to home care.hes actually falling into depression,he also needs help 
hope things will only get better.
Well if he’s telling you he needs time apart that’s what he needs…. You don’t get to not “let” him.
So yeah, give him his space.
Give him his space and see where it goes. He may need some time to decompress from everything. You can’t make anyone get help. I’m sorry for what you have been going through. But it’s not your fault! 
Release. Never let a man tell you more than once that he doesn’t want to be with you. You must focus on building a village around you with folk that love you and care for you and can help you through life’s difficulties. He won’t seek inner healing until HE is ready to do so. Some people arrive at that point and others do not.
Let him go and have the space he needs. He will either regroup and come back a better person or he will move on and decide that he doesn’t want to be with you anymore
I don’t see why acting like that with you. Yes it’s hard for them I know because I’ve been going through the same thing and we also lost our youngest son that was 22 at the beginning of all this which has made it so much harder on me to even want to do it. My husband hasn’t complained once he has been my rock. I wish you the best of luck with everything your going through.
It’s your turn to be there for him. Of course if he’s very adamant and this is what it is, then he’s made his mind up but that doesn’t mean you can’t do what you can, like he did for you, to be there for him. And I’m not saying you don’t already, but that’s just my advice instead of walking away. I would tell him that you’ll give him his space if he truly wants it, but that you’d rather not because he is your rock and you want to be his, and that he deserves everything if he’ll just allow you to do that for him, within your own capabilities of course because you are still fighting cancer. That is just so tough. I understand him and you and I know you do too.
Hugs!!! I can’t even imagine what you’ve both been going through. Maybe try to take a vacation together?
Give him his space. If you’re meant to be it’ll work out. You can suggest therapy to him also.
Give him the names of some therapists/resources he can tap to make it easier for him as he leaves to decompress.
If he isn’t willing to get help then yes I’d walk away. It is okay to have any type of emotions but it is not okay to take those emotions out on others. You can’t hold onto a man that doesn’t want to be held so as the saying goes let him go and if he comes back to you then it was meant to be.
Give him his break but I doubt you’ll get back together. I think he just wants out.
He was there for you the whole time doing what you needed what was better for you , he most be tired and mentally exhausted, caring for someone is sick it’s one of the most hard things to do not matter who that person is , he kind of stopped living his life to life yours and definitely DESERVES a break if he needs and is asking for one , do not force him to do anything he doesn’t want to , he already did a lot for you .
Give him some space
I would encourage him to take a trip or even just get a hotel away from home for a few days to relax and clear his mind. Please don’t feel like he’s abandoning you, it really sounds like he is just struggling with the weight and intensity of everything. He may not feel like he needs or wants therapy, so all you can do is be there for him and keep encouraging him as he has you.
Give him space, He’s been through alot just as you… it’s hard watching someone you love go through those things and it’s exhausting. He literally just put his life on hold… let him have break to clear his head and have time for himself for a while. I’m sure he will be back.
You can’t force him to be with you
He said he needs a break. You should respect that and not force anything. Being a caregiver is hard. He could be overwhelmed and depressed and truly need a break.
It sounds like he could have some medical PTSD going on and would be helped by talking with someone. A professional or support group. Medical care of a partner can be incredibly taxing. I hope you find help for both of you. Hugs
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You can’t “force him” to do anything. If he doesn’t want it, it won’t matter anyway. Just let him go.
If you love him set him free, true love always returns
He needs to go and figure out if this is what he wants his life to be. He never said for better or for worst so he’s free to go without any guilt.
I’m so sorry for what you both have gone through. Life just doesn’t seem fair. I can’t even pretend to know what you are going through but the best advice I could give anyone is to always give space! Love doesn’t run or go away but sometimes our hearts get overwhelmed and we need to reset so that we can be the person we are suppose to be. Medical trauma is something people don’t realize affects those around us when we suffer. He is probably questioning his own mortality and life at this point. Encourage him to get some help while he’s away but ultimately just let him do whatever his heart leads him to do. Something tells me he just needs a big reset!
I’ve asked him to get help, multiple times. This has been going on for a few years now. I am better now, but not out of the woods . I’ve asked him to go fishing, concerts, history sight seeing. He’s turned them all down. All he does now is sit on the computer. I do every thing I can around the house because he works and I don’t feel like he should have to do house work on top of work. I say ptsd, because he’s watched me on my death bed. He’s cried a million tears over seeing my guts ripped open , being physically so ill and able to not even eat for months. He’s not been the same since. It was a slow process but now he’s unreasonable. Not one nice thing comes out of his mouth from sun up till sun down. I’ve told him that I would always be here for Him. I don’t want him to be in a place that he can’t dig himself out of. I’ll always be there. And I’ll tell him that every day. But waking up everyday knowing that I have to fight for my life and own happiness already, on top of trying to keep his negative feelings/emotions away from my own mind set. He brings me down, and idk why! I’ve literally done nothing to him. I’d do anything for him. And he knows this! Idk… I reckon I’ll be looking for my own place. Which is fine. I just didn’t think leaving him to his own depression would make it a better situation.
They have theropy for caregivers of cancer people like us…I’m 25 years out…good idea…they become your care giver not your spouse…
He does need his space. If all of this has taken a toll on him then he needs to get some help. I was my husband’s caregiver for two years before he passed. I don’t know if I could have done it for a boyfriend. Bless his heart he was there for you when you needed him most. Let him go for awhile and see what happens.
So sorry for what you’re going through. Set him free, he may come back. If not you have a clear answer. Good wishes for you.
Not being insensitive…But while you was ill in a sense he became your carer…Sometimes it is hard going from lover to carer and then back to lover . Give him some space to find his self again . Then maybe it will work out
As a caretaker of my husband who’s fighting small cell lung cancer. I understand his frustration with life. We’ve been going through it for almost 2 yrs. And I understand his over it feeling. Wanting a normal life back. Wanting his spouse back ect. It’s hard. And it’s an emotional roller coaster.
I am extremely scared I’m going to loose him. I’m terrified of the time I have left with him. Of it being cut short. I want him to live so bad. I don’t want to live with out him. Currently I’m siting here waiting for his dr to tell us the current results for a brain scan to see if it has spread to his brain.
There are so many emotions including to urge to run and leave to protect your mental health. Some days I wonder. Am I strong enough to see him though this? Am I strong enough not to end up catatonic if it doesn’t go how I want it to go…?
My prayers are with you both!
He may be experiencing caregiver burn out as well as depression. I would say give him some space
Give him space most definitely, but that’s not to say you should not encourage him to get help. He very much needs that and any support you can offer right now. His hostility is probably from burn out especially if your adult kids have not helped you or him at all during this difficult time. People need breaks.