My son had always lived with me, his dad and I separated when he was four, and he gets to go to his dad’s every other weekend. His dad isn’t the best dad and missed out on a lot for selfish reasons, like not coming to his baseball games, etc. and not paying child support, just caring more about his needs for so many years. But My son has still always looked up to him and loves being with him, and now he wants to live with him, but that would mean changing schools and him missing out on sports he always has loved because his dad barely came to any of his games, so I feel like he won’t let him continue. My heart is breaking because my son has been crying, wanting this so bad, and I’m just torn because I don’t want to let him go. Just need advice?
Why don’t you try extending dads time.before making the move. Maybe every weekend for a bit then if that works out let your son decide…
How old is the child,
It’s not about you tho. It’s about your child.
I think it this is something he wants, even as heart breaking as it is, he will resent you for not allowing him. Let him try it. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work. But atleast he’ll come home with the respect that you allowed him to try it.
Don’t do it sis. Coming from experience.
Coming from a child who did this… i had lived with my mom from birth to 15. At 15 i wanted to live with my dad. It was hard for her but she let me… it was the best decision i ever made bc i ended uo going down a very good path living with him and joined the military and it set me up forever.
I wouldn’t let him move in with him. But maybe start with having him spend more time with him instead of two weekends a month.
I would ease into it by letting dad take on some more responsibility by spending more than just the weekends. See how he handles the weekly stuff like having to take your son to school and activities and go from there. Having them on weekends is different than during the week when you have are on a schedule because of your work and their school.
I wouldn’t allow it. Protect your child and his future please!
Is it possible dad can see the child more during the week?
How about for 1 month do 2 weeks each and figure out transport to and from school for that time. Let dad see how hard it will be. I know you say your child wants this but I feel dad doesn’t realize the amount of time and effort he will have to put in. Show him and chances are he will be the one that decides this isn’t the best choice. It will be easier for him to break it to your child than for you to tell him no.
Doesn’t hurt to give it a try I did it and my son is still in sports 
and is doing really good if it don’t work out he can always go back home to you
Try doing every weekend and possibly getting there on Friday thru Monday Morning if Dad can get him to school. Added time with Dad and a mom can maintain his school, grades, sports etc, the best of both worlds.
My mother let me live with my Dad when I was in 9th grade. Even though he was not around very much at all after they divorced (I was 5) , he was still my Dad and I loved him so much. I did learn however, I would much rather be with Mom so I moved back home after 5 months. Let him at least try!
How old is the child and what is the dad’s opinion?
Maybe give it a trial run during the summer. Then a few weeks before school would start re-evaluate it. That way he would get the chance without having to change schools in the middle of the year.
No maybe compromise and just let him spend more time over there without uprooting his entire life.
They need their dad at age 14 to 18 more than ever i recommend it. As long as dad takes it seriously and is in the condition to take him on
You need to let him try it . If you don’t he will blame you for not seeing his dad. It also depends on how old he is but if the dad isnt that involved in his life he will see the difference in it and then will have atleast found out for himself and then probably come back. If he is that upset about it unless he is a drug addict or alcoholic or an abusive person he needs to be able to atleast try it out and see. He will always remember that you didn’t let him otherwise.
How old? At 12 most states let them choose.
Personally as long as he wouldnt be in danger or unsafe, I’d let him. Because chances are things aren’t going to work out in the long run with dad. If you say no he will rebel and you’ll be the bad guy. If your son is mature enough to want to make that choice then let them. He has to experience it for himself. He might resent you forever if you decide to keep him away. I know it’s a tough choice but your child’s mental health matters more than sports or any of that. I can guarantee saying no will put a strain on him and it will make you the bad guy. And by slim chance they might surprise you and be really good for your son and his dad.
Maybe try week on week off? And someone transport for school?
I’d try week on week off first or just letting him see his dad more often if dad agrees
It’s a difficult choice. We had to decide with our son moving back with mom. We made him aware that the life he has with us he won’t have with her. He still chose to go. Sometimes they think the grass is greener but it’s not. He went and regretted it. Mom couldn’t and wouldn’t buy him all the things he needed.
If he is in a safe environment I would give it a try , and see how it goes. Maybe start w summer ?
If I was you I’d remain the custodial parent so he can stay in the same school district and just change the amount of days he has with his father.
Sounds like he is old to decide which he aren’t he wants to live with- I say let him . That’s his father .
No matter how bad a parent may be, a child still wants that relationship. Let him go to see how it goes.
