I am Mom to 2 teenage girls, 18 & 15. My husband & I decided they could date when they were 16. We have been laughed at, asked how long we are going to keep them in a bubble & told you to have to let them go someday. It went well with our oldest, but the youngest is boy crazy & will have a relationship by texting, facetime, Snapchat & having the boy come to church so she can see him. But my mil told us we need to let her go out & stay out of our kid’s business! We want her to be mature enough to handle herself when she does go out & right now she is not. Are we too overprotective? At what age did your children start to date? Our daughter confided in her Grandma that the boy dumped her, my mil announced at her Christmas get together that our daughter lost her boyfriend to the whole family, which embarrassed our daughter & blamed me for not letting her go anywhere with him. We didn’t tell mil the boy was very jealous & cheated on her. I want to tell mil that we are her parents, we are responsible for her & it’s our decision, not hers. But I know it wouldn’t do any good. My husband has talked to her, but she insists that she is right. Any advice on how to get thru this would be appreciated.
Your Child Your Rules!
Sounds like the girl is going to do it anyways .
So maybe it’s time for birth control
And explaining things and maybe group dates with friends ?
Kids that sneak end up pregnant
She’s gonna date whether you let her or not lol might as
Well create a good relationship with her so
She trusts you and talks to you
from my experience with my kids, she will find a way to do what she wants to do. whether you know about it or not, is up to how you handle it. if i had a do-over…I would have had more open and honest conversations. either way, your daughter will date. whether you like it or not. whether you know about it or not
First tell your MIL to kiss your ass and mind her own buisness. Then raise them how you see fit!
My parents didnt let me date tol I was 16, my daughter is 14 now and she doesnt go anywhere with a boy, unless is chaperoned… when she turns 16, and can prove that she can be responsible then I will consider letting her go “on a date”
Your MIL isn’t doing a great job of stayin out of her own kids business is she? Do what you and your husband feel right, nobody can tell u how to be a perfect parent because they dont exist
Stay out of your own 15 year Olds business? Lmfao. Not a chance.
You do what you feel is right. Parenting does not come with a manual. That is your family, your rules!! God bless you and I hope everything works out.
My girls were 14/15 as was I. Both ended up in long term relationships. Id rather my kid be able to be honest with me than have to sneak around to do what theyre gonna do
Girls are different them boys my oldest is 16teen is out with friends and girlfriend with parent supervisor but my daughter is 14teen that’s boy crazy and she dont even have phone this world is crazy she will date when I feel is ready not anyone else she came from me I have the final say do what you know u should do.
I just want to say. My mom had that rule… kids don’t listen. I snuck out and around and had a baby at 14. … communication is best… maybe do a trial run see how it goes . And yes birth control no matter what u decide to do . I managed but boy it was hard. (I’m 29 now)
No not over protective. 16 is very reasonable. No reason why a boy couldn’t come and hang out with all of u together. Just reason with your daughter and maybe have your older daughter help. Sometimes they listen to others over the parents.
It’s none of you mil business… but, I would suggest talking with your daughter about safe dating practices. Have him at the house, not up in bedrooms. My parents did that whole no dating in ny house… I graduated early and got the heck out of there and made very poor relationship choices. Not blaming them for my mistakes, but I definitely went wild because they hovered so much. In the end, it is your daughter. I always tell my daughter that I would rather her be honest with me and we talk about respect in a relationship and hope that she will make better relationship choices than I did and she is learning from my mistakes as I stay open with her. Best wishes as teenage girls can be rough.
Well I’m a 30 year old male with a 16 yr old daughter n I can say it’s a hard situation to handle iv personally found being a responsible friend works better then a parent you need to put your self in her shoes but at the same time keep in mind she’s a young lady growing up so putting a age limit on something like this isn’t smart most kids these days need a feel for affection and support something as u as a parent can’t do in the way there looking for it now iv explained to my daughter what most young boys want and have stressed her self worth and honesty with them definitely helps
Just keep an open dialogue with your daughter. Discuss extensively about birth control and pregnancy. Just be there for her as much as possible. Tell your MIL to her face to mind her business that she is undermining your parenting with your daughter and she is not helping matters…good luck
Your kid, your rules. Mine didn’t date until 16, my youngest isn’t either! Hell the youngest might not until she’s 30; the way this world is running!
Your mother in law is crazy, atleast 16 years old is a good age to let them date with a curfew. If not they will hang out with Girls that their parents don’t care and
Will have boyfriends at 12.
