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QUESTION:
"Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 years ,it’s been rocky had a lot of ups and downs ,he would say I’m being biased and not giving the full information but I wanna cut to the reason I’m making this post ,a couple weeks ago we decided we were gonna engaged and were preparing I guess for that, about a week later I found a note he wrote saying something’s in his life he wanted to improve and one of them was he wanted to talk to someone, he wrote tinder, long story short he ended up making a tinder messaging someone and now is texting them, he told me the reason he wants to do this is because our comminication isn’t there in the area of him just having someone to talk to, I know he’s not physically cheating on me, but my question is this, I went and snuck into his phone found the messages to said person and am wondering should I message this person and tell them like we are about to be engaged why are you messaging him, he says he still wants to get engaged and that he’s not trying to replace me he just wants people to talk to about some of his interests that aren’t my interests, mind you so far in this conversation he hasn’t talked about any interests yet, do I just leave it and not message her? Do I message and then have him be angry idk what to do"
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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
"So, you know how he feels, ne has communicated with you that he doesn’t feel like he can talk to you, and you’re going through his things, reading things he writes that obviously weren’t meant for you, and you trust him so much you’re going through his phone. Do both of you a favor and leave him, so he can move forward with someone who appreciates a man that wants communication in his relationships."
"You leave him. Don’t engaged to this man. She is absolutely not the problem. I’m sure she has no idea you exist."
"Sounds like your worried about a girl and not the guy your about to marry. Read what you wrote. You just need a new man"
"Don’t waste your time. He is not the one for you. Your focused on messaging this girl instead of looking at the bigger picture that this is a huge red flag to move on now."
"No. He was upfront and told you he was messaging someone. Why contact her?"
"Honey, she’s not the problem."
"You’re issue is with him, not her! Deal with him…cause even if you tell her and she ends it, he’ll just start up with someone else anyway."
"The issue isn’t with the girl/girls he is messaging. The issue is with your man wanting to be on tinder to have someone to “talk to”"
"I you don’t trust him at the start it won’t get better… you will always doubt him. Move on your wasting your life."
"You can’t be with somebody you don’t trust."
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