Should I make contac

Hi there,

Some back story. My son is not biologically mine. I have been raising him since he was 4. He has been in my life since he was 2. His BM lost custody-abandonment. She always contacted me for pictures and updates (Like once a year). Eventually, we reconnected and even invited her to his 11th birthday. She came, and all was well.

Recently, the last 2 years or so (he is 16 now) she has been contacting him on his phone. No longer goes through me. I am totally ok with that and always tried to encourage the relationship to be mended.

My concern is this-the past 4 weeks, 4 Fridays including today, she has stood him up. It is getting to him. I can tell. It hurts my heart to see him upset from it and makes me angry at her. I haven’t been in contact with her at all, since she has direct contact to him. I feel like I should call her, drive by her house (she only lives 10 minutes away) and tell her to leave him alone or just show up. But why make plans and skip out last minute? I don’t tell my son how I feel. My husband doesn’t help the situation. He just says, “I told you so.” As if I should have never tried to have her involved. As a mother, I would never want another woman to keep my child from me, so I have been trying to make her feel more than comfortable building a relationship with him.

Should I contact her?

I would call her or text her. It’s not fair to your son, she’s not doing anything except hurting his feelings. I understand where you’re coming from but sometimes it’s just best for certain people to not have access to you (or your child). It’s good now though that he’s older, he’ll be able to see how she is and he’ll come to his own conclusion. I wouldn’t be full force when talking to her, but let her know her actions are not okay & she either needs to keep her word the next time or there won’t be anymore visits.