I agree in thinking that 16 is a good age but definitely get her on birth control don’t be naive be honest with yourself every kid is different if you can admit she’s boy crazy and her boyfriend is “cheating” then imagine what she’ll do to keep the next one… figuring out relationships takes time, experience and a few heartbreaks she doesn’t need to bring a child into this world while she is still trying to figure it out.
I had my first date at 13. We sat at one table in the restaurant and either his or my parents sat at another table for the first month and a half of our dating. Then day dates by ourselves for a bit. We were allowed to have group dates with out parents. It was a good deal for us. We had a lot of fun.
MIL needs to mind her own business , for it’s up to you and her father and to me birth control at 15 going out in group to movies or hangout at mall or arcades, skating is fine 16 dates alone home by 11pm on weekends and no dates on week days was our rules if they showed that they are responsible . Grades up , no missing school , chorus done without having to be told .But each are different and y’all know your child better than anyone so stand your ground.
I had the 16 rule for my oldest daughter and it worked out fine. My youngest is almost 14 and she lnows the rule, but hasn’t even asked about dating.
I told my kiddo that I wouldn’t get involved in her love life. I taught her about protection and the dangers of getting pregnant and STD’s. I provided birth control. At 14. It is your right to raise your kids how you see fit, but understand there may be dire consequences to being that strict. My two older sisters had kids out of wedlock at 17 and 19. We were not allowed to date until we were 16. I snuck around like your daughter. Thankfully, after my two older sisters, my mom got me on birth control or I’d have been in the exact same boat. Again, your child, but I think you’re just asking for trouble. My kid is 16 now and very careful. She’s open with me about everything and protects herself. I don’t believe I’ll be a grandma anytime soon. Also, what worked for one of your kids may not work for all. Your kids are not the same person. Think about it. The sex issue aside, as soon as I moved out, I went wild and crazy because my parents were too strict. Double edged sword, IMHO.
Remember you were at her age one time and did you ever listen to your parents and didn’t your parents ever tell you that one day you’ll know what they were talking about and trying to teach you about boys and dating now remember those times and realize how that situation was fixed
My daughter is 20 and has only been on a couple of dates. I teach mine to be independent first so they don’t need a man. They can date after college…thats my opinion. To each thier own.
16 is our rule. Do what works for you
You have to do what is best for you and your daughter. Your MIL needs to mind her business. My daughter didnt have her first boyfriend til after highschool. I told her books come first. I have a very good relationship with my daughter and she knows to come to me for anything.
Who’s the parents !!!
This is your decision and no one else’s. I let mine start dating at 16 but she had curfew at 11. Was very hard when her other friends had been dating since 11 and 12. You are responsible for her so you make the rules. Tell your MIL to mind her business
Depends on the teen, is she mature?? Is she responsible? Doesnt sound like it.15 i dont think it bad. Group dates would be ok. But idt i was able to date until 16 but i was super shy and didnt talk to boys anyways
Absolutely stick to your convictions i believe in protecting children as long as you can especially if there no mature teenagers. Maybe if sbe does have a bf only allow them to hang out together at your house with you present for like family dinners, game nights, movie nights etc even church is great!
16 seems reasonable age to start to date.
Dating is fine but just the 2 on a date no. That’s your choice to pick when u trust her. If u think shes not mature then u stand ur ground. Say u can go on a date but ill be there. 3 rows back in the theater or few lanes over at the bowling alley. If they want diner date then say ok. Dad n I will be on the other side of the restaurant… or hes more than welcome to join us… u do whats right in your heart… only u know ur child.
I think it depends on the kid. I’d trust my 15 year old son to go out with someone more than my 14 year old daughter, simply based on how they’ve handled situations and responsibilities up to this point.
I’d definitely get her on Birth Control. There’s no reason in this day and age for any teen to get pregnant. I know it isn’t fool proof but it’s going to decrease the chances. Also make sure you meet the boy as well as the boy’s parents. Yep. The parents, especially the mom. I find if you can get a good take on the mom you can get a good take on the boy. I think moms are best to meet in general.