I have the same situation with my ex husband (we divorced after 8 years, our daughter was 7. He was extremely selfish due to drinking. He is a great dad, and always was, when he was sober. When my oldest turned 14 I let her move in with him. Although it tore me apart because in my opinion he wasn’t a good provider and wasn’t there for us emotionally or mentally. I can’t blame her for loving her dad. 
I would let him try, even if it breaks your heart. We cannot hold them back from everything.
My 19 year old moved in with her dad at 15 he lived in a better school district and all her cousins live close to him. I had to move further north due to work and she did not like the idea of living in a town of 200
I was like this with my mom as a kid. I would tell him that when school is over he can go spend the summer with his dad & if he likes it by school time then he can transfer schools & stay there. That way he can try it without having to switch schools in case he decides to stay with you.
Nope no support no see. I will never understand how any one can be a dead beat dad.
How does he not pay child support? Is there a court order or is this just all under the table type thing? Idk if he does t even help support his child when he’s not living with him I’d be verrrrry hesitant to have him GO LIVE with him! I would consider having him go with his dad 3 weekends a month (versus every other) and maybe a mid week visit but not overnight. These are things you work out with the father - not the child.
You have to let him try. He’ll be back
Unfortunately it is proven that boys worship their fathers even if they are not good ones, they have a sense of missing them even if there is nothing to miss because they long for a relationship with them.
It is your responsibility to know what is right and wrong, if he isn’t going to provide the best possible life for your son whatever that may be then no, he should not live with his father. However if he changed, shows interest and you think he will do things with your sons best interests in mind he should be given a chance. From the sounds of it though this doesn’t seem to be the case.
Sometimes just because our kids want to doesn’t mean they should even if it’s something that seems so important as time with the other parent, it doesn’t make you a bad person to protect your child at all costs.
The realization that his father is not what he “imagined “ he should be by living with him could do more damage than crying because he wants something that will never be sadly.
Why not try it out when school ends to see if he is ok with it first.
Maybe try to alternate weeks. I knew siblings that lived with mom one week and dad the next week and so on. I also know children that stay with mom during the school year and goes with dad for the summers. Talk to your son and the dad. Work an agreement but whatever you decide have it in writing.
Let me get this straight. So he’s not the best dad, misses out on his sons games and stuff for selfish reasons, doesn’t always pay child support, cares more about his own needs then his sons, you aren’t sure if he’s going to continue to allow your son to continue with his after school activities and you want to know if you should allow your son to live with him full time? 
I’m wondering with this question what other living options there are for this child.
Don’t let the kid makes the decisions. If it’s what’s best for him, let him go. If it’s not, he can suck it up like every other kid who wants something and cries about it because they can’t have it.
I would not allow it, that’s just my experience and opinion. My daughters father is not able to care for her better than me. I feel like that’s what is most important, what is in the best interest of the child not what the child wants. You said he doesn’t pay child support which hurts the child, he hasn’t always been there for selfish reasons, does he have substance abuse issues? If so, what could your child be exposed to etc… idk your full story but, maybe give his dad some extra days, maybe your son feels it’s not enough. If you have a court ordered visitation schedule be careful because if you both agree to change it and give him more time or let him live there, you may have a hard time if he asks the court to change your custody agreement. Talk with your son and explain everything in a positive way. Maybe he’s just missing that void of his dad not be there much and trying to fill the void. Good luck
No. I would say no. Break his heart with this now… so he won’t have to have it broken I’m front of his own eyes later.
I would say have an honest raw conversation with your son. I believe in telling my kids all the facts and if you feel he’s mature enough to make that call with all the information provided then I’d say let him make it. If not I would also say sometime kids don’t know whats best for them but still have that conversation and explain why or have a conversation on how and when he can have more time with his father.
Just think of it this way. He can always Come home. Change is hard. Especially for separated families.
My kids dad isn’t the best, but 2 out of 5 (17 & 4 yrs) wanted to live with their dad, so I let them. Because no matter what type of parent he is, that’s who they want to be with. I remember crying to see my dad when I was younger and constantly being told “no” or given some other type of manipulative excuse. I still resent my mother and grandmother to this day for that and told myself no matter what, I will not keep my kids from being with whichever parent they choose to be with.
With that being said, I would let him live with his dad. It’s very possible that he will change his mind later down the road. Its hard, and it sucks, but you don’t want your son to spend the rest of his life resenting you.