At this day and age there are too many things that can go wrong and you know your daughter better then mil. Go with your instincts and past experiences to help guide in how to raise her. I’d just ignored others opinions since they aren’t her parents
Maybe try to offer support to your daughter instead. She is your daughter so you do what you think is right, but I know as a teen your parents telling you that you can’t date until 16 means nothing and you may have a lot more luck allowing her a little freedom and encouraging her to communicate what is going on in her life with you and with her feelings… as for the MIL. She seems to not even be able to stay out of her grown kids business so idk why she feels entitled to tell you that. Lol
My oldest was 18 Married at 21 had first child at 26. I ask God for guidance. My friend are family didn’t tell me how to raise her. Follow your mind and heart.
Well I have 15 and 17 year old son and daughter they have no bf or gf yet I did ask they said to me they are not in a rush to get in any relationship my daughter don’t want to be distracted she’s doing enrolled nursing my son his electrician apprentice they told me that the time will come … I’m not gonna push my kids to be in it but my advice for them is make sure be responsible an smart remember it’s ur future on the line whatever mistake u gonna make today u probably gonna wish I never done it I let my kids do what they want aslong they are safe I guess u gotta trust ur kids let them be as a mum I’m always gonna be there of course to support but u gotta do what’s right for them but sometimes what u think that right for them is actually not good for them so it’s kind ahhh teenagers this days they will do what they want i guess
Mine were 15 and supervised lol
If you made the older child wait until 16 then the younger one should wait also. You need to be consistent. It is not your mother in-laws business. Your family …your guidelines. She raised hers the way she wanted you should too.
16 is reasonable. Speaking from experience my kid at 14 went my ex mil I found out had a boyfriend I said If that was happening its the door open when he’s round. Im the mother found out she’d been having him round and she was going out the day leaving them. My kid was serially active at 14,she does regret it and I tried to protect my daughter, you need to tell your mil to butt out or your kid will end up turning to her to help deceive you.
Do what feels right and mum should keep her opinion to herself. This is a decision for you and your husband. She will thank you one day
They are your children. I was boy crazy too but I wouldn’t say I properly dated any of them. I was also the youngest, I looked up to my brother and I can guarantee she looks up to her sister. Let her sister talk to her about how she was grateful that she didn’t date till she was 16 or something. As for mil, why are you telling her your daughter’s love life, you shouldn’t be saying anything to anyone other than your husband. Also I do wonder why your daughter went to the mil and not you
She is your child! Tell mil she raised her child now back off and let you raise yours. If she thinks she is a good mom then have faith in her sons choices,after all she did raise him… Right. I think you are making the right choice. Dating should be left up to the maturity level and you dont think shes ready then dont let her go especially unsupervised or you might become a grandma.
Grow some balls and tell Granny (MIL) to mind her business. I would also have called her out in front of everyone on emotionally traumatizing your daughter at Christmas. It’s your husband’s and yours decision on when you choose to let your daughter date. I would say look at her behavior, schooling, etc… Dating is a privilege. If she’s being irresponsible, then she doesn’t deserve to date.
The stricter you are, the sneakier they will be.
I’m living proof
By 14-15 other kids are beginning to go out with groups of kids of boys and girls. You should be talking long and hard about the situations out there and open the door to them if they should want to talk about their bodies and sex. You can’t hide them away. You can only hope you teach them enough to be safe and open enough to keep them talking. I’d say don’t make them outcasts. Allow them to go places with curfews to see how responsible they are.
Your right. Stay strong momma. Your doing the right thing. Also make sure she know about birth control and don’t get angry if she wants to get birth control.
Youre doing the right thing mom !!!
16 is a good age for actual dating. Other opportunities to see each other is not dating
Tell the daughter if she wants her business spread to everyone. Keep telling grandma. Wicked cow.
Its about trusting you child go make wise decisions. Talk to her about the bad boyfriend and tell her she can tell you anything. She may have self esteem issues and is using the “so called” boy crazy in your mind to try and make herself feel better. ?
Young Girls with self esteem issues are targets for not so good guys ,
Many end up in violent relationships mistaking the hot / cold behavior of the guy as her fault.
Tell her why you think she is to young. Get her some counseling, but not through the church as they have some strange ways that could do more harm than good.
Also let her know no matter what happens she come talk to you .
Oh the irony in a mil telling you to mind your own business when it comes to your children but apparently she is unable to mind her business when it comes to hers. If you should have to butt out, so should she. And you should tell her so, very sweetly. With a wolf eating grin. Tell her you will mind your business with your children and stop giving them advice or criticism the same time she starts minding her business as well and stops telling her son how to live his life and what decisions to make.
Then I would move a few states away. But I’m super petty lol.
I had my first boyfriend at 13 and we actually lasted nearly 6 years… however it was supervised and we always had to keep doors open etc , if she really does have love for a boy I feel like you can’t stop that but maybe try to support her
Well the daughter hopefully won’t be confiding in the grandmother any more thank god but she is your daughter , have a chat to her and just let her know how worried u do be about her growing up
The more you say “No, don’t do this…” they will do it. Its best to over load them with Sexual Education… show them what herpes, the clap, and having a baby look like. This will have them educated and completely disgusted at the same time. Which will help with making mature decisions while dating. Have confidence, be open, and educate.
You two need to set the rules and guidelines for your home and your family. Let your mother in law rule her own home. You said your last was boy crazy well she needs some sit down chats. Some of the hurts in life she can avoid if spoken to about relationships and life. 15 is too young .Going out on supervised dates yes. Out alone NO. It is parents who need to guide their children not the streets, friends or any other do gooder
i agree with you. at 15, i would personally let her go out with him, but only with adult supervision. too young to be alone.
You all are the parents, mil needs to stay in her lane. Parent how you please.
Honestly I think you are holding on too tight and it will more than likely blow up in your face. Better she dates out in the open with your knowledge than it is to lie and do god knows what behind your back. You won’t keep her from dating. You’re just teaching her how to hide things and not trust you.
It’s too late. Much better that they date from 13+ where they can go on fairly innocent dates. Don’t restrict dating - it’s like believing people only have sex in a bed. Much better you know who and where (and possibly what). She’s more likely to have inappropriate relationships with bad choices if she can’t be met at the door by a boy you invite in.
Please let your teen have this relationship. Right now you’re teaching her to hide from you and keep secrets. It may not be ideal in your eyes, but if you want her to trust you then you need to trust and be open with her.
-sincerely a former teen mom
Y’all are the parents not MIL. At 15 she will naturally want to be free.
My dad never even let me see/talk to friends outside of school 8am-3pm no weekends or summer. No male friends…at 18 I ran away, married the first man…he beat me…we had a kid an I got out but had no where to go I ended up back at my dads…I’m 28 now, single mom to 7 year old, been single 6 years…I’m still not allowed to go out as I’m a parent first, I deserve to be stuck at home. I can’t even try to begin to have a mature relationship as I’m so damaged from the growing up part, then taking off…it gets tossed in my face. I wished I would have been allowed…prepared/mature enough of not to be given the chance…if u taught her right trust her.
Parent how you see fit. Personally, my children don’t have “private” business until they are an adult. So I will be in their “business” as much or as little as I see fit based on their actions and how their maturity develops. You do what you feel is best.
ur the parents she had her turn she should but out
Keep doing what you are doing. You are her parents and your mil needs to stay out of it. As you see fit let her bf come to your house and let them go out with some supervision.
Be the parent. Stick to your guns.
My girls were not allowed to date until they were 16. They had boyfriends, the boys went to church to see them, I know that. But as far as dating, no. When they were 14, I did let boys start coming over. They were not allowed in the bedrooms. I have a great relationship with both of my daughters, they are 16 and 17 now. Let her know she can trust you and talk to you if she has a boyfriend. You don’t want to make her feel like she can’t talk to you, but as far as dating, do what you feel like is right for your family!
Sounds like mom in law needs to step back and let y’all be the parents and make those decisions she outta know parents shouldn’t keep a tight leash on kids that’s for sure you do that and once they’re released they gonna go buck wild not saying let them just do as they please but don’t hold them back too much
You are 100% way too protective in my eyes. I started dating at 12, I am now married to him.
It isn’t y’all fault that she got broken up with but you need to let her explore
keep doing you!! if she’s that boy crazy she needs to be extra “watched” is there any way she could do group dates? i know i sound old-fashioned but there’s too many weirdos out there!!
Everyone acts like 16 is so old. It’s not. Let your kid be a kid. Instilling strong morals and ethics is way more important right now than your kid dating and yeah she might be mad at you about it but by sticking to your decision you have already saved her having to deal with the type of boy who is jealous and cheats. She doesn’t need to be dealing with that kind of boy drama yet. She has the rest of her life to date, don’t rush it.
Is there a group of friends they can hang out mutual together? Or maybe a conversation letting her know she does not appear to be responsible enough. Maybe she will push herself? That age is so tough. I have a 13 year old. I would not let her go one on one. They do have a ground of friends male and female.