It would depend on his age. My ex and I agreed that if our son once he was 13 ever decided he wanted to live with his Dad then he had to commit to a full season. Meaning if he wanted to try the summer he was there until the week before school. If he wanted to go come right before school then he had to commit to a school year. At 13 my son wanted to summer with his Dad. I cried like a baby the day he left. After 2 weeks he was so miserable he begged his Dad and I to let him move back with me. He had to stick it out a full month to honestly give it a chance but after that he never asked again. His Dad is a great Dad but his life was just not structured around raising our son full time. He tried but his work schedule, he’s a trucker, left our son with his grand parents sometimes 16 hours a day and our son hated it. But he learned that the grass isn’t always greener.
Im just gonna tell you being a child in that situation and no one listening to what I wanted caused a lot of resentment and hostility towards my mom, she’s gone and I’m still pissed she did that to me, it’s not something you forgive or forget
He probably wants to go to his dad’s for the same reason you don’t want him to. His dad is irresponsible. To you it means your son will miss out on stuff, not be taken care of well & probably neglected. To your son it means less rules, structure, more fun. I wouldn’t do it. You know he’s not parent material. Don’t be 1 of those moms who gave their kid away then a tragic accident happened or dad couldn’t handle the stress & killed the child. Also legally speaking if you have primary residential custody you’re legally responsible. If he skips school, truancy goes after you. If your son is involved in a crime you can be held responsible. Whatever happens in the time you’re legally supposed to have the child is on you. If I were you if tell my child that legally he lives with me. If dad wants him to live with him he will have to ask the judge permission. Then see what happens. My guess is dad doesn’t want him & is trying to make you the bad guy.
Honestly this is a very tough situation and let me say you actually thinking about this and taking his feelings into consideration makes you a great mother. However I am not sure I would allow it, children think they know more than we do and we try and protect them at all cost from the raw facts. He obviously has not shown how good of a dad he can be, he only has every other weekends for a reason. I would say at this time this is not in the best interest of you. If you would like to have some more time with your dad maybe you can go on every weekend instead of all the time. See how it goes. Good luck momma 
I don’t think anyone can truly answer this question and tnere are so many years unaccounted for in the situation.
What I will question though, what is his true reason for wanting to move? I don’t mean because he looks up to his dad, but deep down, what is his true meaning and reasoning for this?
From persona experience, it’s not always what we let out into the world. There could be something going on that he wants to avoid. As a teenager I left my dads home which was the emotionally stable, best option for me, and I moved with my mother. I knew it wasn’t a good idea but there were other driving factors that had nothing to do with either of my parents. In the end I was too stubborn to make the best choice and continued until I moved out in my own.
Again, I’d question his motive.
However, we don’t know a single thing really
How old is your son ? He don’t sound old enough to know what is best for him . So what happens when he goes live with dad and decides he don’t like it and comes home than he gets mad at you because you won’t let him have / do something so he says " dad would let me " so what then he moves back in with dad than back with you …when he is old enough to make the decision himself and live with results than yes but untill then no
What about a compromise. Every weekend with his dad and he can live with his dad during the summer?
How old is he now I had two boys and when they were 16 they went to there dads lasted three weeks back home
Start with living there for the summer
I would talk to both of them and see if he intends on keeping up with his normal activities. He could just want the time for him and his son. Maybe it’ll be better than you think and if it isn’t then you did your part and talked to both, make sure your son has the reality if his dad isn’t going to want him to continue with sports or whatever else. I think it’s important to let kids make choices when they’re old enough to understand and if you can talk to the dad and have an agreement or understanding, then you can prepare your son and let him make the choice after the parental conversation
Let him🤷🏻♀️ he’s old enough to where he’ll see his dad’s true colors and want to come back home to you
So. We have eerily similar situations with our baby daddies & how they are as fathers. My son is 15. His dad has been asking me since he was 12 to move in with him. You know, only a man can teach him how to be a man… but I taught my son to be a responsible adult. I digress. Well, it took my son a semester of losing his damn mind doing wild stuff and failing that I gave in to his dad 2 months ago. I relinquished control, drank, and prayed. 
Tbh. It was the best thing. My son straightened up, he’s learning a lot about life (grass isn’t always greener on the other side, & we’ve grown unbelievably closer. He comes home EVERY weekend & we speak everyday. It’s been liberating to allow the other parent to be the disciplinarian, handle everything, & I be the fun parent for once. Lol but I’m sure my son will be back home full time by the end of this year.