I absolutely hate when the mils step boundaries. So yes, your right to feel the way you do. BUT with that being said, y’all need to chill out. Have supervised visits with a boy, really not much to ask.
It’s literally your job to be in her business!
I’d be telling the mil that it’s in fact none of her business, but it IS YOURS! 16 is an appropriate age to start dating. And I until she’s 18 and out of your house, it’s your business what she does.
I wasn’t allowed to date until I was 16. Like, I could have boyfriends, but had supervised dates. Boy could come to our house for dinner, hang out or we could all do something together.
I actually appreciate that my parents were like that. It weeded out the boys who just wanted sex. The good guys stuck around, got along great with my family, treated me good. I’m also thankful I didn’t even up a teen mom! I mean, I wasn’t mature enough at that age. Most girls aren’t. Most teenage girls rule with emotion and make stupid choices. She’s your daughter. What you say goes. Nothing wrong with her bringing a boy home and having supervised dates
It will be 16 in my house 🤷
Let her go with a group of friends…not one on one straight away. Tell her that can be the next step…try group outings for a few months. Then maybe afternoon dates next…this way she can see you are trying…it will encourage trust.
My advice - first of all trust your instincts. If you don’t feel she’s mature enough then say no to actual going out dating. But don’t just say no without explaining your reasons. Let said boy come to the house for dinner, movies etc. They have to stay where it’s visible aka dining room, living room but don’t hover. She’s at the age if you just outright say no she’s going to do it behind your back. As for the MIL sounds like the polite version of telling her to mind her own business isn’t working unfortunately. It might be time for you to step up and you need to tell her to mind her own business in straight forward terms without taking any BS from her. Good luck
My son is 14 and has a gf. As long as nothing sexual is going on I don’t care. I love seeing him happy and I wish I could stop all the heartaches that come along with it but I can not. They need to live and learn.
They need to stay kids, leave them boys alone, plenty of time for that Drama
Mil raised her family how she chose you raise your family how you chose no one else’s business
I let my 16 year old daughter date when she was 15 but it was the boy coming to our house. When she got 16, she could car date. She’ll be 17 in February. But, it’s totally up to you!!! You’re her parents.
Mother in law needs to butt out, not her place to lay down the rules. And now the girl knows that she can’t trust her grandmother, since she blabbed an embarrassing secret to the whole family.
If you strongly forbid it it will backfire on you.
In a perfect world, 16 is the perfect age. In reality, she’s probably sneaking around behind your back by now. There’s no easy solution. Only you can decide.
If you said 16. It should be 16. Kids need consistency.
I wasn’t allowed to date till I was 16, I ended up hiding everything from my mom and lost my virginity at 15! I feel it’s important to make your child comfortable enough to come to you! And if you completely shut her off from dating, that really only means, that she will just keep it from you! And then she’s going to sneak around and anything can happen, and she won’t feel like she can come to you because ‘she wasn’t allowed to date, but did anyway’
Just my opinion on the matter, but you are the parent
Man part of me feel jealous and the other part of me is grateful. Dating at 12?!!! At that age I was still playing with my Barbie doll.
My mom didn’t allow dating until college and I plan on doing the same thing with my kids.
Tell MIL to mind her own business. And don’t worry about what she says. Your the momma.
Raise your children as you see fit. Just remember the younger they are when they start dating, that they may get a bad reputation from others.
I wasnt allowed to date until I was 16. I did all the typical things as a young teen, lie & try to sneak behind their backs doing the same things but they would ground me and stand their ground. They made the rule for a reason and i broke that rule. Just bc other people pressure you into thinking you’re being too tough or need to take the rule away doesnt mean you do it. 16 is the perfect age.
You can try all you want, but if she wants to date… She’ll find away. But, it’s better to teach her morals and how to protect herself and be smart. And, better to trust her and let her know that she can come to you. Or, you can try and stop her and she can lie to you and sneak behind you back. And possibly end up in a bad situation. Because she snuck around 🤷 you can’t protect your kids from the world. You can teach them. Everything they need to know. My parents, they were strict. But not too strict. They let me have boyfriend’s at 15. I didn’t get to go out alone with them really. I guess you’d say lol. They had rules. That a lot of my friends parents didn’t. But, they also taught me right from wrong. And let me know they trusted me. I didn’t go to parties or sneak off with a guy. Or sneak out of the house either. I didn’t lie about everything to my parents either
Yeah I started dating when I was 15… really cute. It was puppy love.