How old is he? Over 15 then yes old enough to make decision. Under no way… it doesn’t sound like it’s in his best intrest
How old is your son? My sons 6 we seperated when we was 3 and he looks up to his dad but he’s not the best also misses games I would say no because with you , you provide him structure and consistency. He might also let him do what he wants and mot really watch him. us as mothers know what’s good for our kids. Go with your gut instinct he might be mad but at the end of the day your his parent not his friend and you want the best for him.
Having him see a counselor may be an option. It’s hard for kids/teenagers to process their thoughts. A neutral qualified person may be best to help navigate this situation so emotion does not lead. A counselor can also give you tools to help manage the process and be supportive for the most beneficial outcome for your son.
Everyone is talking about what mom and child want but what about dad? Does dad want that kind of responsibility? Does he realize what it would entail? It might be a simple “no” from him and end of story. But if he’s in agreement you all need to sit down together and work it out. Maybe son lives with dad but you do the extracurriculars with him as part of your time with him. There’s a lot to work out. But you’re not considering the father in this other than just calling him irresponsible and lazy.
Let him go. Just let him know he can always come back home. Sometimes you can show someone better than you can tell them.
Both of my boys did this around 14 and 16. They lasted a year. Let him see grass isn’t greener on other side
I think it’s natural for boys to want to be with their fathers. I’d say give it a shot and see how it works out. It’s not like you can’t have any say or be involved in his new school and things he would like to continue, you can still sign him up for sports and take him. Who knows, maybe he will go and realize it’s not what he wants but at least you would be giving him the chance to see if it’s what he really wants.
Just trust your heart and gut feeling!! You know the “man” your son sees him as just dad! Sounds like you have always done what’s best for your son! You will make the right decision that’s best for him! Good Luck!!
a kid does need his dad also but i say depending on his age and the real reason he wants to do so i also say maybe let him stay at his dads during the summer under the condition that if ur son wants to play baseball ect, that the dad lets him n takes him not call you to do it give dad full responsibility during that time and under the condition that you have him on the weekends but please weigh out the true reason he wants to live with his dad n the childs age
I’d tell him he can do a trial over the summer. That way he can still play sports and not change schools mid year. There’s a lesson about his dad that he has to learn on his own… it may not even be any deeper than trying out being with dad all of the time. It’s the unknown. Maybe he thinks being with dad full time will do something in their relationship… we don’t know and he may not really know why yet either.
I wouldn’t personally do that. But if my 2 older kids wanted to stay like the whole summer or so with there dad I wouldn’t stop them. When the a lil older, And if there are problems the know I come running flying whatever I have to do lol but in the end the do have to learn on there own who is worth there time and attention… because in the end I don’t want it to come back at me saying I kept them away from him.
Let him go. Either his dad will grow up having him full time or your son will learn who truly cares about him. Maybe agree to a three to six month trial run and if at the end of three to six months his father has not grown up and/ or your son is disillusioned (barring actual legal neglect or abuse that pose an actual safety hazard to his well being) then he has to move back in. If however his father DOES grow up, your son is not disillusioned and/ or he is NOT actually being abused or neglected by the legal standard (sorry, but extra curriculars, while awesome, are NOT legally considered necessities just because a kid likes them the way food and clothes and shelter are considered necessitites) then maybe rework the custody arrangement to allow him more time with his father.
I did this when I was 13. My mom refused to let me go, and things really blew out of proportion. At the end of it, I moved in with my dad. Found out the grass wasn’t greener and moved back in with my mom 9 months later. I needed the change in the moment and when I was ready I went home. Let him decide.
Start with the summer and see how it goes. He might find the grass isn’t greener on the other side
You my lovely are the adult! Tell your son that he can also make decisions when he is an adult. Especially as you already know his life will change for the worse 
How old is ur son first
I’ll make a suggestion, while your son is still in school, wait till summertime. Let them go stay with his father during the summer and see what happens if he takes him to his sports in all. If he doesn’t and your son becomes relying on you, let him learn that the grass is not always greener on the other side. He’ll learn the hard way he’ll be a little upset but it’ll be a learning experience for him.
How old is your son now? Make sure you and ex are acting on what is best for your son not on your feelings about each other. Agree start with Summer. Lives with you during school year, Dad during Summer. See how it goes. But you all need to discuss, agree on how it will work. Try it for 1 year then sit down and re-evaluate pros and cons. Son has a need and right to have a relationship with both parents if possible.
Personally, for me (I have no experience with this), it would be a hard no. To start, consider having your son spend more time with him then just every other weekend
How old is he?
If his father cannot take care of his needs 4 days a month, what makes you think he wants to do it everyday? Does his dad want him to move in with him? Does he not realize the responsibilities he will now have to do EVERYDAY?
Depends on how old the child is. How dad feels about it. And the reasons behind why your son wants to move in with dad. Way too much information is still needed.
Let him spend the summer and school breaks with his Dad for a trial basis. Share every other weekend with the Dad. Keep him home with you the other times.
Suggest he stay with dad all summer, finish the school year. Then a month before school starts revisit his desire to move. Age of your son would be helpful. But talk to your son to understand why he wants this move. Talk about how his life will change having to make new friends give up sports. Also if dad does not pay support why have you not taken him to court?
I just let my son move to his dad’s in January. He is 9 going on 10. His father is great, but I still didn’t want to let him go. I had to swallow my feelings and knew it was best for my son to thrive at his dads where he could be out in the country. If he changes his mind he can come back anytime. I would let him try it and see if he likes it. He will either see his dad how you do or his dad will step up.
Have him go for the summer and see if he still wants to live with dad then transfer him to dads school. How old is your child? That could be a defining factor because my son at 8 wanted to live with his bio dad but I told him no wait until your a bit older. He’s now 16 and has had his eyes opened to the real truth.
Let him live with him thro the summer holiday … its a different matter when it actually happens… I doubt he will want to live with his dad after that
Could you continue to get him to sporting events if he moves in with dad so that he can continue doing what he loves? Staying involved in extracurricular activities helps keep them out of trouble.
How old is he? I don’t know that I’d want my kid changing schools in the middle of a school year or if they have 1 more year left at like primary school or middle school because then they’d be changing schools now and then again a year from now which can be hard on them. I know this from experience. What does dad think about it? Does he have the room? Does he work all the time or is he home at a decent time? There’s a lot to consider. You should all sit down and talk about everything involved. It’s not as simple S packing his stuff and sending him to dads. Being there every other weekend is much different than being there all the time.
Literally going thru this EXACT thing. But I have a daughter who wants this… 
He probably wants to go bc we as mothers are the strict ones lol
From someone who has been through this … It broke me, but I ended up letting her stay with her dad. I regret it to this very day. The agreement was for her to stay with him just to finish out the school year & come home on the weekends, none of that happened, she will not talk to me much. It hurts me everyday. If I could go back… I would have never let her go stay with her dad. She cried and begged to stay with him. I finally gave in… my biggest mistake I’ve ever made.
In all of this I see everyone’s advise to let the kid try… my question is what does the father think or say? Reason being is what if this is not something he really wants and he’s just banking on the fact that you would probably say no. Have you had a sit down conversation with him about what this could possibly look like if this were to happen?
Um nope.I would keep my son at home with someone that actually cares.
how old is he and who has custody?
No advice but a big hug
Instead of him just living there full-time what if you see if dad wants more than just weekends. Offer one or two nights during the week with the exception that he either gets his. To and from practice or he gets his after practice. This way your son still gets to participate in sports it will be 10 nights at dads instead of 6. If that’s able to get him to school Monday morning you could give him Sunday nights and this weekend make it 12 nights instead of 6.
I feel like you have to look at the present situation with that and not the past parents other problems but eventually getting together and you really just wanna do it in the best interest of your son.
Sometimes it takes the change for them to realize where they should be and
I wouldn’t but I’m not you 
my kids wouldn’t ever want to either
Depending on how old he is??
If you let him stay with him be very sure how you want to go about it and lay it out Very clearly in court about the arrangements. Otherwise you may end up completely losing custody and he may not return the child. Just saying, cover all bases.
I would suggest a trial run. Tell him if he wants to, he can go stay with his dad once school is out. He can spend the summer there and see how he likes it.
Chances are you know how dad really is, but your son doesn’t. Give him the chance to actually see how his dad is. I’m willing to bet it won’t take long before he wants to come back home. But I would do it over the summer so it doesn’t disrupt his schooling.
Crying?!?!! How old is he??? Because if it were my child I would say NO!!! I would however take him to a therapist to see why he wants to go. Remember the parent that gets the kids on weekends and holidays are the “FUN” parent.
How old is he?
That’s what we need to start with
If he’s old enough, Maybe agree to do a trial stay for a week straight and see how it goes
Probably because he knows dad will let him do things he really shouldn’t be doing.